Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in the fanfic.
Warnings: Some language and sexual references. Nothing too bad though. ^_^
I know, I know...
Readers: Why aren't you working on chapter 11 of Black and Scarlet Oblivion?
Me: Please forgive me Masters'! I had a dream and I had to write it down.
Readers: Insolence! Hang Her!
Me: NO! Masters' please, give me one more chance!
Readers: Fine…but if it takes you forever to update on BSO, then it shall be the gallows for you!
Me: Thank you Masters'! You are so kind to me, I won't let you down! (grovel, grovel)
Yep…pretty much. Anyways, this is just a fun little one shot that I felt the need to write. So I hope you like it. This actually started when I received an email, with an abbreviation that I didn't understand, and when I looked it up, what Google said the meaning was, didn't make any sense with what the person was saying…so, that night, I had a dream about L and Light arguing over fanfiction lingo, and it was really funny, so I thought hey why not? So here ya go, have fun!
Where's The Frosting?
Saturdays in general, were very boring for Light Yagami. Due to the fact that he was handcuffed to the world's greatest detective/hermit, he was forced to stay inside the Task Force Headquarters, staring at a computer screen instead of enjoying the beautiful warm sunny day outside; which he considered flat out ridiculous, considering they hadn't found any new evidence on the Kira Case. He turned his head to glare at the detective who was currently eating a piece of strawberry cake. His nimble fingers kept the fork precariously grasped between his thumb and index finger at all times.
Another reason Light was aggravated was that it was everyone else's day off. Even his own father had gone home…but no, not him. He just happened to be chained to a man who never took a day off. He knew it would be completely pointless to ask him if they could take a break, he would just reply in that damned melancholy voice of this that, "No, Light, we couldn't possibly take a break…after all, crime never rests."...yeah, that's exactly what he would say. So to pass the time, he decided to randomly Google whatever happened to come to his mind. That way he would at least appear busy. He decided to Google his way through the alphabet. A, B, C, D, E; when he got to F, something finally caught his interest…something that really didn't make any sense. He was an intelligent man, but even he didn't fully understand how to decode this chaotic bundling of letters.
He was concentrating on the puzzle so hard, he didn't even notice that L had rolled his chair over closer to look at whatever had captured Light's attention so fully. Maybe he had found something pertaining to the Kira Case. His large dark eyes studied the material on Light's computer screen, becoming confused as he read the first couple of paragraphs.
"Light…what are you looking at?" Light jumped as he heard L's voice right by his ear. He panted as he tried to restart his heart.
"God, Ryuzaki, don't do that to me." Light composed himself, running a hand through his hair.
"I was simply finding something to pass the time with." He answered honestly. L crouched closer as he continued to gaze at the illuminated screen before him.
"But…what are you looking at?" He repeated.
"I'm not entirely sure. I was trying to figure that out before you interrupted me." Light stared at the screen with L again.
"…It appears to be some sort of story written for entertainment purposes only." L observed. Light gave him an exasperated look as he rolled his eyes.
"I got that much myself Sherlock, but, what do these strange letters here mean?" Light asked. At the top of the page by the summary were the letters, Yaoi, inucest, OOC, and AU. He noticed L's thumb had found its way into the detective's mouth, as he thought about it.
"I think that one," he pointed to the word inucest, "is a simple typo. I think the author meant to write incest, but accidentally put a u in there." He commented.
"Incest being the act, of sexual relations between people classed as being too closely related to marry each other. To put simply, the crime of having sexual intercourse with a parent, child, sibling, or grandchild." He continued
"Thank you Dex the Dictionary. I know what incest is." Light didn't bother to hide the sarcasm in his voice. L didn't look up at Light, but took another bit of his cake.
"Dex is a phonebook…not a dictionary." L corrected calmly.
"-_-!" Light fought off the urge to strangle the insomniac beside him, with a few deep breaths; silently counting to ten in his head. Instead of throttling L, he asked.
"What about this one?" He pointed to the term Yaoi. L tried sounding it out.
"Yaaaauuuuweeeeee, yauweeeeeeee, yaaaaaaaauuuuuwe, Yau We? I think its pronounced Yauwe." L pointed out.
"That's great…but what does it mean?" Light smirked. L looked at Light for a second. He then unexpectedly grabbed Light by the cheeks, and pulled his face over to his. Planting a big kiss against Light's lips. He released a wide mouthed, wide eyed, shocked expression that quickly turned to disbelief.
"What the hell was that?" Light gasped.
"I believe that is what's called a kiss Light." L answered, completely at ease, and professional.
"I know what it was; I meant what was it for?" He ranted, waving his fists in the air for emphasis.
"Light should really be more specific when he asks questions. I was actually answering your previous question. You asked what yaoi meant, and I merely demonstrated rather than explained. I believe that Yaoi means that in the story, there are gay relationships involving two men." L explained. Light's cheeks burned with embarrassment.
"Well, next time, a verbal explanation will be more than enough." He huffed.
"What is AU supposed to mean?" They both puzzled over it for a moment.
"…Agonizing Underwear?" L tried.
"I doubt that." Light laughed. L tried again.
"Aquatic Urchin…or Artificial Udder?" Light laughed again, but shook his head.
"Amputated Unik?" He was running out of ideas.
"Aroused Urgency?" Light stopped L before he could go any further.
"Let's just go with Aquatic Urchin." He suggested. L shrugged his shoulders.
"What about OOC?" L asked.
"It could be a verb signifying fear." Light guessed. He looked over at the detective, with a bored expression. As soon as L turned to meet his stare, Light's eyes went wide, he threw his hands up in the air and cried out a frightened "OOC!" and fell off his chair to land in a heap on the floor.
L looked down at Light, unimpressed with the theatrics.
"Haha, was that your attempt at humor?" he droned. Light got back up, and returned to his chair with a smirk on his face.
"I found it amusing." He laughed. L resisted rolling his eyes at his favorite suspect.
"In any case, the idea of it pertaining to fear would not make sense with the plot, as it appears to be a love story." He deduced.
"I don't know about that." Light disagreed.
"Love can be quite frightening…it's enough to make any self-respecting man run for the hills." He continued. L thought about his answer.
"Still, I do not think that is what OOC means." L picked a strawberry off the top of his cake, and plopped it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
"Well, what do you think it means?" Light challenged.
"I believe like AU it is an abbreviation for something. Something like…Our Oysters Cracked." Light's eyebrow twitched.
"Our Oysters Cracked? What do Oysters cracking have to do with a love story?"
"It could be a metaphor for something along the lines of, 'my water broke'…" L amended.
"Oh yes, because that makes total sense with the fact that they are both men. Sorry L, but I don't see anything in here about a male birthing scene." Light sighed.
"Yes, you're right, there would have to be a warning of Mpreg at the top for that." L nodded. Light raised one of his eyebrows as he looked suspiciously over at the crouched detective.
"What?" L squirmed uneasily under Light's stare. Light narrowed his eyes marginally before replying.
"…Nothing…nothing at all."
"So, how about this? Considering the fact that this is supposed to be a love story, and supposing that the characters are going to be participating in sexual situations…I think that those three letters stand for, Out Of Condoms." L stated proudly. Light blinked a few times, but decided that that was as close as they were probably going to get; so he nodded in agreement.
L's keen gaze quickly skimmed through the contents of the story, finding two more questionable abbreviations.
"PWP? Any guesses as to what that stands for Light?" Light blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
"Penguins With Poka-Dots." Light announced. L looked at him for a moment, then turned back to the computer, then turned once again to face Light.
"…..Is that your final answer?" He asked.
"Yes!...wait…No, no, definitely no." Light corrected himself laughing.
"Wait, wait, wait. I got one! Yes sir, this one's the real deal L, I've got a feeling. What about Pleasure Without Pain?" L thought about it, then gave Light a rare little smile.
"I'm impressed Light, very good. You get the hundred dollar prize." Light grinned, and laughed.
"Alright, and for the final round. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. One of these lucky contestants will be going home with the one million dollar prize, if they manage to answer this final question correctly." Light proclaimed in an announcer's voice.
"Contestant number 1, what does…WTF stand for?" Light continued. L thought seriously about it for a moment.
"Why that's an easy one Light, WTF obviously stands for, Where's The Frosting."
"I object you're honor! WTF clearly stands for Wizards Tan First." Light exclaimed to no one in particular.
"Light, wizards don't have anything to do with this story…they're not even at a beach." L argued.
"They're not in a bakery either. Where exactly do you see anything about frosting in this story?" Light asked impatiently.
"I don't, that's why I'm asking where it is." L argued. Light slapped his hand over his face in exasperation.
Suddenly, the door opened, and both L and Light were quite shocked to see their fellow task force member Matsuda walk in talking animatedly on his cell phone.
"What The Fuck? This isn't some Porn Without Plot, this is hardcore Yaoi! Make sure that those two Inu dog demon brothers don't commit inucest before I get there! Gee Whiz I feel like I'm Out Of Character in an Alternate Universe!"
^_^ The End ^_^
That is my first official one shot! I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. I certainly had fun writing it. For those of you who are reading my other story Black and Scarlet Oblivion, have no fear, I actually have a fair bit of chapter 11 done already. I wouldn't have started this story if I hadn't. So…that should be up soon I hope. So yeah, R&R if you feel like it. Thanks!
Oh, one last thing...how do you spell Poka-Dots? I've tried every variation i could come up with, and stupid microsoft world kept telling me i was wrong. :( HOW DO YOU SPELL IT? HELP ME! or it will haunt me for the rest of my days. O_o
Pst! Hey you…ya you…just so you know, R&R means Read and Review!