What a fiasco.
It may surprise you, but I do have my reasons for choosing my henchpeople. Some show signs of intelligence; others, a certain skill I have need of; still others, connections to the proverbial rich and famous. It was for this last reason that I pulled in Bo Turtle.
I knew she wasn't the brightest bulb; I knew she'd gotten on the wrong side of many of her ... "clients," I believe she calls them? But I also knew that many of those clients, the Hollywood types, are even dumber than she. They seem to trust her, even though she has so obviously pulled cons on them. That trust would, in an ideal world, have allowed her, and thus me, to find ways into their homes.
Don't misunderstand: Carmen Sandiego has never been, and will never be, a common thief who pilfers expensive jewelry. Not in the least. Carmen Sandiego is, however, exactly the kind of person who understands that the richest people are the most likely to turn to the black market for artworks. Maybe I've grown sentimental over the years; maybe it's because my life was so turned around by seeing a painting of the woman I believe to be my mother; but of late I've become ever fonder of stealing fine art.
Now I've learned that this Turtle woman has alienated one of her primary links to the British bourgeoisie, and to boot she claimed she was recruiting for me.
No one recruits for Carmen Sandiego. I don't need any help – I do it myself.
I should have seen this coming, really. The woman was just too easy to deceive – she actually believed that she was helping me "spread the good Lord's joyful message," as she put it. I ought to have known better than to trust a televangelist.
She doesn't even have a good name. When I suggested she adopt an alias, as so many of my henchpeople do, the best she could come up with was "Faith Full-Servant." Pitiful, really.
I always give my people second chances – and third, and fourth, if they need them. But Bo Turtle is really too dense for even me to work with. She'll be only too easy to let go. I can tell her that God has told me to move to a mission center in Africa. She may try to follow me, but I know how to keep even the most experienced trackers from finding my trail.
On another topic — I've heard from her of a rather distasteful woman called Patsy Stone. She might make a fine agent for VILE...