Obsidian eyes stared into emerald. It was the end. Life seemed to escape Severus Snape, before he ever had a chance to live at all. He lived for one girl who died nearly seventeen years ago. Lying on his death bed, he only thought of her. It was all that was in his mind. Every moment of every day since their friendship burst into flames and turned itself into ashes, he thought of her. He lived, only to protect her son. If it weren't for her, he would never have done it. As the poison coursed through his veins he couldn't help, but let go.
It was a horrendous scene. Harry held Snape's face with his hand. It was too late to save him. All that was left was for Snape to die, and for Harry to see his memories. The blood poured from his neck wound and onto the floor of the Shrieking Shack. His body slowly went numb, but it wasn't fast enough. Through the numbness his emotions intensified, burning inside of him, like a fire that would burn brightly forever, no matter how much water you poured on it.
They say in death that your life flashes before your eyes. It was true. Images of Lily filled his mind. She was his life. After wanting to die for so long, he didn't want to let life escape him. It was selfish. He had lived for so long, perhaps even too long. He wanted to live longer, just another day. He wanted to be able to see that his efforts did not go to waste. But he couldn't ask for more, because his time had come overdue.
As he looked into Harry's eyes—no they were Lily's eyes—Harry had her eyes—he felt every ounce of regret that he had collected in his life. He had done everything wrong—everything, but saving Harry Potter. She lived on in him. He always knew he would die in the end for her. There was never a doubt in his mind. And now, through all the wrong he had done in his life, after he called Lily the word that ruined their friendship, after he pledged his soul to Lord Voldemort, after killing Lily and James Potter, after it all, he had done something right.
His body burned with poison, but through every ounce of agony he felt love more than anything else. He turned away from Harry slowly. His heart began to slow. He had seconds left, and maybe even a minute if he were to have a miracle. But no matter how much time he had left thousands of words and thoughts came into his mind all at once.
I'll see her again. I've waited my whole life to see her eyes, her beautiful eyes and her smile that could make any bitter, cold heart fill with warmth. She taught me how to love. She taught me how to live. She was my all. And despite everything— with all of the dunderheads in the world, I was the biggest one, because I left her. I betrayed her—not once, but several times. I deserve to die. I deserve to rot in hell for what I had done.
I hadn't cried since the day I saw Lily on the floor, cold, lifeless and no longer able to shine light into my dark heart. I learned all too late of my mistakes. I let the illusion of power cloud my mind. I gave her up for it. Why? I asked myself that question every day. I hadn't the right answer. I gave everything up—for nothing.
Lily, if I knew the prophecy was about your child I would never have uttered a word. You would have been alive and happy, even if you weren't with me. I tried to save you. But trying wasn't enough. I should have fought for you with every drop of life I had. I should have died that day instead of you. I should have had a plan. I was an idiot. No, I was more than that. I was just as evil and just as tainted as Voldemort. You were right to leave me. I never deserved you. Even in the end, how badly I wish to hold you in my arms, your heart still beating and your body still alive, bursting with the life you had. Seeing you lying of the floor, no longer able to smile, no longer to show me how to live made me feel dead. I was dead long before that day, but seeing you dead obliterated whatever was left. If I took matters in my own hands would you still be alive? I know you would be. I cannot turn back time. Magic is useless because of that. I would have given up everything if it meant you would have lived.
In the end all I was left with were the memories of her which kept me alive for so many years.
The day I met her by the lake was the best day of my life. She thought I was a fallen angel of sorts, come to rescue her from all the pain she went through for being different. But in truth, she had saved me that day. On that day I knew I loved her, there was no questioning it.
We started going to Hogwarts two years later. We swore never to separate, even though we were in enemy houses. Those houses—Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Gryffindor are a tragedy. They only set walls up to separate, to create enemies and to make wars. Our pact didn't last long enough. The end of fifth year marked the end of our friendship. I should have told her how I felt. I should have fought harder for her. I should have never uttered that word. Power was weakness; the illusion of it even weaker. I was weak then, so weak that I was groveling on the floor, gasping for air and barely holding onto life, just as I was now. But now is different. Now, I had attempted to right my wrongs, but it isn't enough. Nothing would be enough to right my life. At least I did something right in the end.
If life was seen as light and dark, I was undoubtedly the dark. I spent my whole life chasing after darkness, only sometimes would I chase after the light, until it was too late. In the end, I may have died for the light. But in the end, everyone would know that my supposed heroic actions were done only because my blackened views shifted slightly, but it was still enough to change.
I had only caught glimpses of her since that day, until the day I saw her dead. It was too late to tell her that I loved her, too late to tell her I wanted to trade places and die instead, too late to have apologized and too late to get the one thing I ever wanted—her love.
He breathed his last breathes. "Lily," he whispered, escaping his lips inaudibly. Finally, he had closed his eyes. He saw her once more as everything quickly began to end. As the final seconds passed the only thought in his mind was, "I'll see you soon. I love you Lily. Always."
He drifted off into an eternal bliss, never to wake again. He had nothing to live for anymore. His life was completed, pitifully, and, yet somehow valiantly. He loved her until the very end.
He awoke suddenly in a haze of green and white. The cool breeze of a lake danced on his skin. A bitter smell pleasantly filled the air. He remembered where he was. He hadn't been there in so long. Years had passed, and now, after he was sure he had died, he found himself at the spot where he had met Lily.
Suddenly his vision began to clear. Everything was exactly the way it was when he had met Lily. The same old willow tree stood near the lake as it had when they were small. The water, just as dirty as it was that day. The air, just as bitter as he had remembered it. The sky was the same shade of pale blue, with the clouds floating sparsely in the sky.
Everything was perfect, except she wasn't there. He sat down in front of the lake, clutching his knees to his chest. He hoped so much that she would come. Tears began to fall down his cheeks once more, memories spilling down his face. He deserved this. He truly did. It didn't matter. All he wanted was another glimpse of her, smiling, with her bright eyes gladly gazing upon him. Being so overtaken by emotion his body began to shake. Finally, after he had died he let himself truly feel the full extent of his emotions. What was it worth to die when he couldn't see her again? Life and death were the same to him. But then again, he had lived life half dead.
"She isn't coming," a familiar male voice said.
Dumbledore, why has he come back now? I can't let him see me like this. He cannot be God. I will not stand for this. Death did not affect this man at all.
"Severus, I know this isn't what you had expected. And I know you can barely stand my being here, but please bear with me."
He can read minds too, splendid.
"Severus, my boy, there is another way."
Another way for what—for me to live my terrible life over again? Impossible. If you haven't noticed, life isn't fair. Nothing works out. Everything ends up a tragedy. Dumbledore, I have lived life listening to you. You were never right. For one right to happen thousands of things must go wrong. It took me my entire life to do something right.
"Ah, but Severus, you couldn't be more mistaken. You see, you are no longer alive."
"I'm not a moron." Severus wanted him out of his sight. He had lived his entire life serving him, "for the greater good".
"I wasn't saying that," Dumbledore paused, as he created a troubled look on his face. "Severus, do you not want to see her again? I thought you loved her."
He shot him a look that said every word he needed to say, and even more. "I would do anything to catch a glimpse of her. But we both know that, that is impossible."
"Nothing is impossible." He had peaked Severus' interest. "You have lived your entire life for everyone, but you. You made so many mistakes. You killed so many bright, young minds. You did the unforgivable-"
Stop! I do not need to be told that. Knowing how horribly worthless I was on its own, is enough.
"But you deserve a second chance, more than anyone else," Dumbledore finished. Severus finally faced him. His eyes were full of pain and suffering, regret and remorse, but most of all hope. It was something he had lost long ago. And now, all of a sudden, it was there again.
Dumbledore looked the same as he did when he died. He had the same blue eyes, which penetrated your soul, finding the good in it. He had on the same clothing and hat. He never thought he would see this man again. But most of all he never thought he would see this man wanting so badly to help him. "I haven't seen that look on your face in years Severus. This is touching. I never thought I would be the one to provoke such a…rarity."
"Please…continue with what you were saying. I would do…anything to see her again."
Dumbledore smiled genuinely. His face was brimming with happiness. He had seen a side of Severus which he hadn't seen in years. "You would go back to the point in time where you could have changed your life. You will have a second chance to right all of your wrongs. But, before you say anything I must warn you. You may not like were you end up. I cannot say what point in time you shall awake, but I promise you that you will be horribly dissatisfied…in my opinion. Anything you change could end up being horribly wrong. I need you to keep that in mind. But anything you change also could end up terribly right. You will hold the key in Voldemort's destruction. If you go back, there is a strong possibility that you might completely change the future. But Severus, do it for good, not bad. Do not seek power. Do it for Lily."
For once in life Severus was speechless. He was completely appalled. What could he say? Yes—he would see Lily again, he could make everything right again, but what if she didn't want the same? What if his future would end up the same as his last? No—then he would have the knowledge that he could have done things differently eating away at his sanity. Would things be better if he let it be? He had to see her again. He must. He needs her. But would it all be a waste? Just one glimpse, just one look from afar—would it be worth it? Yes. No. Maybe. Would he do it for Lily? Definitely. Always.
"Yes. Always," he finally said, completely sure of himself.
"Do you understand what you are getting yourself into?"
He nodded. "I'll make everything right again," he paused thinking about what to say next. "For the greater good," he finally added, cringing slightly as he did so. It was so unlike himself.
Dumbledore nodded, "I have complete faith in you. I never stopped trusting you, Severus. I believe you can do the right thing. But no matter who believes it, you have to believe in yourself." He began walking away, leaving Severus meters behind.
Where are you going?
"No my boy, the question is: Where are you going?"
"Thank you," Severus said, with the most sincere of looks on his face. With his eyes full of hope, his heart heavy with remorse and his mind filled with a new a goal this new world began to fade. A shroud of black consumed him, until; finally, there was nothing left, but the sound of his once again beating heart.
A/N: Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to PM me with any questions, as I will not be answering them in any Author's Notes.