Once upon a time there was a young boy and his friend named Rachael. The two were playing in the garden near the wishing well. Rachael had wished for an arrowhead (as every young girl does) the last time she played at the Wain's place.
Luckily, that day, she found an arrowhead. Overjoyed, she showed it to her friend. Her happiness, and the fact that her wish had been granted when his hadn't, sent him into a rage.
He lunged for the arrowhead; ready to attack little Rachael for it was surely her fault his wish for super powers had yet to be granted. As he was young and void of any gymnastic ability, he missed her entirely and fell down the well.
Rachael was shocked and yelled for the Wain's dog -Lassie- to fetch help while she waited with her friend.
Lassie raced off, he was a dog on a mission. And luckily Lassie had friends in high places.
Arriving at the house Lassie went straight to the highest authority he could find and yapped his heart out.
"Timmy's fallen down the well? And he's trapped?!"
"Bark arfarf yap!"
"Well, just leave him there," Batman said with a shrug.
"What?! You can't do that. Timmy needs saving."
"He really doesn't."
"I can't believe that Batman isn't going to save a citizen in need of his help."
"If you want to save him, be my guest." Batman informed the cape wearing man.
And so Thor forfeited his cards in exchange for the honour of saving Timmy.
The moment Thor left the room Iron Man picked up his cards.
"He had a three, an eight, a Jack and three sevens," he said with a slight frown as he took two of the sevens and put the rest in the centred pile.
Superman turned his gaze to Hawkeyes cards. "Do you have a King?"
Hawkeye glared at Superman as he handed over the card, mumbling 'cheaty McCheaterton' under his breath.
"I simply make the most of my abilities," Superman said loftily.
"Though it does explain why my brother was less than happy to learn of your participation today," Loki said.
"You're just jealous."
Loki smirked. "Of the spandex suit? No, I don't think so."
"No," Superman glared. "That I have better powers than you."
"Have you seen this?" Loki waved his sceptre in Superman's face. "This does whatever I want, whenever I want with no effort on my part. What can you do? Use X-ray to cheat at cards?" He sneered.
As he waved the sceptre, milkshakes appeared.
"That is a pretty great power," Black Widow agreed, helping herself.
Loki gave Superman a smug 'I-rest-my-case' look.
Taking this as a threat to his mad skills, Superman flipped the table across the room. A show of his super strength.
"Hey! Milk rusts my joints!" Iron Man complained as the pitcher of chocolate milkshake exploded over his armour.
The other heroes had used their mad hero skills to avoid the shower of milk and were unharmed, though a little wary of Superman's tantrum.
Before anyone could say anything, Lassie was back yapping louder than ever.
"What's that? Man with hammer fell down the well too?"
The remaining Avengers resisted the urge to face-palm and headed out to save their comrade. Loki went with them, claiming he was only going for the 'lolz'. Batman and Superman were quiet for a moment before they realised their only friends had bailed on them.
"-help them, yeah."
The two then awkwardly headed out after the Avengers and their plus one. They found the group crowded around the well, apparently talking to those within.
"What's the situation?" Batman asked.
"Apparently there's an ice patch…" Black Widow said dryly.
"Can't you hammer your way out?" Superman asked, peering into the depths of the well.
"I'm not sure you understand Mjolnir's purpose." Thor told him.
"Why don't we toss a rope down?" Hawkeye suggested.
"Because we're super heroes and that'd be lame?" Iron Man offered.
"Let's send Superman down, he can fly them out." Black Widow said, casually pushing the unsuspecting hero tumbling down the well.
What would have been a good plan took a turn for the worse when Superman hit Mjolnir with his head, effectively knocking him out.
"Uh, guys. I think we have a problem," Thor called up, prodding Superman with a stick.
Black Widow swore loudly in Russian.
"Let's stay calm," Hawkeye said before the assassin could flip out.
Iron Man was in near hysterics, laughing himself stupid that Superman -man of steel – had been knocked out.
"Why don't you use your," Batman waved his hand around, miming Loki's earlier movements, "thing?"
Loki looked mildly surprised. "Good idea."
He waved the sceptre, conjuring a deck chair and umbrella.
Batman watched, mouth slightly open in shock, as Loki proceeded to adjust the umbrella and sit down.
"You're going in next." Black Widow said to Iron Man.
"Woah, hey- I am no-!" Iron Man spluttered as Black Widow tipped him over the wells edge. "Ow…"
Hawkeye, Black Widow and Batman looked down to see Iron Man lying in a crumpled heap.
"Iron Man, it's good to see you here ready to help poor Timmy," Thor said, clapping little Timmy on the back.
Iron Man let out a pained groan as Timmy gave him the hero-worship, wide-eyed look. Still, he wasn't one to let down a fan and pushed himself to his feet.
"Okay, kiddo, let's get out of here."
Timmy latched onto Iron Man, nearly wetting himself in excitement that he was going to be saved by Iron Man.
There were ten seconds where nothing happened.
"Iron Man, you must use your power to save Timmy," Thor whispered.
"Something's wrong, something has interfered with the-" Iron Man froze as it dawned on him.
Timmy still attached, Iron Man turned and kicked Superman as hard as his suit could – pretty damn hard.
Thor leapt between them. "What are you doing?"
"His little hissy fit ruined my suit!"
"The… milk… broke the Iron Man suit?" Thor checked, noting the milky smell and stain down the front of the suit.
"Yes," Tony seethed. "And now we're stuck in a tiny well. I hope you're happy, Superman!"
"This is unbelievable," Batman said. "I'm coming down with the grappling hook."
"No! There's no room-"
"Hey, thanks for dropping in."
Batman ignored Iron Man.
"I'm going to get us out of here."
"That is good news," Thor said.
"Stand back." Batman warned as he reached for his grappling hook.
There was some spinning and grabbing at air as Batman searched for his absent gadget.
"Watch the master at work," Iron Man said snidely.
Black Widow and Hawkeye were dumbstruck.
"He doesn't have the grappling hook." Hawkeye said, stunned.
"Ah, yes, that'd be because I have it," Loki told them.
"What?" Black Widow snarled.
"He's rather unobservant, I took this two hours ago," Loki said conversationally.
Black Widow stared, mouth open. She then mumbled something incredibly fast in Russian under her breath.
"There are four – four! - so called 'superheroes' down there. If they can't figure a way to climb out there's no hope for humanity."
"I'll agree with you there," Loki said, raising a tumbler of milkshake.
And with that, Black Widow was gone.
"Is anyone going to help us?" Iron Man's voice echoed out of the well.
Hawkeye looked at the well then at Loki, shrugged and followed Black Widow's lead.
After an hour of listening to the calls of help from inside the well, Loki finally rose and spoke to the trapped.
"I'd say you have two, maybe three, hours before it starts raining."
And with those parting words, Loki left too.
Almost two hours later Alfred was searching the grounds for a certain 'superhero'. After covering most of the grounds and coming up empty-handed, he got a hunch. He hobbled over to the well. A chair under an umbrella lay near it. Deeming this unimportant he moved to the well.
"Yes! Help me!" Timmy cried.
Alfred blinked as he saw who was in the well.
"Timmy was trapped in the well," Batman intoned.
"Ah, shall I fetch a ladder and rope?"
"That would be helpful, please hurry!" Thor called.
"Very well, Mr Wain. I shall return with some rope."
And once again the butler is left to bail the main character out of trouble.