Author's Note:

So here I go, finally taken the plunge and Iam actually posting my first ever Fic …..

Not really into lengthy author notes but just needed to say a BIG thank you to a couple of people.

Firstly to my wonderful friend's jillapet and Wish for eternal happiness without you girls this thing would never have been posted. I also need to thank Mathisson you have been my inspiration for sticking with this….Finally a MASSIVE thank you to Kristina Anderson who started this whole idea off with me back in December 2011.

Lovestrong will post once a week and you will be happy to know we have a few chapters in the bag already.

So here we go…


Chapter 1. Having trouble breathing.


'This isn't real' is all I can think as I loaded my bags into the back of my car, preparing to return to my own personal hell. I didn't even know whether he is still there: did he have a wife, a family? I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as the roads got more and more familiar, the concrete highways morphed into woodland, grey turned green and this was it - HELL. I passed the "Welcome to Forks" sign, and my mind wandered back in time five years, to when he uttered those heart-wrenching words: "I don't love you anymore, Bella".

Five years ago:

I was sitting on my bed when I got the call saying that he needed to talk to me, and that he would be at my house in ten minutes. So I waited. As he walked up the stairs, I could tell something was off; it was like he was dragging his whole body weight with his feet. He got straight down to business, saying that I was smothering him, that all the plans we had made together were not what he really wanted. He wanted to be free to leave Forks, not to be tied down by me and my imaginary perfect life. "You just aren't what I want anymore, it was good while it"...

That's all I remember. The rest of it turned into a blurred haze as my world came crashing down around me. Desperate, I resorted to begging him, telling him that I could change, that I would try harder to make him happy. Begging only resulted in him stepping further away and muttering those six crippling words. And then he was gone.

I had tried to chase him but my feet wouldn't move. Collapsing to the floor, I broke- the pain hit me in the chest like a freight train. My brain couldn't process what had just happened: what had I done? What had made him behave so cruelly? The man I loved had just ripped my heart out and left me here with nothing.

I think that I became a bit crazy: I sat on the floor of my room until it became dark and cold, everything around me reminding me of him. His smell lingered in the air. Little gifts and photographs of us together brought back every memory, good and bad. My mind whirled with all my mistakes, all his perfection, which only made my own shortcomings even more glaring.

I couldn't stay in that house another second, so I packed up a few things and decided to leave town right then. My plan was to drive, and drive I did. Taking the road out of town, I realized that I had to pass his house; as if on autopilot, my car slowed down. I couldn't help myself- I looked up at the vast glass windows that separated my world from his. There he stood: I couldn't tell whether or not he saw me, as his eyes were void of all emotion, empty. To me, they once had held all of his secrets, all of his love and passion, but now there was nothing in them. Something behind him caught his attention and he turned on his heels and walked away.

That's when it hit me, and it's the one thing that still hurts after all this time. Nothing hurts more than realizing that he had meant everything to me, but I had never meant anything to him.

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