A/N: I'm terribly unhappy with the way I ended the last chapter. I feel like I rushed to get it finished and posted and it ended up sloppy and lame. Soooo, I added some new things. Hope this extended version is much better! =) Oh and get used to a lot of Evanescence song title chapters...their new album and some of their previous material really inspired a lot of the ideas I had for this story- and also made me think of our heroes after I came up with the plot idea. It was as if the band just knew I'd be writing a story and decided to do the soundtrack to it xD Anyway, on to it!
Chapter 4- Erase This
It's too late to change your mind
Even though this fragile world is tearing apart at the seams
You can't wash these sins away
A sinking feeling everyday, I'm waking up with someone else's life
Is it so hard for you
Coz' it's so hard for me
To believe in what we dreamed could ever come to life again
Coz' I cannot erase this life
The bedroom was dark, when her eyes fluttered open. All she could see was the moonlight spilling from the window, near the bed she had woken up in. Sitting up, she noticed the form laying next to her, wrapped in sheets and snoring, softly.
Panicked, she slowly moved off of the bed and backed away, eventually backing up into the bedroom door. She fumbled in the dark, searching for the doorknob. Finally getting it open, she slipped out of the room.
Using what little light provided by the moon outside the windows, she found her way to the stairs and quietly descended them. She immediately spotted the front door in the kitchen, from the middle room, at the bottom of the stairs. Shifting her eyes from one side to the other, she crept toward the kitchen and reached for the doorknob. But just as she went to turn it, a loud click sounded behind her.
"Who's there?" a gruff, masculine voice growled from a dark corner.
Frozen in fear, she stood with her hand on the doorknob and contemplated running anyway. She didn't know much about guns but she knew they made a sound like that clicking she heard a moment ago, when they're being cocked and ready to shoot.
Her thoughts were put to a halt, when a blinding light suddenly washed over her and she pressed her back into the door, helplessly.
"Roxie?" the voice sounded, again, only much softer this time.
"Wha...who?" she squeaked, finding her own voice.
Her eyes came to focus on an older man, holding a shotgun. He had dark-reddish hair and a beard to match, and a pair of piercing, intense eyes. He set the weapon down on the kitchen table, immediately, and approached her. Stunned, she moved away, her eyes wide and full of confusion. He took a step back, his hands up, and gave her a soft smile.
"Sorry." he hushed, "I just- seeing you awake after...everything that's happened...You woke up a little earlier than expected." he tried making conversation but she didn't answer. "Uh, does Sam know you're awake?"
She gave him another confused look, her brows furrowed, but still didn't reply.
"Are you okay?" he asked, "Do you need a drink or..."
"Who are you?" she demanded, finally mustering up the courage.
That very second, Sam appeared from the living room, rushing into the kitchen with a face full of worry and fear. His expression fell when he saw the blonde standing by the front door.
"Oh, Rox." he sighed, in relief. "I thought...God, I- I've missed you so much."
He moved toward her, reaching to pull her into a full embrace, but she yelped in fear and dodged him, backing up towards the living room, slowly.
"Sam." Bobby tried, holding the young hunter's arm.
"Roxie?" Sam pushed, feeling hurt and confused. "It's okay, you're okay now, I'm here. I'm really here and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you..."
She exhaled, shakily, staring at him as if he was speaking another language. Bobby tried once more to get through to the excited hunter.
"What's wrong, babe? What happened to you, where have you been this whole time?" Sam ignored him, desperate to know what she had been through.
"Sam!" Bobby barked, scaring the newly resurrected girl. "You're freaking her out. Just give her a damn minute, let her adjust to all this!"
Sam bit his tongue, his jaw clenched in frustration. Bobby was right. He didn't know what her soul had gone through or where it was this whole time but for all he knew, she could be deeply traumatized and not even know she was really alive.
He looked up at her as his puppy-like, hazel eyes glistened with tears.
"I'm sorry, if I scared you." he said, sincerely. "I just- I'm so happy to see you. But you're back. You're alive, Rox."
"Why do you keep calling me that?" she questioned, her tone was harsh. "Who are you people?"
Sam could feel his body shake under him upon hearing her ask who he was. Why didn't she remember him? What had happened to her memory? He needed answers.
"You- you don't remember me?" he asked, swallowing hard.
"No." she replied, rudely. "Look, I obviously had too much to drink last night and- and blacked out but I'm not looking for a serious relationship...unless you drugged me and brought me here to chop me up into a million pieces and wear my face."
"I promise you, we aren't going to do that." Bobby stepped in, "And you weren't drugged, you were dead. For a year now."
Roxie arched a brow and looked at him like he was insane, he wasn't serious.
"Dead?" she asked, skeptically. "Then why am I here now, breathin' and talkin'? Am I a zombie?"
"Cas brought you back." Sam told her, his heart breaking with every word she was saying. "He's an angel."
"Yeah, right." she scoffed, "Okay, then. Well, good luck with that, I'm just gonna go now."
She made her way to the door, walking right past Sam, who looked like he was going to throw up.
"And where exactly do you plan on going?" Bobby asked, crossing his arms. "You have no car, no place to go and no money. We're your family, Roxie. You may not remember that but that doesn't make it fiction."
She stopped, her hand gripping the doorknob for a second time. Shit, he was right.
"Do you remember anything, anything at all?" Bobby questioned, seeing Sam's pained look. "Uh, what's the last thing you remember?"
She looked away, struggling to think with all the excitement, and shook her head.
"Nothing..." she admitted, turning from the door. "All I remember is waking up here."
"Okay, there was obviously some mind altering when Cas brought you back but maybe he can fix it." he suggested, sighing. "Or at least explain it."
"The- the angel?" she questioned, smirking in amusement."You're going to, what, call him on his cell phone in Heaven? Or does he live here, too?"
"Rox, you're a hunter." Sam pressed, "We all are, me, you, Bobby, Dean and Sunny."
"Oh, God, there's more of you?" she droned, making a face.
"We've dealt with angels, demons, almost everything. We travel around the country, killing monsters." he continued, gritting his teeth. "As a matter of fact, you were killed last year by Lucifer, in the year 2013. You and Sunny were sent to an alternate world and you ended up dying."
"Lucifer?" she asked, furrowing her brows.
"The devil." Sam nodded.
"Uh-huh." she mimicked, nodding.
"What year is it right now?" Bobby asked her, interest peaking.
"Uh, I don't...I don't know." she shrugged.
The two men observed her for a moment, not sure what to do or make of this. They decided they need to call Cas right away, in case she decided to make a break for it while everyone was asleep.
Dean and Sunny came in, just then, chuckling quietly. They hadn't seen anyone, yet, and didn't want to wake anyone with their laughter. They walked in and saw Bobby was up, then greeted him as they went to make their way to the living room, but stopped short when they saw Roxie standing by the doorway.
"Hey!" Sunny beamed, "You're awake!"
She wrapped her arms around the blonde girl and hugged her, receiving a stiff response. Dean glanced at Sam and saw his little brother was not as excited as he thought he'd be.
"Why does everyone keep trying to hug me?" Roxie cried, shoving Sunny away.
"Because...we missed you?" Sunny replied, uneasily.
"She doesn't remember us." Sam told them, "She doesn't remember anything."
Sunny looked at her best friend, confused and sad. It never really occurred that something this serious could happen. There were questions whether she'd remember dying or not but not forgetting everyone and everything.
"Well, what does she remember?" Dean asked, crossing his arms and glancing at Sam.
"Nothing." the younger brother shrugged. "Absolutely nothing."
"Has anyone called Cas?" Sunny queried, still staring at an annoyed Roxie.
"We were about to." Bobby answered, leaning against the counter behind the gang.
"Then what're we waiting for?" Dean demanded, looking up at the ceiling, "Cas! A little help, please? Your precious prophet is awake and actin' funny!"
Roxie snorted at him, her hazel eyes rolling in exasperation. These people were nucking futs, talking about angels and monster being real and shouting at the ceiling. Bunch of weirdos.
She sighed, when nothing happened and gave a Dean smug look.
"Just wait..." he insisted, nodding mockingly at her. "He's busy."
"Right." she laughed. "I'm sure there are lots of errands to be done in Heaven."
"Actually, more than you can imagine." Cas' voice joined the conversation, causing Roxie to gasp in shock, as he appeared right next to her.
"Holy shit, where the fuck did you come from?" she cried, backing farther away from the angel.
"Yeah, he does that." Dean smirked. "So, Cas, Roxie here seems to have had her memory wiped clean. Any idea how that might've happened?"
Castiel turned to look at Roxie, who eyed him cautiously, while keeping her distance.
"I'm going to need to touch her to see." the angel replied, furrowing his brows.
"Wait, touch me?" Roxie squealed, "No fricken way, man."
"He's just gonna use his fingers to look into your head," Dean told her, "Don't be a baby."
She gave him an angry look and shook her head, vigorously.
Cas appeared next to her, again, and quickly pressed his index and middle finger on her temple. Before she could react, she was put under a type of hypnosis by the angel's powers. Cas did this for over a minute before releasing her and stepping away, to address the hunters.
"Her memory of being a hunter are being blocked." he told them, "Along with all knowledge of Heaven, Hell and everything in between. Including knowing any hunters she may have come in contact with throughout her hunting life."
"How could that have happened?" Sam questioned, "Why only her memory of supernatural beings and hunters?"
"It is oddly specific." Cas commented, concentrating on Roxie. "As if it had been done deliberately."
"You said you found her and brought her back." Dean reminded him, shaking his head, "Who else could have done it or would have done it? What would be the point of doing that?"
"Are we sure this was done to her by somebody?" Sunny wondered, "I mean, it couldn't have anything to do with being dead or being in Heaven?"
"It's not certain if those brought back can even remember being in Heaven," Cas replied, looking at Sunny. "We don't make a habit out of bringing back the dead."
"But..." he continued, "She would have at least remembered who she is and who she interacted with in life. This was done by another angel, possibly, before her death."
"Wait, you think her memory was locked up before she was killed?" Sam asked, "Like, by Lucifer? But why?"
"I don't know." the angel admitted, looking down to the floor.
"But Roxie was totally herself up to the point where we split up," Sunny pointed out.
Sam glanced at her, upon the mentioning of Roxie's last moments before Lucifer somehow got his hands on her. Sunny never did fully explain what she had been doing during those moments, just that Cas had appeared after the incident and brought her back to the present.
"During the time she was completely alone, anything could have happened to her." he said, passive-aggressively.
Sunny swallowed, hard, and returned his gaze, a hurt look on her face.
"Sorry." he backed down, he was letting his frustration get to him. "You had no control over what happened there. I don't blame you."
"Just calm down, Sammy." Dean stepped in, pressing his hand against his brother's shoulder for comfort, as he addressed Cas. "Is there any way we can get her memory back? Y'know, unlock them with a cheat code or something? Maybe we can help her remember who we are and what she is?"
"It couldn't hurt." Cas agreed, "But I advise against using spells; magic can severely damage a person's mind and can possibly make the situation worse."
"But there are spells that can knock the block down?" Sam pressed, "I mean, there's no chance of it actually succeeding at removing the lock?"
"Sam, I assure you, nothing good can come from conjuring magic." Cas insisted, "The spells could be inaccurate, the person performing the spell could do something wrong or use the wrong spell altogether. The victims, of a poorly performed spell, could end up becoming catatonic or completely insane. One could even erase the memory completely. It's too dangerous."
"Okay." Sam surrendered, his voice hoarse. "I get it, I- I totally understand, Cas. No magic."
Thinking of endangering Roxie in any way made him anxious. But Cas was only speaking about spells going wrong because of inaccuracies. If he did his research and found the right spell, practiced it and gathered the right ingredients, maybe he could be in the percentage that had been successful. The only question was, was he willing to take that risk on Roxie's sanity?
"So, Roxie..." Bobby called on the young blonde. "What do you say about all this?"
Roxie's eyes shifted from one hunter, to another, to the angel, sighing heavily in defeat. What could she do? Where was she going to go? She didn't even know where she was.
"I guess, I'll stick around and let you mess with my head for a little while." she shrugged. "But, if I don't get as much as one tiny flashback by, let's say, a month...I'm out of here, got it?"
She watched as they all thought about it and eventually nodded their agreements, all of them, except Sam, of course. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave, even if he couldn't get her to remember him within a month, manually. He decided, then and there, that he would have to find the right spell to use, to get the block in her mind removed. He had a month to research, find it and perfect it. He just hoped and prayed it would work and not make the love of his life go crazy or catatonic.
"Fine." he said, exasperatedly.
"I think it's time we all got some sleep, then, huh?" Bobby suggested, waving the hunters away.
"Okay, I actually just woke up so..." Roxie shrugged, giving him a look. "Not tired."
"And what, you expect us to just leave you alone, while the rest of us sleep?" Dean laughed, "So you can sneak off?"
"I'm not going anywhere, man." she assured him, "Where the hell am I going to go? I don't even know where I am!"
"Regardless, you need to be watched." he decided, pointing at her. "Sammy, watch your girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?" she cried, "Who's girlfriend?"
"Er, you actually are- were, my girlfriend." Sam replied, sadly. "Before you, uh, died."
Roxie looked him up and down, a not so pleasant look on her face. She had been this moose's girlfriend? What kind of girl was she before all this? Did she even want to remember her past? Demons and angels, spells and Lucifer? Hunting monsters and traveling the country just to kill things? It wasn't ideal, in fact, it sounded like Hell.
"Huh." she snorted, shaking her head as she turned to make her way into the living room.
She turned back to the gang, however, to add to the sound she made,
"And by the way, I still think you're all a bunch of weirdos."
After changing into something more comfortable, Sunny and Dean settled into the couch they'd be spending the night in, since Roxie claimed the bedroom and Sam would be in there with her, keeping an eye on her. Sunny threw on the same pants she had worn earlier and pulled a white tank top on. They hadn't stopped at a laundromat yet and she didn't have any clean pajama pants to sleep in.
Dean welcomed her on the couch, beside him, wrapping his arms around her waist and snuggling against her. The couch was barely big enough for two people to cuddle on, let alone sleep.
"Weird night." Dean chuckled, closing his eyes as he relaxed.
"Yeah." she chuckled back, looking to the floor. "Hopefully we can figure out what those things from the restaurant were, tomorrow, and make some sense of this mess with Roxie's amnesia."
"Right." he yawned, "T'morrow."
He was asleep in minutes, snoring softly in Sunny's hair as she continued to stare at the floor. She had decided that tonight was perfect, that Dean was perfect. Going out with Dean and going to a fancy, 5 star restaurant had been a tad out of character, for them both, but that wasn't what made the night so great. What made it so amazing, was the hunt they had accidentally stumbled upon, while trying to get some alone time to 'reconnect'. For a reasonable amount of time, they had forgotten what they'd been through, what they'd sacrificed in the last two years, and got back what they had originally found in each other.
The love for hunting. The need to save people and kill monsters. It's what brought them together in the first place, what kept them together this whole time. It was as if they had been back to the way it used to be, before angels and Damien...
She still had to tell Dean about her deal, about her soul being owned by a creature of Hell. She couldn't tell him it was Damien who owned her soul. She wondered if he'd even ask for the name of her contract's holder. Would Cas allow her to leave out that one detail? And speaking of Cas, he had caught her talking to the prince. She couldn't risk getting caught with him again, by anyone else; especially Dean or Sam.
Sighing, softly, she rolled her eyes and decided she had to tell Damien to back off. That meant she had to leave the house and meet the demon prince at his place. She looked over her shoulder at Dean, to make sure he was out, before slowly slipping off the couch. She knew she had promised not to sneak out again, while he was sleeping, but she needed to do this. If Damien decided to 'appear' while someone was around and managed to get her caught, she didn't know what she would do or how to explain herself.
She slipped on her shoes and hoodie, then left through the front door. In her pocket, was the piece of paper Damien had handed her with his address, and after a peek, she stuffed it back in her pocket. She knew exactly where he was staying.
She began walking, reciting what she was about to say him over and over.
"You need to stay away from me. Our meetings need to stop. It's too risky and we already got caught by Cas and he's making me tell Dean the truth about the future and how I was brought back...So just keep away until my time is up."
That's all she wanted and needed to say to him, nothing more and nothing less. There's no reason to get off track or avoid the point. She didn't want to lose Dean because Damien thinks he's in love with her and can't stay away. Dean is who she wanted. Dean is who she needed. Dean is the one she was in love with. Period.
Her date with Dean managed to bring that spark back, between the hunters. Maybe the sex is what they both needed, after going a year without it, to get that spark reignited, but just the same, she didn't need to find what she had with Dean, in anyone else. Especially not in Damien.
She approached the old, abandoned factory building and huffed, preparing to just go in, tell him to back off and leave. She'll be back at Bobby's before anyone realizes she's gone. She climbed the stairs leading to the metal door, the rusting railings proving useless as they wobbled from side to side, creaking loudly. The heavy door slammed shut behind her, as she ventured inside, the smells of dust, crumbling drywall and rust filling her senses. She pulled her small flashlight out of her back pocket and clicked it on. It was dark and the floor was littered with pieces of cinder block and broken parts of tables and chairs. Machines and work stations lined up along the back wall, all rusty and missing parts.
She wasn't sure where she was supposed to go. She couldn't see any stairs or doors, as she moved her flashlight across the walls.
"What...?" she whispered, harshly, shaking her head. "This can't be right."
She walked around the dusty room, searching for any kind of clue as to where Damien was. Was there a hidden room somewhere? A secret set of stairs? All she could find were sheets of cobwebs and mounds of dirt, among the machinery and broken furniture. Giving up, she sighed and looked to the floor, suddenly noticing a crease. Squinting, she kneeled on the ground and brushed away dirt, revealing more of the crease until it formed a large square shape.
"A trapdoor?" she questioned to herself, brushing until she came across a latch.
She stuck the end of the flashlight into her mouth, aiming at the latch, then proceeded to pull it with both hands. Dust whipped around her as she pulled the trap door open, causing her to cough and sputter which resulted in her dropping the flashlight. Waving the particles away from her face, she peered down the hole and discovered a set of stairs.
"Sneaky bastard." she muttered, making her way into the opening.
She contemplated keeping the door open, in case she needed to split, fast, and couldn't risk being slowed down or becoming trapped in the lower level of the factory. At the same time, if someone were to have followed her, she wouldn't want them to find her so easily by finding the opening. Scoffing, she closed it, deciding she'd rather die than be found out.
Once at the bottom of the stairs, she shone her flashlight around her and found herself in a long hallway. She spotted a light switch and flicked it up, half expecting it to not work. When the lights above her flickered on and washed over her, brightly, she clicked the flashlight off and stuffed it in her pocket. She spotted a single door at the end of the long hallway and made her way towards it, figuring that was where Damien was.
For a hallway located under a condemned factory building, it sure looked clean and nicely cared for. The door in front of her was white and looked brand new, it definitely didn't look like it belonged in an old, crumbling building. It looked like something you'd see in an apartment complex or something.
As soon as she was in front of the door, she paused- bracing herself and prepping herself to do what she needed to do, say what she needed to say and get it over with. In and out. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the wooden door. She'd be fine, nothing to be anxious about here, just tell him to back off...
"Right." she huffed, nodding. "I got this."
The door swung open, a few seconds later, revealing a shirtless Damien, leaning against the door-frame. Sunny's eyes widened, slightly, at the sight. His dark, shaggy hair swept over his eyes, the sides curling out against his ears and of course, his perfectly toned upper body. She couldn't help the tingling in her stomach as he smirked at her, her eyes everywhere but his.
"You just gonna stand out in the hallway?" he asked, arching a brow.
"S-shut up." she grumbled, moving around him to enter the room.
She waited until he closed the door to speak, but he beat her to it.
"Took you long enough. But I guess you would have to sneak out past midnight, when everyone's sleeping, cozy and unsuspecting."
He stepped toward her, his raspy breath teasing her bottom lip as he leaned in to kiss her. She quickly brought her hands up to his chest and pulled away, stammering in shock.
Just tell him what you came here to tell him!
"Damien..." she started, dodging another of his attempts to kiss her. "Cut it out! I'm trying to say something here!"
After a moment of chasing, he finally pinned her against a wall and smashed his lips into hers, a deep growl rising at the back of his throat in triumph.
Goddamn it, this isn't what we planned to do at all.
She remained mesmerized by his touch and use of tongue, welcoming it into her mouth, hungrily- her own tongue betraying her as it slid against his. Writhing against him, she whimpered, willing herself to pull away, to regain control, but all that resulted was her wrapping her arm around his neck and deepening the heated kiss. The hand on her other arm reached for his face, her thumb tracing his jawline as he drove his tongue deeper into her mouth.
A few more moments passed before he pulled away to kiss along her neck, giving her the opportunity to take the reigns back, before it was too late.
"Uhn, Damien..." she breathed, as he bit into the crook of her neck. "This isn't why I came..."
He chuckled against her skin, his fang nicking her neck.
"Could've fooled me."
"No, I'm..." she sighed, lifting her chin to give him more access to her throat. "I'm serious."
"Mhm..." he taunted, pulling back to kiss her again, his hand buried in her dark hair and gripping at her roots.
"D-Dean." she mumbled, causing him to stop.
"Did...did you just-"
"I meant to say it." she insisted, "I came here to tell you to...stop trying to see me."
He released her, backing away, slowly and staring at her. He had a hurt, disbelieving expression on his face that, for some reason, made her feel guilty.
"I can't risk getting caught again, Damien." she continued, "That angel in the woods earlier, that was Cas and he's making me tell Dean about the deal I made...with you."
"You can't tell Dean about it." he stated, simply.
"Well it's either I tell him, or Cas does, and I think hearing it from someone else will make him more angry, so..." Sunny trailed off, shrugging. "Nothin' I can do, sweetie."
She could see his throat twitch as he swallowed, obviously upset about their secret being ruined. God, he hated angels.
"But..." she added, softly. "I don't have to tell him who I made the deal with."
His eyes flickered back to hers, a look of confusion crossing his handsome features.
"You're not going to tell him about me?" he asked, a bit surprised. "Why not?"
"Because he hates you, Damien." she pointed out, "Finding out I sold my soul is one thing, finding out I sold my soul to the one thing he hates more than anything else; a whole 'nother."
He chuckled at that, smiling as he looked down.
"I guess he has fair grounds."
"Well, yeah, I mean you tried to kill us all and end humanity, threatened to force yourself on me, in front of him and torture him...?" she reminded him, nodding slowly.
"Right, yeah." he sighed, "Except I never would've actually done anything to hurt you...which reminds me."
He returned to his place in front of her and looked her in the eye. His hand raised to cup the side of her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek bone.
"I've been meaning to tell you something." he whispered, "Something very important."
She exhaled, shakily, wanting more, wanting his warm skin against her, wanting him. Afraid she would lose control again, she pushed him away and cleared her throat before cutting him off.
"Look, I get it." she said, "You have these feelings for me and you want to be around me and be best buddies and mess around...but we can't anymore, okay?"
"I'm in love with Dean." she blurted, making him freeze. "I want to be with him and I can't risk losing him because you can't stay away."
"I didn't force you to come here." he countered, his feelings obviously hurt.
"You're right." she shrugged, "I forced myself to come here, to tell you to back off. I keep losing control with you and I don't know why, I don't know how, I don't...I just don't know. All I know is I can't control myself when I'm with you and it's dangerous."
"And it can't possibly be because you love me...right?" he questioned, sarcastically.
She glared at him, her eyes narrowed and dark.
"I can't love you, Damien." she rasped, her voice trembling. "You're everything I was taught to hate. To hunt and kill. A demon. It'd be wrong."
The look he gave her then would haunt her for the remainder of the night. Such pain, such...betrayal. Wait, betrayal? Why did she feel so guilty?
"Okay." he surrendered, his voice hoarse, as he moved toward the door and opened it. "You better get home before your fiance wakes up."
She moved to exit the room and made it past the threshold, when he called out,
"By the way, you smell like a Chiznaw demon."
A/N: Ugh, this is shorter than I wanted...but I wanted Sunny's confession and the 'aftermath' to have they're own chapter- it may be two parts- so this is all I could get written for now. RL has me by the neck lately and I've been trying to get more writing in...it's a mess. Anyway, I'll have the next chapter up way sooner. I hope it's not boring.