How long must I wait
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: This is the last chapter, some of you may see the ending as another awful cliffhanger, but I don't see the need to drag it pointlessly by the nose and besides I'm saving a real detailed fairy tale ending for another story or rather an anniversary sequel along the road. Also this is my first smutless piece after a long, long time, the boys tried to their best to change my mind but I didn't cave in! In your face JAGAN! The story I'm currently working on will have so much smut it'll be like a porn movie, so this one needed to be light and fluffy!
This story WAS BETAED! Newbie-0.0Q valiantly stomached my awful drafts and held my hand through this and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE! THIS IS YOURS NOW! Speaking of people who've held my hand a special thanks to: Kidstraws for giving me a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, and Clarry who put my heart to rest! God I love you both! Finally Cutie I want to know your time of death because you will not survive this! Sorry for the long A/N! Please review! THANK YOU ALL!
As James climbed up the outer staircase of their new house he tried to do it quietly as a mouse, a feat almost impossible for someone of his height and build but still he miraculously pulled it off somehow. He reached the front door and as he placed the keys in the lock as stealthy as he possibly could, he stopped himself and took a moment to snicker imagining how the grand entrance he had devised would knock his prey off his shocks, how he would fluster and squeak like a girl and fall over the floor suffering a mild heart attack, and James would fill the entire house with thunderous laughter enjoying every single second of his great accomplishment.
With that fantasy image burning in his mind James turned the key slowly; he took a deep breath and grasped tightly the precious "bomb" he held in his other hand, he barged into the house in full force while he screamed his lungs out.
"HONEY I'M HOME!"
Logan didn't even bother to turn his head up; he kept his attention on his book and gave a long tired yawn out. His body was stretched on the couch and he was already wearing his pajamas, a jug of milk half emptied on the table beside him.
"Hey." He mumbled finally and James's entire world collapsed like a castle build out of cards.
"Hey! Hey! That's all you have to say to me! HEY!" James exploded, his blood pressure hit uncharted heights, he jolted like he was struck by lightning, he stomped his feet over to the couch and hovered behind Logan who finally gave him the courtesy to lift his head up and throw a quick but condescending look at the menacing towering red flustered giant.
"What? Did you expect trumpets and a rose carpet or something?" And then he returned his attention back to his book because he found brain tumors more fascinating than James's childish antics.
"But… but look…I got you flowers!" James shoved the red rose bouquet up in Logan's face, Logan found the sudden smell suffocating, his nose wiggled to protest and then he broke into violent sneezing.
"Take that thing away from me and throw it in the trash!" Logan snapped the moment the he reigned the sneezing, James's pupils dilated he pulled back the flowers with a look of total bafflement trying to figure where was it that he had gone wrong.
"No buts butt head! We don't have a vase big enough for that botanical garden you brought! And for the last time I AM NOT A GIRL!"
"But Loggie-bear…" James moaned like he was a kid in a toy store drooling over a plastic robot that could change into a car and back again, Logan glared daggers with bloodthirsty eyes showing him that he meant business.
"James! Do not make me count to ten!"
"Fiiine…" James whined and slouched defeated with his back hunched towards the kitchen, while Logan victorious hid his face behind his book so he could finally giggle and bite his lip and turn all shades of red and pink after making sure that James wasn't looking of course because his boyfriend, the one and only James David Diamond desired by legions of fans, brought him flowers and how awesome was that!
When he heard James return he quickly put the facade back on, he shifted his body slightly upwards so he could make space for James to sit beside him, James fell on the couch like he had just been shot in the heart and Logan exchanged the couch pillow for James's knee and rested his head there.
"So hey…" James hissed in rage and Logan couldn't fight the smile from spreading across his lips anymore, he put the book on the coffee table and looked up at James's beautiful face, he saw that the hazel eyes were a little moist and lifted one hand up to tenderly caress a cheek.
"Hey baby…." His tone changed to honeyed sweet and it soothed James's anger and disappointment, James poked Logan's nose playfully and looked down on him eyes filled in adoration lips curled into a loving smile.
"How was your day?" James asked in whisper although he didn't really had to, he just found it sort of fitting, like every word they exchanged was a precious secret, a treasure only for the two of them to share.
"Good…classes were a little long, I'm a little tired…missed you, couldn't wait to see you…how did it go in the studio today?"
"Gustavo put the finishing touches in Past and Future …We'll start recording it next week…"
"Can't wait to hear it…"
"You're going to love it Loggie, I wrote it for you after all…"
"You say that for every song in the album James." Logan shook his head but he still loved James in his entirety, with his sappiness and every other flaw, minor or major, they made James even more precious, that was what Logan thought at least.
"I told you Logan from the moment we first kissed, all my songs are yours, they were and always will be…" James took Logan's hand and wrapped his own around it; it felt so warm that it rivaled the fire burning in his heart. Logan let a sigh out, now his eyes were the ones that were forming tears but they were born out of pure happiness, born out of precious love.
"I still can't believe this is real…what we have right now…"
"It's real Logan; we made it real, together the both of us."
"I almost lost you..."
"No...I almost lost you…" James kissed the tip of Logan's fingers softly Logan closed his eyes, pulled James's hand down, placed it on his chest so James could feel the pounding of his heart, it could combust at any second.
"What was I thinking back then, taking it so far with Camille?"
"The same stupid things that were running in my head when I pretended that I didn't care, when I pretended you were just a friend, we were both scared of screwing things up, losing our friendship, being labeled freaks…"
"Good thing we stopped in time."
"I think we owe that to the rest of our family mostly. I can't believe Carlos actually punched me when I gave you that idiotic idea to win her back."
"The proposal? I don't even know which one of the two of us was the biggest idiot, you for making up that plan or me for actually putting it in action?"
"Well, I can tell you that the most sensible one of us was Camille for sure."
"Yeah, she slapped me the moment she saw the little jewelry box and told me that it was time I stopped screwing around and go after you! How the fuck did she even know about us? I never slipped in the four years me and her were dating! And I can't believe she kept the ring, that thing cost me a fortune!"
"Loggie we slipped! Both of us! You got me in a pink dress for crying out loud!"
"Yeah but I was subtle, killing two birds with one stone! Camille lost the prom title and you and I had our first slow dance!" Logan had the face of a child that got away with murder while James shook his head in disapproval.
"Do you still have it somewhere hidden in your closet; we could go out for dinner tomorrow and you could wear it under a coat, your shoulders looked ravishing in it!"
"Drop it Mitchell!" Logan laughed, how could he do anything but laugh, he was the happiest man in the world now; he had what he always wanted after all.
"You don't want to come with me at Roques' Monday, record some back vocals? Or we could do a duet? I miss your voice..." James asked melancholically.
"Jamie, I have morning classes you known that, besides we made a deal with Griffin." James let a grunt out, he was genuinely boiling mad now.
"Yeah, don't remind me! How can you be fine with that Logan? After hiding for so long how come you don't want to scream it to the world that we're together now?"
"It's not easy, it's not as hard as it is for you with all the events and the parties you have to go and pretend and when I see the model du jour or some starlet wrapped around you like a spider in the red carpet I die in the inside…But we have to be patient love, I want your solo album to come out and I know how much you want it too, what it means to you…"
"But I'm lying to the fans…" James buried his head in his hands; Logan arched his body upward and placed his head on James's shoulder. He nibbled softly the back of James's ear and then he left a long kiss on the back of his neck, trying to alleviate some of the sadness the best way he could. Logan always hated it the most when his Jamie was sad, from the time he was still a toddler named Hortanse and until his dying breath he would do anything in his power to protect James, because James and James alone was special, a person just for him.
"James, I know you hate it and you're right, but we agreed when we saw it was time to break the band not to give up on chasing our dreams. We are all trying our best, Kendall won that hockey scholarship and Carlos is off to see the world with his girlfriend trying to find his place, I'm in pre-med and you, you just have to make that album baby, I know how important it is for you, make your own name, stand on your own two feet. We all believe in you James…I believe in you…"
"But it feels wrong…I want to be myself, I want people to love me for being myself like you do, I know how it sounds like I just want to please my ego but I just want to be true to myself Logan. I owe it to all the people that helped me along the way. From you to Kendall and Carlos and everyone else that helped me along the road."
"The important people know James, the ones that care for you and will be there for you after the spotlights fade. The guys, our families back home, our friends here in California. They know, and they love us and so will the fans that really look up to you, you'll be an icon one day love just like you were meant to be, you'll see. For now we have to wait, and enjoy what we have while we still can. Gustavo got us this beach house didn't he? We are sheltered here, away from the paparazzi and the cameras and the people that won't understand us. And Griffin promised if the album goes well that you can come out…"
"Griffin asked Gustavo to write a song with the word girl in the chorus today." James informed coldly making Logan squint his eyes in anger and pout his lips
"You think I can take his bodyguards down?"
"Of course you can tiger; you'll get a life sentence in prison if you kill him though. And then I'll be all lonely and miserable for the rest of my life."
"You can go back on chasing skirts…" Logan grinned and it was James's turn to glare menacingly this time.
"You're never going to let that one go will you?"
"Not any time soon. You can suffer for it you bisexual pervert!"
"Some nerve you have! After four years of having to stand watching you suck face with Roberts…"
"Oh, now she's Roberts? I find it hilarious how you call her by her last name when you're jealous. Also you tried to break us up while I suffered in silence through every single one of your girlfriends. Oh wait, they weren't exactly girlfriends, you slut. And do you have any idea how much that stupid kiss you had with Camille hurt me James? I was prepared to scratch you off my life asshole!"
"You didn't though…" James coed and smiled, because he suddenly noticed that Logan had wrapped his arms around James's neck and how close their lips were.
"Like I can live without you…"
"Really Loggie-bear? You can't?" James licked his lips and Logan knew were this was going, he shook his head and leaned in even closer murmuring the answer, grazing James's mouth.
"No baby I can't, I love you…I love you so much…"
James felt the sweet taste of milk mixed in Logan's tongue as he took it in his mouth, as he caressed it with his own, Logan felt their teeth grind James's lips part welcoming him back, their hearts started beating louder, Logan leaned closer and closer until he felt James's chest on his own, James was on the end of the couch half his body in midair, he tried to find a way to push Logan back or else he would fall over the edge. He thought gravity and Logan had a deal behind his back, Logan just pushed and James would fall, on the ground or on the floor, or in the pits of maddening love and James had little choice to no choice but to comply happily. But falling now would mean that they would have to break contact and he didn't want that, not yet, not ever, he had an epiphany as he dived in and out of Logan's warm parted lips.
Logan felt a hand, a palm, ran under the back of his shirt caressing his spine. He suddenly felt sizzling heat running down his body and setting him on fire. He made the mistake of straddling himself around James and that's when he felt the bulge between James's legs pressuring against his own. He suddenly stopped, pulled back and got up, skin sweaty and body shaking looking with trembling doe brown eyes at James who smiled at him mischievously.
"NO!" Logan shouted trying to catch his breath.
"No what you sexy little pig?" That pompous smile James had on, Logan often wondered who was the genius that told James Diamond that he owned the world; Logan dreamed of the day he could get his hands on that person and choke him to death.
"No sex tonight! I'm tired and I have to wake up tomorrow at dawn!"
"Tomorrow's Saturday sugar, so come back here and let me worship you all night…"
"I know what the day tomorrow is James thank you very much! There's this author I really like and he's giving a book signing down town …"
"Oh, no you're not going to hold out on me so you can get one of your lame books signed nerd. Come back here Hortanse! RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!" James got up and grabbed Logan by the arm, he pulled him down on the couch, before Logan could fake a complaint James was on top of him kissing his lips, biting his neck, hands everywhere, he started to grind his body, claiming what he was rightfully owned, what Logan gave him freely, his body and his soul.
"James…no…I'm tired…" Logan mewled but he parted his legs all the same.
"Yeah…okay…I'll stop…just one more kiss…I promise…right after this one…no…this one….this…" And as he kissed Logan over and over again, his hand slipped under Logan's sweatpants he was about to pull it down, underwear with it, then his cell phone tucked away in the back pocket of his jeans started ringing and buzzing. James tried to ignore it but Logan grumbled because interruptions like these ruined the mood for him.
"Just answer the damn phone! And tell the asshole on the line I'm about to blow you to next week!" Logan gave James a big wet kiss and pinned him with his eyes stating he meant business; James gave him a nod in agreement and got his phone out shaking with lust and anger, he was still on top of Logan not wanting to break away their connected bodies and he felt Logan's hands go down, nimble fingers unzip his pants, but when he saw the name flashing on the screen he stood up like someone had splashed a bucket of cold water on him.
"Hi Judy…no you're not interrupting anything…"
"Yes she is! It's a quarter to ten! People eat at a quarter to ten, she's interrupting my dinner!"Logan growled in the background, the good news were that the person on the other side of the line was probably one of the nicest, sweetest radio producers in the entire west coast. They knew her since their first band album came out and she always treated them with utter respect and supported them any way she could, she was also one of the few people in the business that actually knew the truth about the nature of the relationship the boys shared and she had promised James that when the time came for him to share his secret she would give him a platform to speak freely and would keep on supporting him just as she fervently had done from day one. The bad news for Logan at least was that there was no way she would call James on his personal cell phone at this hour if this wasn't some kind of emergency.
"No…Gustavo hasn't called…oh, wait, he's on the other line right now…"
"Great more people that want me to starve to death…" James snickered with Logan's comment but he still turned and shook his head trying to tell his horn dog of a boyfriend to cut it out.
"So what can I do for you…?"
"How about you fuck me first and try to please the rest of your adoring masses later Diamond!" Now James changed his expression to an angry one and turned to leave so he could speak on the phone properly while he pulled the zipper up but Logan shot up from the couch as fast as he could and wrapped his arms around James's waist kissing a shoulder tenderly, James passed the phone to Logan who heard Judy apologizing frantically again and again for calling and with big brown eyes locked in hazel ones Logan dropped the jealous boyfriend routine.
"I'm sorry Judy, don't hang up! I didn't mean to insult you...we were just having a moment…I know, I know you wouldn't…Here tell James what he can do to help…" And as James put the phone back on his ear he kissed Logan's forehead lovingly and returned back to business.
"He cancelled huh? Yeah…he's a prick...What time tomorrow…Morning at eight…" As James made preparations for the sudden interview Logan just smiled with the most arrogant, smug smile he had, the one he had copied from James who suddenly had a daydream of burying Logan's dead body in the sandy beach outside.
"No, no just don't ask me about the personal stuff, you know who I'm dating and the like so I won't have to lie…" Logan trailed off to his study room and picked the two books he wanted the author to sign and then pointed them over to James who nodded his head in defeat, then Logan giddily returned to the living room and picked the jug of milk up, and as he was about to go to the kitchen he stopped and leaned over at James's free ear.
"Cock blocker…" He whispered and then he dashed off but not fast enough because James still managed to slap him in the behind, something that Logan actually loved but he wouldn't tell James that even if he was threatened at gun point.
"I'll be there at seven..." James promised warmly and after saying goodnight he hung up and then he called Gustavo to tell him that he was okay with doing the interview, while Logan made the table so they could eat the actual dinner he had prepared earlier and go to bed so they could sleep, he reflected James's disappointed expression knowing that regular food wouldn't satisfy their hunger but also knowing all too well that their version of foreplay would leave James's body a wreck and he wouldn't be able to function properly for the long day he had ahead.
They ate their food in low lighting, sitting across one another divided by the kitchen table so they could keep a safe distance and not give in to their carnal cravings although both knew no physical boundary would be able to hold them back if their bodies weren't beat from the tribulations of the week.
They were smiling at each other like lovesick fools, James had the stereo play their favorite love songs on repeat, physically tonight he couldn't sweep Logan from his feet like he wanted to but he saw no reason to bar the romance out too.
"This stake tastes good Loggie; I almost don't miss Momma K's cooking now. Almost…." James said between mouthfuls trying not to choke by laughter with the sight of Logan's frustrated expression.
"Gee, thanks for the compliment! This is still better from the tasteless health crap you force feed me when you cook James!" Logan pouted and James flailed and laughed, pushing Logan's buttons was his favorite extreme sport after all.
"You know I'm just pulling your leg right? I appreciate it how you take care of me Logs. I know how busy you are with school."
"First of all you take care of me too. You clean the house like you're possessed by your old maid or something, besides its takeout food most of the time."
"I find it warm on the table and a person to share it with. That's more than I've ever had back home growing up in Brooke's Ice Palace. That's why you do it in the first place isn't it? "
"I'm just trying to make you happy James; it fills me more than anything else." Logan stopped eating he just played with the yam potatoes on his plate blushing and looking adorable which promptly reminded James the other reason he made all those plans to woe Logan that night and now with the theme of the Titanic playing in the background, a movie Logan loved more than any Batman film but only James knew about that, now would be as good a time as any.
"You know what would make me the happiest man on earth Logan?" James asked with a trembling voice, he got up from his chair slowly and walked over at Logan's side and fell on one knee, he slowly slipped a hand into a pocket, and Logan forgot how he was supposed to breathe, and despite all of his academic achievements and the fact he had been called a genius in his entire life, he couldn't figure out why was the room spinning and why was the ground shaking all of a sudden.
"Logan how would you feel if we…"
"YES! JAMES YES!"
"…get a puppy…" And James dropped the photo of the adorable little mongrel when he realized what had just happened while Logan's eyes darted on the clock of the kitchen wall trying to make out the time of his own death.
"What?" James stared at the ghost that used to be his boyfriend once upon a time.
"Bleep blop bloop..." Logan tried a timeless classic to distract James, it didn't work.
"Don't pull that shit on me! What were you thinking I was going to ask of you Loggie?" James grinned like a shark. Logan grabbed his glass of wine with a shaking hand; he considered throwing it on James first but his throat had gone dry. One stroke symptom down a million to go.
"Stop…it…" Logan whispered staring across empty space because empty space didn't include James and his arrogant perfect face.
"You thought I was going to propose to you didn't you? You soooo did!" James sneered and then started pinching Logan at his sides mockingly and Logan felt a raging madness burning the embarrassment away.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Logan stood up and looked down at James with tearful furious eyes but James was neither scared nor shaken by his reaction. He fell silent as he wrapped his arms around Logan's legs and buried his face in his abdomen, kissing one kneecap softly refusing to turn his head up, like he was standing before divine judgment and he had only one chance to confess his sins.
"I'm sorry baby…I didn't mean to tease you like that…" James's repenting voice brought Logan back from the verge of childish insanity.
"James get up…I overreacted…and now you're doing it too…" The only thing James did when he heard Logan's choked voice was to kiss the other knee.
"No…I come to you from all sides…it must be overwhelming having to put up with me and all my bullshit…you didn't overreact…"
"Jamie no…I was caught up in the moment that was all…you didn't do anything wrong…not with the flowers…not with this…I love you James…I'm sorry…" Logan fell on the floor too then, because he felt the need to be on equal ground, and as he hugged James for dear life he realized James was shaking like a leaf.
"I do want to marry you one day Logan…I've been dreaming about it for a long time…a long, long time…"
"Since when…" Logan smiled anxiously, thinking it was impossible that James still remembered the time he actually gave him a ring. Logan had engraved that memory in his heart, it got him through the hard times, it filled him with silly hope.
"Well do you remember back in first grade, we were playing pretend…" And then Logan kissed him, passionately and lovingly bursting with happiness, because that was the day he realized he was in love with James even before knowing what loving someone really meant and he always wondered if James felt the same way too and now that he knew the true meaning of the concept of belonging to someone, he expressed it passionately with his lips, with his tongue, with soft moans of pleasure dedicated to James.
When they were out of breath and their lungs burned with hot pain, James pulled back from Logan's embrace and got up, helping Logan along the way. He refused to let go of his hand though.
"How about we cut the drama and we finish our dinner, it's getting late…"
"Don't you want to hear my answer first…?" Logan kissed James once more with a sparkle in his eyes.
"I'd love to…" James's heart skipped beats; he bit his lower lip in anticipation.
"We're not getting a puppy James." Logan said flatly and then fell back on his seat savoring the sweet taste of vengeance.
"I don't need yet another cock blocker, especially one in my house. And we barely have time for each other let alone a dog."
"But…but…look at how cute he is…Kelly won't be able to hold him for us for long…please Logan...he's the cutest little…" James picked the photo and pointed at the dog back and forth pleading desperately like his life depended on it, Logan coldly went back to his dinner.
"No. I'm not sharing you with a flea bag. End of discussion!"
"One…two…" Logan started to growl between bites, his expression was domineering. He reminded James that the only reason he was allowed to top most of the times in the bedroom was that Logan enjoyed having his prostate invaded mercilessly, nothing more nothing less.
"I'm not scared of you dork!"
"…three…" Logan shot him a crook menacing smile, but James returned to his seat ignoring it or at least he tried to the best way he could, the times Logan fell for James's acting skills were way past gone.
"You can count to a million we're getting the damn dog!"
"…four…" Logan continued and now James who liked to give his boyfriend nicknames, most of them derived from the animal kingdom, suddenly found a new one for him, dragon. Because Logan was huffing and puffing fire from his nostrils and his eyes were burning coal, James fought the urge to call Kendall for backup because his surname was Knight.
"And I'll play with him all day, and I'll name him The Face just to piss you off!"
"…and I'll call your mother and tell her that we're breaking up over a dog." Logan gave him the threat that trampled all threats and ended the war emerging victorious once again.
"Okay fine! Katie can have him; I'll just go over at her place and play with him whenever I can. Jealous little shit head…"
"Good." He let James stew and after finishing his dinner silently he remembered he needed to clarify one more thing.
"Oh, and James love, next time I'm the one whose proposing and it's going to be for real and you'll say yes. Right sweetheart?" Logan didn't hide the worry in his voice; James heard it and he knew there was no room for jokes this time.
"Yes Logan. The moment I come out we're getting engaged. I promise, I'm yours forever just be a little patient with me." James felt guilty, he couldn't give Logan what he wanted, what they both wanted with every fiber of their being, because he was selfish and was he was cursed with big almost impossible dreams but Logan didn't care, he wanted James to be complete, fulfilled, their love was one of a kind, only they understood the lengths one would go for the other's sake.
"I love you James."
"I love you Logan. I'm sorry for making you…"
"I'll get you a puppy as a wedding present."
"You'll name him for me too, you sly little fox."
"You and your silly pet names…but I like the sound of that one."
"Fox..." James repeated and Logan's eyes shined like stars.
Afterwards they entered their bedroom holding hands, fingers entwined until their knuckles bruised, they fell asleep in each other's arms, one wishing that the dawn would never come and one hoping that this was the last day of his life, with a heart filled with love and soaring in bliss. At nights, in their little fortress on the sand they were allowed to live their fairy tale and sometimes reality seemed dark and cruel and a future filled with hardships lurked in a corner, a part of the world ready to do its best to tear them apart.
Let it try, let them come, the haters and the narrow minded and the ones that were doomed to be forever hallow. Because Logan waited for a lifetime to finally live his dream, he tried to run away from his destiny himself once and now he only regretted the time he had lost and he planned on dedicating the rest of the life he was allowed to making James the happiest man on the face of the planet.
James would throw fame and money and even his songs into a fire, just to keep Logan right there where he had him now. Wrapped in his arms, his heartbeat lulling him to sleep, feeling his breath fall on the crook of his neck, the warmth of Logan's skin, the intoxicating smell of his hair, those were the things that really mattered to James, what was really important to him. The dream he built within the dream. Because only Logan was real, and only James was forever.