Night in White Satin
A. G. Prentice
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS and the Sullivan Company.
I – For the First Time
Friday May, 20th, 1870
Finally, finally, the time had come for Michaela and Sully to fully give themselves to each other. Finally, they were lying together on the fabulous bed Sully had so lovingly hand-carved – for the first time.
They were locked in an intense kiss that went on and on, their lips unable to break contact, with the rhythmic lurching of the train giving their embrace a highly erotic motion that Michaela felt to her core. Her heart was racing and beating faster with each new caress from her new husband. Sully's weight was pressing her into the soft mattress, further stealing her breath away and she wondered fleetingly whether she would eventually faint from sheer excitement.
Michaela had already experienced the warmth, the thrill of desire – no matter how embarrassing and alien it had felt to her, especially at the very beginning of their relationship – but it had never reached the powerful point she felt tonight, almost smothering her in its mighty grip. Nothing, not even the few temptations they had previously faced, had prepared her for its uncontrollable flames, and her deeply ingrained need for keeping the control did not like this one bit.
Yet, in her virginal ignorance, all she could do was to trust Sully to be true to his word about taking things ever so easy and to surrender herself totally to him, taking her cues from him about what she was supposed to do. Between her mother's warnings about the unpleasantness of the wifely duty, Dorothy's well-meaning but hard to follow advice of just letting instinct take over, and the somewhat confusing, contrary messages the aforesaid instinct was sending her, she couldn't figure out what to do. And in this occurrence, her helplessness bordered on fear: what if Sully was to find her hopelessly inadequate? What if despite all his efforts, his patience, he ended up being disappointed in her? She couldn't bear it…
Sully, too, was waging his own little war with instinct. The sole knowledge that he was finally allowed to make this woman his in the biblical sense was nearly overpowering his self-control. His heart was thundering in his chest, its heavy pounding reverberating in every cell of his body like a loud chorus of Cheyenne drums. But he had made her a promise, which he fully intended to keep even if he were to collapse under the pressure.
He tore himself away to discard the buckskin wedding shirt, exposing his chest oiled with sweat, and took a moment to look at Michaela, trying to gauge her state of mind. He wanted her to trust him, and to enjoy that first experience enough to overcome her reserve and shed that Boston upbringing which had taught her to smother her natural sensuality to the point where she was afraid of her own feelings.
Michaela would probably never fully fathom the amount of patience and self-restraint he'd had to muster on the few occasions she had let down her guard enough to allow him a bit more than a soft peck. Nor would she be able to comprehend the overwhelming, deep-seated need he felt for her, for everything she was to him – beyond best friend, beyond family, even maybe beyond soul mate – a sentiment that even the greatest poets had neither named nor described.
Now, the time had come to truly and fully join with her, heart, soul and… body. He had fantasized about this moment a thousand times, but never in his wildest dreams had he anticipated he would ache with desire so much that it would hurt physically. He had always thought her to be incredibly beautiful, yet today, her beauty had shined all the brighter, her angelic face almost transfigured from the glow of happiness. He almost doubted that his love was the reason of her radiance and was tempted to pinch himself to ascertain he wasn't having some extraordinary dream.
But no, this was real. This was true. Now… now, they were alone. Finally…
Sully slowly lowered himself alongside his bride, giving them both some time to catch their breath. Gently, slowly, he pulled the bodice of her dress down, inch by inch, and dared graze the swell of her breasts along the plunging décolleté with feather-light, tantalizing touch. Her skin was so soft under the pad of his fingers that he could barely repress a shudder.
Instead of breathing more calmly after that long, sensual, overwhelming kiss, Michaela only gasped at the sensations he was creating and shivered quite violently as well. The pleasure he elicited was too new, too raw for her inexperienced body, and she recoiled in spite of herself, the scarlet blush that stained her face and neck neatly discernible even in the shaded daylight. She cast Sully a pleading look, mutely asking for understanding.
Sully swallowed hard. He had truly hoped not to get this kind of reaction from her, not so early on at least. He *would* have to go real nice, real easy… He took a steadying breath.
What Michaela didn't know was that Sully had expected that even her complete trust in him might not be enough to fully let go of her inhibitions. During the past few nights, he had worked on strengthening his endurance, using a combination of meditation and exercises. He had hoped he wouldn't need to rely on these too much, but now, he realized he had been right to do so. They would both need his stamina and patience.
Before she had time to mutter some excuse, he took her lips for a light, reassuring kiss, lingering just long enough to get her to respond. Then he took her hand and pulled her up to a sitting position, where he proceeded to free her hair from its elaborate hairdo, kissing her now and then. The shining tresses tumbled onto her shoulders one by one in large curls, until all the flowers, pearls and pins were gone, and he could run his fingers through the coppery strands. Touching her silky, lustrous hair was a sensual, gratifying pleasure in itself, something of which he would never tire.
Now in more familiar territory, Michaela was able to relax somewhat under his tender ministrations, and didn't flinch when she felt his hands return to her back, fumbling again with the lacing. Sensing that he was having trouble, she asked:
"Do you need help?"
He stopped his fumbling and looked at her. "Yep. Tell me how to unknot this thing. Heck, it ain't a corset, it's more like a chastity belt!"
Michaela blushed at his choice of words. "I think I saw my medical bag among our luggage. You could use bandage scissors…" her voice trailed off, as she was too bashful yet to express out loud how anxious she had become to be freed from the constricting contraption, eager to breathe more freely, and yet more than a little nervous at the thought that Sully was about to see her unclothed. He certainly had seen her before in various states of undress, but never with absolutely nothing on! What if he didn't like her figure?
Sully made a short work of cutting the remaining lacing of both her dress and corset, and then paused, waiting for a sign from her. Moved by his consideration of her feelings, she gave a tiny nod and took a deep breath to steady her nerves, willing herself to remain calm and allow him to move things along. Her cheeks still flaming red, she averted her gaze, not ready yet to face the lustful look she was sure to see in his eyes when he would completely undress her.
Sully didn't want her to act resigned and prude. He wanted her to be at ease with him, to be comfortable with his desire, and her own. So he lifted her chin to force her to look at him.
"Michaela, look at me… if something don' feel right to ya, you must tell me. I don' wanna do somethin' that makes ya feel bad, all right? If you ain't ready to be naked in front of me, then I can turn away, let you get into a nightgown, and we can cuddle all night and wait till you feel ready… I promised ya we'd take it easy, and I'm gonna keep my promise, no matter what. How's that?"
He gave her another soft kiss before he stood up and turned around, his back to her. He listened as she stood up also, and tried not to let his imagination run wild, as he heard the dress fall to the floor and the soft rustling sound when she stepped out of the frothy ring of the silk skirts… And then, he had the pleasant, exciting surprise to feel her arms slip around his waist, with the softness of her bared breasts pressed against his back, the brush of her lips and the tickling warmth of her breath onto his nape as she uttered, almost moaned, his name.
Not wanting to break the spell, he allowed her to explore his body at her leisure, knowing the reward would be well worth the delicious torture he was going through. He barely stifled a growl when her hands caressed his chest and lightly brushed his nipples. Though her hands were shaking a little, she continued her caresses down to the toned-up muscles across his abdomen, her shyness only making her stop at the waistband of his tuxedo pants.
Michaela surprised herself as she slipped out of her dress and went straight to him. While the reasonable part of her brain urged her to reach for the bedspread, or anything, to cover her torso before slipping on a proper nightgown, her instinct – or more accurately, her desire – drew her to him at the sight of the strength and virility exuding from his perfectly outlined muscles. The feel of his taut flesh under her fingers and lips, against her own skin, was overwhelming, and she just couldn't deny her need to touch him anymore. As familiar as she was with the sight of him shirtless, the context, the place, the light swaying motion of the carriage, all combined to give a new dimension to her caresses. She was no longer the prim and proper doctor, no longer the modest fiancée either, now, she was married to him. Married! She was united to him in spirit, heart, and soul. And now, the time had come to unite their bodies, too.
And how considerate he was! How endearing! How could she resist? He was willing to curb his own needs to allow her to enjoy their new intimacy at her own pace. How incredibly blessed she was to have found him! She wondered fleetingly whether any of the men she had crossed paths with would have been so patient, so loving and caring…
Eyes closed, she relished the feel of him and, now that she was so close, she could perceive his heartbeat, strong and fast, and she warmed at the thought that it was for her. She again felt the urge to kiss him, to hold onto him like there would be no tomorrow – like they were the last two people on Earth. And suddenly, a flash of understanding hit her, and she realized why people could sometimes act so foolishly because of this, because, right now, she truly cared about nothing else except being here, with him. Nothing could tear her away. It felt like every single cell of her body, every nerve ending, wanted, needed to melt and fuse with him. Now, she truly understood what desire meant, not just what it felt like. Her analytical mind, or what passion had left of it, was awestruck by the phenomenon. Yet, she was still afraid of the intensity of her own feelings, afraid of losing control and acting recklessly, or clumsily, on those deeply buried but powerful urges she could feel stirring within her. She feared those unspeakable desires would shock her husband and might ruin her relationship with him and she couldn't bear the mere idea of losing his love and respect, losing him in the process. She couldn't take that risk, so she fought the impulse that had come over her to loosen his belt, help him finish undressing and drag him back to the bed. A proper woman should not take the lead… wait for the man, said her reason, sounding a bit too much like her mother.
When she didn't make further moves, Sully warned her in a gentle whisper: "I'm gonna turn around, all right?"
She answered with another light kiss to his back, and her hold slackened enough to permit him to turn to face her. A sigh of rapture escaped him as his eyes beheld her half-naked body, and her heart fluttered in answer to his reaction, as she was both reassured and at the same time more anxious about what was to come…
Slowly, with infinite care, he explored her torso, cupping her breasts as he went. The exquisite softness, the delicious roundness of her breasts that seemed made to fit into his palms, her warmth, her scent… he was unable to hold his physical reaction in check any longer, his trousers becoming more uncomfortable by the second. He had the choice between finding a way to cool down, fast, and risking a bolder move.
He chose to take her lips again, to hold her so close she would feel the evidence of his reaction, and maybe, maybe, her resistance might yield on its own. He crushed her to his chest as his lips and tongue ardently sought hers.
Her flesh burning from and for his touch, Michaela could barely believe what was happening to her, and that it was happening to her. Her heart rate was becoming increasingly erratic with each new caress, and her body, as if drawn to him like a magnet, just moved on its own volition under his hands, her back arching toward him. When his arms tightened around her waist and he pulled her hard against his chest, taking her breath away with a kiss so charged with pent-up passion, she almost lost consciousness. And she might have, save her awareness of the tell-tale throbbing of his arousal pushing against her lower abdomen. She felt her legs begin to give way and would have collapsed on the floor if Sully had not held her so tight and secure.
Sully felt her tremble and suddenly go limp in his arms. Having a fair idea of the reason for her weakness, he smiled softly and reassuringly at her before he repeated his earlier action, scooping her up in his arms and laying her once again on the bed. He resumed kissing her with ardor, only leaving her mouth to trail his kisses down her throat to her collarbone, down further to the valley between her breasts, where he lingered a moment, breathing in the intoxicating mix of fragrances emanating from her skin. Another groan escaped his mouth as he luxuriated in her perfume, subtle and flowery, and her natural feminine scent, enhanced by the lavender soap she used every day, the very scent that had driven him almost crazy on the trip to Harding's mill.
As his lips were exploring her chest, his hair brushed lightly the highly sensitive skin of her breasts and the combination of sensations made her shudder violently, almost painfully. Gooseflesh erupted all over her body and her nipples hardened, leaving her breathless and dazed. She had a short moment of panic when she realized that she was losing all control over her own body, her own feelings – her very thoughts. And then, without warning, she sank into some sort of oblivion, the nervous tension that had been building within her body receding to make full way for her arousal. Every inch of skin touched by his hands or his lips came alive, reddening with the onrush of her blood, its flow untamed from the frantic beating of her heart.
Sully noticed the change in her demeanor, and tore himself from his luscious exploration to lovingly observe her. Lying there on the bedspread, her skin becomingly flushed, her chest heaving most enticingly, her trembling swollen, darkened lips and delicate nostrils, eyes brimming over with amorous fever, she was such a vision that all he could do to keep from taking her right on the spot was to turn away. Desperately, he concentrated on kicking off his shoes, shedding his trousers and breeches, and taking deep, calming breaths before he could begin the task of removing her undergarments. He swallowed hard, trying to block out the fantasies come to life of her lying naked and abandoned in his arms.
When she felt Sully pull away from her, Michaela came back to reality with a frustrated sigh but didn't need to ask him out loud for the reason as she realized that he was merely finishing undressing. Though she couldn't see him fully, since he was seated at her feet with his back to her, she gulped as she imagined what his aroused body truly looked like in all its glory, prompting another wave of heat to burn its way up to her face. Her wild heartbeat didn't get much time to recover, either, for Sully turned around once again, his eyes fixed on her feet, removing one boot, then the other, before running his hands up one of her legs toward the garter that held her white silk stocking in place. As he fumbled with the fastenings, his fingers rubbed against her inner thighs, making her heart nearly stop from pounding so fast and hard. She trembled again, her anticipation reaching another threshold when his fingertips came very, very close to touching her most private place, where she had never dared imagine being touched, ever, by anyone. That very same place was now throbbing impatiently, much to her bewilderment, and clamoring for something quite unknown to her. She had yet to learn that a woman could need and expect fulfillment the way a man did…
As the crucial moment was looming very close now, the tiny shred that was left of her reasoning ability could barely remember what Dorothy had told her about what to expect of this particular stage of intimacy. The older woman had meant well when she had tried to reassure the nervous bride-to-be, telling her that there was nothing to fear at all, even not the rupture of the maidenhead, for the pain would last no longer than the sting of a needle. Upon seeing that her best friend had remained unconvinced, Dorothy, armed with the hereditary wisdom, practicality and straightforwardness of country womenfolk, had tried a more matter-of-fact approach, suggesting that, with riding a horse daily as she had done for the last three years, it was likely that the membrane was already gone, or at least loosened enough not to bother her when the time to join with Sully would come. Then Dorothy had thrown in a last piece of advice: she had insisted about Michaela letting Nature do its work, allowing her body to follow the age-old instinct that kept bringing men and women together.
Much too befuddled to determine whether she had succeeded in following her friend's recommendations, Michaela could only raise her hips a second to allow Sully to draw her bloomers down and off, that unspeakable, magnetic need to unite with him stronger than any embarrassment she could ever feel about being completely naked and exposed to her new husband's scrutiny. She sought his eyes, hoping to distract him from looking too closely at her body, and found them, their usual forget-me-not hue turned to a much darker shade, like a stormy ocean, a true reflection of the tempestuous desire raging inside that mirrored her own.
The mere act of taking her underclothes off had been sheer torture to him; his aching need was almost unbearable. He had never felt anything like that, never heard about it either. The Body Electric? When it came to his attraction to this woman, that was an understatement for it more resembled the force of a thousand lightning bolts! He resumed the stroking of her body, his touch reverent, yet possessive, seeking her most sensitive places. He smiled mischievously, picturing himself as a musician learning how to master his instrument. He hoped that, one day, the roles could be reversed and she would be able to reciprocate.
Lying down alongside her, he lovingly brushed her lips with his thumb, then with his mouth, his tongue soon slipping in to sensuously meet and caress hers when she granted him access. She shuddered again, but settled quickly into the new movement of their mouths, the rhythm of which was clearly prefiguring the merging of their bodies. And then… the feel of his hand gliding up her inner thigh again, reaching the soft folds of her sex, exploring the tender flesh with cautious fingers. Oh my God… Such intimate caresses were jarring her innocence so much that her heart nearly stopped, but as his caresses intensified, she could do nothing but completely submit to the incredibly pleasant sensations, her body shuddering and writhing in response. It no longer mattered how improper and unladylike it was to vocalize her enjoyment. It no longer mattered she wasn't supposed to enjoy his ministrations in the first place, let alone desperately want more…
More than pleased to feel her response, yet knowing that he couldn't hold out much longer, Sully broke off the kiss and ventured a bolder caress between her legs, and watched her tense, then tremble and squirm under his ministrations, while listening rapturously to the chant-like moans he was eliciting from her, her voice raspy with desire and pleasure. He caressed and kissed her some more, until he caught sight of her eyes, darkened and veiled with longing: she seemed ready for the next step.
Overwhelmed by all the sensations that assailed her and unable to control her response to them, she could only lie there, overcome by a strange, growing feeling of emptiness that had been nagging at her for the past few minutes and that she instinctively knew only Sully could fill. She offered no resistance as he coaxed her legs open so he could position himself between them. She drew in her breath shakily as she felt his manhood pulsating against her, and a need to take him in, primeval and powerful, washed over her. She could almost hear her core calling out to him urgently, and felt her body opening on its own as if it was a flower blossoming from the inside… What a bewildering sensation!
"Ready?" Sully rasped.
Michaela's heart lurched again in both anxiety and eagerness. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his back, feeling the tense muscles under her palms as her hands moved up to his nape. Sully took his cue from her embrace to dip his head for a sweet kiss. He reached back for one of her hands, interlacing their fingers together in a gesture he hoped would reassure her, and then he carefully sought entry, all his attention centered on making the moment as smooth and painless as possible for her.
"Oooh…" she breathed huskily. She didn't think of bracing herself against the possible pain for she barely noticed the sharp, tearing sensation, the burning pain fading fast in the wake of such an awe-inspiring discovery. She blinked several times, holding her breath as she thought, this is it… they were fully joined. So, this was how it felt to take the man she loved inside her! How complete he made her feel – that absolute oneness that couldn't be compared to anything else she had ever experienced, nor even heard about! From somewhere within the deepest recesses of her soul rose the certainty that this was how it would be between them from now on, as if a part of him had been etched within her, destined to remain there forever…
Meeting less resistance than he had anticipated and seeing no trace of pain or discomfort marring her features, he allowed himself a sigh of relief. Yet he asked, just to be sure: "You all right?"
A dreamy half-smile on her lips, she nodded eagerly, then pressed a grateful kiss to his mouth, much to his contentment. Without further ado, he started moving, as slowly as he could, focusing on every nuance of her reactions while trying hard not to get too absorbed in his own sensations. In the thousands of times he had dreamed of how it would feel to be inside her, never had he expected it to be so welcomingly warm and soft and so perfectly snug. Perfect, that was the word, exactly. Adoringly, he kissed her again and again, his lips and tongue again matching the rhythm of his movements, progressively picking up speed.
Then all too soon, their time together came to a blazing end. All that Sully was feeling – love, desire, pleasure – was swallowing him up, his determination to give her enough time crumbled, his endurance snapped and he just abandoned himself to the abyss, growling weakly, her name the only thing on his lips and on his mind before it blacked out.
Michaela had no idea of how long their union had lasted. She only knew only that the exhilarating feeling that had been swelling within her, bathing her whole being in its sunny light, melted away before it had reached its zenith, when Sully helplessly reached his release. She was left with a kind of vague regret she had already experienced a couple of times before: a few weeks ago, at the homestead, when propriety had won over her needs, and a year before, when they had sealed their engagement in the sweat lodge with the most feverish kiss ever. Yet, feeling him softly quiver within her, and hearing him calling out her name in a low but intense rasp gave her an odd sense of satisfaction. She sighed serenely, holding fast onto his broad shoulders. He was sweating heavily and crushing her under his weight, but she couldn't care less. All that mattered to her, right here and right now, was that unbelievable sense of belonging with him – maybe also to him.
When, at last, he had recovered enough to roll onto his back, she followed and ended up tucked firmly alongside his body. He was breathless, not only physically but emotionally as well, unable to find a suitable way to convey what this very first time together had meant to him: what she meant to him. He could only hug her closer, his whole heart in his eyes as he peered into hers.
The setting sun cast its last flamboyant rays onto the train carriage, setting the dim light within ablaze for all but a second, and then darkness took over, encouraging the lovers to get a well-deserved nap before their arrival to Denver, and the beginning of a whole new chapter of their life.