Reid wakes in a weird sort of daze. Had they given him narcotics? He blinks but his eyes and his mouth feel like they're full of cotton. He feels a hand on his face petting him soft. He reaches his arm up to touch the hand but can't seem to make his limbs function.
"Spencer, don't move your arm so much," Hotch tells him. He wasn't dead. Hotch was here. Spencer's brain tries to cement those thoughts, but there is pain creeping into his from the arm that wouldn't move right.
"Jack?" Spencer asks. He steels his self for the worst possible news. "Safe with Garcia, Pretty boy," Morgan says. "Drugs?" He asks. "It was absolutely necessary. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have let them if they hadn't needed to," Aaron tells him. "But I will be there to make sure you don't get stuck. Morgan will, too," he says.
Spencer tries to fight off the pain and whimpers. "Dad?" He asks. "He died, pretty boy. When we found him he'd already been dead." Spencer lets out a breath and Aaron clicks the machine next to him to administer more morphine to him. Spencer's eyes roll back and his head lulls until he's out again.
"Hotch, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I know it's hard on you too. And on poor Jack. It's painful for all of us, but we aren't in the same position. I saw the way you looked at me when you said we'd be here. You don't need to worry, man. We're a family."
Hotch nods sadly. "I can't believe the things I've done to him. If I had never done things like that his father would have never been able to get to him," Hotch says. Morgan snorts. "How do you think I feel? He was in my house when it happened. If I had been safer, or added more locks or something- this wouldn't have happened. But it did, and they're both alive and that's the best we could ask for."
Hotch sighs and nods. "What if he hates me when he wakes up?" Morgan purses his lips. "Then you take the high road. You consider yourself lucky that Jack hasn't lost another parent and that he's at least alive."
Hotch knows he's right. It's just painful to worry about. Of course he didn't want Spencer to hate him. He had never intended for that. Even when he was raping and beating Spencer, he loved him dearly. He'd gotten help. He was still getting help. He would do anything to be a family again. But what if he never got that chance?
Jack is sitting with Garcia. They are putting together a large puzzle. "What if my papa dies? Do I have to live with my daddy?" Garcia frowns. "Probably buddy. But Papa isn't going to die," she tells him. "Papa said we could live with daddy again when he became a good person. He doesn't want bad people around me. Is my daddy a good person now?"
Garcia doesn't know what to say. "Your daddy is a good person, but Spencer is the only one that can decide how good he needs to be." Jack yawns. "My papa let the bad man do a lot of things to him to save me. Do you think my daddy would do the same thing?" Garcia wipes her eyes. "Of course baby. Your daddy would do anything to protect you."
Jack shakes his head. "I mean for my papa." Garcia stares at the curious child. "I think he would Jack."
Reid opens his eyes and looks at Hotch. "Aaron?" He asks. Hotch grips his hand. "Hey baby. How are you feeling?" Morgan pushes the nurse call button. "Aaron my arm hurts," Spencer whines. Aaron releases him. "The other arm," he tells him. Morgan and Hotch frown at one another. There was no other arm.
"Spence, look. The doctor is going to check you out and he will tell you how everything is, okay?" Spencer nods and Hotch leans down to kiss him. The doctor comes in hurriedly and greets Spencer.
"Dr. Reid, how are you feeling?" He asks. Spencer shrugs. "I feel like I've been drugged. I'm coming down now, though." The doctor nods. "Spencer when you were brought in, you were in terrible condition. You hadn't eaten in many day- almost a week. Your body was burned and lacerated. The marks on your back will scar. Probably for the rest of your life. The worst part, though, was your arms."
Spencer looks down at his arms and his sight catches on the missing limb. His face shows no emotion but his eyes stay trained on where the arm should be. "We have to amputate your arm because it was starting to rot. You were lacking circulation and you almost lost both of them. We saved this arm, but unfortunately not the other. We're very sorry Dr. Reid."
Spencer puts his arm down and looks up at the ceiling. "Hotch, Morgan. Please leave my room," Spencer asks softly. They don't move and a tear runs down Spencer's face. "I asked you to leave," he tells them. They walk out to allow Spencer to talk to his doctor.
"Is there anything that I can do? I don't want to live anymore," Spencer tells the doctor. The doctor is stunned. "Spencer, are you feeling suicidal?" Spencer continues staring at the ceiling. "I don't want to be alive anymore, please. Or I want more drugs. I don't want this reality anymore," he tells the doctor.
"Dr. Reid, I'm going to start you on a dose of antidepressants. When you're well enough to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time I am going to prescribe therapy. I am very worried about you. You're a very intelligent young man. You can still live a full, active life without that limb. You can get a robotic arm, maybe even be put on a wait list for donor arm."
Spencer doesn't say anything. He'd read many stories of people missing limbs. They still went on to do great things. Very rarely did any of them speak of feeling held back. Science was ever advancing. "What does my husband think? Does he still find me attractive? Will he still desire me? And what about my son? I'm hideous and scary. I will frighten him. Think of all the other people that will be uncomfortable being around me."
The doctor scratches his head. "I've heard stories about you. You're a genius. I would think that you'd be used to people keeping you at arm's length. If your husband didn't love you anymore... Did find you attractive in some way he wouldn't still be trying. I think it would take more than a missing limb to make someone fall out of love. And as for your son. This isn't enough to break that bond. Not even close. Maybe he will be scared at first. Maybe a little grossed out but you will always be his father, no matter what limbs you have or have lost. He will know that eventually if he doesn't now that now."