SM owns it, Dollybigmomma rocks the commas, I just write it…

Chapter 20 – With Heartfelt Fucks

Edward Cullen, recapped…destroyed parent's home with no remorse, kidnapped neighbor, spread STD and didn't give a shit, would have literally force-fed Bella if she didn't eat, wouldn't let her leave the house, had plans to lock her in a barred-window apartment if she tried to escape, glued windows shut, would-be murderer, has issues with all authority figures, fucks girlfriend in front of her dad, flat-out said no to kids and had a lengthy discussion as to why…he's a nineteen-year-old college freshman who has a lot of growing up to do and is basically a bad-tempered douchebag with serious issues of his own. Now, on with the show…

The ride home was silent. I honestly didn't know what to say to her. I was lost. I wasn't supposed to have a kid at this point in my life. I thought we were being careful. I felt betrayed, but with the way her hand rested on her stomach as she breathed deeply and more relaxed than I had seen her in a long time, it made me realize she needed this. She had been a mess when she'd lost her baby before. I still couldn't shake the feeling that she'd done it on purpose.

The doctor explained that when she'd had the D&C, it most likely cleaned her out enough for a baby to take hold in her otherwise unwelcoming uterus. It would have had the proper surface to attach, and it did. I just didn't know how this happened. Well, I did, but I didn't. We were careful, we had been safe. At least I thought we had.

I kept looking at her. She didn't look all that different. Now that I knew she was pregnant, it was obvious. The little bit of weight I was happy about her putting on really was just her baby, our baby. Shit, that was scaring the fuck out of me. What the hell was I going to do with a kid? I knew I was gonna fuck it up. My parents were shit. They were never around. I didn't want to do that with my kid, but what if he didn't like me? I hated my parents. What if he hated his mother? I'd lay the little fucker out if he treated Bella the way I treated my mom. My parents didn't even notice my disdain of them enough to care.

"Did they say anything about when my dad could come home?"

"Nah, just that once they prove this is a federal case, he should get off. He told me not to bother bailing him out. Mr. Whitlock said his case will be up in a week. He also helped push through a restraining order against…" I didn't want to say his name because I was afraid it would upset her.

I didn't have to worry, though. "That's good, did they figure out how he got in?"

I shook my head no. "But he's being charged with trespassing by the neighborhood as well. The gate codes are also being changed."

She let out a relieved sigh. I took her hand in mine and kissed it. Once we were home, she was in the kitchen making a snack, and I was back to wondering how long she had known about her pregnancy. "Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked.

She turned around, giving me a blank look like she didn't know what I was talking about.

"Come on, Bella, you know what I'm asking. When were you going to tell me about the baby? When you went into labor?"

She looked down at her feet and her hand went to her tummy. "I knew right away, but I was sure I'd lose it. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to pay attention, because if I did, then it would hurt more when I lost it."

"So you've known how long?"

"Three months," she whispered. "I never said anything because I didn't want to piss you off. I knew it'd upset you, and for no reason. I just knew I was going to lose it," she said with more conviction. "There was no reason to tell you."

"How long did Chuck know?"

She shook her head.

"Tell me," I pushed.

"He guessed right away. He thought that was the reason I was with you, but it's not." She acted like I'd think that was true, but I knew better. "I told him not to say anything, and that I didn't want to talk about it because I was going to lose the baby."

"And he just went along with that?"

"No, I told him of my miscarriages in the past and the reason I couldn't get pregnant. I told him not to mention it, not only to you, but to me. I didn't want to face it. I didn't realize how far along I was until the doctor told us."

I wanted to be pissed at her, but her reasons sounded legit. Hiding from her problems was her M-O. "This is so fucked up."

It was way more fucked up than we realized. Turned out since the investigation was still in progress with undercover agents, the Feds wouldn't save Chuck's ass, at least not for a while. Whitlock said he would be able to get an appeal once it was out.

Their assholes lawyer painted Chuck and Bella as crazy, saying Phil was just there trying to make amends with Bella so her mother could be in her life, and that sick bitch backed him. They played the "Bella was a troubled child" card, and because Chuck only recently came around, they pointed out that he had agreed with them. It was looking really bad for him.

Chuck was convicted of assault with a deadly weapon and ordered to pay Phil's hospital bills. Whitlock was at least able to get that deferred, saying that there was a plan to appeal. In the end, Chuck would be fucked if they didn't find the bodies of Phil's victims.

The girl they had in protective custody wasn't giving them much to go on. I knew they wanted to push Bella for more answers, but I didn't think she could handle it. Being pregnant was making her more moody, and I didn't like it. There was no need to make it worse.

She wasn't happy with me as it was. I took her everywhere now, not trusting that she was safe in our home alone. I'd never thought I'd say this, but I missed Chuck. Phil just got a slap on the wrist for trespassing and assault and was turned loose. Since Bella had no actual physical damage done to her, they were letting him slide. This was a bullshit state and I was ready to move. I'd heard in Texas you could shoot anyone dead who broke into your house and not get in trouble. It was time we looked there.

The upside to dragging Bella to all my classes was she was able to help me with my classwork. We were working on one of my assignments when there was a buzz from the gate, letting us know there was someone wanting in to see us.

"Who is it?" I growled. No one should have been here.

"This is Agent Newton, with the Federal government. I'd like to speak to Isabella Swan concerning our investigation of Philip Dwyer."

I looked over my shoulder at my girl. Her face was pale, but she nodded her head yes, giving me the go-ahead to buzz him in.

A very unassuming man came to the door. I expected a suit and tie, but he was dressed like he was just visiting us as a friend. Maybe that was the point. "Thank you for seeing me," he held his hand out for me to shake. I took it, wondering if we would get some answers on what the hell had been going on with the case, because Chuck had been rotting in jail for a month now. "Ms. Swan, it's nice to finally meet you in person. Agent Brandon did most of your phone interviews. I was present, but I know better than to talk over Alice." He smiled like we would know what the hell he was talking about.

"Would you like a drink?" Bella offered as she showed him to the couch.

"Water would be great. I feel like the desert just sucks it right out of you."

"It does," I nodded looking out the window. The heat waves rippling over the street gave off the illusion that it was wet, but it was not. I melted my shoes standing on the asphalt while I was getting groceries out of the car. They were smooth like there was never any tread on them. It was insane.

Bella returned with a glass of ice water and perched on my knee instead of sitting down next to me. My hand settled over her little tummy. It had grown so much, it was crazy. The little guy was wiggling now and I could feel him thumping around. I was distracted by his drum playing when Agent Newton cleared his throat.

"How can we help?" Bella asked.

"Agent Brandon has been undercover for four months. As you know, the Dwyer's have moved to another state. Phil hasn't taken up teaching again. With the sexual misconduct charge hanging over his head, there's no way he can get a job with kids. I can't tell you much, but we're staying close to him, much closer than I'd deem safe, but Agent Brandon is determined to get this bastard." He rubbed his face, "Honestly, I'm scared out of my mind for her. If there's anything you can think of, just a passing comment, or something that sounded like a threat, that just might lead us to where he'd hide the girls."

Bella turned her face into my neck, and I was about to set her aside so I could throw the fucker out for upsetting her, but I felt her hand press flat into my chest, as if telling me to give her a minute.

"I'll make it look like you ran away. You're troubled just like the others were. I made it look like they ran away, too. Don't worry, honey, this won't last forever, I'll find you a fresh grave," she said it all in a monotone voice, as if quoting someone; if fact, I was pretty damn sure she was.

I looked over at Newton and luckily for him, he had a notepad out and was speed writing. His eyes darted over his words several times, "Fresh grave, fresh grave…fresh graves! I think I know where to look! Thank you so much for this." He stood, eager to go, taking my hand before I offered it. "Thank you so much, Ms. Swan!"

She nodded at him, but she still didn't look up from my chest. I held her tight against me. I knew tonight would be a bad one for nightmares. I kissed her forehead, "You didn't have to talk to him."

"Someone has to help get Chuck out. He's an old man, Edward. How long do you really think he'll last in jail?"

"Well, that Newton guy said Brandon was in deep. They're working on it, babe, don't count them out yet."

She took a deep breath, "I think I want to visit my dad."

"That's not a good idea. I don't want you anywhere dangerous." I rubbed her tummy, accentuating my point.

She nuzzled into my neck, kissing it softly.

"He'll get out soon, baby. You can always write a letter to him and let him know you're doing everything you can to help him out." My hand settled back on her tummy. My son kicking was still freaky. Could you believe there was a person growing inside my Bella, one I put there?

She didn't know it, but as soon as Chuck got out of jail, we were getting married. I knew she'd want him walking her down the aisle. Of course, at this rate, I didn't think Chuck would be out anytime soon. Then it dawned on me. Us getting married was gonna mess like hell with our finances, and I was not talking about paying for the wedding.

If we were married when the baby was born, we'd be fucked when it came to the bills. She had coverage through the state as long as we weren't, but once we were married, she would lose all assistance, medical and otherwise. I was worried it might fuck up her grants, too.

I had too much in savings, and the income from the rental would put us over the line for medical assistance. They didn't seem to give a fuck that the savings was actually a college fund. If I used that money, I'd be fucked when it came time to pay my tuition. At this rate, I'd need to get a job. I hated that I'd signed a year lease with my grandfather, because I knew the heartless old bastard wouldn't let us out of it. If we could move to a cheaper home, we might be able to scrape by, but we were stuck here for another seven months.

My family was pissed about the mess with Phil and now our baby. I hadn't told Bella about their reaction. I knew she'd be stressed about it, where I didn't really give a fuck. I guess word had gotten out about what had happened. Our little home invasion issue was plastered all over the news, especially since Chuck was convicted of assault with a deadly weapon while defending his pregnant daughter. Maybe that would light a fire under someone's ass here in Arizona to change that dumb ass law.

As for my parents, they were disappointed. I guess pissed was too strong of a word. My parents were just very disappointed in me, which they always had been. That was nothing new. My mother was about to say some shit about Bella, but I told her to watch her mouth or I'd rip her goddamn tongue out. She gasped like she was surprised. I hung up on her and hadn't heard from them since.

My grandmother was a fruit. She'd sent some sort of congratulations card and a one hundred dollar savings bond. Bella actually thought it was sweet, but she didn't notice that my grandfather had not signed the card. I knew he didn't like Bella and it was his way of saying, "fuck you." I had half a mind to send him a card that just said, "FUCK YOU!" to him. I could start a whole line of fuck you cards instead of thank you cards. There was a need for them, there were a lot of people I wouldn't mind sending fuck you cards to, and my family would be on the top of the list.

I wondered if my grandmother realized her looking into Bella's family was what had made this huge mess. The Dwyer's wouldn't have known where we were if she hadn't told them. Yeah, that bitch needed a fuck you card, too. I couldn't believe my Bella wasn't pissed like me. She wanted to send a thank you card for the bond. I wondered if she would notice if I scratched out the word "thank" and wrote "fuck" instead.

She probably would, my girl was perceptive like that.