Disclaimer: I'm getting sick of doing this. If I owned Teen Titans, Beast Boy and Raven would have had 3 kids already. But lucky for you guys, I don't. But the show would still be going on though. So it's a win-lose situation. Anyways, they belong to their respective owners, who were stupid enough to cancel the damn show!
A/N: My second Teen Titans rant. I am still making Beast Boy rants, so don't worry, but I really wanted to do a Raven rant because she can use such technical lingo to make things sarcastically funny. What ever sense that makes. But don't forget to review and tell me what you think.
One day I was walking down the street, not sure why but I was. So, I decide to go down a different route than I usually go. I then come across two girls that were about thirteen. The first girl with blonde hair was crying and bitching to her friend about some guy that broke her heart.
"Omg, Amy. Can you believe Brad broke up with me? I have had my heart broken too many times. I'm giving up on love!" I decide that these idiots need a lesson, so I walk up the girl and I say, "Bitch, you don't know anything. I'm sick of you and your slutty like friends prancing around and crying every time Brad doesn't get the right colored flower. If I were Brad, I would have dumped your sorry ass before we even got together!" I then walk away before they can say anything to me.
It's true though. These bitches need chill. I'm not trying to be stereotypical but, c'mon, you've gotta give Brad some credit. I'm pretty sure guys don't go out with girls to hear them bitch and complain. And while on the topic of stereotypes, why am I categorized as some goth, emo freak. I don't want to kill myself, I want to kill these low-ass imbeciles who think I'm on the verge of breaking down. I'm strong, and I have dignity. So stop the "Raven's Last Chance" or the "Saving Raven" shit. I can say myself! And for those of you who can't save your own damn self, drugs can't save you either.
But you know what's worse than drug addicts? Those half-ass quitters who are determined to quit but won't get off their lazy ass to do it. Then they take their stupidity and turn it into some form of shit logic. Saying stuff like, " I had a rough day at work today, I know I need to quit, but I need this." No bitch, you don't need it. You work at a fucking office where all you do is sit at your desk and chat with your Facebook friends. Who aren't really your friends, but just like you, they're to lazy to defriend you! So, that "daily fix" is not needed, just wanted. But the worst thing is when these jack-asses have supporters.
"Hey, leave Johnny alone. He's trying hard, give him some support." Like no. People like this SHOULD NOT BREED! They should go plank on a railroad. I'm not gonna torture myself. I took the damn annotative to not turn myself into an addict and now I have to support someone who wasn't strong-willed enough to make the damn choice to not take drugs twenty-five years ago. Bitch. Please. I have a life, and I'm not gonna waste it on little Johnny!
Speaking of boys, Beast Boy's laundry is so disgusting. So, me and Starfire made this bet that Cyborg would eat all of her pudding of sadness. Of course I bet against it. The loser has to do laundry for the rest of the month. And wouldn't you know, Cyborg finished all of the damn pudding. That chlorbag. So now I have to wash Beast Boy's laundry twice a week. I mean, what does he do in his clothes. Like, he always has dirty clothes, EVERYDAY! You wear one outfit per day, how are six of them dirty? And that's not even the worst. He totally crosses the line. He put his pile of dirty clothes RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DOOR! I decided to take this matter into my own hands and tell Beast Boy that I don't play games.
Me: Beast Boy. Come pick up your fucking clothes!
BB: No, aren't you the maid?
Me: Okay bitch, you just crossed the line! *Tackles him to the ground*
BB: GET OFF OF ME!
Me: *On his back not his chest you sick perverts!* Then go do what I TOLD you to DO!
BB: No. You know Raven. Are you enjoying this?
Me: *Twists his arm 360 degrees* What the hell do you think?
BB: I think not. Now let go of me.
Me: Will you get your clothes from in front of my door?
BB: Uhh, nah. *Rolls over and is now on top of me. Not like that, don'teven say it* Now what are you gonna do?
Me: WHAT THE FUCK? I GAVE YOU A CHANCE AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! *Uses powers to make part of the ceiling fall on his chest*
BB: Ow, WHAT THE HELL?
Me: Get off me then.
BB: *Gets off of me*
Me: Now go get your clothes.
BB: I don't wanna.
Me: FINE! *drops him and he falls to the ground* Now roll in pain BITCH!
*Painful Flashback Ended*
He never got his clothes that time, but he never put them in front of my door again. He has totally been creeping me out lately. The other day I found him hiding in my closet. I'm not even gonna explain that one because it was just too awkward. And one day he just jumped on my back and started shouting, " I'M BADASS! I'M BADASS!" Like, the fuck? He is now taller than me and he is pretty heavy. So I threw his fat-ass off of my back before he ruined my spine forever.
Oh, shit, my phone is ringing. Let me go see who this is.
*Ten Minutes Later*
Okay, I have no idea who that was but, it was a really disturbing conversation.
*Disturbing Phone Convo*
Indian Guy: Hello
Me: Who the fuck is this?
Indian Guy: I am Atarva Brimuhuma
Me: I don't know you, get off my line!
Indian Guy: No! You know me. I am your dad.
Me: My dad was the incarnation of evil and he is dead now because I killed him. Would you like me to kill you too?
Idian Guy: Well I thought you were emo. Won't you kill yourself first.
Me: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! I'M NOT FUCKING EMO!
Indian Guy: That's what they all say.
Me: I'm done here.
Indian Guy: No. I'm outside your window. Let me in.
Me: I'm hanging up
Indian Guy: NO PLEA-
*Disturbing Phone Call Ended*
Yeah, I'm not opening my window anytime soon. Besides, I need some juice. Bitching like this can really make your throat dry. And I know, I don't drink juice, I just want an excuse to leave. Now get off my case. Stop it, you're making me feel bad for leaving. Okay, I'll stay, damn.
One more topic, that's it. You guys all remember the time where I ended the world right? Well, I know ending the world sounds extreme, but I came back and I saved it. So when I got back all I got was a hug from Beast Boy and some tofu bacon. I don't even like tofu bacon! And the hug with Robin doesn't even count because I gave it to him not the other way around. But when that blonde-haired, bulimic floozy came, everything changed. Okay, so she came and then ran away like a scared, little kitten. And then she came back as a damn spy for that rapist, Slade. And then she fucking betrayed us, tried to annihilate us, and ran all the people out.
Then when she got pissed at Slade for beating the shit out of her, she got mad. Beast Boy tried to help her but SHE got mad at him and made the rocks fall on his foot. So when she decided to finally take some damn control, she turned on Slade, thus starting a volcano that could wipe out the city. But remember, there aren't any people in the city because she sacred them to death.
So really, she saved a city with no people in it. But when she died guess what she got. She got flowers, recognition, and a FUCKING OBITUARY! LIKE, WHAT THE HELL! I END THE WORLD AND SAVE IT AND SPENT MY WHOLE TEENAGE LIFE FIGHTING CRIME BECAUSE JUMP CITY POLICE SUCKS ASS, BUT ALL I GET IS A HUG FROM BB AND SOME FUCKING TOFU BACON! What has the world come to?
Okay, that's it. I really need to go to the bathroom. Okay, I don't. I'm just want to leave. Don't forget, Terra's a sorry-ass, friend-zoning, floozy who deserved to die. And I'm NOT EMO! Damn stereotypes!