A/N: Finally! Hey, everyone, I'm so sorry about keeping you waiting and in the dark about my absence. My old laptop's keyboard stopped working, out of nowhere, one day and left me computer-less. =( Real life has been hectic and stressful for me, so naturally, my motivation and inspiration to write just fizzled out completely. But I'm back now and ready to start writing my third full length, two part SPN fic! Complete with a warning and everything! I hope you enjoy this first part of the choatic and never ending drama of the Winchester brothers and Sunny Thornhart!
WARNING: This story will contain sexual content, mild to severe violence/gore, dark content, swearing, drug/alcohol use and more. Each chapter that has anything seriously M rated will be topped with a warning, to give you a chance to prepare. Unlike my last two stories, this one will be darker and edgier, riskier...hopefully, it doesn't get deleted by . I may have to limit the sexual parts and keep the violence less graphic but regardless, the situations that play out in this story are dramatic, tense and full of angst. Enjoy.
My Soul To Take- Intro
She knew she couldn't keep it a secret forever. She knew she'd have to confess, sooner or later. Unfortunately, she'd rather wait until way later, until the 'very last minute' later. She knew he'd be crushed when he found out. That he'd be angry at her for not telling him right away. For making him go on for five years, thinking they'd be together for the rest of their lives, or whatever was left of their time on Earth. Being a hunter, you aren't guaranteed a full, happy life, but he wanted to spend every minute with her until their end came. He was in love with her, he trusted her. Dean Winchester had never felt that way about anyone.
Sunshine Thornhart had only ever felt a great deal for one other, before Dean, but she never loved anyone as much as him. It killed her, keeping a secret from him. The guilt ate at her, every day, every minute, every second she had to look in his eyes and tell him she's fine. Lying right to his face. And he believed her. Why wouldn't he? She had no reason to lie to him, he thought. After all they've been through. How could she?
But she could. And she was. She had sold her soul, to the son of Lucifer, and he had given her five measly years on Earth, with Dean. Sure, she did it to save him and Sam from certain death. Sure, she had no choice, it was the only way she could go back to the present and prevent the demi God, William, from freeing Lucifer from his cage. It was a pretty damn good reason to sell her soul...yet, why did she feel like Dean wouldn't agree?
The huntress gazed out the backseat window, of the Impala, her mind bouncing from one problem to another as her fiance' turned the radio up. Another AC/DC song blared from the speakers and Sam Winchester shot an annoyed sideways glance, from his spot in the passenger seat. His mind was also reeling.
It had been a year since Roxie was killed by Lucifer, in the angel-made future that she and Sunny were sent to, to keep them from stopping William from breaking into Heaven and ruling the kingdom above the clouds. Of course, he and Dean were told it was angel-made, neither brother knew just how real that future was, and could have been. He had suspected Sunny of knowing more than what she was telling them, about Roxie's death. He couldn't believe she was really gone forever. The pain of losing the woman he loved, was unbearable.
Dean had worried about his brother, having never seen him like that before, and would stay up all night watching over the young hunter, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. Slowly, Sam's grief became internal and the crying at night went away...most of the time. But Sam knew Dean would be monitoring his actions, he knew he wouldn't be let off easily, he knew Dean wasn't stupid. Or, at least, not entirely stupid.
Of course Sam was searching for a way to get her back. To get Roxie back. When Dean did sleep, Sam researched. When Dean showered, Sam researched. When he told Dean he was showering or using the bathroom, he researched. Any time Dean didn't have his eyes open or on him, Sam took advantage of it. He especially took advantage when Dean was focused on Sunny, because Sunny seemed to always be distracted and jumpy, causing Dean to worry and pay more attention to her.
Sam had yet to find anything he could use to find and bring Roxie back, however. He would try to make a crossroads deal, if Dean didn't insist on going out with him, every time he offered to get food or coffee. He even asked Castiel if there was anything he could do- or another angel could do- to get her back, but not Cas nor any of his brethren- that agreed to help- could find her. Both her body and soul were nowhere to be found.
Sam wouldn't give up. He knew she was out there somewhere and he made it his life mission to find her and bring her back to him. No matter what the cost. This is what Dean was afraid of, so he ordered his younger brother to stop searching. He told him it was going to drive him crazy, looking for a solution that was just not there. He sympathized with his heartbroken brother but he told him he had to move on, that Roxie wouldn't have wanted Sam to waste his time, and spend the rest of his life looking for a way to get her back. That she would've wanted him to be happy.
But Dean didn't understand. Sam would never be happy without her. He couldn't be happy without her. It was physically and emotionally impossible for the younger hunter. Not knowing where her soul is, her body...not knowing if she's at peace or somewhere being tormented. Knowing there could be a way to save her. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't stop. He wouldn't move on.
He shook his head and continued to stare out his own window, as Dean sang along to the radio. He had no idea the two most important people in the world, to him, were keeping secrets from him. The two people he loved and trusted with all his being, were lying to him. And not just them. Castiel had kept Sunny's secret as well. Not only did he keep Sunny's deal from Dean, he also kept Sunny's refusal to have their lost son given back, a secret from Dean, as well.
When God had given her that baby, she went through ordeal after traumatic ordeal during the pregnancy, with demons and William trying to take it for themselves. Just to have it taken away at birth and turned into an angel soldier, destined to battle the demi-God for Heaven. She had debated with herself whether or not she would raise her son as a hunter or give up hunting and raise him in a normal setting, without monsters and devil's traps around every corner. It was a never ending battle between normal and survival. This of course, being the least of their problems- at the time.
Going through the death of her newborn was something she never wanted to endure again, she was left heartbroken, traumatized and completely damaged. That's when she realized, she really never could bring a child into this life. A life where, even angels and God could not be trusted. To top it off, there was no way she could get the baby back, just to leave him without a mother a few years later. Leaving Dean to raise him alone, with the help of Sam- of course- in this world of pain and hate and evil? She couldn't do that to him. She couldn't do it to herself.
She had spoken to Castiel about Munro, her and Dean's son- who remained an angel in Heaven. He promised to look after him and take care of him, to send him hers and the family's love. It wasn't as if she didn't want him back, to raise him from a baby to a child to a teenager to an adult...she just thought she was doing what was best for Dean and Munro. He was safe in Heaven, safe from demons and evil demi-Gods and even other angels. He was better off there. With Cas.
She and Sam were yanked from their thoughts when Dean, suddenly, made a turn and announced they had arrived at their motel. Bobby had sent them to West Virginia, for a job, days ago, and they managed to fit in a couple of salt and burns and vamp-kabobs along the way.
"Home for the night." Dean sighed, killing the engine and exiting the Impala.
Sunny followed suit, leaving Sam inside alone, with his thoughts. He heaved a large sigh before finally getting out, hefting his duffel bag over his shoulder. They watched Dean make his way to the motel office, to rent their room and grab the key, then glanced at each other, rather awkwardly.
"You've been real quiet lately." she ventured, attempting to make small talk.
The fact was, he had been 'quiet' for most of the year. Sunny and Dean took it as part of his grieving period and nothing more, never getting much more than a yes or no answer from him, or research information for hunting jobs. He kept to himself, mentally, and if he wasn't eating, playing a part for leads on a job or hunting...he was laying in bed, in silence.
Neither Dean nor Sunny had caught him researching, yet, and Sunny in particular was beginning to worry that he had something up his sleeve. She knew he had tried finding a way to get Roxie back but after Dean talked to him, she figured he'd stop but didn't get her hopes up. Dean may have believed he gave up but she wasn't so naive.
"So have you." he retorted, looking away from her.
She looked down, thoughtfully. He was right. Since she was brought back from the future, she hadn't exactly been herself. She didn't keep to herself or limit talking as much as Sam did, she still laughed and experienced good days and good moods. She still grieved her best friend but she still had Dean and 4 years.
"I've got a lot on my mind today." she replied, softly.
"Today?" Sam scoffed, not actually intending to sound douchey. "Sunny, ever since...All year, you've been randomly spacing out. There's seems to be a lot on your mind, a lot of the time."
"Yeah," she chuckled, incredulously. "Of course, I do! I lost her, too, Sam. What, are you the only person who loved her? Are you the only one allowed to grieve her? Miss her?"
He didn't respond, instead kept his gaze in the opposite direction.
"Do you still think I had something to do with her death?" she asked, after a moment of silence.
Sam sighed, in relief, when Dean finally appeared across the parking lot, saving him from answering that question. He didn't want to believe that Sunny could do something to endanger her best friend and get her killed. But he wasn't there, not his present self anyway, and he didn't witness just how bad the future was. Could there have been an incident where Sunny just couldn't save Roxie? Or was it much more complex than that? Did she leave Roxie to be murdered, to save her own ass? Did she try to save her? Or did she throw Roxie to the wolves in an act of desperation and survival?
He couldn't be sure. It was pretty weird how Sunny was able to be saved by Cas but not Roxie. Castiel is an angel, he could have easily brought Roxie back to life and took her home with them. He did his research on angels. How is it that Sunny made it out without a single scratch on her, yet her best friend, who was by her side one minute, then gone the next, was snatched and killed? It made no sense. Sunny was hiding something. He didn't know how bad it was, how innocent she was or how much to believe, but he planned on finding out and finding Roxie.
Sunny shook her head, tears welling in her gray eyes. Dean approached his family and gave them a confused look.
"Did I miss somethin'?" he asked, shifting his eyes from Sunny to Sam, with an arched brow.
"Nope." Sam answered, quickly, as he began to walk past them. "Just been a long drive. I'm beat."
Dean handed his brother the key and waited for him to be out of earshot, before turning to his fiance', with a concerned look in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" he asked, noticing the slight wetness under her lashes. "Why are you crying?"
The protective tone of his voice only made her want to break down more but she shook her head and said, "I'm fine."
"Sam's right." she added, "Long drive, long day, I just want to go to bed."
He stared at her for a moment, longer, the sunset gleaming through hundreds and hundreds of trees, along the mountainside, in the distance. She sniffled and lifted her bag before giving him a short nod and heading toward their motel room- where Sam was already laying in bed, in total darkness.
Moonlight poured through the windows of the motel, giving just a small area a spot of light, on the floor, between the beds. Sunny stared down at it, unable to sleep after that 'discussion' with Sam. It had actually been the most either have really said to each other all year, besides job related stuff. Sighing, she lifted herself by her arms and sat up on the bed. Dean's slow, even breaths made her want to cry. She couldn't stand herself, she didn't deserve such an amazing guy like Dean.
She made sure Sam was asleep before getting dressed and sneaking out the door. The air outside was warm with a nice breeze, as she walked quietly around the motel and off the property. Her hunter instincts automatically kicked in; she scanned every corner, alleyway and house she walked by. The streetlights buzzed, loudly, above her, as she made her way to nowhere in particular. She hadn't planned on going too far from the motel but for some reason, her legs wouldn't stop.
She came to a dark street, surrounded by vacant apartments, up for rent, and looked around. It was dark, quiet and lonely on that street. She felt like she was in another universe, walking by the empty houses and duplexes, and feeling like the only person in the world.
Having enough of this terrible feeling, she turned around, heading towards the way she came and hurried back towards the motel. The breeze began to pick up, as she sped up, and still the only sounds were that of her feet making their way back home, back to the safety of Dean's arms. Why was she even out here, at this time of night, on a deserted street? That's not like her, at all.
She was only a block away from the motel when the streetlights above her began to short out and flicker. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked around the area, her eyes wide and darting from one suspicious place to another; places, or things, something could be hiding behind. The feeling of being watched came hand in hand with her intense paranoia, knowing something or someone was probably lurking in the shadows, getting ready to attack her.
"You know..." came a voice, casual but threatening. "Young girls shouldn't walk these streets at this time of night..."
A dark figure appeared from an alley between two dark stores, and slowly made its way towards her. Sunny pulled the pistol from the back of her jeans and took aim at the mysterious stranger.
"Especially alone." he added, coming into view.
His eyes were black, indicating his was a demon and was obviously bored. He scoffed at her pistol and stood a few feet in front of her.
"Don't come any closer." she warned, locking her aim on him and cocking the gun.
"Is that supposed to scare me?" he asked, tilting his head as he smiled. "Am I supposed to go running for the hills, in terror?"
"That'd be nice, actually." she admitted, "I really don't want to deal with this right now."
"Well, let me make it easier for you." the demon offered, using super speed to appear behind her and grab her, before she could even pull the trigger.
He managed to knock the gun out of her hands and wrapped his arm around her throat, his other arm grabbing at her wrist as she pulled and poked at his face. He lifted her off of her feet, leaving her thrashing them wildly, in vain, and squeezed her throat tighter. Her air was now blocked off and she couldn't breathe at all, her attempts to pry his arm off of her failing. He could feel his hot breath on her neck as he snickered at her helplessness, making her feel pretty defeated already.
Suddenly, black smoke erupted from his mouth and rose to the sky, burning into debris. The vessel, now empty, fell to the ground, along with Sunny. Finally able to breathe, she sucked the cool air into her lungs and coughed, holding her tender throat. Rolling into her hands and knees, she looked up at yet another dark figure.
God fucking dammit.
"We really have to stop meeting like this, babe." her savior joked, giving her a cocky smirk.
That same fucking smirk that made you want to sock him in the face.
"Damien...?" she wheezed, still holding her throat and struggling to catch her breath.
His blue eyes sparkled under the streetlights as he crouched down to her level to help her up. He waited for her to compose herself before surprising her with scolds.
"Why are you out here by yourself, Sunny? Where's your meathead boyfriend?"
"Sleepin'." she muttered, climbing to her feet and gingerly rubbing her throat. "I mean...none of your damn business."
"And what are you yelling at me for?" she shot back, suddenly, "What are you doing here? As a matter of fact, why didn't you let him kill me? You could've gotten my soul as an early birthday present."
"I gave you five years for a reason Sunshine." Damien replied, "I'm really not that big of a dick...in any case."
"Yeah, you are." she retorted, quickly, as she walked away.
"What, that's it?" Damien asked, chasing after her. "No 'thank you, Damien' or 'Let's make out, Damien'? Really?"
"Really?" she echoed, incredulously, shaking her head. "Is there something wrong with you? Wait, don't answer that. Why am I even talking to you?"
"Because you love me." he answered her last question and ignored the first one. "Because you love our little...moments."
She laughed, loudly, too loudly, which made her regret laughing at all. Turning a corner, and the motel now in sight, he grabbed her arm and spun her around.
"All joking aside, Sunshine...I came for a reason." he whispered, his face barely inches from hers.
She couldn't help but look at his lips, like instinct or reflex, it was as if she couldn't not look at them. Ever since that day he bought her soul, that strange and awful day she lost her whole family in less than 5 minutes and allowed herself to be seduced by Damien. She still thought about the way he touched her, the way he whispered in her ear and kissed her. First on her shoulder, then her neck, followed by a full on makeout session- twice. She allowed him to see her at her most vulnerable and even practically dry humped him.
She was a wreck and only allowed it to happen because she was in shock and felt there was nothing left for her to live for. That's what she kept telling herself, anyway.
It meant nothing. A moment of weakness and nothing more. It would never happen again.
"Fine." she hissed, "What reason is that?"
"There's something brewing downstairs." he revealed, "Something big. It's...it's even got Lucifer sweating."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, exasperated.
"I'm talking about a possible apocalypse, Sunshine." he replied, seriously. "I'm talking about Hell being taken over by something far more evil than my father, something that plans on getting rid of demons and humans alike."
She wanted to blow him off, she wanted to laugh and just walk away but she couldn't. Normally, trusting him or anything he had to say wasn't in her agenda but looking in his eyes, she could- for some reason- tell he was telling her the truth. He was...he was scared.
A/N: Sooo, I'm sorry about the long ass wait and boring ass intro chapter- things get better, I promise! And now that intro is finally posted, it'll be easier to write the rest of the chapters and posting will hopefully be more frequent. I hope you enjoy and stick around for the more! I've got lots going on with this and we're only on part 1! Lots and lots of drama and crap in store for you so if you stick around, let me guarantee you, you will not regret it! Please review, too! I love hearing from my readers and it'll let me know who's still with me on this! Lol.