Fact about me, Brokenrussiancrawl: I love Clare! She is my favorite character on the show and I love her friendship with Alli and her relationship with Eli. This is my second Degrassi fanfiction and I hope you like it.
Chapter 1 of Strength to Make it Through
I looked up at my doctor with tears in my eyes, refusing to believe what she had just said. It couldn't be happening to me. What had I ever done to deserve this? Maybe I was just dreaming and I was stuck in a nightmare; I had left the hospital with my dad and I had fallen asleep while doing homework like I am sometimes known to do. My phone call with Alli had worn me out like it usually does and I am still blissfully unaware of this nightmare. But the look on Dr. Lee's face was enough to convince me that this was not a dream and I really was hearing this horrible life-changing news.
Dr. Lee leaned forward and squeezed my upper arm in fake reassurance. "We are going to do everything we can to help you," she smiled at me, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that this was not good.
I couldn't look at her anymore, not with her pitying eyes and forced smiles and meaningless words or encouragement. Instead, I stared at the blank white wall in front of me as the stinging in my eyes grew and my vision turned to a blur. I took a deep calming breath and could practically taste the sterilizer that was used to clean the room. I had always hated hospitals; the doctors in them rarely ever have good news for patients. I guess some could say that I was lucky because I hardly ever needed to go to the hospital. Mostly when I came to them was for others like my sister Darcy after she tried to kill herself, my boyfriend Eli when he crashed his hearse, my best friend Adam the night he got shot, and sometimes I would come here when my friend Jenna needed a checkup when she was pregnant or when my best friend Alli had a pregnancy scare and didn't want to come alone. I was always the supporter, never the patient.
Yet here I am, sitting in a hospital room with the worst news I could have ever heard on instant replay in my mind. I still couldn't really process what my doctor that I had since the age of eight just told me. I was only sixteen! This wasn't supposed to happen to me yet. Or ever!
The tears began to roll down my cheeks as the news started to penetrate my doubtful brain. Dr. Lee stood up from her chair and moved to sit beside me in one fluid motion. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and sighed, "I'm so sorry Clare." This didn't make me feel any better, but I leaned into her and continued to sob, not caring that she obviously had other patients or that my dad was waiting in the waiting room for me to join him, or that Alli was sitting at home staring at the phone waiting for my phone call. I just continued to cry.
Alli was the one who convinced me that it was a good idea to go to the hospital. I had been having headaches a lot lately and she was beginning to get worried. At first I brushed it off thinking that it was nothing. Then the other day, I stood in my English class giving my presentation and began to get dizzy. It felt like my skull was pounding, like someone was banging a hammer against the inside of my skull trying to get out. Then I felt something tickle my upper lip. I brought my hand up and whipped whatever it was away and my eyes widened when I pulled back as I saw that it was blood. I could hear people calling my name in shock as I lost my balance, but their voice was a distant echo, and tried to catch myself on the desk beside me before I fell. I missed the desks edge and tumbled to the floor.
I woke up later with a frantic Alli yelling at the school nurse that she was not leaving until she knew what had happened to me. I opened my eyes and came face to face with a concerned Eli. That was the day that Alli told me to go to the hospital and I grudgingly agreed. Not because I was really concerned, but because she had Eli and Adam on her side and they were almost as relentless as Alli was about the doctor visit. So I went to the doctors, they gave me a CAT scan and said that they will call me to let me know when my results were in again. When I got home, Alli had blown up my phone and nearly broke my eardrum with her screeching. Never had I imagined that I would be sitting in a hospital room bawling my eyes out.
After a few minutes Dr. Lee pulled back and said softly, "We need to talk about your options, Clare." I nodded and wiped my face clean with my hands and looked at her to begin. I zoned out as she went into detail about what was going to happen next. All I could focus on were certain sentences, key words and phrases that broke my heart and tears began fall again. I shook my head and hick-upped 'no' over and over as my body began to shake uncontrollably as heart-wrenching sobs escaped me.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them as if they were a lifeline. My face was buried in my knees and I didn't look up as the door to my room was opened and them closed softly, I just continued to cry; a headache began to from behind my eyes but I didn't care. I just cried harder as it occurred to me that this all started because of a stupid headache.
I didn't know how long I sat there crying before I felt familiar arms wrap around me. I didn't fight them, these were the arms that would hold when I had a bad dream, that would give me a hug before I went to school every morning until I was fifteen, these were the arms that always filled me with love and strength. I needed them now more than I ever needed them before-not even when Darcy left for Kenya did I need them this much.
"It's okay Clare, we're going to get thru this together." My dad used his chin to tuck my head into his neck and he began to rock back and forth-a comforting motion he's used since I was a baby.
"I just can't believe it!" I cried out loud for the first time since my doctor told me the news.
My dad held me tighter to his chest, "I know Clarebear, me either." I felt a tear hit the side of my face and knew that he was crying too. It almost broke my heart to know that my dad was crying because of me.
"Why did this have to happen?" I whispered to him.
Dad was silent for a moment and I thought that he would answer, but then I heard him mumble, "I don't know honey, but we're going to fight this."
I nodded my head sadly and sniffled before I asked, "What are we going to tell mom?" How was I going to tell Eli and Alli, I added softly.
"We'll figure that out in the morning, right now we are going to go home and get some sleep okay." I nodded and let him help me up. He grabbed my bag and with his arm still around me so I could lean into him, walked us out of the room and down the hallway. We got to the front desk and Dr. Lee called out for my dad to stop. She rushed over to us and gave my dad a pamphlet for him and I to look at so we can have a better understand of what is happening to my brain and what is going to happen next. She also handed him a piece of paper so that he could get a prescription filled for me. 'Great', I thought 'now I have to be all doped up'.
Just an hour ago I walked into the hospital complaining about a headache, and now I walk out with a death sentence.
I am not sure how this chapter went. When I played it in my head it went a little differently, but in the end, I like it.
Please let me know what you think and I will update as soon as I can.
P.S. Do you like the title of the story?
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