AN: sorry it's been like a month since I've updated…. I guess I've been… depressed? Idk, I'm not sure what I want to call it.. All I'm sure of is that I want love so bad that it almost hurts and being without the person I love really hurts and it almost feels like I'm physically hurt. Why does love have to hurt so much? Like being without my love rips my heart into shreds -_- life why are you so hard?
Anyway, here's the new chapter (sorry if it's not that great :/)
Talk about the most awkwardest five seconds of my life. It's so fucking stupid how I couldn't get a single word out when she asked me if she could come in. Anyways, aren't I the one who's supposed to ask if she wants to come in? That's a little disrespectful in her part, if I say so myself. Or maybe that's only disrespectful if it's with those old couples, yeah, that might be it.
"Uh, yeah sure," are the words that I decide to say instead of something more dramatic like "Oh yes ma'am, I would love that you would come in." Nope, just a simple "yeah." God! Could I be anymore stupid! I seriously wonder why the hell she even likes me, I'm just Bella. No, I'm no one, she shouldn't even see me, I'm supposed to be one of those people in the background while all the popular people (Rosalie) are in the front being loved and shit like that. I'm not even supposed to be recognized by her, I'm Bella Swan, she's Rosalie Hale, those names don't even go together right.
Unlocking the dark wooden door, I lead her in. I'm really regretting not cleaning the house yesterday because right now, the house is fucking messed up, well, I guess not really, but there's a lot of junk everywhere. Fuck, she's going to judge me and be all like "yeah, I don't think this will work." Wouldn't that be a good thing though? Isn't that what I want? To not be in a relationship with this girl? But, ugh, for whatever reason her walking out on me just feels weird. Like an aching in my chest. What the fuck is this?
"Well, nice place you have." I'm really not sure if she's being sarcastic or not, god, why am I so unsure of her? "It's very cozy." And with a smile she plops right down onto the couch, making herself at home. "Do you mind if I stay for a while?" Well, talk about moving in too soon. What could be wrong with her house? It's probably twenty times better than my run down home.
Of course I don't ask her what the fucks wrong with her house. I just say, "Sure." Yup, I guess one worded answers are the way to do it today. No, brain, you don't have to work today when it's obviously important for you to be in. Maybe my brain ran away, I wouldn't blame it, I want to run away, too.
Rosalie smiles at me and pats the spot next to her. I can tell she's trying so hard to make this as comfortable for me and for her. It's just so hard right now to be comfortable with my "girlfriend." Aren't I supposed to comfortable with someone I'm dating? Aren't I supposed be all lovey dovey? I don't understand why I can't just grab her face right now and just shove my tongue into her mouth. What the fuck am I afraid of? I'm really not sure.
As I place myself next to her, she grabs my shoulder and practically forces me to sit as close to her as possible. The only thing separating us is the clothing that we wear. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she just wants to make this as uncomfortable as possible for me. She may be all comfortable and shit, but me? Well, let's just say that cuddling isn't my favorite activity in a relationship.
I can feel her eyes on me as I shift awkwardly. I can sense her watching my tense shoulders as I try to get comfortable, but again, I'm failing. Finally she just whispers into the awkward space, "Just relax." Relax? She wants me to relax? Is she crazy? With her? But that does sound nice, I mean, it wouldn't be that bad to just forget about everything and just be in her arms. That would be nice, but the chances I'm risking are too high.
The thing is, though, that I do try to relax into her. I do try my best for her to relax. And I somehow do relax. I do just sink into her, ignoring all the warning signs in my head to not do that, to not let my guard down. I do anyway, I'm going against all that I believe right now in just letting myself be with her.
I can hear her cooing at me. Saying sweet nothings into my ear, and really, as dumb as they sound, they're pleasant to her. It feels great to hear praising come from someone like her, but, as always, I can't keep my guard down like this. She probably just wants to lead me into a trap. But the honesty in her voice makes me think other wise. Could I actually trust her?
Is this a big mistake? Letting her take my armor off? Letting her touch that one part of my that has never been touched?
AN: Yeah, so, it's like the middle of the night…. So I'm tired and yeah, that's all I got! Yeah this chapter is like really short…. I'm not really proud of it :/ but whatever! Shorter chapters means sooner updates (hopefully). I'll only update if you guys review though… it gives me motivation, so if you guys still want me to keep writing this story then review please! Also what's a beta and how can I get one? Cuz I heard that they're good? Idk I'm kinda new (or really coming back to writing fanfics) OKAY BYEZZZ KISSEES!
Little Red Riding Vanz