The courting of Aomine Daiki

A guide (and love story) on how to successfully make unromantic, insensitive, jerk-ass, gorgeous bastards love you, by Kise Ryouta. (AoKise, or Kise/Aomine)


(Asking Aomine Daiki out)

"Spit it out Kise," Aomine drawls, and Kise Ryouta realises that he's been fixated on his own sweaty palms and the dull thumping of his heart for at least a minute now. He can't help it though; his palms are so sweaty, like slippery, wet things - like sea-lions or seals or perhaps something slimy like frogs - 'Gross,' Kise thinks, 'my hands are frogs' - and his heart is thumping dully and loudly like the incinerator behind the McDonald's near his home, and his thoughts are incoherent - all jumbley, like that time when he had the stomach flu and he couldn't think and sometimes everything went pink and green, and it's so hard to concentrate with all this mental stimuli.

Aomine's words are good advice though, he muses; when you have to do something terrifying it's sometimes best to get it over with as quickly and painfully as possible - like ripping the Band-Aid off a wound or something.

"Kise," Aomine's voice is low and his eyes are sloping down in his 'I'm going to beat you up just because I haven't slept a full fourteen hours today'-look, "If you don't tell me why you've woken me up at to just stare at me for ten minutes, I'm going to rearrange your face."

Kise nodds, takes a deep breath, and then pretends he's being interviewed for a teen-idol magazine, he digs deep into himself to get hold of his famed poise and relaxation - 'Dig deep Ryoucchi*,' he tells himself gamely. He's not cool, popular Kise Ryouta for nothing. He can face down Aominecchi and get this over with, no problem.

"Aominecchi," he says, and he smiles, allowing his eyelashes to flutter at their provocative best, "I wanted to ask you out on a date."

There. He's said it.

He eyes Aomine with some trepidation and a hint of ever-present awe, wondering what reaction his words will heed.

In fact, reality is mightily eclipsed by all the rehearsing and mental preparation of various likely scenarios Kise has done for this moment, because Aomine doesn't a) gasp, b) punch him, or lovely option c) lean forward, tug his hair romantically, stare soulfully into his eyes and say, 'I feel the same way,' and then ravish him. His ex-teammate simply eyes Kise shrewdly for a few moments as if tallying up something in his head, sticks his finger in his ear and finally says, "Yeah, okay."


"Yeah?" Kise isn't quite sure if Aomine understands what he's asking. Maybe he doesn't think Kise means a date-date, maybe he thinks he just means hanging out as friends or something. He's too worked up to realise that he's convinced himself that asking Aomine out would be such an uphill battle, and that the fact that he's not been flat-out rejected is now almost disappointing. He'd been ready to fight for this, and he deflates when he realises that it might not be necessary. "I mean a date Aominecchi, as in an 'I-like-you-more-than-friends-date and I want to spend the day with you in that way'-date," he clarifies.

Aomine doesn't react to this in any discernible way. "Yeah, I know," he grumbles, and then slouches against the doorway. His eyes dart sideways, the first sign of this being an out-of-the-ordinary event. "I don't know about dating guys," he mutters, scowling. "But Satsuki gave me a lecture - helluva lecture," he winces at the memory. "She said I had to be more open-minded about dating prospects and not only say yes to people with above C-size boobs. She told me I had to make a list of other things that are important to me and are compatible with my tastes," he recites this a bit like a fifth grader reciting a poem, half-exasperated, half-chastened. "You passed, so yeah, I'll go out with you." He looks slightly grouchy at this admission.

"A list?" Kise knows he might be treading dangerous waters here, but he can't help but press on. "What's on the list?"

Aominecchi gives him his 'hungry-bear-that-hasn't-eaten-yet'-look (Kise has a list of names for all Aomine's looks - his favourite is 'the-sexy-panther-that-wants-to-pounce'-look; hungry-bear isn't on the same scale of sexiness at all.) But then Aomine relents anyway, yawning. "Big boobs is still number one on the list, but I tried to expand after that, so I added, 2 - likes basketball," he's ticking this off his fingers as if recounting a shopping list, "3 - Won't mind hanging out at the courts with me; 4 - can play basketball with me; 5 - can play basketball on the playstation; 6 - can cook." He sighs. "I don't know if you can cook so you only get a half point for that, but you scored 4 and a half out of seven, 'cause boobs still count for two points, so you pass. So I should say yes and go on a date with you," he says dutifully.

Then he decides to scratch his ear again.

Kise isn't dumb. He knows some part of him should be offended by being scored and measured like he's a sub par but decent steak and Aomine is a food critic, but instead he's torn between wanting to laugh and being joyful that Aominecchi has actually said yes.

"Okay Aominecchi," he says simply, smothering the gleeful, exuberant chuckle he wants to let out, "Then how about Saturday?"

***Interlude/Blog Entry 1 (by Kise Ryouta):

Hey there hot thing! ;D So you're reading my blog; the guide to successfully making unromantic, insensitive jerk-ass gorgeous bastards love you, huh? So, you probably have a crush on some gorgeous but grouchy guy with the romantic sense of a plank who's about as sensitive as a screw-driver. Well, I can help you! After having dealt with a jerk-ass bastard myself, I'm a bit of an expert, so I decided to write this blog to give others like myself courage. You can make that guy love you! My name is Kise Ryouta (yeah, you've probably heard of me), yeah, I've been on television and in lots of magazines and I just put out my third photo-book. I'm a model see, but even models with insane sporting skills sometimes fall in love with jerks who are unromantic and don't seem to notice they're alive most of the time.

They're everywhere, these jerky bastards, and what's so weird about them is that they're almost always compellingly attractive and ooze some kind of charisma that makes people love them. But oh-ho, they're not exactly great at spreading the love back in return.

The format of this guide is as follows: with every chapter I'm going to give you a tip to deal with the jerk-ass bastard in your life, and then I'm going to tell you some of my story.

I too, happily, have a jerk-ass bastard in my life, his name is Daikicchi*, (lol, he'll be so mad if he sees his nickname on my blog... damn, I hope he doesn't find out about my blog :O lol), and actually, we're doing great now. But it wasn't easy to get here.

Tip #1: You've got to really really like (read love) him before you even think of approaching this asshole guy romantically. Jerk-ass bastards (or JABs as I will now refer to them) are difficult as all get-out, and even saints will lose their patience with these guys. So you've got to be filled with a lot of love, because love is the only way you're going to conquer this strangely attractive heart-sore in your life.

I was a bit lucky - I was on the same basketball team as my JAB-boyfriend for two years, (he was the ace of the team, and the reason I started playing) so we had lots of reasons for hanging out together, and we were kind of friends. This does make it easier to romance your JAB, because he already knows he can't really push a friend away, or at least that it will be more difficult with someone he already knows. (So I guess that's another tip for you dear reader, find something you have in common with your JAB and form some sort of bond before you pursue everlasting happiness with this guy ;3)***

Chapter One:

(The Momentous-first-date with Aomine Daiki)

The truth is, despite the casualness of asking him out, Kise really likes Aominecchi. Really really really likes him.

What had started as devoted awe and admiration when he had met him in second year middle school had quickly blown into added appreciation for his body; quivering jelly-knees when the boy smirked and a delicious all-consuming urge to rub and taste the skin on his belly to see if it was as warm and caramel-ly as it looked. (Thankfully, Aominecchi, apparently unaware or uncaring that he was being hungrily eyed, had no problem flashing his belly at people - he liked to pick up his shirt and scratch his tummy often, sometimes even four or five times a day (not that Kise was counting or anything) and he wasn't at all shy and retiring in the locker room, he stripped off his clothes with uncaring aplomb whenever he was getting dressed.) Kise knew he himself was slow on the uptake occasionally, but in this instance, after weeks of staring at Aominecchi's tummy, he'd quickly identified what these feelings he was experiencing were - he was crushing, and it looked like this was a big crush.

These urges have not subsided in two years - even being in different high schools hadn't made Kise stop thinking of Aominecchi and his caramel belly - hell, his fantasies have evolved, he constantly fantasizes about Aominecchi having a belly piercing and he thinks that would just about be the hottest thing in the world, ever. The rest of his body is almost equally enticing, of course, Kise would also have been very satisfied to taste behind his ears, or trail his tongue down that defined collar-bone, or... (Getting a bit side tracked there, Ryoucchi*.)

He's finally been brave now and tracked his way to Aominecchi's house, boldly knocked on the door and asked him out - just like that, it's still kind of amazing to think about. It hasn't been so difficult after all (even if it hasn't exactly been storybook fairy tale shoujo-novel romantic) but now Kise really wants to plan a special first date. He knows he's not home free, Aomine only said yes because he's got some weird kind of rating system, and it would be best to impress if he wants a second date.

So of course he phones Momoicchi and Kurokocchi, two people who know Aominecchi better, and asks them what Aomine's ideal date should be like.

Their replies are eerily similar, almost word for word: "Play basketball with him, and then take him to a fast food restaurant and let him eat lots and lots of food. Lots of food. And then play basketball with him again." They both say this like it's some kind of spooky mantra, and for a few moments Kise wonders if Momoicchi and Kurokocchi are channeling each other like one of those weird freaky ESP-things. Though Kuroko says it in a polite, bland voice and Momoicchi adds, "Really Ki-chan, don't try to be romantic, that's the only thing that will work with Dai-chan: basketball and burgers, really. And pick him up late, he'll be sleeping in."

Kise, however, is not having any of this. He specifically asked them for ideas for something SPECIAL, and he knows enough about Aomine to know that basketball and burgers are part of his routine. It's not magical, or out-of-the-ordinary, or exciting, and Kise has to make an impression here. This date has to be memorable. It has to be different.

(He knows that normal date-like activities won't work on Aominecchi either; Aomine scoffs at fine cuisine because of the small portion sizes, and he falls asleep in movie theaters.)

He agonises about date venues all night and finally comes up with a plan.

"Aominecchi," he says as he greets his sleepy-looking date at his doorway at noon, "We're going to do whatever you want to do today. If you have a hobby, or something you haven't done in a long time but want to do, we'll do that. If you want to see something you've never seen, we'll do that. We can go bungee-jumping if Aominecchi wants adventure. I want Aominecchi to enjoy himself with whatever." Then he adds the clinker. "But not basketball."

The last sentence makes Aomine's eyes droop a little, but after eyeing Kise for a moment, he's grinning rather worryingly. (Aominecchi has a shark-like grin sometimes.) "Anything I want to do?"

"No sleeping," Kise adds hurriedly. Thankfully, Aomine smirks at that.

"And if I said I want to go to America to watch an NBA-match, and then go to South America to party with Brazilian babes, and then go to Thailand to dive, and..."

Kise holds out a hand to silence this ridiculous list. Aomine's eyes are playful and Kise can't help playing along. "My mother is expecting me at home by eleven. We'll have to do those on a later date Aominecchi. Besides, I'd have to do a few more modelling jobs before I can budget for that."

"Tsk, telling me I can do whatever I want and them restricting my options like that," he's still grinning a bit though, and Kise's heart is doing happy thumps. He was half-prepared for Aominecchi to be grumpy and uncooperative on their date; lamenting Kise's lack of boobs. But he seems game, at least, to banter, and Kise can definitely work with that.

"I'll rephrase," Kise says, smiling up at him a little flirtatiously (because yeah, he has to take it slow not to make Aominecchi as jumpy as a cat, but this is a date after all, and he is going to flirt and show his intentions, and he is going to give Aominecchi a chance to like him back dammit.) "We'll do anything you want that's within the Kanto-area, that doesn't involve basketball or sleeping, and means we'll be back by eleven."

"Anything?" Aomine repeats.

"Anything," Kise promises with another flirtatious droop of his eyelashes.

An hour later, while Aomine is scuttling about the woods, a feral look in his eyes, Kise wonders whether his date plan was wise. He's still not sure what they're doing there, Aomine refuses to say, but he's made the rather easy request of wanting to go to Shinjuku Gyoen**, the wooded park not too far from his house.

A few minutes after their arrival there, when a cackling Aomine deposits an enormous cicada down Kise's shirt, and the insect skitters all over his back with nasty claw-like legs he shrieks like a girl and wishes Aomine Daiki had never been born. (Then he wishes he himself had never been born, because it's his fool self who insisted that Aomine 'do something that he enjoys.')

It transpires that Aomine's favourite activity, besides playing basketball, sleeping, and reading soft porn, is catching cicadas - the large, nasty, scuttling insects that fill the Japanese summer-time with their drawn out chirping sounds. (Kise is not a fan.)

As the afternoon wears on and Aomine gleefully brandishes cicada after cicada (and Kise continually shrieks unman-fully), Kise can't help but wonder why the hell he has a crush on this, well, idiot.

But he also can't help smiling ruefully at the unbridled joy in Aomine's smile as he dashes off after hapless insects, and wondering whether he looked like this as a little boy.

And when the sun starts setting, and their stomachs start rumbling, they set the gross insects free and even Kise is spellbound for a moment as they fly away into a pretty sunset, making the odd chirping sounds they make; and he thinks of freedom and of summer and of childhood. Aomine turns that bright, carefree grin on him then, and Kise thinks that the torturous afternoon was absolutely worth it.

(And then he thinks, 'Oh shit, I've really got it bad.')

[That was the first date./ End of blog entry 1]

*In my head, Kise calls himself Ryoucchi, cause there's no way he wouldn't give himself an endearing nickname either (snerk) :D And naturally, Aomine will become Daikicchi* as he and Kise move onto more intimate terms.

**This is a real park in Tokyo, but I found it on wiki, so I have no idea if it's a good place to go cicada hunting.

Long A/N: So I haven't written anything remotely resembling fic in four years, and I'm nervous about posting this. Couldn't sleep last night so I wrote, and of course sleep-depraved brains don't make for good writing. It might not even make sense (as many of the things in my head at 3am are wont to do) but at least it's something, so I figure I should get over my block and post. I just threw in the 'Kise's blog'-concept at the last minute, I think maybe it makes the concept of the fic more legit? Maybe.

Also, I read somewhere that Aho-mine's hobbies are writing his own biography (bwahaha! Aomine, you silly conceited thing, definitely want to write a one-shot on that) and catching cicadas and crayfish (I think it's crayfish, anyway), hence the contents of chapter one ;) (Am also not into the portrayal of dumb blonde cry-baby Kise, I believe he can be quite shrewd and extremely determined (and that will hopefully come out later.))

Last thing, English isn't my first language so there might be a plethora of mistakes; my English is pretty decent but I wrote this first person present tense (or tried to), and I usually don't, so I suspect that might have thrown the tenses off and caused grammar mistakes - I never did study my grammar, lol. Also, I spell UK-style, but my spellchecker only wants to spell American style, so there might be a conflict somewhere :D

/End of ridiculously long A/N :D