Random idea that I got. Since I have other stories to worry about, I'll try not to be too description heavy or anything for this story since it's not meant to be taken seriously or a priority. The idea for this came from a fic I read a few months ago. I wish I can remember the story title:( All I remember is it was about Illya and Fate Stay Night.

Anybody who finds out said fic and gives me the title will get a homemade oatmeal and raisin cookie from me:D

Next story update is either Daydreams or Synchronicity.


Laura sat in her room, thinking. This was rare for her, all things considered.

Usually she would be up and about, doing whatever little flights of fancy stroked her substantially advanced cerebellum (Fancy).

But today was different. Oh no, she had something dire to think about. Something that she needed to find a solution for before it was too late.

Ichika hadn't been paying much attention to her recently. Now, this wasn't a problem in and of itself (despite his once in a lifetime position, he never seemed to notice the attention he received from the fairer sex). Him not paying attention to her wasn't the problem.

No, it was because he was paying attention to everyone but her!

She wasn't imagining it! Oh no, she was sure! She saw the way he looked at Houki, the little laughs he gave Cecilia, the scared screams he gave Rin (Okay, that wasn't very romantic, but it was something!), and the small blushes he had when Charlotte (Her best friend!) got a little too close for comfort.

What did she have? If your answer is nothing, then you would be right!

Nothing. No reaction, not even a teensy little gasp. Sure, the first time she showed up in his room naked he had blushed and started flailing around, but now there was nothing. Whenever she showed up in his room, all he'd do was sigh irritably and tell her to go back to her own room.

And before you say that sighing is something, don't! It wasn't anything unique for her. Heck, even the instructor got a small chill and the beginnings of tears!

She heard that sigh from him whenever he received hard homework or when there was trouble. Was that all she was to him? Trouble?

No, she never made trouble for him. Not at all. Sure she was a bit rough on training him at times, but he never complained about that.

...Ignoring the occasional. "Ow, my arm! Ah, legs don't bend that way! My spleen! No, not my greatest treasure!"

What did he even mean by the last one? Clarissa told her that a wife treated her (or his, in this case)spouse as their greatest treasure. So what was he yelling about? She wasn't going anywhere.

This despite the lack of attention she got from him. Wasn't he lucky to have her?

She needed to do something about this and fast.

"Computer, connect to the Shwarzer Haze base now!" She stated.

The computer in front of her flickered s before Clarissa's visage appeared. This was a super secure channel with a triple binary code and fixed with a super secret codeword that only her and Clarissa knew. Their brains were also hardwired to give out the wrong phrase in the unlikely event someone managed to coerce or torture them into giving out their knowledge of the code. In short, it was an ultra rare channel that should be used only in the most dire and important of circumstances.

"Clarissa, I need relationship advice!"

...This was important.

"Ah, is it about the Orimura boy again?" She teased. As the oldest of the unit, even older than their commander, Clarissa had the unofficial spot as the big sister of the unit. Up till recently, everyone but Laura had been asking her for advice on different things ranging from assassinations, weapons fire, or even boys and their preferences. Whatever they needed, she could answer, "Is there anything in particular you need to know?"

"Ichika's not paying attention to me!"

...Except that.

She was good in a lot of things, but it didn't include regaining a guys attention after you already make the first strike. God knows she'd be clueless if Joshua suddenly decided to start ignoring her.

Good thing the hypersonic eye upgrade included a "no suicide" protocol implant.

"Ah...well, is there any particular reason for why?" Clarissa dared to ask.

"No!" Laura slammed her hands on the table. Were Clarissa not on the other side of a computer miles away, she probably would have yelled, "I mean, I don't understand it! I'm doing everything like a good spouse should and I always spend time with him. Why isn't he doing the same?"

Laura was hopelessly clueless why. Clarissa was too, if not more so. All the manga she read pointed to everything going to a happy ending as long as Laura followed it.

"Did you make him breakfast?" Clarissa asked.

A good spouse always made their significant other feel comfortable whenever possible. It was a sign of both their love and respect for one another.

"Yes, I made him my best meal." She stated proudly. She specifically researched on which rations were voted the best on the UN meets (France was doing best. Charlotte must've been proud.) and which energy drinks gave the best boost in all bodily functions (Though Ichika ran to the bathroom after he drank it complaining of it "energizing something that shouldn't be energized" with his hands between his legs).

It was the perfect meal. She even especially made sure that the drink had that v-something or whatever that energized men specifically.

Okay, no problem there then, "How about your attire? Did you remember to wear the-"

"Yes, I remembered." Laura interrupted her, "The pink apron with the heart on the chest with nothing underneath it. I made sure to lean forward every time I needed to, and even when I didn't need to, just like those diagrams you showed me. ...He didn't even look like he wanted to ravage me, not even a little..."

"Not even a little?" Clarissa was worried now. This shouldn't be happening, not at all. All research showed that the normal guy would kill for the situation Ichika was in. Only those who were clueless, asexual, or had girlfriends were immune. And even then they weren't completely immune, not at all.

"Yes, and I don' know what to do!" She smashed her hand on the table again, much to Clarissa's discomfort, "He spends more time with the Houki, Cecilia, Rin, and Charlotte compared to me. Am...Am I not good enough? Did I do something wrong?" She asked no one in particular.

"No, it isn't your fault." At least she hoped it wasn't. It certainly wasn't her fault, what with having access to the latest information (Shojo manga) available and Laura's abundant charm. There's no way it could be either of their fault. That left only one answer.

It must be one of the other girls fault!

"Commander!" Clarissa shouted, "You said he spends more time with the other girls instead of you, why is this so?"

"Huh? Well, Ichika practices kendo with Houki, Cecilia invites him to tea or some nonesense in her room, Rin drags him around for training and makes thinly veiled threats whenever he complains, and Charlotte asks him to go with her to the mall every weekend to go shopping for Japanese food ingredients." She listed off.

"Exactly!" Laura just gave her a blank look in response to her so called epiphany, "Don't you get it? It's simple really. It's not the activities that are important, it's what they're doing with them! Oh, I never realized how good your rivals could be! I should have seen this coming!"

Laura was confused, "Wait...wait, saw what coming? Are they doing something complex?"

"Yeah! Don't you get it?" It was apparent she didn't, so asking that was redundant, "Their appeal! Appeal! They're using their best traits and attributes to show him why they should pick them! Tsundere! Yandere! Nobility! And even cooking! No man can resist going into their primal state when faced with those all at once!" Clarissa was practically drooling at the mouth, something most unbecoming for the second in command of the Haze.

"We-Well...what should I do then?" Laura asked nervously.

"Fufufufu, isn't it obvious, commander?" Clarissa's grin practically lit up the small room with its radiance. Well, maybe it actually did light up the room. Ichika always said that the hypersensor eye was somewhat glow in the dark, "The most basic (and probably best) tactic we were all taught is to beat our enemies at their own game. If one of them is using Tsundere tactics? Beat them with your own tsundere charm! Yandere? Same deal! Using the weapons of the enemy against them is one of the most common tactics men and women have used since the dawn of time."

Ah, now it all made sense! If she viewed them as enemies (Though they were still her friends. Especially Charlotte, who was like a big sister to her) rather than classmates in love, then she could apply everything she knew to fighting them (Without hurting them, of course).

"Now, tell me who he spends the most time with first and I'll have our entire list searching every database known to man for any info we can find on them."

"Ah, of course," Laura nodded and typed into the holographic keyboard, "Her name's Houki Shinonono, age 15. Information on her should be easy to find due to her status as a civilian and Shinonono Tabane's younger sister."

Clarissa nodded rapidly and signed off, eager to do her search immediately. She could already assume that Ichika was, at the very least, at least slightly masochistic. Why else would he spend most of his free time with a girl who beats him with a wooden stick? Hmm, she should send a package full of whips next time as insurance.

Laura leaned back into her seat and smiled. Finally, Ichika was going to start paying attention to her again and all would be right with the world.

The automated door opened with a click and Charlotte stepped inside, carrying a bag full of groceries she had picked up with Ichika. She hummed cheerily to herself and unloaded all the groceries onto the small table.

"Laura, I got some curry ingredients from out of town," She called out to her relaxing roommate, "I'm gonna make some to see if I get any better. Do you want to help? We'll split it later if it turns out okay~" She knew Laura wouldn't say no.

"Yes, I believe I do." Laura smiled and took the pink apron from the holder, "What kind of curry are we making? I suggest chicken since it's already nighttime." She couldn't stop the hint of excitement that permeated her voice.

"Huh, you seem happy," Charlotte idly noted, "Did something good happen?"

"Oh, nothing much..."

Dark times were coming, a storm was making its way over IS academy and no one knew it was a sign. A sign of the coming doom that would engulf the small island. Soon, all of them would be engulfed by the indiscriminate doom and destruction.

...

Nah, just Ichika.


Next update is whenever. Hope it's not too bad.