I don't own anything. Hope you enjoy the story(:
The smoke forms a cloud of haze around him as he pulls the joint to his mouth, inhaling heavily. The familiar fuzzy feeling overtakes his mind as he lets out the breath once more, adding more smoke to the room. The party music booms around him while he leans his head against the headboard, allowing his mind to wander in a thousand different places. His eyes droop down, and a smirk forms on his lips when he thinks of something that's funny. Once again he breathes in from the rolled paper, and he almost feels all cares in the world disappearing. As he puffs out the smoke, a soft knock is heard from the door but the man just ignores it, knowing it's locked and the party goer will leave when no one answers. But when he doesn't answer, another knock follows, and two more after that.
Grumbling he rolls off the bed, setting down his joint and walking towards the door. Switching the lock, he pulls the door open, frustrated, revealing a tiny brunette before him. His eyelids pull up from their drooped state to rove over her body, and he stares at her ass when she pushes past him and climbs onto the bed without saying anything. Neither of them speak and he just stares at her until she reaches to the bedside table picking up the joint. He watches her pull it to her mouth, and as her lips curl over the tip, inhaling deeply. She holds the breath as long as she can then exhales heavily.
"You know, you shouldn't be doing that." He says as he walks over to the bed, sitting down next to her he plucks the drugs from her fingers. She stares at him as he follows his habits, and smokes the drugs slowly. However, when he finishes she mimics him, and pulls the joint from his grasp. A smile plays on her lips as she says,
"And neither should you." Then she brings the drugs back towards her mouth. It goes like that back and forth until they reach the end, and they crush it out then bask in the calmness over both of them. After a while the haze fades, and she turns to get off the bed. Just as she reaches the door, she turns toward him and asks,
"Can I ask who you are?"
"Finn Hudson." He says and she nods opening the door, leaving without giving him a name to remember.
A blast of air conditioning hits him when he walks into the library, the stacks of books towering over him. Students are scattered around, researching or studying for tests. Ignoring the tables and books, Finn blows past all of the aisles, and turns down the last one. Quickly he reaches the end and opens the hidden door, climbing over the gate and making his ways up the flight of stairs.
When he pushes the door open, light shields him till his eyes adjust and then he looks around the roof to make sure no one's there. After he knows the coast is clear, he goes to his normal wall and slides down to a comfortable position with his legs sprawled in front of him. Reaching into his pocket, he finds the rolled paper and lighter. Bringing it to his lips, he flicks the lighter and watches the tip darker, and he puffs a few times before breathing in. The wonderful feeling rushes over him, and all is right in the world again.
Until he hears the door on the other side of the roof start to jiggle. Quickly he stuffs the joint in his pocket and waves a hand through the air. When he looks back at the door, he sees it swing open, revealing the tiny brunette grinning and walking towards him. A sigh of relief escapes his lips, and he pulls the joint back out from his pocket. He's kind of shocked to see her, but isn't surprised when she plops down next to him and takes the drugs from his hold. Like the last time she takes in the drugs, then hands it to him as she breathes out. After a couple of passes, she begins to start conversation with Finn.
"You know you aren't very good at being secretive on school grounds." She says before taking another hit.
"Haven't been caught yet." He responds, and then silence over takes them again while they pass the joint back and forth.
"I lied about this being a bad hiding space." She says once they're finished, and sitting back relaxing. All Finn does is nod, looking her up and down without hiding it. "I actually followed you up here after I saw you walk into the library." She adds. Once again, Finn just shakes his head and then turns to look around the roof.
"You know you never gave me a name." Finn finally says after letting the girl talk to herself for a while. This time she nods and grins toward him but doesn't say anything. When she turns her head, beginning to stare at the concrete, Finn really takes in her appearance. His eyes are drawn to her lips and he can't take them off. So when she flicks her head back to look at him, he leans over and places his lips onto hers. They both kind of sit there for a moment, until each reacts and starts to get into the kiss. Their mouths mold around each other, fighting for dominance. After a while he feels Rachel's tongue try to get access into his mouth, and he willingly let's her. Once the need for air becomes prominent both pull back and look at the other. Neither says anything, just leans back onto the wall and the silence falls over them once again. Suddenly, she looks at her wrist watch, and pushes herself off the ground. Once she's on her feet, she rotates around to him, with the hint of a smile.
"It was nice seeing you again Finn Hudson." She says, then abruptly turns and walks to the door. Just as she's about to open it she looks back and says, "The names Rachel Berry." and with that she's gone. The one thing that crosses Finn's mind is how her name suits her, because her lips tasted like berries, with a hint of weed.
It's unspoken about, but this thing becomes a regularity. Every Tuesday and Thursday he goes to his spot over the library, and soon after she joins him. They don't talk much, just whisper a few words. However, that doesn't stop either of them from attaching their lips to each other. When they're done smoking they will sit for a while, then one will turn to the other and next thing they know they're making out. Sometimes Rachel will crawl over and just straddle his lap, while he places his hands on her hips. She will grin and toy with the hair on his neck before she will lean forward and furiously attack his mouth. Finn's favorite though, is when in the middle of smoking she will take a big hit then turn towards him, and brings their mouths together, releasing all her smoke into his lungs. It's probably one of the coolest feelings he's ever felt. Neither of them talk about what they're doing, or asks questions, it just becomes a pattern. And every single time Rachel leaves, she smiles and says, "Goodbye Finn Hudson," Then lets him bask in Berries and weed.
They break the rules about two months into the routine they have. He doesn't really know when they established rules, but over the course of the time they built guidelines for their system.
It's a Wednesday and he actually goes to the library to find a book he needs. Just as he's about to leave, he spots Rachel sitting in a corner, staring at him intently. Finn doesn't really know what to say, because they've never seen each other in the real world other than the first night at the party. It crosses his mind that he probably shouldn't walk over to her, but he does anyway because she's looking at him like she wants something. When he takes a seat beside her, both of them remain silent and he thinks he must have misjudged her look. As he starts to stand up to leave, she places a hand on his thigh and looks at him.
"Do you have any on you?" She asks quietly, checking to make sure no one's listening. Finn shakes his head no, and watches her face fall in disappointment.
"But there's some at my apartment." He adds lightly with a shrug, seeing her ponder at his words. Suddenly, Rachel grasps his hand and pulls him out the door stating for him to simply lead the way.
They're awkward at first, realizing that they really know nothing about one another. When they arrive, he jiggles the key into the lock and twists his door open to reveal his messy apartment. Rachel rakes her eyes over the whole thing but says nothing while she follows Finn to his room. She's surprised to see how clean it is when he opens his door. Immediately she walks to his bed and takes a seat. Watching Finn, he rummages though his closet, and then pulls out a brown shoebox. He takes the lid off, showing her his collection of drugs. Finn ruffles through the bags, and finally finds what he's looking for. Rachel can't take her eyes off him when he rolls the joints, and licks the paper shut. When he finishes, he lights two and hands one to her, taking the other in his mouth. Joining her on the bed, they each smoke their own blunt this time, but it still doesn't stop her from leaning over and exhaling some of her smoke into him. Both finish at the same time, and quietly sit until Rachel crawls on top of Finn and starts kissing every inch of his face. All he does is sit there, letting her kiss his whole body, while his hands roam over her curves and he rubs the bare patch of skin between her shirt and skirt.
Eventually they're rolling around his bed, tangled in each other's limbs. Once they've settled down, Rachel doesn't immediately leave. She leans into Finn's chest and wraps her arms around his stomach, while he drapes one arm around her shoulder. They lay saying nothing, and when she looks up at Finn all he does is lean down and place a peck on her lips.
"This cuddling is a very intimate thing." She says and Finn like normal doesn't add anything but a nod. As usual she doesn't care, only says another thing. "You know I have a boyfriend." Unlike expected though, Finn doesn't abruptly stop and stare at her, but continues to intently look at the ceiling. It kind of annoys Rachel that he doesn't acknowledge what she said. Until he speaks up,
"Well I have a girlfriend." Surprising herself, Rachel isn't suddenly repelled either, she just buries herself deeper into his chest and slowly they drift off to sleep.
To neither of their surprise, this new arrangement becomes the usual. Tuesdays and Thursdays remain on top of the library. Except on every other day, Finn walks into the corner he found Rachel last time, and checks to see if she's waiting for him. When she is, they clasp hands and go back to his apartment to smoke, eventually ending up cuddling and getting lost in each other's bodies.
They never talk about their significant others, or their habits. But the more they do hang out, it becomes prominent how much they know about each other. Once when they were busy doing their "activities" and Rachel got the munchies, he knew she would want cheese puffs and Oreos before she even said it. And when they were eating dinner after a long make out, she wasn't surprised to see a mohawked man walk into the kitchen. He was completely shocked to see a new girl, but she just grinned adding a hello Puck. Getting up to leave she places a quick peck onto Finn's lips, then walks out of the apartment door with nothing else. As the time goes by, they develop a system involving no talk. He can read her, and she can read him. They don't speak, just feel.
It amazes Finn that they never run into each other outside of their canoodling. She's always at the library, but he never sees her anywhere else. Three months into their coverts is the first time they run into each other, and it ends way different than expected.
He'd never really been one for parties. Usually when his friends threw them, he locked himself in his room and had a good long smoke. But every once in a while, his friends convinced him to get out and he always enjoyed himself. This particular Friday, they'd heard about this one just off campus at some rich son's loft. Apparently, the home was outrageous and the alcohol never seemed to run out so he agreed.
When they arrive, the source was true to their word, cause the loft is beautiful and a drink is immediately thrust into his hand. Willingly he takes it, and chugs it before getting another, and wandering around the house.
Two hours later, after some awkward dancing and a fierce game of beer pong, he finds himself sitting on a random couch. He has his arm draped around a familiar blonde, bobbing his head to the beat, ignoring all the drunk angry things the blonde is saying to him. Like always, he doesn't say much, just smiles and nods. It seems like he's been sitting there forever when he spies legs he knows too well walk into the room. Stellar heels make them look miles long, and his eyes glide over them and the tight black number she's wearing, before their eyes connect. She grins and starts to walk over when Finn notices the man connected to her hand. His curly hair makes Finn a little angry, but he ignores it and smiles back to Rachel as she makes her way towards them.
"Finn I didn't know you'd be here!" She shouts a little too loudly, revealing her buzz. In such a Finn way, he bears his teeth towards her and shakes his head. Then suddenly, she's yanking the man next to her forward, forcing him to shake hands with Finn.
"How rude of me!" She exclaims, "Finn this is my boyfriend Jesse, Jesse this is my good friend Finn Hudson." Jesse just folds his arms, and waves his hand towards Finn, showing off his cockiness. Finn only ignores it and pulls the girl by him closer into his side. She's staring at Finn expectantly and he starts to speak quickly,
"Oh sorry, umm Rach this is my girlfriend Quinn, Quinn this is my friend Rachel Berry." Quinn's nose wrinkles in disgust and she doesn't say anything to Rachel. However, Rachel just ignores it and sends a shit-eating grin towards Quinn, making her even more angry.
"So." Quinn starts icily, "How do you two know each other?" Both look at the other questioningly until Rachel nods and says,
"We met at a party once, and he's a regular at my coffee shop." Finn looks down at Quinn as she ponders, and sighs when she buys the story. Just as quickly as they got there, Rachel takes the mute boyfriend's hand simply adding a polite,
"It was nice meeting you Quinn, and I'll see you around Finn." Then the duo makes their way across the room and sits closely on a neighboring couch.
People file in and out of the room, and the couples strike up conversations but stay in the same spots. The crowds come and go, and time passes as they watch people get more and more drunk. When one guy stumbles into the room, and spills his beer right next to Quinn's feet both Finn and Rachel's eyes meet and each of them chuckles to themselves.
As Finn ends a conversation with some musician in a struggling band, Rachel eyes him whispering in his girlfriend's ear. She sees Quinn look at him accusingly but he rubs her shoulders and assures her of something then gets up to leave, sending an almost unnoticeable glance towards Rachel right before he turns the corner. Somehow, she reads his mind, and waits for a song to pass before she kisses Jesse's nose and then says she'll be right back.
It takes her three tries to find the room, but when she pulls the door open and a thick wall of smoke hits her she knows she's found the right one. Walking across the room, she smiles at Finn and he grins back. Rachel crawls over to him on the bed and lays her head across his lap, reaching up to take the joint from him. He gives it to her and toys with her hair while she smokes. Every so often he will lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead, her nose, her mouth. She just grins up at him, and exhales the smoke out into the room. While they finish, Rachel starts to stare up at him then says,
"So your girlfriend doesn't know about you smoking?" Finn looks down at her surprised, and then says.
"She knows I do it, but doesn't know it's to the extent it is." In response Rachel, starts playing with the hem of his shirt, and feels the abs hidden underneath it.
"What about you? Does Jesse know about your habits?" She shakes her head and closes her eyes when she feels him run a finger over her ribcage, right under her chest.
Then all the talking is finished when he leans down to her and ferociously starts to kiss her. Rachel sits up quickly and straddles Finn on the bed. While they explore each other's bodies, Finn rolls them over so he's on top and dominating. Their tongues collide in fury, fighting and needing more of each other. The moans that come out of Rachel make Finn grin and she smirks into a kiss when she grinds her hips into his, feeling his bulge and hearing the guttural noise he makes. His hands travel up her sides, but to his surprise, she doesn't stop him when his hands cover her boobs.
All she does is arch her back, showing him how she wants more. None of their make outs had every progressed farther than this, but he takes the sounds she's making as for him to keep going. So, he slides his hands under her shirt, and massages her boobs. Under him Rachel's hands grab the sheets, and she balls them into fists as Finn goes to work on her chest. Needing more she pushes him away and yanks off the shirt she has on, tossing it on the floor around them. Finn can't help but gawk at her lacy bra, and he's left speechless when she reaches behind her to unclasp her bra and throws it to join her shirt on the ground.
Suddenly, he can't help but place wet open mouth kisses all over her body, when he finally makes it to her boobs. Rachel screeches out when he takes her nipple in his mouth, and swirls his tongue around it. Trying to muffle her sounds, he places a searing kiss on her lips, and then goes to town on the other breast. When he starts to travel his lips down her stomach, Rachel gains thoughts other than mush and realizes Finn has way too many clothes on. Quickly she stops him and tugs at his shirt. Understanding he grabs the shirt and it ends in a ball in the corner. Grinning at him, Rachel runs her hands all over his body, especially taking time to feel the package under his jeans. This time Rachel tries to stifle his noises with a kiss and he slowly regains himself.
Once he's calmed down, Finn begins to work his hands up Rachel's thighs, until he reaches her core. Honestly, he almost loses it when he feels how wet her lace panties are. Groaning in approval, Rachel lifts her hips when he hooks his fingers in the underwear, and removes them from her body. They follow quickly with her skirt and it stops everything Finn's doing when he sees her full naked body in front of him. To his surprise, she turns slightly pink under his gaze, but it's gone when he places heated kisses up her legs, then dips his tongue into her core. The noises she makes are the greatest things he's ever heard, but just as she almost reaches her breaking point he stops and she groans in anger. However, she quits when she watches him undoing his belt.
Immediately she assists him at the task, and they pull down his jeans together. When he's only in his boxers, Rachel licks her lips at how big he seems, but gasps when she reaches her hand under the elastic and takes his erection in her hands. She hears Finn take in a huge breath, and looks to see Finn clenching his eyes closed. Taking it as a sign of approval, she removes the last offending article and allows Finn's boner to spring free. Once his parts are in full view, it's even better than expected and she feels her heat grow hotter and dripping. Grinning up at Finn she slides down the bed, then surprises him when her tongue swirls around his length. He clenches his stomach muscles, and thinks of the mailman while her mouth does magical things to him. It takes all his willpower in the world not to cum when he feels himself hit the back of her throat. After Rachel realizes he doesn't want to release anytime soon she leans back to stare at him. Out of nowhere, Finn pulls her towards him, and plunges his fingers inside of her. Rachel makes a noise she's never released before, and when Finn slides his fingers in a second time she quickly yanks them out again without any breathe saying,
"I need you inside of me." With that, Finn lines himself up to her center, then plunges himself into Rachel. She lets out loud moans of encouragement and he quickly begins to pump in and out of her. The bed shakes under them as they pound into each other more and more, and when they move to a new position Rachel releases a sound that makes Finn know he's hit the right spot. Her walls begin to flutter around him, and when she tells him she's close he places a hand between them and thumbs at her nub. Two more thrusts is all it takes, and then her walls are clenching around him, causing his face turn into an o while he spills into her.
When he feels himself grow soft, Finn pulls out and they both lie saying nothing. That is until Rachel gets up and begins putting her clothes back on. Taking it as an initiative, Finn follows suit and they toss each other their articles of clothing. Once both are fully dressed they examine to make sure their appearances are okay, and dispose of the illegal drugs. They stop together at the door, and Rachel stands on her tiptoes to give him another kiss. As she pulls back she looks into his eyes and says,
"I'll see you Monday Finn Hudson." Then goes out the door, back to her party and boyfriend as if nothing happened. A couple minutes later, Finn follows behind and finds Quinn sitting on the couch completely oblivious. He greets her with a kiss, but to his disappointment, this one doesn't taste like berries and weed.
Just like every time before, this new thing becomes a routine. Instead of making out on the roof, nine times out of ten it ends with him inside her. When she joins him at his apartment, they smoke then enjoy multiple rounds of sex. Afterwards the two always share a meal, and she leaves later with a quick peck. Whenever his roommate walks out to see them, he doesn't stare. Just grins and greets Rachel with a hello. It just becomes another part of their routine. Neither face what they're doing head on, and like Rachel says every time he slides into her. Don't talk just feel.
One particular day, while both of them lay in each other's arm in post climatic bliss, Finn starts to stare at Rachel then asks,
"Why do you do it?" She tilts her head up at him, with questioning eyes.
"Why do I do what?"
"Smoke pot. I mean no offense but you hardly seem like the type." He watches as her eyes soften, and doesn't miss the quick way they glaze over in memories. But then she just looks up at him and says,
"I guess you could say daddy problems." Finn nods and doesn't push any further. Except then Rachel looks up at him like he should explain himself.
"Well the story starts with a girl." Is his only response, and Rachel doesn't yell at him for his vague answer. Both of them don't really want to know what damaged the other so much that they crave the feeling of no cares in the world. All they know is it feels good, and so do their bodies in one another.
It seems like their information slowly starts to pour out onto each other. Each conversation paints a picture of the other's past and they begin to form a connection in their relationship. Both of them ignore the nagging feeling in the back of their minds telling them it's hazardous. A specific conversation they have sticks out perfectly.
Finn leans his head up against his headboard, with a sweat-plastered forehead while Rachel licks the remnants of cum off his penis. When she sits up to kiss him, he tastes himself and ignores the extra beat in his heart. She laces her arm around his side, and he drapes his around her shoulder, pulling her further into him. They each just bask in the moment of bliss, then Rachel pipes out,
"I really am screwed up from Daddy problems." His heart clenches when he sees her get that glazed over look in her eyes, and he soothingly rubs her side. Once she gets back to reality, she turns to Finn and stares before starting, "I was never actually this bad until I met you. You just provided the permanent escape that I needed." Finns face falls in shame but she strokes his face lovingly and keeps going,
"I was 15 when I got the call. Still to this day, I remember the sentence I was writing in chemistry when I was told to go to the principal's office because it's urgent. And I will never be able to erase the image of Mr. Watkins face when he softly said there's been an accident." Finn tightens his grip on her shoulders while she struggles to press on, "At first I didn't really understand, or at least I didn't want to understand. My fear turned to anger when he said it was my daddy's car. But then I completely broke down, and when he said I needed to go meet my dad at the hospital to say my final goodbye. I sprinted out of that office without hearing one more thing and collapsed on the ground in a mess. Everything else for the next two months was a blur, but eventually my life wasn't completely over. I was never the true Rachel Berry after that."
Finns mind goes in circles as he grasps then story, and sees why this girl does what she does. To his surprise she keeps going,
"I thought we both started to be alright me and my dad, I mean once I got accepted into NYU my old self started to come back. With my leaps, I didn't think to watch him. The first day I met you was exactly one year after I found him and the note that explained it all. The scribble talked about how he couldn't go on without my dad, and just know that he loved me so much and never wanted to hurt me. He just couldn't bear the pain of being without his soul mate and had to join him again. So he tied to rope around his neck and jumped. I don't think I will ever understand how he could just abandon me like that. Be so selfish and leave me with no parents, while he finally gets to feel his release. That's when I quit school." She watches Finn look at her in confusion. "That's why I'm never actually doing anything in the library when you see me." He nods but she keeps going.
"So many times I contemplated joining them. After all, I didn't have any immediate family to hurt. No parents to mourn over my suicide. I had it all planned for the night I met you. But then I found your room and you provided me the release I needed." Rachel finishes with tears trickling down her face, and Finn leans to kiss them away.
"I'm glad you found my room." His voice is muffled while buries his face in her hair. "But you shouldn't use drugs to run away from your problems."
"Like you do?"
"Just because I mess up my life doesn't mean I want you to screw up yours." He retorts back. Then she stares at him, and Finn begins his story.
"Well it starts with a girl. Quinn actually." He watches her eyes shoot up but keeps going, "I'll keep it simple. We were the big couple on campus and everyone loved us. Sophomore year she finds out she's pregnant. Our worlds shaken and we're scared but we move on and plan to become young parents. Then one day I come home to see her crying to my best friend saying she will go to the end of the earth lying about his baby being mine."
"Oh Finn." Rachel strokes his cheek and squeezes his hand.
"I felt like an idiot. How could I not notice their connection? Or realize that she was 3 months pregnant and we hadn't slept together in 5. But the worst thing of all was having my future ripped out of my hands. That child I loved and couldn't wait to meet was no longer mine." At that moment, Rachel firmly plants a kiss on his lips.
"You aren't an idiot. It was right to feel hurt." Suddenly her eyebrows pull together, and Finn interrupts her.
"I was upset, and cried myself to sleep for at least 2 months straight. Like you I moved on, but it was like a piece of myself was lost. Puck and Quinn gave up the kid for adoption. Time passed and eventually I had to talk to Puck. I'd known him too long for us to end our friendship, so slowly we rebuilt the old bond. With Puck and I reacquainting, I had to forgive Quinn too. At first, I couldn't be in the same room as them but, I got over it. Then I felt that spark Quinn and I used to have, so we started dating again. And I guess you understand how I deal with the memories of mine and Quinn's past." To comfort him, Rachel plants a swift kiss on Finn's nose then sits up, placing a hand on his knee.
"Too much talking. How about I make us lunch because you're always hungry." As if on command, Finn's stomach grumbles loudly and he smirks. "See." She adds, getting off the bed.
"Or someone worked all the energy out of me." He adds, jumping off the bed and smacking Rachel's butt before running out of the room.
One day while they're sitting on the roof Rachel takes the joint from Finn and says,
"Jesse asked me to move in with him." She gauges Finn's reaction and he acts calm but she doesn't miss the hint of fire in his eyes.
"That's exciting. I guess it means we will just have to be that much careful." Rachel agrees and the conversation ends there, because they agreed to talk as little about their significant others as possible.
Puck corners him on a random Tuesday after class. Finn opened the door, setting down his bag and walking to the fridge to get water. Then when he turned around Puck was staring at him harshly, with a serious look across his face.
"What's up dude?" Finn questions awkwardly, starting to walk back to his room. But, he's stopped by Puck putting his arm out, and shoving Finn back to the kitchen. "Geez, what's up your ass Puckerman?"
"What are you and little Berry?"
"I don't know friends." Finn answers, shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't play shit, you're fuck buddies. My question is when are you gonna inform Quinn?" Like before, Finn raises his shoulders up and down, not really answering his best friend. "Look I'm not screaming at you to stop or anything I'm just reminding you of the past."
"Oh, you mean when my girlfriend cheated on me and got pregnant by my best friend?" Finn shouts back angrily.
"Yeah that. Listen, I know I screwed up and was a terrible friend to you, but you know I don't regret creating Beth. All I'm saying is remember how terrible that felt and think about what you're doing. I'm just asking, would you want to know if you were Quinn?" Finn's eyes look up at Puck, and he sees the pain and truth in his friend's eyes. Walking over to him he puts out his hand to shake Puck's. Finn taps his friend on the back and starts to walk away. Just as he rounds the corner he hears Puck say quietly, "I see the way you look at Berry." Abruptly Finn turns around to look at his friend, they don't say anything and he begins to head back to his room, but doesn't miss when Puck whispers, "That's love."
That night while Rachel lies across Finn's bed listening to music, and he lazily draws words across her stomach he pipes out,
"Puck thinks I should tell Quinn about us." Rachel stops humming to the song, lifting her head up to stare at Finn. Like earlier, he just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to drawing on Rachel. However, Rachel grabs his hand, stopping his writing and forcing him to look at her eyes.
"What did you tell him?"
"I didn't tell him anything." He answers quickly and goes back to drawing, ignoring Rachel's persistent gaze on him. "I mean with my past I probably should." He catches the way Rachel holds her breath at this statement.
"Yeah, probably." She answers weakly, failing to cover up her emotions.
"But I don't really want this to end." Is Finn's response, and Rachel looks down at him suddenly, exhaling the breath she was holding. Then, a large smile forms on her lips and she sits up to attack his lips and face. When she starts to suck on his pulse point, Finn notices the way his heart beats really fast when she touches him and he doesn't remember when that started happening. Pushing that thought into the back of his mind, he buries his hands in Rachel's hair, but his heart hammers harder when she mumbles,
"This feeling's too good to end."
Time travels by slowly, and their routine gets more and more erratic. Randomly they will call each other and say they need them. Sometimes Finn will come back from class to be greeted by a naked Rachel lying in his bed.
They don't acknowledge the change, or think about what's happening like always. It just becomes something that happens. Like all their problems it's pushed aside and ignored, for later times.
"What do you even do during the day?" Finn asks while they sit in his closest, with blood shot eyes. She looks up at him and giggles.
"Come on Finn I gotta leave a little mystery." She answers cheekily, but he knows it's just because she doesn't want to reveal the truth. It's a mechanism she has mastered perfectly, and everyone seems to buy it except for Finn. They both do it, act funny and allusive to cover up the past problems they don't want people to know. To prove his disapproval, Finn tries his best to hold a stern look while under the spell of marijuana. Somehow, he gets his point across because he watches Rachel cast her eyes downward, and she wraps her arms around herself.
"You know I work at the coffee shop." She answers simply, but when she realizes Finn wants more she sighs. "I don't really do anything. Sometimes I go back home and sit around, or I visit old vintage stores. Most of the time I just find places that don't make me want to cry."
"Where do you go when you want to cry?" Finn whispers, and she didn't realize she was crying, or that Finn had come and scooped her up in his arms.
"Did you know I sing?" A small voice says, ignoring his question after she finished sobbing. Shocked Finn looks down at her, and she just looks away. "It used to be my dream, to be on Broadway." A small laugh escapes her, "If the old Rachel Berry saw me now, she'd slap me across the face and yell at me to get my act together." Mesmerized, Finn watches her talk, and toys with her hair.
"Tell me about her." He says finally, when Rachel has no more to say.
"The old Rachel Berry."
"You mean the one who wasn't hardened by the real world, and lived in a fantasy of unrealistic dreams and ambitions." Finn kisses her head and nods.
"Well, she took no shit. Didn't care what or who she hurt on her path to stardom. If that meant having no friends, she was okay with it because they were only obstacles on the way to the top. She was annoying, obnoxious, and extremely full of herself. Her opinion was always heard, and any moment was one to be practicing a solo. Every time she signed her name, she put a gold star after it, because it's a metaphor for her being a star. Honestly, she's everything I hate in a person now."
"She sounds pretty awesome and badass to me." Finn answers when she's finished, and Rachel scowls at his answer.
"What about you? What was Finn like before being stripped of a family?"
"If you must know I was always mentally destroyed." Is the first thing he says. "I guess you could call it daddy issues." He starts, smirking when Rachel slaps him for mocking her. Once she's done he proceeds on,
"He died two weeks after I turned one, drug overdose." Rachel hugs him tight when he says that. Not realizing there was more to Finn than what she originally thought.
"The war messed him up you know. You can't unsee all the deaths and horrible things he experienced. My mom says he tried to fix himself for my sake, and it worked for a while. But then he was deployed again when I was 2 months old and by the time I hit 9 months he was dishonorably discharged. His last months were such a struggle and then he went missing, and they found him in a ditch by a bar. You know I never knew him, but I always missed him. So I guess that always messed with my mind, and I always tried to make him proud. That's what the old Finn was like. Tried to please everyone, and was the guy everyone looked up to. Old Finn was a leader, who wanted to get out of Lima, but was honestly a nice guy and didn't want to hurt anyone."
"You're still that guy Finn, I'm sure your dad would be proud of where you've come."
"No he wouldn't Rachel!" Finn shouts surprisingly, and Rachel pulls out of his grasp in fright. "I'm exactly like him! Running away from life with drugs, and barely passing school! I'm cheating on my girlfriend for Christ sake even after I know how it feels! How does any of that make a dad proud?" Disgusted, Rachel stands up, glaring down at Finn.
"You have forgiven two people who destroyed you, because you know they're good people at heart. You call your mom at least 3 times a weeks, and when I see you talk to your stepbrother you're nothing but accepting. You actually kept on with your life even after it was stripped away from you, and you work your ass off to pay for college. I don't know about you, but that's sounds pretty fucking impressive. But the boy sitting in front of me right now," Rachel loudly says, breathing heavily in anger, "That boy is one I'M not proud of." She finishes and storms out of the closet and house leaving Finn in a fit of anger and embarrassment.
That night as he lies in bed, his mind can't wander off what Rachel said before she left. The words sting, even hours after being said and he feels like he was punched in the gut when he knows he disappointed Rachel.
He doesn't know why it bugs him so bad, it shouldn't. She's just a girl he sleeps and does drugs with, or that's what he tries to convince himself. But, he knows that's not true, and she's more than that. When he thinks of the disgusted look Rachel had on her face right before she left, it's almost enough to make him want to hurl. He shouldn't want to impress her, or feel the need to make up for their fight. After all they aren't a couple, they each have a significant other and Rachel's sleeping in the same bed with hers. So why does he feel like his bed is half-empty, along with his heart? It's not supposed to be like this, he puts up walls for a reason, and this is the perfect example.
He tries and fails miserably to get comfortable and succumb to sleep. Huffing in annoyance, Finn gets out of bed and shuffles through the darkness to get a glass of water. Except that only makes him think of her more, because she passed on that habit to him, and now he always drinks water when he's upset. As he's setting the glass down, a soft knock is heard from the door. Looking at the clock, it flashes 2:12, and Finn nervously walks to the door wondering who it could be.
When he pulls back the door, Rachel is standing before him in her pajamas looking completely vulnerable with tear tracks down her face. Instincts take over Finn and he quickly envelops her in his arms. Reading his mind Rachel wraps her legs around him and their mouths instantly are on the other. Every emotion is poured into that kiss and their bodies morph into one as they make it to Finn's room.
This time is like never before, their bodies don't just crave the other, they need it. Finn takes his time exploring all of Rachel's body, and she experiences a wave of emotions she's never felt before. It's slow, full of passion and raw feelings that neither have ever exposed before. For the first time they aren't under the haze of drugs or alcohol. The only thing fueling their hunger is that beating of their heart, scaring both of them shitless, but they can't stop it. Plain and simple, it's love making at its finest.
As Rachel falls over her edge, Finn mumbles words of love in Rachel's ear then joins her in bliss. When they finish, he places kisses all over her repeating again and again that he's sorry. She kisses him hard in forgiveness, then turns on her side pulling him along with her. Spooning Rachel, he watches her close her eyes then her breathing even out. Before he closes his eyes he plants a kiss on her head and barely breaths out 'I love you', then joins her in dreams, not noticing she was never asleep.
He wakes up to find an empty bed and has a moment of panic, until he sees her come out of the bathroom in his shirt, causing him to smirk. A small blush creeps on her face, but she greets him with a deep kiss.
"Mmm… Good Morning." She says, and then buries herself back in bed. Following her Finn does the same, rolling so their staring at each other only inches apart. Both of them look at the other, not mentioning last night.
"So I've been thinking." Finn starts and she gazes at him, intrigued.
"What have you been thinking about?" She teases him. He rolls his eyes, but starts again.
"I've been thinking you should start auditioning for Broadway."
"Finn you've never even heard me sing!" Rachel shouts laughing, but his face is completely sincere.
"With a voice as lovely as yours you have to be a good singer! And it's not my fault you've never sang in front of me before!"
"It's a past dream, over and done with Finn and I'm moving on with my life." Rachel huffs out, playing with the back of Finn's hair to distract him.
"Baby, I think it's time to bring the old Rachel back." They both ignore the pet name, and she rolls onto her side, facing away from Finn. With that, the conversation's over, and minutes later Rachel gets up and says she has to leave. When they kiss goodbye, he doesn't miss the way she pulls back faster than normal, and he knows he struck a chord.
The first time he hears her voice it knocks him straight on his ass. Like a group of delinquents gang beat him, and hit every single drop of air out of his lungs. It takes his breath away, and leaves him in a trance, like he's hypnotized.
He wasn't supposed to hear her, she didn't know he had class that day and she didn't know he spotted her from across the campus park walking to the theatre. Watching her closely, he begins to make his way over to her, and sees her look around quickly then slips into the school's theatre without anyone seeing. Except him.
Curious, Finn followed and stealthily crept into the theatre, taking a seat all the way in the back row. Looking around he doesn't see anyone, until the lights turn on and he finds a tiny brunette illuminated on the stage. He can't even explain how right it looks, or how at home she seems on that stage, but he can't help but feel his heart swell.
On the stage, he makes out tiny tears in Rachel's eyes but she just looks around the theatre and he knows she's imagining her dream again. Then out of nowhere, he hears a voice slowly come out but build power quickly. It's in that moment that he knows this is where she's meant to be. Silently he watches and listens,
Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
By the time she finishes Finn can feel tears forming in his eyes, and he sits stunned. Abruptly he stands up and starts to clap, watching Rachel look frantically in horror. Quickly, he walks down the aisle until Rachel can see who's watching her.
"Finn." Is her only response, and he nods then climbs onto the stage with her. All she does is watch him, and takes his hand when he gets near.
"You are incredible. More than incredible you have talent so many people dream of. If you saw yourself on that stage, Rach, it looked like you were meant to be there your whole life. You're meant to be a star baby, please don't stop trying." By then there's already more tears flooding down her face, but she throws herself onto Finn nodding.
Completely out of nowhere, on a random afternoon Rachel announces that she is going to quit smoking pot. Ironically, she just finished passing a joint to Finn but he stops and stares at her.
"Huh?" He asks dumbly.
"I am no longer going to depend on drugs to get away from my problems." Finn stares at her puzzled. "Look Finn, I enjoy this very much and believe me we've had some great times doing it but you said it yourself it's time old Rachel comes back, and she sure as hell wouldn't not be addicted to pot. Not to mention I'm trying to burst on the Broadway scene with no real training, so the only thing I have going for me is the raw talent I posses. Although it doesn't put effects on my singing voice like smoking, I don't want anything going in these lungs that shouldn't be in there." Once she's done rambling Finn tries to comprehend everything she said, and when he finally does his only response is
"Okay? You aren't going to convince me to keep enjoying fun times with you and live a little?"
"Nope. I said before that I didn't like screwing your future up in the first place, and warned you not to do it the first time you did it." She pauses and looks at him, and sees the fear in his eyes.
"Don't worry Finn this will have no effect on our sex life, or stop us from being unfaithful to our significant others." She sees him breathe out a sigh of relief and she just rolls her eye, and kisses Finn hard.
It's awkward at first, with her not doing it. She still sits by him silently while he smokes, but the urge to take it is terrible and he feels bad enjoying it when she's trying so hard to stop. The problem comes to a halt on a Thursday afternoon.
Rachel was making her way to the library, to join Finn on the roof but when she arrived he was already sitting in her chair. His hair was completely disheveled and he looked like he was staring off into space. Slowly, Rachel approached him and he didn't move his gaze to her until she placed a hand on his shoulder. When she touched him he jumped slightly, then looked at her with confusion and something else. Like one of utter hopelessness.
"Finn?" Rachel whispered quietly, checking how he reacted to her voice. He didn't say anything in response, just looked off helplessly. "Honey what's wrong?" She questioned again. This time she saw something flash before his eyes, then he abruptly turned to her like reality was coming back.
"Quinn found my pot yesterday. She took it away, all of it." When he responds, Rachel gets what's happening, and she takes Finn's hand to lead him home. Following her like a child, he clumsily maneuvers there, and somehow they make it to his room in one piece. Calmly Rachel sits him down, and takes a place next to him laying her head on his shoulder. They don't say anything just sit until she begins to speak,
"Did you get any sleep last night?" Finn only shakes his head slowly. "Have you eaten anything today?" Once again Finn shakes his head, and sighs. "Look I know this is tough, and I can't even compare my experience with withdrawal to you because mine was by choice."
"I'm not going through withdrawal." Finn answers angrily, but Rachel just persists.
"The next few days will be rough, but just fight the craving. Try to run because it will damper the insomnia and not wanting to eat."
"I'm not going through withdrawal." Finn says again, this time a little louder.
"But not forgetting about things is the worst-"
"I'm not going through withdrawal! I was not addicted!" He shouts this time, stopping Rachel she looks at him calmly saying,
"Yes, we were both in fact heavy users of marijuana so we will receive symptoms when we stop."
"I was not addicted and I'm not like my father!" Finn shouts again, looking at Rachel and how she's so damn chill just makes him more angry.
"Like I was saying, the hardest part is facing reality"
"No I'm fine with reality but I'm not like my father! I'm not him, I won't end up like him because I was never addicted like him. I'm not my dad!" Now he's full fledged shouting, and Rachel wraps her arms around him as he slowly starts to unfold. Tears start pouring down his face, and she shushes him, repeating over and over again that it's okay. He just keeps mumbling between tears that he isn't his father, and she nods agreeing, letting him work out all the energy. Sometimes she'll kiss his tears away, and after several minutes they keep coming but Finn starts to talk.
"How did I become him? A shell of a person who relied on drugs to run away from the world." He chokes out his problems to her, and Rachel listens silently. "I can't deal with all of this!" Finn begins shouting again, "I can't deal with the fact that I suck at school. I can't deal with the possibility that I might disappoint my mom. I can't deal with my girlfriend cheating on me, because it just meant that I wasn't good enough. I can't face the fact that I'll never be good enough, for Quinn, for my mom, for school, or for the world. How did this happen?" He whispers out at the end, and Rachel just kisses him over and over again. Once more he breaks down in sobs, not even caring that he looks like a girl. All of himself is revealed, but Rachel takes it all in and hours later when he's all done she begins to talk.
"You are good enough Finn you just need to realize it. Your mom loves you no matter what you do, and she'll always be proud of you. School isn't for everyone, but I know for a fact you work your butt at it and get along. Quinn is an idiot if she doesn't think you're good enough for her, because any girl would be lucky to have you. And if you're anything like the father that your mom explained, you just got all of the best of him. Your kind, and treat everyone fairly. The work ethic you have is incredible, and you're still are a leader to everyone. Drugs are just a stupid thing that neither of us need anymore. We are both better than them Finn."
The rest of the night is spent with Rachel comforting Finn over and over again, telling him he's okay and it's gonna get better. When he's finished crying, he craves another thing and Rachel is happy to oblige him. They make love to til the sunlight starts to rise and fall asleep in the comfort of each other's arms, for once feeling home.
He calls up his dealer and gets a new bag of drugs the next day. Guilt fills his body, but the craving is worse and the drugs make everything just disappear.
It takes several tries for him to quit, each time he gets caught Quinn screams in his face and just takes it all away. While Rachel calms him down, and insists that he doesn't need it and he's better than drugs although it's his choice if he wants to quit.
Eventually one day it clicks as Rachel's talking to him about how her auditions are going. She is actually turning her life around and joining reality. And he's just being a coward and running away from it. So he stops with rolling the blunt, throwing it in the trash and Rachel stares at him in question. When he gets up and throws his stash away, Rachel literally tackles him and he doesn't feel anything better than when Rachel says she's so so proud of him.
The feeling hits her like a speeding train, going at its maximum speed. Like a quarterback being blindsided by a beast of a man. She doesn't expect it, and it sucks all the wind out of her body when the thought crosses her mind.
It happens when she's leaving the theatre. Her mind is buzzing with happiness and she feels like she's on cloud nine. Almost as if nothing could stop her, and anything is possible. Before she knows it she's sprinting, bursting with energy and in that moment when she reaches the door and knocks, that's when it hits her. She should be rushing to see her boyfriend right now, yet her body took her here. To Finn's apartment instead of her's. That's the precise time when Rachel realizes she's in love with Finn Hudson. So when he opens the door she's frozen, and barely manages to say "I got the part," before she's in his arms, but all that she can think of is how much she loves him.
Something's off and he knows it. The day after she told him she got the part, and they had long and fantastic celebratory sex everything changed. It's like she never comes over. Of course she blames it on being so tired from rehearsals, but he knows she has more time to come over that she doesn't. What he feels when he realizes she's lying is one he can't explain. Relief is probably a feeling he should have, because he got out of cheating scotch free from either of their partners. Except, when he figures out she hasn't been over in a week, he feels a little piece of him die. It's like withdrawal all over again, but now it's not a drug he craves. Just a girl.
Shouldn't his girlfriend be the one he wants to satisfy his needs? Why doesn't he feel comfortable talking to her about why he did drugs? Or of how much he struggles dealing with his problems now that he's off them? So, why when Quinn asks him what's wrong does he tell her he's just tired?
Sure, Rachel texts him like she normally does, all her cute smileys and over use of exclamation points. Although, he knows they're half ass. The details and true emotions are missing, and when she does come visit one day the only physical contact they share is one measily kiss goodbye. It's like a switch was turned off in her head, and she no longer wants anything to do with him. The thing is though, he can't fight for her. He's happy with Quinn, or at least he wants to be. And she's living with her boyfriend, which must mean their future can only go up.
Puck notices the difference one day, but when he starts to question Finn the boy only responds with a solemn shake of his head. If he talked about it, it would become to final, too much of an end. So he just ignores all his friend's looks, and holes up in his room, silently listening to Broadway. Which is completely embarrassing, but the familiar tunes she made him listen to are the only thing that comforts him. Now more than ever he wants to go to his normal dealer, but then he thinks of how proud Rachel looked at him when he said he'd gone two weeks without smoking. The face of pure adoration and proudness was enough to make it all worth it. Those are the moments when he knows he made the right choice, because although the pain is so much harder without the drugs, the happiness is also ten times greater. Like the smile will never wipe off his face, and apparently he looks his cutest smiling so being happy is a good thing according to Rachel.
Right now though, it sucks and he pretty much falls into a slump that only one person could end. And she's not even there.
The contact ends completely and when he realizes its really over, he cries himself to sleep. And the next morning when his eyes are all puffy and red, Puck doesn't ask questions. Just hands him a cup of coffee and a sympathetic look. By now he knows he's on egg shells and the best thing to say is nothing. But then one day he cracks, and finally outbursts when Finn didn't respond to him asking what classes he had that day.
"Yo earth to Husdon!" Finally Finn shakes from his trance and he looks up at Puck confused.
"What'd you say?"
"I asked you what classes you had today! Three times." Puck watches Finns face fall in embarrassment.
"Sorry, ummm sociology and human/environment interactions." He answers weakly, which is when Puck snaps.
"All right I'm sick of this shit!"
"What shit?" Finn asks dumbly.
"You moping around all day, and listening to that Broadway crap. Seriously, that has to be the lamest music I've ever heard." All Finn does is look down and pick at the tablecloth.
"It was okay for the first week maybe, but honestly dude now you're just being a chick."
"I'm not being a chick." Finn mumbles under his breath, but Puck just ignores it.
"Look you have two choices, because you acting like a heart broken teenager is no longer okay. For one you could actually remember your smoking hot girlfriend, and try to be happy with her. Frankly I don't see that happening but you were in love at some point. Or you could break up with her and try to get Berry back because you obviously developed something through all the time you spent together. In my opinion, you are in love with that chick but are too blind in misery to see it. Either way I want this crappy Finn out of the way so we can get back to being the beer pong champion pair again."
Finally he finishes, shoving his chair, and walking out of the kitchen and to the living room. For a while Finn just sits there, but then a smile begins to form on his lips for the first time in weeks. That night he gets one of the best sleeps in his life and when he gets up for breakfast Puck breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a smile and talkative Finn back.
It doesn't happen right away, it actually takes him three weeks to do it. He couldn't help that it was a huge chunk of his past that he was about to let go. The idea took some time to comprehend, but eventually he could grasp the concept and gain enough courage.
To his surprise, she doesn't break down. Actually she doesn't even look surprised which terrifies him. All she does is nod and rub his cheek then starts to speak,
"It's her isn't it?" He produces a weak nod, and she sucks in her breathe, sucking in the few tears threatening to trickle out.
"I guess I can't really be mad. You can't help what your heart wants, it just hurts that it isn't me." to comfort her, he takes her hand and squeezes it.
"I really did love you Quinn."
"I know." She adds, "But it was never the same after I cheated on you. We both wanted it to be but that was never possible. It's for the better though because imagine if we got married and were stuck in a marriage neither of us liked. We would have been together forever, because both of us would've been too full of pride and the title to file for divorce."
"A part of me will always love you." He says simply, letting go of her hand at last.
"And a part of me will always love you." She states while reaching for the door handle. When she steps out she says, "But you've already put your whole heart in someone else's hands, with no returns." Finn can't help the one tear that falls down his face and just before Quinn shuts the door she says, "Take care Finn." Then walks across the parking lot, leaving him alone.
Oddly, he doesn't feel remorse. Sure like Quinn said their history will always be there, and he will always want the best for her. But the second time around she never had his heart, and another thing she said struck him hard. Rachel Berry held his heart and she didn't even know it, but there was no turning back. Finn was trusting her with his most precious thing, hoping she wouldn't crush it more than she already had.
She's breathtaking, more than that she is the most talented person on the stage in Finn's mind. Maybe he's biased, but when she gets the standing ovation it was Finn who was the first one out of his seat, hollering and clapping like a mad man. The whole first act he must of had a look of utter compassion, because when the lights came up for intermission the women next to him asked if he was her boyfriend. Of course he shook his head with a slight frown. But then when she asked him if he loved her and he confirmed, the old lady began nodding her head in understanding.
"Don't worry, with that much pride you hold for her, you'll end up with the girl." She said grinning, tapping his knee and getting up to go to the bathroom. His mind replayed her words over and over again, but the one's she said when she returned completely took him off guard.
"Ahh, you must be Finn." He stared at her in total confusion, but she pointed at the bill, so he opened it to look inside.
First his breath hitched at her picture because she looked absolutely stunning. He then proceeded to read the description of the star, proclaiming to remember the name Rachel Berry because the newbie had only great things to come. Below that was a small chunk of writing, that he knew was Rachel's just by the wording.
First, I'd like to thank the directors for choosing me for this part. It was a dream come true, and words can't explain how much I love you for taking a risk on someone with no experience, only going with your gut feeling. Also, I have to appreciate all the cast and crew who work so hard to make this show what it is. Without all of you, we'd never have made it through all the exhausting rehearsals and we wouldn't be to the fantastic play we are today. And to Jesse, my deepest love goes out to you and everything you do for me, especially putting up with all my crazy. You stuck with me through all of the line drilling, making every solo perfect, and doing dance steps til dawn. I love you, and I will never deserve what you give to me. Dad and Daddy, I hope I made you proud. To the fans I love you all, you make my day and job worthwhile. Please enjoy the show, and remember to sing along! Finally I'd like to end with Finn. Without you I would not be writing this paragraph of thanks, and for that I can never repay you. You saved me when no one else was there, and brought me back to life. My entire praise goes out to you for giving me the push I needed to try for my dreams again. So, thank you.
Yours truly, Rachel Barbara Berry
Of course a gold star was printed next to her name, and a giant smile comes across his face when he sees something of the old Rachel back. As the words of what she said hits him, his heart begins beating really fast and a proud feeling fills him that she dedicated words to him, and everyone who goes to the play will read it. Before he has too much time to dwell on it, the lights flicker and he gets ready for the next act. Which is so much better than the first, and he doesn't know how Rachel could get any better but she nails everything she says or sings. Looking around, he sees all the people dabbing their eyes and reaching into their purses for tissues. Okay so he doesn't want to admit that he shed a tear himself when she belted out her last song. He can tell every emotion she had was in that song, and she was feeling all of it, because he was feeling it to. That stage was her home, and when the final curtain call came, and the standing O started he knew how right she felt. It was her dream coming true.
He shouldn't have done it, but the lady he met, Gladice he learned, told him to so he made his was back stage. It was a long shot, but somehow he made it to the final security until he was stopped. Making his heart sink, he tried to convince the men that he in fact knew Rachel Berry, but when he couldn't say their true connection they wouldn't even ask her if she knew him. Right when he was about to turn around, shouting she knows Finn Hudson, a girl walked past and stopped. Stopping in her tracks, she turned around sharply and made her way over to the men. He watched her confused, but then she tapped one of the guards in the shoulder, making him turn to her.
"Yes Ms. Spencer?" He answered, while the other guy eyed Finn, making sure he didn't try to make a run for it.
"May I ask who this man is that's trying to get in?" She questioned, eyeing Finn up and down while he did the same to her. Although, he couldn't really make out her face because it was covered in stage make up, her hair was long and light brown, and her eyes were a brilliant blue that popped. Finn stood completely stunned while the unknown girl and security guard talked.
"It's just some fan trying to meet Rachel." He said annoyed, and Finn rolled his eyes because it definitely was not who he was.
"Well what's his name?" The girl asked, looking more at Finn than at the guard.
"Finn Hudson." He responded quickly, and before he knew it his hand was being yanked by hers and she was dragging him down an unknown hall.
"Oh he is NOT some crazy fan!" She shouted as she stormed away from the guards, and kidnapped him.
"Umm where are we going?" Finn asked alarmed, and the girl turned back to look at him but kept going.
"Sorry how rude of me. The names Bella and I'm Rachel's greatest and closest friend out of the cast. She's now one of my best friends." Finn stops to get a better glance of her, but she just drags him to keep going. Finally she stops in front of a door with a large gold star on the front, in the middle in big letters is the name Rachel Berry. When he reads it his heart stops, but Bella starts to knock on the door before he can regain himself.
"Rachel are you in there? Is anyone with you?" When he hears Rachel's voice respond, his mind goes blank.
"Belle, no I'm alone just changing. Are you coming to get me for a post opening night party?" She shouts, and he can hear the excitement and grin in her voice.
"No, actually I have a surprise for you!" Bella shouts, eying him up and down, and Finn turns red awkwardly.
"Well, what could that be?"
"Open the door to find out!" Bella shouts with a cheeky smile, then dashes away before Rachel can find her. After what feels like an eternity, the door jingles then opens to reveal the tiny brunette before him. Her face falls into one of stun, and they both just stand looking at the other then she whispers,
"Yeah it's me." He answers, and all she does is pull the door open wider to let him in, then shuts it behind him. The dressing room is decorated exactly how he imagined it, and he takes a seat on the small couch in the corner while Rachel eyes his every move. She plops down in her makeup chair, and spins to look at him. For a moment they just sit and stare at the other, until Finn speaks,
"That was the greatest performance I've ever seen in my entire life." She blushes, but thanks him quietly. "Also, that part to me was the nicest thing anyone's ever written." This time her eyes get wide and she actually says something,
"I meant every word of that Finn. What you gave to me is something I will never be able to return. You gave me my life back." He doesn't know when Rachel joined him in the couch during her speech, but their close proximity is driving him crazy and before they know it neither can stop themselves.
Clothes go everywhere, and mouths explore all over the bodies. It's like the time apart was centuries and they forgot what the other one tastes or feels like. The time apart also sped up the process, because there hunger burns and they take no time finding the insides of one another. When Finn slides inside of her, it's like home and they relish in the familiar feeling. Of course, they both can't last long and when it's over, it feels like the first time they did it at the party. Each of them just slide their clothes back on, and Finn sits back down in the couch while Rachel brushes out her hair. It's then that Finn notices the ring on Rachel's left finger. His heart plummets into his stomach, and it feels like he's choking but he manages out the words,
"Congratulations." Rachel looks back at him and smiles just so slightly and then goes back to her hair. When he realizes sha has no intention of speaking about what just happened, Finn walks behind her and kisses her head softly then turns and walks out the door and back out to his car, and drives home with surprisingly no tears.
He can't really blame it on her, but he just made things so much worse for himself. It was his fault for going to the play, and it was his fault for trying to get back stage and getting the luck of succeeding. But was it his fault for needing to see her succeed, because if he wasn't going to have her then what he could only hope for was her to achieve what she wants in life.
But doing those things made everything so much harder. The memory of her touch is once again fresh in his mind, and her scent still seems to waft through his room. That gut wrenching feeling he had when he saw the ring, he doesn't think that will ever disappear. Don't get him wrong he's happy for her, like ecstatic, and he doesn't spend any time holed up in his room in sorrow. No, he just keeps on with his school, and focuses on graduating. Except sadness just fills him when he knows he's not the one who gets to make her happy. Another guy gets to kiss her goodnight, and pronounce his love to her, but she gets to say it back to him. One day that man will get to have the title of being her husband, which is what hits him the hardest. He's glad she's happy because he could wish nothing more, sometimes though he thinks it should be him.
It all comes crashing down with a call from Kurt. Never in his life has he been so thankful that his step brother is a Broadway addict, and a complete nosy snoop when it comes to his personal life. The fact that his best friend is a complete blabber mouth doesn't help either. When he gets his weekly call it starts off normal, talks of work and Finn graduating very soon. They chat about Blaine, and Kurt's internship, and he drowns out when Kurt starts to rave about this new fashion show. But then he hears the words, 'he just read something about his old "friend" that was on Broadway.'
Immediately his mind bounces back, and he asks a million questions a minute before Kurt calms him and starts to speak.
"Well, the Broadway news is abuzz because the new star Rachel Berry is taking a break from her show only four months after opening. Apparently her final show is tonight." Is the last thing he gets out before Finn hangs up abruptly.
How? How could she already be done with Broadway? He thinks about the possibility of her getting back into drugs and his heart shatters into a million pieces. Then he realizes he should've stayed on the line to find out more for Kurt. Quickly though, he gets up, checking the clock and figuring he has just enough time to make it to the show.
Taking the fastest shower in his life, Finn picks up the first suit he sees and shaves so fast he cuts himself three time but doesn't even care. The only smart decision he makes is choosing the gold tie because it's her favorite. Then he's out the door and telling a cab to speed to the theater. Of course it's packed even though he's early, and he spends too much money on a close seat but a million dollars would've been worth it.
She's even more breathtaking the second (or fifth) time he sees it. If it was possible to be better than perfection, she does it. When she finishes tears are pouring down her face, and he doesn't even listen to a word she's saying in her speech. Just sits mesmerized by how beautiful she looks, and how sad she looks. It makes his own heart break.
This time when he makes his way back stage, the guards let him in willingly. He makes sure to give them a pointed look when he walks back, and it takes him a while to find her room but he finally does. Tentatively he knocks on the door, but no one answers it. He tries again, and like before it doesn't open but he hears a muffled sob come from behind the door.
"Rachel?" He says, hoping she can hear. She must have because the next minute the doors being flung open and Rachel stand in front of him with all her make up running down her face. She tries to rub her eyes, but fails miserably and Finn only shakes his head telling her to stop. Obliging, she brings her hands down and walks back into the room with Finn following. They take their old spots, and Rachel wipes down her makeup. When she's done she gets up to grab a water, and that's when Finn understands.
The bumps not big, small enough that if you didn't look you wouldn't notice, but when you know a body so well you can tell the difference. His eyes shoot over to her hand then and the world stops when he finds the left ring finger empty. Rachel stops in her spot when she sees his train of thought moving, and all she can do is stand there and break down. To her surprise fire flashes in front of Finn's eyes and he starts to rush to the door,
"I swear to god I will kick his ass for leaving you with this!" He shouts just as he's about to yank the door, but Rachel's scream halts him.
"No Finn!" It stops the boy right in his tracks, and he spins around to look at the disheveled girl. Instincts kick in and his arms go straight to wrap around her in comfort. Ugly sobs rip through her body, but he just rubs her back and tells her everything will be alright. As the tears slow down she pulls back and takes Finn's hand in hers. He stares down at it confused, and then she places his palm over her stomach and lays hers over his. Her eyes look straight at him, revealing the truth and fear, and that's when it dawns on Finn. Several times he tries to say something but fails.
"M me? Wha- how?" Rachel takes his hand and leads him to sit down, giving Finn time to breathe. After a couple minutes passed, she sees him trying to struggle with words again, and she takes his hand in comfort.
"Before you say anything I want you to know that I'm 100% sure it's yours. This isn't going to be like Quinn again because I'd never lie to you." All Finn can do is stare at her, and manages a weak nod, while he tries to grasp the concept he was just given.
"But how?" He stutters out, working his hardest to form a sentence that makes sense. To comfort him Rachel rubs her thumb over his hand a couple times, and Finn stares at it in amazement.
"Don't you remember what happened last time we were in this room? We didn't use protection." A smile forms on his lips when he recollects in the memory, but it turns to a frown quickly when he remembers what happened from it.
"We never use protection." Finn shouts, a little exasperated, trying to get how this all happened.
"I know and I want you to know that I take full responsibility for this." Rachel begins, looking into his eyes to get her point across while she explains it all.
"You couldn't have known to use anything, and I should've told you. It just completely slipped my mind. After we ended, I just got lazy with my birth control because Jesse and I rarely did it. So, I didn't even think about it after we had sex. But then I missed a period, and the thought didn't even cross my mind, I thought I was just over worked and stressed from the play. Except then I missed a second month." By now, tears start to fall down her cheeks when she recollects the memory. This time, Finn wraps his arm around her waist in comfort, because although he's scared, she has to be terrified.
"Then all the signs started to come, and it finally clicked in my brain. So, I took a pregnancy test, actually I took 8. They all confirmed what I already knew. I tossed and turned all night. Over how I'd have to leave the play, how I'm only 22 and will have to get a real job. Except mostly I thought about the father. Who wasn't the man lying in bed next to me." She watches Finn suck in a huge breathe when she talks about the father, the title hitting him hard. Wiping some tears from her eyes she turns to Finn,
"You want to know what the worst part was though?"
"What?" He quietly says, staring at the ground in fear of what she was saying.
"It's that I didn't feel remorse about how I was going to tell Jesse. Yes, I was embarrassed that I would have to break the news to him that I was having another guys baby. But the feeling I got when I knew it wasn't his child, it was relief. Like I was finally breaking away. So the next morning I told him at breakfast, handed over the ring and said my stuff would be out by the afternoon. The look on his face broke my heart, but it was all said in done." Once she finishes her speech, she waits for Finn to say something. Except he just sits silent for a while, not addressing her. Finally, he turns to her and she notices for the first time the tears in his eyes. Consciously he wipes them, and then starts speak with his voice quivering,
"Why what?" Rachel asks confused,
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, and she can see the heartbreak in his eyes.
"Because I thought you were still with Quinn, then Puck called me one day and told me that ended months ago. But then I got to thinking about your future and I just can't ruin that Finn. You have so much going for you, you just graduated and are now going out to the real world. I can't drag you down with a kid you never intended to have."
"But what if I want it!?" His shout shocks them both, and Rachel looks at him alarmed.
"Finn," She pauses, stroking his face adoringly.
"No." He cuts her off, "Look Rachel this wasn't supposed to happen and I feel like shit for doing this to you. I let you go once and I might be dumb, but I'm not stupid enough to let you leave me again. Especially with the fact that your carrying my kid." When he says that for the first time, butterflies dance through his stomach and tentatively he leans over and places a soft kiss on Rachel's lip. He pulls back with a small smirk on his face, looking at Rachel's misty eyes.
"Fine. I won't leave." She mumbles into his lips when he goes down to kiss her again. It feels so good to have their mouths entangled again, like they're coming home.
"Good." He responds quietly, and places his hand back on her stomach.
Days after he finds out, he finally wraps his head around what's happening. He can't help that it's a lot to take in, and there's so much to worry and think about. Once the shock subsides, he realizes he should probably tell everyone. Soon would be better, because Rachel informs him that she's already almost halfway through her pregnancy. I mean Puck knows because Rachel's been crashing at their place since she moved out of Jesse's, but he's the only other person aware of their situation.
So, he's lying on his bed one day with Rachel hugging his body in comfort. Silently she whispers that he should call Kurt, which makes him look down at her in fear. The reassuring smile she gives him is enough to believe he can do anything, so he grabs his cell phone and dials the familiar number.
"Well hello brother dearest I haven't heard from you recently." A huge grin appears on Rachel's lips when she hears his brother for the first time, but Finn only rolls his eyes.
"Hey Kurt what's up?"
"Oh doing the usual Project Runway marathon with Blaine." Again, he scoffs at his brother but Rachel muffles a giggle. "Now what was the reason you called? Because I know you never call me just to talk." Finn's stomach plummets and he sucks in a large gulp of air,
"Yeah about that there's something I should tell you…"
"Oh god, what did you do this time Finn?"
"You might want to sit down for a second." He says casually, trying to sound at least a little bit calm over the whole matter. When in reality his stomach was doing repetitive flip flops.
"Okay, I'm bracing myself. What do you need to tell me?"
"I'm going to be a dad." He deadpans, but is answered with silence. To make sure he didn't lose the call, Finn pulls back to look at the screen but sees he's still talking to his brother. "Kurt?"
"I'm sorry did you just say you were going to be a dad?" Kurt shrieks out.
"Umm.. I fathered a child?" He responds helplessly, waiting for the lecture to come. Rachel listens wordlessly, worry falling all over her.
"Finn. Christopher. Hudson." Kurt starts, "I thought we went over this, didn't you learn anything from the Baby Gate scandal of 2010?" You got a get out of jail free card, but now you're going right back to being locked down for life." The couple lies in shame, letting the words of disappointment sink it. After a while more of Kurt's punishing, he sighs heavily.
"Oh well, there's nothing we can do about it now. We must focus on the future and my future niece of nephew. But first, may I ask who is carrying your child." A grin forms on his face when he looks down at Rachel.
"So you remember how Broadway's up and coming star is already taking a break from the business?" He starts, and Kurt gasps on the other line.
"No! Finn you did not halt the dreams of a star by getting her pregnant!"
"You act like I meant to!"
"I'm mean you didn't do anything to stop it obviously." Before the yelling gets out of hand, Rachel takes Finn's hand to distract him. It immediately pulls a smile on his face, and the anger melts away.
"Look Kurt I don't want to fight about this, what's done is done. My question is will you be there for Rachel and I? Especially when we have to tell mom and dad." There's a long pause, and he knows that Kurt is only doing it for dramatics because he already has an answer.
"Of course Finn, we may not be blood, but everyone knows we are exactly like brothers. You annoy me 50% of the time, and your style makes me want to not associate myself with you. At the end of the day though, we're family, and I'd never let you down when you need me most." Grinning in relief, Finn looks to Rachel and nods in happiness.
"Thanks Kurt, you don't know how much that means to me."
"So tell me about Rachel. I was looking forward to seeing her show on Broadway, but I guess I'll have to wait until after she has your child." Kurt adds annoyed. At the mention of Rachel, Finn can't hold in his smile when he looks down at her in praise. She blushes at his look, but he just cuddles her into his side more. Subconsciously he places a hand on her tiny bump and starts to rub it back and forth. Rachel watches intently and her heart starts to hammer really fast. Finn doesn't even notice he's doing it, just keeps speaking to his brother, and she can't comprehend how she can love someone so much.
"Kurt you two will fall in love when you meet, and I'm just gonna be left in a corner by myself. Seriously you guys are so similar it's scary."
"Sounds like my kind of girl. I mean if Puck likes her, and teases her, she's gotta be a good one. By the way he described her when you were canoodling, she seems fantastic."
"Yeah, she's the strongest, best person I know."
"So you love her." Kurt says suddenly, and Rachel halts to stare back up at Finn. Except, he doesn't look at all scared, but has a light tint of pink on his cheeks.
"Yup." Is his only response, and Rachel's eyes turn to saucers, with small tears forming in them. Looking down, Finn sees her crying and becomes alarmed, immediately ready to drop everything happening. She shakes her head at him, and just dabs her eyes.
"Hey Kurt, I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight, okay? And don't tell anyone about this, we will when we're ready but for now keep your mouth closed." He finishes quickly, hanging up after Kurt says goodbye.
Chucking his phone across the bed, he focuses back on Rachel and places his hands around her face. He wipes the tears away from her eyes, placing a soft kiss to her forehead. Small sniffles come from Rachel, but she doesn't say anything just continues to try and compose herself. When Finn starts to question why she's crying, she doesn't respond for a while.
"I didn't stop our relationship before because I didn't like you anymore, actually it was the complete opposite." Finn stares down at her confused to where she's going. "When I found out I got the part, my first reaction should've have been to tell my boyfriend, or my best friend, but my body took me to see you. That was when I realized I love you." Her head starts to pound with her confession, eyeing how Finn reacts to her statement. To her surprise he leans down to give her a light kiss.
"It freaked me out, when I finally faced my feelings. You shouldn't love the person you're cheating with. So, I did what I do whenever I see I'm close to someone. I put up walls and shut you out of my life. You don't know how happy it made me that you came to my show, which is probably the reason were in this situation." She finishes, chuckling down at her stomach and rubbing it.
"You love me." Finn adds, in a statement not a question. It feels weird for her to hear it for the first time, but it surprises her when it only makes her grin from ear to ear.
"I love you." She confirms, with a nod of her head.
"And I love you too." Finn says back, and that irresistible smirk tugs at the corner of his lips when he admits it again.
"We're in love." Rachel says happily, the emotions hitting her in the chest. To show his affection, Finn beginnings peppering kisses all over her face, causing Rachel to turn into a fit of giggles. His lips travel down her body, and Rachel toys with his hair, smiling down lovingly. He stops at her stomach, pausing to stare into Rachel's eyes once more.
"I love you." He says, his eyes gazing at Rachel. "And I love you." He repeats, placing a large kiss on Rachel's stomach.
"And we love you." Rachel answers back, with tear rimmed eyes.
Her nerves are all over the place on the plane ride. Even after Finn tells her over and over again not to be, the butterflies almost make her throw up, and she knows her morning sickness is long gone. The soothing circles Finn rubs on her knee don't help at all and the only thing that keeps the nerves she has at bay, is the snacks Finn brought for the plane ride.
A week after they told Kurt about the baby, Finn and him decided it was time they told his parents. Ever since then, she has been a wreck. She can't help it. It's hard enough to please parents, let alone reveal to them that she's having their sons baby from cheating on her fiancé. They were going to think she's a tramp. How do you explain that she bonded with their son over mutual illegal drug use, and then the infidelity they committed on their significant others? Each scenario she played in her head, always ended with his mom hating her. The only comfort she had was that his brother was by her side, and by their bonding over phone calls with Finn, it was known that they would have to be fast friends.
Booking the flights only made everything worse, and when she had to start packing she turned into a wreck. Finn found her sitting in the closet in shock, staring at her half full suitcase. It took minutes of comforting words, and him repeatedly rubbing her arms to crack her out of the spell. A long conversation followed, full of Rachel expressing all her irrational fears and worries which Finn had to dispel over and over again. After which he had to finish packing for her, because she insisted if she tried again it would only lead to another mental break down.
Now though, sitting on the plane ride back to Ohio, she could feel another one coming on. It's all too real, and right now she's wishing Finn was from somewhere farther than Lima, because the trip is way too short. She stares at the window, not saying anything, lost in her own thought. Looking over, she sees Finn fast asleep listening to his iPod.
"I swear he can fall asleep anywhere." She mumbles to herself, and leans to place her head on his shoulder and try to get a little bit of shut eye.
It fails miserably because her brain won't shut up. Before she knows it the pilot is telling everyone to turn off the electronics in preparation for descent. Lightly, she shakes Finn's arm and she can't help but smile at how adorable he looks when he wakes up. His eyes drooping, fighting to go back to sleep, hair disheveled, and the confusion of where he is. When he looks over to see Rachel, he immediately beams, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb. Peering over, he sees her scared look and freezes.
"Babe, are you still freaking out about meeting my parents?" She looks down at the ground, blushing in embarrassment. He sighs helplessly, "Rach, I've told you a hundred times there's nothing to worry about. My parents aren't gonna hate you. Sure they might be shocked at first when we tell them about our situation, but they will get over it. And my mom has to like you, because of how much I love you." She shyly smiles, turning her shoulders away from him. "So, stop worrying so much." As he finishes she sighs nodding, and takes a deep breath to calm herself.
It's gonna be scary, but they can do it.
Getting their bags and out of the airport takes way too little time for her liking and as they exit the airport, she can't stop her hands from shaking in fear. Sure, Finn's reassurance helped her, but it's not going to stop her from being scared. When they go through the gates, she takes in the warm spring breeze, and the fresh Ohio air. By her side, Finn grabs her hand while looking frantically around the cars. Finally she sees his face brighten immediately and he starts taking off briskly, leaving her jogging to keep up by his side.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a rosy cheeked male, wearing fashionable clothes, and his hair styled beautifully. He starts to book his way towards them, and that's when she realizes it's the infamous Kurt. Before they reach him Finn lets go of her hand and luggage, to envelop the smaller boy in a huge hug. He can't hide his large grin as he embraces his brother, and he begins laughing in his fit of happiness. Suddenly Kurt's smacking Finn's back shouting he needs to see the girl, and steps back to get a look at Rachel. In praise, Finn wraps his arm around her shoulder, as she stands awkwardly letting Kurt stare at her. He nods up and down taking in her appearance, while Finn just shakes his head in annoyance.
"You know how to pick the good ones Finn," Kurt bursts out, throwing his arms up and walking to wrap Rachel in a hug. She squeezes back affectionately, reluctantly letting go but feeling her arm being looped with Kurt as he slides into the back seat along with her. "Wonderful to put a face to the voice. We have so much to talk about, especially your wardrobe because I plan on you being the most fashionable pregnant woman in New York." Rachel giggles and nods, hearing Finn shout from outside the car.
"Put the bags in the trunk, and you're driving home!" He shouts back through the door, and starts rambling about plans for a shopping trip. From outside she hears Finn groan, but gives into his brother and begins to load the luggage in the back. He climbs into the driver's seat reluctantly starting it up, and looks back smiling at the sight of Rachel and Kurt bonding.
The car ride home goes quicker than expected, with all the small talk she makes with Kurt and Finn. They talk about Broadway, school, the baby, and almost everything in between. So when Finn pulls the car into the driveway, she doesn't even have time to register her fear before she's being handed her bag and led up to the front door.
She watches Finn jingle the key in the lock, then the door is being pushed open revealing a beautiful home. Fearfully Rachel shuffles into the home behind Finn, hauling her luggage while both the brothers shout excitedly,
Pausing, Rachel sets down her suitcase and leans into Finn's side in support, suddenly they hear a loud squeal and then see a small brunette women comes running through the hall. Like with Kurt, she watches Finn's eyes and face brighten at the sight of his mom, and when she walks into his embrace he picks her up causing her to shriek more.
"My Finny bears home!" She shouts between happy tears, which she wipes furiously when Finn finally sets her down. When her feet touch the floor she places her hands on Finn's face, and looks at him as if it were an inspection.
"Mom, you act like its been years, I came home two months ago." In an oh so motherly way, she smacks his side jokingly, but grins up at her son. Suddenly she stops what she's doing to look over at Rachel,
"Excuse my manners, it's so great to meet you sweetie." She starts, and Rachel sticks out her hand to shake, but Carole ignores it and pulls her into a tight embrace. Surprised, Rachel gasps, but then hugs back willingly. Pulling back, Carole does the same thing she did to Finn, eyes roving over her face.
"Oh I've heard so much about you. It's so great to finally meet the girl my boy has been raving about." Turning towards Finn in surprise, Rachel watches his cheeks pink and he rubs his neck in embarrassment. She only giggles in response, taking his hand to show her appreciation.
"Well, it's very nice to meet the woman who raised Finn to who he is today. Thank you so much for letting me stay here Mrs. Hudson."
"Nonsense dear, you wouldn't stay anywhere else. And please, call me Carole." She tuts, then turns around to walk towards the kitchen. The group follows behind, carrying their stuff but Carole turns around to stop them, sending them to put their bags up in Finn's room. Kurt stays downstairs to talk, but Finn and Rachel make their way upstairs and Rachel giggles when she sees Finn's room.
"I really like your football sheets." She comments, throwing down her suitcase and laying across the bed in exhaustion.
"Hey, this is not nearly as bad as the cowboy wallpaper I used to have." To that, Rachel bursts into a fit of giggles, which Finn further excels by tickling her sides.
"Stop it!" She wheezes out in between howls of laughter.
"You gonna make fun of my room again?" Finn yells back at her jokingly, with a large smile on his face while he torments Rachel.
"Promise?" He adds, slowly stopping his hands from tickling Rachel's sides. Both of them calm down after more banter, and then Rachel snakes her arms around Finn to snuggle into his chest. Breathing in she inhales the scent she's grown to love that is so Finn. Eventually her eyelids begin to droop, as Finn pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ears. Lazily she leans up to plant a kiss on his lips.
"I swear your kid drains all my energy these days." She states when she pulls back, Finn just smiles to her then rolls off the bed and walks to his bag.
"You rest your eyes for a little bit. I'm gonna take a shower, and I'll wake you up when I'm done so you can get one." Rachel nods already falling into sleep, but has enough energy to shout I love you to Finn, and smile when he answers with the same thing back.
Finn waking her up comes quicker than expected, but she manages to undress herself and get into the shower without falling over asleep. The water shocks her back awake, and she begins to sing a tune to calm her fears.
So far, everything had gone smoothly. Except she'd had only one conversation with his mom. His dad wasn't back from work yet, and she knows he's the much harder one out of the parents. Not to mention they'd have to tell them both about their situation soon. I mean she could only wear so many flowy shirts before Carole noticed, because a woman just knows. The thought causes Rachel to look down at her growing stomach, and runs a hand over it. Finn says he barely notices it, but she can tell how much it's growing every day. Soon enough she's not going to be able to see her feet, and Finn will have to shave her legs.
Right now though, they have to focus on the present and letting his family know the truth. Reluctantly Rachel gets out of the shower, and dries off to get changed. She takes her time blow-drying her hair, and putting on some light make up. Finally she's done getting ready, and nervously goes down the stairs. She hears voices from the kitchen, and when Finn catches Rachel's gaze he breaks out in a grin. Smiling back, she walks to the table and takes the seat next to Finn, grabbing his hand for comfort. Kurt and Carole are sitting on the other side of the table, and they smile politely at her when she joins their conversation.
"It's good to see the sleepyhead up." Finn starts with, looking down at Rachel.
"Yeah sorry, the trip tired me. Not all of us have the ability to fall asleep anywhere." She answers pointedly at him, and Carole beams as she watches them interact. Eventually, the talking begins to flow easily, with Rachel adding her input every once in a while. She can tell they're holding their grilling questions until Burt gets back for dinner, which scares her to no end.
What hits her the hardest though, is watching the Carole, Kurt, and Finn interact. The playful banter, joking about past times, and the motherly scolding of the boys. It's something she completely forgot she missed without a family, which almost moves her to tears. Recognizing what was happening, Finn rubs Rachel's knuckles with his thumb and placing a soft kiss on her head for support.
Slowly she takes in a breathe, covering up her momentary sadness with an award winning smile. Carole and Kurt look at her intrigued, but Finn shakes his head at them, in warning to not ask. Understanding they nod, and Kurt begins telling a story about his and Blaine's weekend. Rachel listens intently, laughing at all the right moments. Everything seems to go smoothly, but her easy mood is removed when she hears the door jingle and then a shout.
"Carole I'm home!" There's a squeal across the table, and Rachel watches in awe as even after years of marriage Carole still gets excited for her husband to arrive back from work. All she can think is how much she hopes for that one day, which causes her to look swiftly at Finn crookedly grinning and waiting for Burt to walk through the door. Suddenly, a tall bald man walks through the door in a pair of dirty overalls marked with the name Burt on it.
"Finn, son, you're home!" Immediately Finn gets up to great him with a huge hug, and Burt claps him on the back in appreciation. It's like the ritual starts over again as Burt questions Finn on how he's been, wrapping his arm around Carole in the process and giving her a kiss. Then he walks to the fridge to grab a water and takes a seat at the head of the table, everyone else resuming their old spots. Rachel sits awkwardly watching Burt, as Finn grabs her hand and clears his throat.
"Burt, this is my-my Rachel." He stutters but smiles, while Rachel sticks her hand out towards Burt which he shakes with a plump soft hand. A tiny smile ghosts over his face, and he nods his head in recognition of her.
"It's very nice to meet you Rachel. Finally we get to see the girl Finn's been raving about." Flush comes over Finn, and he shakes his head as Rachel laughs at him. Kurt begins questioning Burt about his day, and he answers them happily, calming Rachel's fears on him being a scary man. After minutes Burt gets up, rubbing his head and breathing a large sigh, announcing that he was going to shower before dinner. When he says that, it signals Carole to get up and she makes her way to the kitchen to start putting together the meal, leaving the three kids to chat. They just keep going on with their jabber, and Kurt pesters quietly about when is they're going to reveal the secret. Finn shushes him annoyed, and coughs that they will when they're ready and Rachel nods to him in agreement. Finally, Finn stands up and lets go of Rachel's hand asking,
"Do you wanna go watch some TV in the living room?" Pondering for a while, Kurt gets up to go to his room and Finn waits patiently for Rachel to think.
"No." She answers loudly, and Finn looks at her confused. "I'm going to help your mother cook dinner." She adds grinning, grabbing Finn's face in her hands. Standing up all the way on her tiptoes she gives him a kiss, before spinning around and walking to the kitchen. Reluctantly Finn lies on the couch, and clicks on the ESPN. Nervously Rachel walks through the door, and Carole looks up startled but then beams.
"Hi honey, what can I do for you?"
"Need any help with dinner?" Rachel asks quietly.
"I could always use a hand." Carole answers excitedly, shoving a cutting board and vegetables towards Rachel for her to cut. Willingly she begins to cut them up, making small talk with Finn's mom.
"I hope you like what we're having. Finn told me you're a vegan, so I tried to accommodate for you, but I don't really know if it tastes terrible or not."
"You really didn't have to do that." Rachel answers startled, but Carole only shakes her head in answer. Everything flows easily from there, and when the cooking is done Rachel joins Finn to cuddle on the couch as he tries and fails miserably to explain to Rachel how baseball works. Time flies and just like that Carole's telling them dinners ready, so everyone files into the dining room taking their seats and filling their plates. Burt praised Rachel for her big helping, causing her to blush tremendously and Finn to grin proudly at her. The family starts normal conversation, but then the attention turns to Finn and Rachel like it was bound to happen, yet it still scares her. She knows Finn and her aren't gonna tell his parents now, they have all weekend, but she is still scared that she will make a bad impression on them.
"So, Rachel, do you go to school or?" Burt asks, and Rachel can feel sweat form on her forehead. She looks at Finn and he nods in encouragement to her.
"No actually, I just finished a brief run on Broadway as the female lead of the play." The parents nod in approval and Rachel sighs, until Burt asks why she is no longer on it, "It was a great opportunity to me, but I had other things in life to focus on besides the play." He seems to take that as an acceptable answer cause he nods, and she runs her clammy palms on her pants, then takes a big gulp of water.
Her brief spotlight is over, as Finn starts to talk about the teaching job he just landed for the next school year. Rachel listens intently, even though her and Finn have spoken numerous times about it since he came home panting from his part time work saying he got the job at Jefferson. A celebratory dinner happened after that, along with some other inappropriate activities she should not get into detail with. Eventually though, the excitement over Finn's future ends, and the questions for Rachel start to begin again. She answers about growing up in new York, and her part time job at the coffee shop.
"Do you have any siblings?" Carole asks harmlessly, and she shakes her head no while Finn tightens his grip on her new to signal that he's there. But, his heart drops into his stomach when she asks about her parents. Finn furiously shakes his head at his mom, turning to Rachel telling her with his eyes that it's okay. However, Rachel softly looks away from him and gives his hand a squeeze, whispering to him that it's okay before she starts speaking quietly.
"They have to know sooner or later Finn." She mumbles, then turns to Carole who's looking at her concerned.
"I had two dads." Is what she starts with, and Kurt's eyes instantly build tears at those words. "My daddy died when I was 15 in a car accident." The whole family murmurs I'm sorry to her, as Finn rubs her arms to keep her going. A lump builds in her mouth even after all the years, but she starts to talk again. "It was just me and my dad for a while, but umm," She sucks in a large breathe as the Hudson-Hummels wait in worry of what she is going to say next, "My dad couldn't stand living without my daddy so he took his own life when I was 20."
A single tear falls down her cheek, which she rubs away quickly, looking at Finn's family as they take in her dark past. Kurt looks like he might start bawling, and Burt stares at her with sympathy while Carole looks as if she just wants to give her a big hug. To calm her, Finn wraps his arm around her and she leans into his side peering up at him until she starts talking again.
"Finn was actually the one to get me out of my slump, and it's him I have to thank for giving me my life back. He got me through some tough times." Carole looks at her son like he hung the moon, while Kurt nods in approval and Burt grins proudly.
The meal finishes quickly after that, everyone calmed down from Rachel's past. Everyone helps pick up the plates, but Carole slaps Rachel's hand when she tries to help wash and she forces her out of the kitchen into the living room to join Burt and Kurt. She takes a seat on the recliner, and Kurt looks at her intrigued but she just ignores him and starts to ask Burt about his car shop.
Meanwhile Finn stands in the kitchen with his mom like old days, her cleaning off the dishes and him on drying and loading duty. In between they start teasing each other, and Carole chastises him for his carelessness with the dishes.
"I like her." She adds abruptly, and Finn pauses to look at her and make sure he heard her right.
"I like her too." Finn answers smartly, earning him a whip of the towel from his mom. He laughs at that, only earning him another love tap. Silence falls over them, and a looming fear falls over Finn, starting in the pit of his stomach and he feels it start to come up like word vomit. Carole starts to say something when she hands Finn a plate but he stops her,
"Rachel's pregnant mom."
It's as if she knows something's different when they walk into the living room. Of course, she's in a good mood, all smiles, while watching the latest Modern Family with Kurt. Just as Sofia Vergera's says something hilarious, causing the whole family to curl over in laughter, Carole and Finn walk in from the kitchen. Before one word is spoken, she knows what's happening. The splotchy look of his mom's face is a sure sign of past crying, and the half relieved half terrified Finn. Kurt turns to Rachel immediately in understanding, squeezing her shoulder for support. Burt sits confused looking at everyone, while Finn helplessly shuffles towards the couch, and takes a seat next to Rachel automatically reaching for her hand. Still confused Burt turns off the TV, as Carole walks across the room and sits on the arm rest of Burt's chair. The whole room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, with the giant elephant in the room of telling Burt the truth.
So many things pass through Rachel's mind before anyone talks. How Finn's mom must think she's a tramp, or the fact that she now knows they weren't just visiting to say hi. Right now though, she releases a loud sigh, giving Finn a pointed look just as Burt asks for the third time what's going on.
"I'm just going to cut to the chase," Finn starts to speak very bluntly, "We're having a baby."
When it's said out loud again, you can see Carole's expression of heartbreak and Burt's face turns hard as he begins to take in the facts. Once again it turns silent, waiting for the parents to speak their words on the whole matter.
"Obviously this wasn't planned," Are the first words Burt speaks, and Rachel shakes her head a little ashamed at his words, "And you are both young." Again, the couple only nods to him while he rubs his chin in thought and worry. "But you aren't children anymore, you can live on your own, take care of yourselves, now you are just going to have to take care of someone else."
Finn shudders when he hears that for the first time, like reality is finally hitting him that he was going to be responsible for another human being's life. He also catches on to what Burt's doing, which is his own way of yelling at you. It's like he doesn't scream unless he is really disappointed, but he will lay out what is really happening in the hard truth.
"My question is though, are you both ready for that responsibility?" At the question, Finn coughs in nerves and Rachel looks down thinking deeply like she wants to speak, and she does.
"Look, Burt and Carole. I know you probably think I'm not good enough for your son, which is true." Finn shakes his head harshly at her words, and Carole also tuts at her for putting herself so down. "I'm emotionally damaged and have now destroyed his future by throwing a kid on his plate. However I know what he has going for him, and I gave him the option of getting out and you raised a son who would never ever let that happen. I know we are young, not married, and truthfully probably not at all prepared for what we are getting ourselves into. But Finn and I, we will figure it out and will try our best to give our child a fantastic life. I love him, and I know we'll get through this together."
When Rachel's speech is over, Carole and Kurt are dabbing their eyes and Finn seems a little choked up himself. Suddenly Carole rushes over to engulf the pair in a hug, saying she will be there for them both.
More tears are shed after that, with everyone taking in the large news. Eventually, the family has calmed down and now crowd around the living room laughing and talking about the incoming baby.
"Oh, Kurt we are going to spoil this child rotten." Carole says animatedly, and as they all discuss the baby Rachel realizes that for the first time in a while, she has a family.
The pregnancy seems to fly by, and every day the baby stuff just keeps piling up in the apartment, until eventually Puck breaks down and tells them they need to move out. It was bound to happen, but they will have a child in a few months and Puck can't have it messing with his sleep and sex life. He doesn't force them out right away, just tells them it's time they start looking for their own place.
Then one night while Rachel was making a sandwich for herself in the kitchen Finn called to her from the table. When she walked over to him, he pointed to an apartment complex that was matching all their requirements and Rachel nodding to him in understanding. Later that week they visited and knew from the minute they were showed one of the rooms that it was where they were going to raise their kid.
Of course, the move wasn't fun. Somehow all the things Kurt had already sent to them for the baby had accumulated to almost equal the amount of everything Finn and Rachel owned. But he couldn't really blame his brother for caring. Puck helped them load all of it in the truck, but Finn was solely on his own for moving all the boxes to their apartment on their fourth floor. He wasn't going to let Rachel carry anything, so she was strictly assigned to unpacking and making the barren space a home.
Two weeks later and only a few stray boxes of knickknacks lay around the apartment. Everything seemed to be falling into place, Finn would begin his teaching job in the fall to support the family and Rachel would take enough time as she needed off Broadway after the baby was born before her return. It amazed Rachel how much her life had changed, but what scared her the most was how completely okay with it she was.
Rachel kind of just explodes. Finn doesn't know when the transformation happened, because he can remember clearly tiny Rachel, who he felt like he would crush. Then just one day he woke up to find that her stomach was a huge beach ball under her shirt, and she wanted to eat everything in sight. I mean she was carrying Finn Hudson's child, so it was only fair that it was big and hungry all the time.
Along with all the eating, Rachel's moods are all over the place, and she's always complaining about her back but Finn really can't get angry. He doesn't know what she feels like, and she's so small carrying all this new weight. So, he just tries to be as understanding and nice as possible.
Plus there's the sex. Actually, there's a lot of sex. Rachel seems to be horny all the time, and he's not going to protest his hot, pregnant girlfriend when she wants him. Which is often. If it weren't for the fact that this kid was out of marriage and an accident, he would so get her pregnant again right after this one's born. But he doesn't think Rachel would be too pleased to be out of Broadway that long, she's already dying doing nothing right now. So, he just tries to keep her as busy as possible, enjoying their time together.
They paint the nursery yellow, because even after Finn's many pleas, Rachel insists that the sex should be a surprise since creating this baby was a surprise. He thinks it cruel and unusual punishment, but knows to pick his battles. Of course, making the perfect nursery is a process since Kurt insists his niece of nephew will not be growing up in anything but the best. So he distracts Rachel with that for a while, and when it's finally completed a surreal feeling hits him knowing that in a short time, he'd have a kid sleeping in there.
Finn starts teaching school in September, leaving Rachel at home all by herself. He hates letting a seven-month pregnant women do things alone all by herself, but he has to pay the bills and provide for his family. At least Kurt occupies some of her time, and she starts to teach singing lessons to make extra cash, and keep her from going stir crazy.
The call comes in the middle of his fifth hour, right while he was starting a lesson on historical guitar players. When he answered it in front of the class, he was met by a painful grunt, and then Rachel saying she just started having contractions. He drops the phone when he hears those words, and his class watches him rush out of the room without another word to tell the office he had to leave to get to his child's birth.
Of course, there really wasn't a need to get there so fast because the process is a lot slower than what he thought it would be. When he picks up Rachel from the apartment she isn't screaming in hysterics, she's surprisingly calm about it while Finn is the total opposite. Rachel has to remind he that he doesn't need to speed because for one it's snowing, and two it could take a long time.
This proves to be true when they get to the hospital, settled in the room, and the doctor tells her she's only a couple centimeters dilated. Finn sits restlessly waiting for the process to speed up, and Rachel reassures him calmly that it will happen when it happens.
Six hours later is a completely different story as Rachel clenches onto Finn's hand, screaming to get the kid out of her already. He wipes the sweat off her forehead, whispering repeatedly in her ear that he loves her and encouraging her to keep going. Tears start to pour down both their faces when the doctor encourages one last push, and then announces happily that it's a very big, very loud, girl. Immediately Finn kisses Rachel hard, grinning like a fool, and telling her how proud he is and that they have a daughter.
Hours later, after all the visits and tests, Finn sits next to Rachel asleep in her bed, staring down at the baby in his arms in utter amazement. He can't even grasp what was happening. He had a daughter, he was someone's dad. The thought still blew his mind, and while he looked down at his little girl sleeping in his arms he didn't understand how he could love someone so much. Quietly, he started to rock her while she began to awake, and when she opened her eyes to look at him, he stopped to think about how perfect she was.
"Hi, baby girl." He start to whisper shyly. His heart starts to hammer and melt when she turns her eyes to stare at him, it is like his daughter knew who her daddy was. "Hi, I'm your daddy. I just want you to know even though you won't remember this how much I love you. You've only been here for a couple hours, and I already love you so much and would do anything for you. You and your mommy are my whole word, and I can't imagine my life without you guys." In his arms she starts to wiggle but he rocks her to calm her down, and when he gives her his finger she grabs on and starts to stare at him again. "Your mommy is the best thing that ever happened to me and you two tie for the most beautiful women in the world. You're so lucky to have her as a mom because she's the greatest person I know. And me and her, we are going to do our best raising you, because we love you so so much."
A noise startles him and he looks up to see Rachel leaning over the bed rail and watching him with misty eyes. Immediately he grins at her and she wipes her eyes and gestures for him to join her on the bed. Carefully he hands their daughter over to Rachel and lays down next to her, both of them watching the baby fall back asleep.
"Insane isn't it, we created another human being." Finn says and Rachel nods, leaning over to give him a small peck.
"She looks like you." Rachel says, beginning to lightly trace the baby's lips and face.
"I think she looks like you, she has those deep brown eyes that I love."
"Well she definitely doesn't have my nose, and I can already see some dimples when she smiles." Rachel retorts, but Finn just plants a kiss on Rachel's nose and then another on his little girls forehead. Silence overtakes them as they look down at their kid in awe, before Rachel speaks,
"Miss Stella Claire Hudson, born November 14th, 8 pounds five ounces. Our bright star."
They take her home two days later, and it hits them that they're really a family. Stella likes to cry, a lot. And in the beginning she mixes up her times so she's up all night and sleeps all day. Eventually a schedule is established and it's the greatest feeling when she sleeps through a whole night. Finn becomes a master at diaper changing, and Rachel is a boss at singing Stella back to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night.
Of course things are hard, Finn has to work so Rachel has to stay at home by herself. The mess is always around, and sometimes money's tight. But overall it's worth it when he comes home from work to be greeted by his two favorite girls. Or Saturday's when Rachel gets to sleep in while he gets up with Stella to make a family breakfast. His favorite though, is when they surprise him at school. He will be teaching class when the door swings open to reveal Rachel pushing Stella through the door in her stroller. Like mother like daughter, Stella loves how the girls give her all the attention and gush over how cute she is. I mean can he really blame them, his daughter is pretty damn cute. And even though he has to yell at them, it totally flatters Rachel hearing the word MILF being muttered under the boys breathe.
When they say kids grow up fast, he didn't realize what it meant until he see's just how quickly Stella seems to grow. Sometimes he just wants to hit a pause button on his life so he can slow down everything. Before he knows it, he's getting a call from Rachel flabbergasted telling him to listen, and then the soft 'dada' comes of out Stella's mouth. She starts to walk right when he starts school again, and then they can't get her to stop. Having a kid who can walk is so much more difficult than a kid who can crawl. But as much as Finn wants to stop it life goes on though, and Stella keeps growing every day.
They throw a huge party for her first birthday, with all of Finn's family and their friends coming over. It's crazy and fun at the same time, realizing that they survived a year as parents. Later that night they sit in the living room with all of the presents people brought around them, letting Stella unwrap them and giggle at all her presents. Not surprisingly Kurt bought her way too many gifts, and so did everyone else.
"Oh, Finn we forgot about this one." Rachel states picking up a box while she cleans up the scraps and watches Stella play with a new toy.
"Uhh no, actually that one's for you." He mutters nervously at her, and Rachel stares at him confused.
"Baby, it's our daughter's birthday, mines not for another month!"
"Just open it Rach." Confused Rachel follows directions and pulls off the paper to reveal a tiny velvet box. Slowly she opens it up, gasping loudly with her heart pounding when she realizes what's inside. Looking up, Finn has now gotten down on one knee and tears are already pouring down her face when Finn grabs her hand.
"I know I'm terrible with words so I'm just gonna keep this simple. I love you, I've loved you since the day I saw you. And I know we have a rocky weird past, but despite all the problems we had in ourselves we made it though. You help me become a better person every day, and you gave me the most precious gift ever, our daughter. We made it a year together raising her, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone else. Rachel, baby, I love you I'll always love you. So do you want to marry me and become a Hudson too."
Rachel doesn't even have time to gasp out a yes before she's tackling him in tears, repeating over and over how much she loves him. Once she slips on the beautiful ring it's another flood of emotions, as Rachel excitedly shouts joyfully that finally she's gonna be a Hudson too.
Immediately Rachel goes to work on the wedding plans, because she wants to get married as quick as possible.
It's a spring wedding, small and elegant just the way they wanted it. Stella leads the way as the flower girl and Rachel is escorted by Puck down the aisle. Of course the ceremonies filled with laughter and lots of tears, but Finn and Rachel couldn't be happier when he gets to kiss the bride and they're announced as Mr. and Mrs. Finn Hudson.
She's beautiful, more than that she's breathtaking. Even Stella sits through the whole thing enthralled, and he only has to quiet her down once when she wants to outburst to Momma. He always knew she was meant for the stage, but seeing her back on it is one of the proudest feelings ever. And of course he has to tell people around him that that's his wife, and even Stella starts to tap random people and point to the bill saying, 'That's mommy.'
When they get backstage she's nothing but all smiles, and when Stella rushes over to give her flowers she places kisses all over her face. He of course gives her a long kiss, which Stella shouts Icky to. He's never been more proud in his life, with his two beautiful girls, one being a Broadway star wife. He couldn't ask for anything better.
So, they aren't very good at the not getting pregnant thing, because on Stella's fourth birthday, Rachel announces that she will be getting a baby brother or sister. And you know, it wasn't exactly planned for Sophie to be born just after Chris's second birthday. But they definitely didn't plan to get a two for one deal and welcome the twins three years after Sophie. What can he say he has super sperm. Looking back though, Finn wouldn't change any of it because their family is his whole life. As he watches all the kids, and then looks at Rachel he can't help but grin. Sometimes when he lies in bed he can still smell his favorite scent, one of berries and weed.