Preppy-Stealthy-Ninja: My muse Ninja wanted me to write something light and humorous since all I have been doing for awhile is writing more serious fics. She attacked me viciously and didn't relent until I agreed to write this. Thus, the idea of this different shot story came to mind. I mean who better to teach future mafia bosses *cough* Tuna* what to avoid as a mafia boss than Giotto himself? (After Giotto himself experiences it, of course!)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. All rights belong to Akira Amano ©.
I don't like the idea of writing 'dear diary' because you aren't dear to me yet. But I must begin this somewhere.
A blonde with a questionable spiky hair gazed at his own writing; frowning a little as he wondered whether or not this was a good way to start his diary. He had just bought the book from a local bookstore. The small suede book was lodged in between thick heavy books and the woman who owned the shop had more than given it to him, even requesting that he buy it for a minimum price. The diary had been there for a long time and it didn't have a buyer yet. According to the shop owner, the book was cluttering up the shop and making it look ugly, and it was for that sole reason that she had lost many potential customers. The blonde didn't understand how one book could create such a difference to the shop. However, he didn't question it, instead, he just bought it from her, thanking her and rushing out of the door discreetly and furtively, watching quietly to see if anybody had followed him.
Right now he was sitting behind his desk, pretending to be doing paperwork as he wrote in his new diary. He was supposed to be signing a contract of allegiance for the Cavelleno family, but he had delayed it on purpose, instead, opting to run out of the mansion, clad in a disguised coat and big sunglasses and buying the diary that was now resting on his desk. He could hardly be blamed for resorting to such extreme measures. If it wasn't for his guardians—especially G—he would still be inside the mansion and signing contract, agreements and doing whatever mafia bosses do behind the scenes.
I have decided to convert this into a journal full of tips so that aspiring mafia bosses could benefit from it.
It was a random noble thought that he just had in the spur of the moment. His life was hectic and full of craziness, enough to drive even the sanest person crazy. So, the blonde reasoned, to avoid that in the future, he could help other mafia bosses (mainly other future Vongola bosses) to abstain from such crazy mistakes.
"Hey, Giotto! Oi, what're you doing?" G, his childhood friend and right-hand man entered the room, sauntering slowly to his side. He grinned and stopped as he glimpsed a small blue book hiding between the arrays of contract sheets and raised an eyebrow, "what in the name of God is that Giotto?"
Giotto, with a quick mind, scrambled forward, suddenly jerking backward in his seat as he tried to hide all evidence of owning a diary. If G had found out, he would never live it down with his constant teasing. Giotto liked to maintain a straight image, it wouldn't fare well with the public if they found out a powerful mafia boss had a diary he wrote his 'mushy' feelings on.
"What is what G?" Giotto asked casually, having thrown away all evidence and trying his best to smile breezily.
It didn't work on G. Giotto knew that, but he had tried in vain anyway, his best friend could see right through him.
The red head scratched his head, "I saw a small blue book in between those sheets. Fess up Giotto, you can't hide anything from me if you tried. Besides, what is that sticking out of your chair? Are you sitting on it?"
In his haste, Giotto had forgotten that he had put the book behind the chair, thus resulting in him sitting on it. What he hadn't expected, however, was the fact that it was sticking out like a sore thumb, demanding to be seen. How could his own diary betray him? He had just written a little of himself on it and it was going to pay him back like this?
"Nothing G, I told you. You were just imagining it. I was in the midst of signing a contract," Giotto placed a placid smile on his face, picking up a random paper from the stack that was littering his desk, "see? Nothing special. Unless of course you want to help me sign these, I need the help."
"You really are an idiot sometimes Giotto," G said, face-palming as he walked towards Giotto's desk and squatted so that he could glimpse at the book, "and sometimes you think we're all idiots with you."
Giotto watched helplessly as G grabbed the book and pushed it forward so that he could get a better look. He had a small smile on his face as he opened the book and read the few lines that Giotto had written. He snorted, "A diary huh?"
"Well you had no right to read this, G. You may be my best friend, but there are certain boundaries that you just don't cross," Giotto admonished, with a last effort to maintain his dignity.
G shook his head, flipping the book back and forth and weighing it in his hand. He looked at Giotto and suddenly burst out laughing, "Really Giotto. Where'd you buy this from? And why would you—Pfft!—buy a damn diary?"
Giotto felt embarrassed and wasn't surprised to feel his cheeks heating, but he still managed to bristle, "It was your fault anyway!"
G stared at his friend, raising his eyebrows. Giotto stared back defiantly. It went like that for a while until G couldn't take it anymore and burst into another bout of laughter. He was clutching his stomach, waving the book in the air, "God Giotto! Why?"
Giotto started protesting, but at that convenient moment, his two guardians, Lampo and Asari entered. Lampo gazed lazily from one eye and observed the scene with a bored expression, whereas Asari, with a jolly face, wondered what had occurred in the room.
"What happened to G," he asked, pointing at the red-faced G who was still clutching his stomach. From afar, it seemed as though he was wincing in pain.
Red-faced with embarrassment, Giotto felt compelled to tell him. He knew he could trust Asari—Lampo was too lazy to start telling everybody about it—he took a deep breath before he said, "I bought a diary today."
Asari frowned in confusion, "A diary?" He repeated. His eyes fell on G who was had stopped laughing and was now sitting up straight.
"A diary." Giotto affirmed, glaring at G.
"Why would you need a diary for, boss?" Lampo asked, his voice laced with boredom.
Why did I buy the diary? Giotto thought, giving G a sideways look. Giotto remembered why he had bought it and what drove him to escape out of the mansion to buy the diary. He may have been a mafia boss—a powerful one at that—but he had realized at an early stage that certain things were best written down, in case somebody else would repeat the same mistakes. And indeed, for that sole reason, he resorted to buy that diary. Yesterday's event was merely a catalyst that drove him forward (He still felt uneasy whenever he remembered that.)
"The reason why I bought this diary is..." Giotto began dramatically, glancing at his three guardians, "because I realized that as a mafia boss, I make many mistakes that I would rather not like repeated."
"What?" Lampo asked, his two eyes opening with surprise. That was quite a feat for Lampo, who usually opened one eye out of laziness.
"What mistakes?" Asari asked, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "is this something we are not aware of?"
"Well you can't blame me for your mistakes, man," G snorted.
Giotto sighed as his guardians reacted typically to their personalities. He wasn't even finished yet. They could input their opinions as much as they liked after he had finished.
"As I was saying," Giotto continued, grabbing the diary that had fallen out of G's hand, "since we are a vigilant organization of mafias who are always under the watchful eye of rival mafia families, I realized at an early stage that to avoid any conflicts, I should write down every mistake that I have done under the name of Vongola and try to solve it by writing down my solutions. Future Vongola mafia bosses will benefit from it and so will I, for knowing my organization is in safe hands. It's a mutual thing."
The last part was just a thought he had at the last minute. Why shouldn't he write down his mistakes and help other people? Giotto was a role model to most mafia families and they copied most of the things he did. So it was, without a doubt, a valid reason for him to buy a diary.
"I don't understand?" Lampo said; a quizzical look on his face, "what does this have to do with a diary?"
"That is very noble of you, boss," Asari said with a small smile, "however, I don't understand why you have decided to buy it now. We have been going on for a couple of years now and it seems a bit out of place for you to buy it now. But then, if you really are thinking about your successors, I do not mind what you do with this diary."
"Thank you, Asari," Giotto smiled, running his hand through the smooth suede, "I have my future successor's best interest at heart."
"Jeez Giotto, if you had such a noble thought like that, you could have told me before I jumped to conclusions," G said, running his hand through his red hair.
"Well you laughed at me before I could start!" Giotto countered.
"That was because I found the idea of you owning a diary funny," G said, snatching the book from Giotto's hands and flicking through it again, "I didn't notice the writing on it. Your writing is scrawly and small."
"Besides, you didn't answer Asari's question. Why did you buy it now?"
Asari and Lampo gazed curiously at him, wondering the same thing. Giotto smiled breezily, picking up a random paper and signing it, ignoring the question—on purpose. He was too embarrassed to tell them the real truth. Yesterday he had lied to his guardians and if he told the truth today, it would cause much controversy. Especially with G.
G's hands were on his desk and suddenly the papers scattered all around the room, dropping to the ground. Giotto looked up sheepishly, knowing full well that he was guilty. He stood up and wondered how he was going to explain it.
"You're hiding something from us, aren't you Giotto?" G asked, smiling smugly, "I know that face. You look guilty about something."
"We're not forcing you to tell us if you don't want to," Asari demurred, smiling at him.
"Hell yes he does!" G retaliated, "I'm interested in why our boss decided to buy this diary."
Giotto knew he didn't have a way out of this. He did lie to them, he reasoned to himself, so they have a right to know.
"Well..." Giotto began, "yesterday I courted Fiore Camillo and..."
G' nodded, a bored look on his face "The Fiore Camillo? We already know that."
"You did say something about this," Asari said, thoughtful, "and who is Fiore Camillo?"
"Boss courted?" Lampo asked, his eyes widening in surprise, "I thought that he was prude or something, he never talked about girls."
"I'm not prude, Lampo!" Giotto protested, "I do like girls, but I don't have time to court or anything."
They all raised their eyebrows at that.
"Okay, let me explain please? I'll tell you the whole story about what happened yesterday and Fiore Camillo." Giotto pleaded, reclining back in his seat and heaving a sigh. He knew that this was going to be one long explanation. He'd better start now and clear the misunderstanding with his guardians. Giotto hated lying, and he especially hated lying to his guardians.
Asari nodded, Lampo shrugged and G gave him a sceptical look. Giotto smiled, and began.
"Yesterday after you entered my office G..."
"Agh! How many more papers do I have to sign, G?" Giotto asked, staring at the papers in front of him with something akin to horror.
This was the third time that a horde of papers had entered his office, all begging to be signed and read. Giotto just didn't have that amount of time in his hands and had requested some of his guardians to help. Of course Aluade refused (he had the CEDEF to handle), Daemon was too preoccupied with himself to care, Lampo had run away the moment the word 'help' was used, Asari had tried to help but realized that his potential didn't lie in signing papers and G...G was the one who kept getting the papers.
"As long as everything is finished, you can't complain boss," G said, bringing another stack, "you know that you have to finish most of them by the weekend or the contract will be nullified."
"But that's impossible!" Giotto cried, glaring at the papers, "I'm still human, you know."
"Well yes, but The Tortellini Family has especially requested that you finish it." G strode towards Giotto's desk and sighed, "they're known for their temper, so I don't think you should make a habit of angering them."
Giotto sighed and slunk into the papers, moaning, "How am I ever going to get out of this?"
He looked at the papers and grabbed his pen, before signing it with great speed. He would make the process quicker for himself.
"You know," G began, smiling slyly, "you could make it easier for yourself by courting The Tortellini boss's daughter, Fiore Camillo. I heard she was single and you need a bit of fun anyway."
"No G, I'm too busy for that," Giotto said absentmindedly, still signing.
"Come one, Giotto, you need a bit of fun to loosen up a little," G said, slapping Giotto on the back, "what harm will a little fun do?"
Giotto looked up from his papers, "You just told me that the Tortellini family is very hard to deal with and you expect me to court their daughter?"
"You wanted a break right?"
"Maybe, but not like this." Giotto answered, grabbing yet another paper and signing it with a flourish.
"I could have helped you while you were away having fun," G said, leaning against the desk, "but if you want to be cooped up in here…"
"What's the catch?" Giotto asked, a moment later, after contemplating about the issue.
G helped up his hands in surrender, "There's no catch. I just wanted to make the allegiance with the Tortellini family a lot easier for you."
Giotto smiled at his childhood friend, feeling grateful and happy for his considerate friend. He stopped mid-way, a panicking thought entering his mind. He looked at G with wide eyes.
"I don't know how to court girls, G! I never courted," he cried out in panic, "what if I mess up our allegiance by ruining it?"
"Relax, man. It's simple Giotto. Girls aren't that hard to understand, I mean is Elena hard to understand?"
"Elena is hard to understand," Giotto reminded. He remembered that Daemon's girlfriend had a tendency to become emotional over the slightest things; anything could drive her into frenzy. How Daemon coped was beyond his imagination.
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. But she's different; I'm talking about other girls." G said.
"She's still a girl."
G pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and sighed with exasperation, "We're talking about Fiore now. She has been recently rejected by her supposed fiancé a couple of weeks ago and she had become a little reclusive and reluctant to court other men. Her father wants that to change and I thought that you would be the perfect man to change her mind."
Giotto listened, his mouth gaping, "How do you know all that, G?"
G blushed a little, scratching his cheeks in embarrassment, "Oh, I did a little digging and I found out that you're the perfect man for Fiore."
Giotto narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "How long were you planning this?"
"Quite a while if I be honest. Today was the best opportunity to tell you about it."
"That's interesting, G, but I don't think I want to risk this," Giotto said, after a long moment of contemplation.
"Well, the thing is boss, I already told her about you and she wants to meet you. And today is the best opportunity."
"G!" Giotto whined, "why did you do this to me!"
But before he could reprimand him, G ran out of the room and shouted, "Dress up properly, she likes a man with class."
And suddenly he was gone, leaving Giotto open mouthed, staring at the papers cluttered up in his office and thinking that an afternoon of signing contracts was much better than going out and courting a girl—a girl who's father properly has anger issues and would not hesitate to destroy the Vongola if anything happened to his little girl. Giotto was now feeling more nervous than ever. How was he going to get out if this?
"Many men have told me that I'm beautiful, but that isn't really surprising is it? I am. What's the point of telling somebody something that they know? I mean, how would you react if somebody told you that you are the most powerful mafia family? It isn't a compliment is it, it's a fact right?" Fiore gabbled, twirling her long curly hair, she pouted and straightened the tight black dress she was wearing and unfolded her legs, "Gosh, did you know that daddy said that because of my beauty, many girls hate me? Why would they be jealous of something I'm gifted with?"
Giotto sat in the restaurant, trying his best to maintain a straight face as Fiore continued to babble about herself. In just the half an hour, Giotto had deduced—not surprisingly—that Fiore was the biggest narcissistic girl in the world. All she really talked about all through their main course was herself and just how many money daddy earns. He could now understand why the former man she had courted rejected her. Giotto was trying his best to be patient.
"Did you know what daddy did to the man who rejected me," she asked, blinking her brown doe eyes and smiling.
Giotto had heard. She had told him at the beginning—in a threatening voice—that the man she had first courted was disposed of in the most unimaginable way. She had said, with a straight face, that she didn't feel regret after her daddy dealt with him and she knew that Giotto wouldn't end up that way. According to her, he was too kind for that kind of action.
"Yes, Fiore, I know," Giotto said, forking through his spaghetti. How long did G expect him to endure this torture?
Her eyes flashed dangerously and she smiled, pouting "Well, yes, I still want to tell you again."
Giotto listened with mustered interest as Fiore retold the tale of the man who dared reject her. She had not once asked anything about Giotto and he wouldn't have been surprised if she only knew his name and family. Nothing else about him had been asked this evening, it was all about Fiore.
"Hey, you're rich aren't you, Gio?" She asked suddenly, cutting short into Giotto's thoughts.
She insisted on calling him 'Gio' because it was a cute pet name.
"Not exactly," he began tersely, "but you can say I'm well off."
"Oh wow! You must be really rich to maintain the Vongola! Daddy said that he looks up to you!" She squealed in delight, "imagine how much money we could have if we married?"
Giotto's cheeks flamed with embarrassment, "M-marriage?" he stuttered. This girl was speeding him up. This was the first time he became acquainted with a girl and she was already talking about marriage. He was in the midst of learning about the opposite sex now.
She nodded, eyes shining, "Yes, daddy said that I would have a good future if I married the Vongola boss."
Giotto looked at the girl in front him, "Well, I'm not ready to settle down yet, Fiore."
Fiore's nostril flared and she huffed in irritation, "Well you can still be my fiancé."
"I thank you for your kind offer, Fiore, however as I've told you before, I'm not looking into marriage currently," Giotto said, trying to maintain his professionalism. He was mentally killing G over and over again in his mind for putting him in this situation. This girl was worse than Elena (and that was saying something.)
Fiore froze, as though he had slapped her, "Are you rejecting me?" she wailed, standing up.
"N-no-o I mean y-yes, I mean I don-n't know Fiore!" Giotto backtracked, staring at the girl who was now threateningly glaring at him with contempt.
"You are rejecting me aren't you? Am I not beautiful enough? Do I have a blemish that makes me look hideous? Am I that undesirable to men?" She cried, touching her face and sobbing dramatically, "or is it because you really don't have enough money to support our wedding?"
"I know! You're just shy aren't you, Gio! Oh, don't be ashamed of me, I'm your fiancée now!" She stopped crying and wiped away her tears and smiled brightly, all sunshine, forgetting about her previous dilemma.
"I'm not ready for a relationship, Fiore!" Giotto cried out in sudden frustration, "I'm not that kind of man."
Fiore froze, her lips trembling, "So you hate me, is that it? Because I'm too pretty for you, too good to be true and you're just stingy because you don't want to share your money!"
"Pardon?" The girl was the epitome of crazy. She wasn't making sense anymore and she was making Giotto feel really uneasy. G certainly hadn't done his homework properly with this girl.
"You know, I won't allow it this time! You can't just reject me like that Giotto! I thought you were better than that jerk!"
"You're really nice Fiore, and I'm happy to have acquainted with you today and I had a really nice day, however I'm not interested in pursuing any further than this." Giotto said, in the most calming and soothing voice.
Suddenly, without warning, Fiore burst out crying, wailing loudly and attracting the attention of the other people who were inside the restaurant. Giotto watched with embarrassment as a waiter rushed to her aid. The people in the restaurant were giving him weird looks and were staring at him as though he was the perpetrator of this scenario—according to them, Fiore was a victim.
"You won't get away with this Giotto! I swear I'll tell daddy what you did to me and he'll deal with you! Our allegiance contract is officially broken!" She hissed through tear-stained eyes, sobbing.
Giotto knew she meant it and wondered how things would have been had he heeded G's advice in not pissing of a Tortellini member. How would the boss react if he found out Giotto had broken his darling's heart? It was not a pleasant thought and Giotto did not want to indulge in it further. He had better escaped now before the crowd dispersed and he was the only one standing, left with Fiore, alone in the restaurant.
Giotto wasn't a coward, but he knew when he wasn't needed and now was it. Quickly he scrambled out of his chair and ran out of the restaurant, Fiore's threat hanging in the air. It was at that moment he decided that to keep track of big mistakes like this, he would definitely need a diary. And also, this would be the last time Giotto courted a girl from a mafia family—they were dangerous and he had to stay away from them.
The occupants of the room listened raptly as Giotto finished his tale. It had brought back unpleasant memories for Giotto and he remembered the threat that was issued—he was still waiting for Fiore's bulky father to enter the room and try to 'dispose' of him.
"Man! Why didn't you tell me that happened?" G asked, laughing as Giotto sulked sullenly, "and here I thought you had a great time! You said that it went all well."
"I was afraid of the consequences it would bring," Giotto said, "besides, you didn't warn about her narcissism and the fact that she is a gold-digger!"
"That seemed like an interesting day," Asari said, chuckling amusedly, "but the threat of the Tortellini family still hangs in the air."
"I'm still getting over the fact that boss courted a girl," Lampo said, pointing a finger at Giotto.
They sat in silence for awhile as they digested the information Giotto had just given.
"What will happen to us?" Lampo asked, after a moment of silence.
"Nothing. Or at least I hope so," Giotto answered, "I hope that the threat was just a threat. Nothing serious."
"We get rid of them and dispose of every Tortellini member," a voice said, interrupting them.
Giotto whipped around, shocked to see Alaude standing there at the edge of the door, his arms folded.
"Hnh, are you that weak that you can't handle a family?" He replied in turn.
"We mustn't resort to violence, unless it's absolutely a must," Asari said, smiling at Alaude.
"Where'd you come from anyway?" G asked, staring at him.
"I was here for a long time." Alaude answered curtly, "and I heard everything."
Giotto smiled uneasily. It was typical of Alaude to walk in stealthily in a room and eavesdrop. He wondered how much he heard. Did he know that he possessed a diary now?
"So you know that Giotto bought a diary?" G asked, winking conspirationaly at Giotto.
"Hnh, a clever idea to keep track of mistakes," Alaude answered simply.
"I thought so too," Asari said, beaming, "now it is much easier for boss not to repeat his mistakes. And it will help other future Vongola successors."
"If there any more successors!" Lampo cried out, clutching his green curls, "we still have the Tortellini threat because of boss!"
"Leave them to me," Alaude said, grabbing the handcuffs that were dangling from his trousers. G grinned and clenched his fists.
Giotto shook his head, "No guys, we won't deal this with violence."
"You got an idea then, boss?" G asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes. No. But I will have soon if you let me think. We'll deal with this normally, without any violence." Giotto said, grabbing the diary and pen from his desk, before writing:
The first tip that I can give is that people should stay away from courting narcissist girls who gold-dig mafia bosses for their money. Abstain from them and do not go near them! Especially if their father has a tendency to dispose of the people who break their girl's heart.
Now, that was great, he thought with a smile. He hoped that future mafia bosses would read this and heed the advice written on it. It was the words of wisdom from Giotto.
P. : Since Giotto's time is approximately 400 years into the past, I thought that they would use old-fashioned lingual such as 'courting' instead of 'dating'. It sounded quite cute on Giotto, if I must say so myself ;). I like the idea of him giving advice to mafia bosses and mafia wannabes by writing tips on his diary. Anyway I wanted to write the nightmare date for ages and viola! Fiore came to mind…what a brat!
I wonder how Tsuna will react if he ever read this? ;)
So next tip (I mean chapter) will be: Avoiding Mafia wars at all cost. (Updating schedule may be sporadic due to other story updates like Seven Rainbow Realm Academy and Military or Mafia Roulette.)
Review please! I wanna know if this story idea is nice. :) Ciao and peace out! (Y)