Title: Pissing off Pilots (is never a good idea)

Author: Sora Hoshi

Universe: Gundam Wing - Zombieland crossover

Rated: T for language and mild sexual themes

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Zombieland. They're owned by their respected companies. Beginning plot/fic idea is owned by Kazeren.

Warnings: suggested sexual content (possibly), swearing, OOC-ness, ummmmm...

Summary: The war has been called to a halt, a plague has sprung up in its place! The Gundams are on Earth, hidden away from the world-right smack dab in the middle of the illness. Follow the G-Boys as they retrieve their buddies and get out of their in one piece. …wait. What's this about dragging along civvies?!

o…X…o

AN/ Okay, so I'm re-posting Kazeren's ficlet cause this is where the idea came from and is continuing off of. Please note that the original idea is owned by her, most of the plot by me, and Gundam Wing and Zombieland are owned by their respected companies. (Which, by the way; I would like to thank her for her patience and allowance of me to write her ficlet! *smiles* Thank you Kazeren!) So, if YOU want to thank her, I'd suggest going to her story and leaving her a review, or sending her a PM for being so AWESOME and such an inspiring writer!

o…X…o

"Speech"

Thoughts/letters/past conversations

"foreign language being spoken"

o...X...o ((Everything here and below is owned by Kazeren )) o…X…o

Four Guns and a Bowie Knife (original fic's name)

Columbus had found them when he and Tallahassee were moving though another super-market looking for the usual. The young man had rounded the aisle he'd been looking in and headed into the next one only to come face to face with three handguns. The fact that he only saw two people threw him for a big enough loop that he never thought to bring his shotgun up to defend himself. He had a thought that it was probably too late to do that now anyway.

"Hey spitfuck, you gonna stand around all day or what?" Tallahassee was standing a few aisles down from Columbus. He couldn't see the two men; they were standing too far into the aisle.

Columbus cleared his throat, "Um…Tallahassee? I think I found something…" he trailed off. Apparently the shorter male, the one holding two guns, had grown bored of pointing said guns and turned back to stuffing canned fruit into a sack that had been lying at his feet. As Tallahassee approached him, Columbus noted somewhat hysterically that the shorter one had a long braid of brown hair.

Tallahassee dealt better with having a pistol aimed directly at his face, but he didn't think he could draw the knife that was belted at his hip before he got shot. The young man with ice-like blue eyes and messy brown hair looked as if he had no problem shooting an unarmed man. Tallahassee slowly raised his hands, trying to seem as nonthreatening as possible.

"Easy there," Tallahassee said, trying to talk as even as possible, "we're just here to pick up some supplies, just like you." Out of the corner of his eye he could see Columbus nod his head slowly.

The long haired guy that had been stuffing the bag looked to his companion. "It's okay, we're almost done here." Blue-eyes tilted his head a little towards his friend's voice and he seemed to relax. He lowered the gun and then stowed it behind his back in his waistband. Tallahassee couldn't believe how fast the guy could go from homicidal to leisurely strolling over to inspect the contents of the bag his friend held. Finding the contents satisfactory he took the bag and swung it over his shoulder. His friend looked at Tallahassee and Columbus.

"We're done here. What are you looking for?" the young man with the long braid asked. "I might be able to be able to point you in the right direction."

Tallahassee grinned. "See any Twinkies?"

"Twinkies?" Long-hair blinked. "You two came in here with a knife and a pathetic two shell shotgun between the two of you for a box of Twinkies?"

Tallahassee just shrugged. He'd had a wooden bat and some broken rebar he was going to use, but he had dropped them in favor of keeping his hands free for searching. He'd actually been hoping to use the knife at his hip. Nothing like putting eight inches of German steel in a zombie's spinal cord.

Long-hair shook his head. "Let's go, koi. Before any flesh-eaters come."

Columbus eased aside to let the two out of the aisle. After the two strangers had gone he let out a nervous little chuckle. "Hey, they didn't try to rob us. That's always a good sign." He was thinking about those two girls that had so easily conned them with their emotional ploy.

"Yeah," Tallahassee murmured, scratching his chin stubble absently. "Hey," he said, a little louder. "Did that long haired kid just call his friend a fish?"

o...X...o ((Everything here and above is owned by Kazeren)) o...X...o

Duo sighed and glanced at Heero. Well, looks like we're in war mode yet again. He thought, a light frown flitting across his face as they unlocked and opened the doors to their car. They didn't bother looking behind them, seeing as the zombies wouldn't be able to get in the car since it was locked while they were inside. Unless there was a smashed open window (which there wasn't) then everything was still secure.

A shout was heard behind them and the couple swung around, automatically drawing and aiming their pistols at the sudden noise.

The teenager was hurrying over to them, breathing only slightly elevated from the flat out sprint he had just performed. "I-I'm sorry I just thought...you look familiar. Did you attend the Art Institute of California in Santa Ana? I was going for my history and game design degrees there. Maybe I saw you around campus or something?" The curly haired young man asked nervously, shifting from one foot to another.

"No. Sorry." Duo replied shortly, ready to leave. Not a year ago his face had been plastered all over the news, hopefully the kid wouldn't remember that... Besides, Wuffers, Q-man and Tro were planning on meeting them two towns over with Shenlong, Sandrock and Heavyarms. All that was left was getting Zero, who was in the town they were meeting at and retrieving his own buddy.

"Lover, we need to leave." Heero reminded him softly in Japanese. His guns were still out and he could see several of the flesh-eaters being drawn towards the four of them.

"Well...which way are you going? Maybe we can take the two cars and follow each other. The more people the better in my opinion." The dark eyed teen said meekly, completely intimidated with Heero. Duo was watching the other male as he drove the yellow Hummer over and parked next to them.

"We're headed north to meet some of our friends. I heard the colonies are taking in the non-infected until they figure out a cure for the plague. There's a launch pad fifty miles south of here that'll take you after you submit to their search, isolation and decontamination process." Duo replied carefully, his eyes watching the driver warily. Replying to Heero in Mandarian he said, "I know, but they're civvies. They're not used to killing no matter what anyone says. We should at least try to look out for them, considering that before all of this happened we were fighting for them."

Heero frowned, glancing between the two men with hard eyes. "Fine." He said quietly deciding to reply in English this time, he didn't approve of taking civilians with them, but if Duo was happy he would put up with them. He shut the door to the driver's side.

"Hm...Columbus move your ass Kid. Zombies to kill and Twinkies to find. I ain't leaving Earth until I've found myself a damn Twinkie!" Balding man said stubbornly. Making the teenager hurry over to the other side of the car and get in.

The two cars started up again, the lover's pulling out in front to lead the way while the hillbilly's car followed quickly.

Roaring down the highway, the two cars were averaging close to eighty-five to ninety miles per an hour for close to around three hours before they had to get more gas.

Pulling into an empty gas station, Duo hopped out of the car and stretched with a groan. "Definitely not as comfortable as 'scythe's seat." He complained, letting his arms fall to his sides as he finished the stretch. In an almost lazy manner, he drew the pistol from his hidden pocket holster and fired two shots at the two zombies staggering towards them. Twin reddish-black stained holes blossomed right in the middle of their foreheads.

"Koi, I'm off to get some candy bars. Is there anything you would like?" Duo asked cheerfully, ignoring the look of shock and awe from Columbus and Tallahassee respectively.

"Hn." Heero replied, pumping gas into the car's gas tank.

"Okay then. Be back soon!" The braided man replied before jogging inside the store. Only seconds after he entered the convenience store/gas station shop several shots were heard along with a sadistic-type laugh that sent shivers up the two civilian's spines.

"I'm going to search for Twinkies. Columbus, fill up the tank." The eldest male ordered before stalking inside, mad that he had missed out on killing more zombies.

"A-All right." The curly-haired college student replied, moving around the car to the pump. "So...done anything interesting lately?" He started in shifting nervously from one foot to another.

"Hn." Zero's pilot replied, raising an eyebrow as if to say, 'are you fucking serious?' Duo cackled madly as he ran out of the store a clear package with two yellow, 'sacred', special something's inside.

"GET BACK HERE WITH MY TWINKIE'S YOU BRAIDED ASS!" Tallahassee roared, charging out after him with his knife waving in the air, making Duo laugh louder. "WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GOING TO CUT OFF THAT STUPID BRAID AND THEN WE'LL SEE HOW AMUSED YOU FEEL!" He continued to roar, mirroring almost word for word something Wufei usually yelled at him, as he chased the teen around the cars.

As Duo ran past Heero, the man reached out and grabbed his braid, making Duo shriek and stop suddenly.

"Give him the Twinkie Duo. Maybe they'll leave if you do…" Heero said in Greek, making Duo pout.

"Fine... I was going to give it to him anyway. It was the only one left in the store..." Duo grumbled out in English, not truly upset that Heero was spoiling his fun, but disappointed that he wasn't allowed to continue to tease the older man.

Tossing the package at the man after snatching it from Duo's hand, Heero closed the gas tank as he kept an eye on the zombies that had heard the man's yelling. "I'd appreciate if you would keep your voice down. The zombie's seem to be attracted to it." Heero said as Tallahassee caught the golden godly food-object and held it reverently.

"Mm-hm..." He replied dazedly his mind focused on how he was going to eat said food.

"Go back and get what you really wanted Duo. We need to hurry to meet the other three. Plus we still have our two tools to pick up." Heero said as he glanced around, shooting several zombies quickly.

"Thanks Koi!" Duo exclaimed running back inside.

"Why does he keep calling him a fish...?" Columbus asked Tallahassee quietly, puzzling over the same question. Shaking his head he climbed into the car and started it up again. "Get in Tallahassee. We need to go or they're going to leave us behind." He added watching as Heero shot the rushing zombies.

Duo came back out with two shopping baskets full of snacks, candy, pop and water, walking leisurely back to the car as Heero covered him.

"They didn't have any coffee makers still working." He said in way of explanation to Heero's questioning look.

"Ah..." Said man said in way of reply. Climbing inside their car and starting it.

The two cars started off, driving for several more hours to reach the specified meeting place.

Turning into the dirt driveway about fifteen miles away from the nearest town, Heero pulled up to the front of the house, the yellow hummer following them and parking next to them. "I'll get the equipment set up so we can listen in." He murmured to his long haired lover in Hebrew.

Nodding as he stepped out of the car Duo grabbed all their supplies from the back seat that he could carry as Heero checked all the entrances to the house. "We're here first! Wow, never thought I'd say that with the way 'Fei is!" He said as he watched his lover for a few seconds.

"It's still secure with the traps I set. No one's been here since we last used it." He said clearly. He disengaged the trap on the door and opened the entrance for Duo before heading back to the car for more weapons and supplies.

Ten minutes later and almost a half a dozen trips between the two lovers left Tallahassee and Columbus with gaping mouths and huge eyes.

"Well? Are you coming in or not? Because…we could use some zombie bait…" Duo asked with a grin.

Columbus gulped and hurried into the house, wondering what they were doing in the seemingly abandoned area.

Less than an hour later the sound of a car coming up the driveway slowly alerted the four men to the other's presence.

"Ready to meet our friends?" Duo asked, grinning manically.

"If they're anything like you two…I'm not sure I'll ever be." Tallahassee murmured, watching the car approach from the front window.

"Hey! I resent that! Geez, play one joke on a guy and…" Duo said in protest crossing his arms and pouting.

o…X…o

Okay, that's all for the first chapter folks! Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment below please! It helps feed my muse, who, by the way, is starving as I haven't posted in almost a year…bit of my own fault, but I've decided not to post up fics that I haven't completed as of yet, so that way I finish my fics… Review and I may even be an awesome, amazing, awe-inspiring, (and more a-positive descriptive words) author and update later this week! lol

Laters!
-Sora-

PS-there's 3-4 chapters, just to give you guys an idea...