I know, I know, I have so much stuff to update, why am I submitting a new story. Roll with me here... I think I'm high.

NOTE: No, I don't know how much air pressure is required to purify methane, nor whether 'single-handedly' can apply to two people at the same time. Also, yes, this is all there will be for chapter 1 since this is a tester in the first place.

A Retelling of Bat-Man and The Crow(bar)

All things considered, it could not be said that it had been their time to die. Had that been the case, you see, they would have stayed dead, and none of this would have come to happen. Following that logic, the events that followed could be blamed entirely on the JSSDF and SEELE.

Really, Gendo had nothing to do with it... this time.

In the hierarchical society that exists, regardless of reason, mental state and will, there exists a platform of life. This platform is called 'nature', and in the city of Tokyo-3, country of Japan, planet of Earth, recently, this platform has gone through a most convoluted restructuring over the last year or two, only most recently having come to a momentary, if sketchy, conclusion.

The upheaval, in itself, was brought about by forces on both sides of the boundary of nature; creatures that existed outside of proper borders, and creatures that existed well within the parameters theresuch. With no overall apparent prompting besides the years-before awakening of their predecessor, the creatures that existed Outside (acknowledged as supposed 'Angels') invaded the general areas surrounding Tokyo-3, a majority intent on attacking the city.

To which the creatures that existed Inside (creatures that acknowledged each other as 'humans') responded in kind, with the foresight of having prepared weapons that did more than enough to repel the invaders, while at the same time setting the city itself apart from those it allied itself with. Left to their own devices, it could be said that the whole thing could have been resolved without entangling the dealings of those that would consider themselves Higher Beings.

As with most situations that seem so, this was not the case. Instead, a number of such humans considered themselves worthy of the title, and went as far as to make a number of dark horse gambles and take influential spots in their respective governments in preparation for, and to achieve, such a goal as to make themselves gods. To be fair, considering these were the very humans that foresaw the approach of the Outsiders and prepared beforehand, they might very well have achieved their goal had it remained common between them. However, being on opposing sides, there was an understandable lack of understanding between the two forces.

The One consisted of a man that crawled from the gutters to the very vestiges of a dictators' adviser, then thrust into the throne of power at his ward's complete reconstitution and translation to a throne of a different plane. He fought with Victory and Death as his goals, one way or another to be reunited with his soul mate. From a selfish man's point of view, he made the ultimate sacrifices for a really well-thought out goal; to fight for what he believed to be his, tooth and nail, to the grave and beyond, even if he was damned for it.

The Others consisted of a number of men driven mad with knowledge of the future, and hungry for the thrones of gods, to oversee all of man's destiny. To be fair, they too could be seen as 'nice guys' from a certain viewpoint, considering they had so much faith in humanities ability to adapt and will to survive. However, even from their own point of view, they had thrown away the very thing they treasured to impose it on others.

Why either force wanted what they wanted, there is no real palpable clue. Perhaps the one man was a masochist and his soul mate, his preferred sadist. Perhaps the number of men never truly understood responsibility or just how tedious overseeing the lives of others really was. The fact remained that they opposed each other, even as Outsiders -er, Angels- invaded time and time again.

To shorten a long and blood-soaked story of glory, betrayal and repetitively wavering faith and sanity, this lead to the downfall of man, not once, but twice in consecutive motions, at the behest of one of their own. One of belief in luck would think "Third time's the charm". That one would be wrong. The third time was not the charm, nor was the fourth, nor was the fifth. After all, there would not have even been a second time had any of the participants considered the events properly and countered with equal aplomb. No, instead, as with ripples, the changes started out small, like a single drop of water in a sea.

The following is not a documentation, tale, or crisis-sauteed adventure even remotely concerning that drop. The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax, Tatsunoko and created by Hideaki Anno. Please support the official release.

I am a man of wealth and waste,

Infection is my aim,

To toil for spoil and burn the earned,

Destruction is my name.

In a land formerly known for its movie monsters (and more recently for its moving monsters) the sun is at its highest point in the sky, and in the air below it, clouds pass at a sedate pace, like white and gray scraps of cotton painted onto a light blue canvas; not moving just according to the wind, but the turn of the Earth as well.

But somehow, all is not well in Tokyo-3.

For the first time in years, birds, to some thought extinct and to others, myths, fly freely in the air, the instincts not having dulled for a moment in their time of capture and careful breeding. Of course, while such a picture in itself might be awe-inspiring with current events considered, the reason for it might as well be something from an aftershocks-of-war film, and if such a reason was not enough to inspire fear, the reason behind that reason should be enough to terrify even the most twisted of men.

Or give him an orgasm. But let's leave those thoughts for a different situation.

So, birds fly freely in the air. Between them and their former home and cage, smog colored black wafts behind them, dispersing into the atmosphere as a bad taste in the mouth and a mix of carbon dioxide and gasoline. At the source of the smog, rows of emptied buildings burn around paths of earth, shrapnel and steel, at the ends of each path a number of military vehicles, from aircraft to submarines, battered and crushed beyond solid recognition.

This pattern repeats itself in the miles of surrounding area, the ferocity of the destruction only growing more and more artful and precise -er, sorry, vivid and disturbing- the central point rolling back to somewhere around the center of a city, a city known as Tokyo-3. Exactly why there seemed to be more damage around this particular area than any other is made somewhat evident by the giant, white, formerly bipedal beasts in the area, each either speared by a building or beaten to bloody pulp. Well, to be scientifically accurate, it was a much more viscous liquid-based substance known as LCL that dripped from the decomposing beasts, but below the surface of the surrounding area, up to a mile underground, there actually were rivers of blood still flowing through the hallways of the fortress known as NERV, so, the more you know.

And somewhere around the middle of that mess, in the area formerly known as Central Dogma, there is a hole that runs even deeper into the earth. Or perhaps 'hole' is far too general a term at this point; instead, it is a fissure not unlike one that might be made if someone were to order a hex key large enough to crush an Angel if it were standing still, and have it dropped at that exact point in NERV headquarters with the shaft end pointed at an almost-exact 12 degree angle downwards.

And promptly vaporized it to destroy the evidence of their stupidity.

Whatever the cause, the fissure extends even further into the Earth's surface, which, since the fortress base was already a few thousand feet below sea level, made the ending point of the fissure equal to almost 2.25 miles below reasonable atmospheric pressure. That is to say, if someone had farted this far underground, it might have made its way to the surface not a year later as purified methane. Really, it's amazing how physics work when logic and reason have been thrown to the wolves.

Not that anybody in this general area has actually seen a live wolf in years outside of the questionably-bred mutts located at the zoo. Really, it's gotten to the point where there's a rumor going around that they explode into Lucky Charms when they are surprised.

Not that this has ever been proven using legitimate means that definitely did not involve special effects, no.

Anyway, this is the stopping point of today's' tour, over which we have looked over the current hierarchical society of the current Tokyo-3, which consists of; the sun, the sky, the birds and clouds in the sky, moderately ineffective greenhouse gases, broken buildings and shattered lives, mayhem, the dirt, the facility beneath the dirt, Terminal Dogma, and the two teenagers that could be credited to single-handedly saving the entire world and just about all of its people, even including those that had died several years before.

Well, if they were not dead themselves. But, as the story does go on, so does their legacy.

Once upon a time, God was in his heaven. Now, Heaven's Gate is wide open.