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The To - Do List: Part One


Stumbling from the amount of alcohol in her system and with her coat halfway hanging off her body -that was now on a sort of auto-pilot- C.C. finally managed to find the door of her apartment. Using her left hand to balance herself she opened her purse with the right and took out her keys to unlock the front door, cursing a few times as her hand keep shaking, making it nearly impossible to aim correctly the lock. After several failed attempts she finally managed to slip the key into the lock, flung open the door and stepped into her apartment.

"Honey, I'm home." She announced loudly in a very drunk voice as she walked through the door before bursting into a hysterical and heartbroken fit of laughter while tears starting running down her cheeks like a waterfall. Today was her birthday. C.C. had always hated her birthday, because she had no one to celebrate it with, but not this year, this year she had someone or so she thought until a few hours ago.

When no answer returned C.C. wiped the tears that were running down her face, kicked the door shut and made her way slowly towards the living room, without bothering to take off her still halfway hanging coat.

Once she reached the living room she removed her heels and planted her sore feet onto the soft carpet. She was so tired and not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. As she sank down onto the sofa her eyes fell onto a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels that was long forgotten on the coffee table. Without a second thought she grabbed the bottle and quickly poured herself a glass. She knew that she was already too drunk, but still not drunk enough. Ever since she had started drinking, she had been trying to forget, trying to forget what she had read earlier today and everything about what happened, trying to forget the burning pain that was tearing her heart even for one brief moment.

The blonde raised the glass to her red lips and swallowed several mouthfuls of the burning liquid, letting it hurt her throat on the way down. She liked the fact that it hurt; it reminded her somehow that she was still alive. Her head was throbbing, so much she thought it was going to explode literally at any second. She picked up the bottle and poured herself another glass of the gold liquid then pressed the drink to her aching forehead, before slowly tracing it down her cheek, welcoming the coolness of the glass against her heated skin. It was soothing, and soon the tenseness in her muscles began to melt, but still not melt away completely.

C.C. drank the rest of her drink in one gulp and with a loud thud she placed the empty glass down on the coffee table. Then she picked up her purse that she had dropped carelessly on the floor a few minutes ago and reached into it revealing something. To everyone else, it was just a small piece of paper. To C.C. it was the reason of her pain. It was almost funny that such a small piece of paper could cause so much pain and misery. It had accidentally dropped out of Niles' pocket and onto the floor earlier today which was and last time she had saw him.

Slowly, maybe dramatically slow, she unfolded the piece of paper and began to read it for what seemed like the thousand time that day. It contained just a few sentences written in black ink:

To - do list February 2 1999

1. Read the book: How to break up with your girlfriend in 10 easy steps.

2. Make up some sort of excuse in order to avoid C.C.

3. Talk to Katherine about my plans for the night.

4. Buy a gift for my sweet 'affair'.

5. Pick up strawberries.

C.C. re-read the list several more times even if she didn't know exactly why, maybe she was trying to make sure she had read it right, or maybe she was looking for something that might explain why Niles had turned his back on their relationship or just maybe she was trying to punish herself for being such a fool either way she couldn't bring herself to put it away just yet, so she just continued reading again and again and allowed herself to stop only when her forehead started aching so badly that all the sentences on the page turned blurry. "I'm such a fool. I really should have seen this coming, it was just too good to be true…he was too good to be true," C.C. whispered to herself, crumpling the paper and throwing it to the floor in disgust.

Gathering all her strength she pushed herself off the sofa and onto her feet, trying to reach the bedroom while holding for support onto the walls and various items, but still having a hard time to balance herself as she momentarily forgot how much drunk she really was.

When she finally did it, she collapsed onto the bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. She sighed again, for what seemed like the millionth time, and turned her head slowly to look at the clock which sat on her bedside table. It was already ten o'clock and she had absolutely no idea where Niles was and more important if he was okay.

She sighed to herself deeply as she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and dialed his number, hoping Niles would pick up, even if it was to tell her to get lost, at least she would know that he was okay. Why do you care? He obviously doesn't care about you. He probably has more interesting things to 'do' right now. The voice inside her mind reminded her mockingly. "Oh, shut up," C.C. yelled at the annoying voice. She wanted to hate Niles for what he had done more than anything else in the world, but even though her mind was telling her to do just that, her heart stubbornly wasn't listening; her heart still belonged to him, even if his heart didn't belong to her.

After a long session of ringing the phone went to voicemail. C.C. drew in a deep breath. It was now or never. She was sure he wouldn't listen to it but decided to leave one anyway.

"Hi, this is Niles please leave a message."

"Niles …" She began, but stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I know that you probably don't want to hear anything that I have to say. You must be busy with your new 'friend'," C.C tried to wipe a few tears away as she spoke, "but I …I" she wanted to yell at the top of her lungs that she loved him, she really, really did and that was sorry for everything she had done wrong, even if she wasn't a hundred percent sure what that was exactly, but she didn't allowed herself to say it out loud, even in her drunken state she still had some sense of dignity inside her, so instead, she just said, "…I need to know that you are okay… you see… I still care… even if I hate myself for it …so when you get this message please call me back."

She hung up and tossed the phone to the foot of her bed, running her right hand through her messy hair. "God, I'm so pathetic," she mumbled to herself. Then she sighed wishing for some sort of peace between her heart and mind and threw her head back before covered her face with her hands. Then out of the blue, the queen sized mattress shifted as C.C. felt something jump onto the bed. Removing her hands from her face, C.C. looked at Chester who was now sitting on the bed moving his little tale and staring at her with sad big puppy eyes. "Hey baddy," C.C. began as she gazed around her empty bedroom helplessly, even though she knew with certainty from the start that she wasn't going to find what she was looking for. Niles had gone for good and all C.C. had left with was an empty apartment, an empty life…again. A sad melancholy smile crossed her lips as she turned her attention back to Chester. "It seems that it's only the two of us again."


C.C. awoke a two hours later with her face buried in the pillow and her body curled in an awkward position. Her head was pounding and every muscle in her body ached. With a soft groan instinctively reached her hand out across the mattress, expecting to be greeted with warm, soft skin, but all she was met with was cold sheets and an empty bed. Blinking several times, trying to get her eyes used to the bright room, C.C. lifted her head off the pillow and looked around her bedroom. Niles wasn't anywhere to be found. She threw her head back onto the pillow and blew out a long breath in complete and utter frustration while raised her left hand to her face, rubbing it slightly. Under her fingers she felt something like warm wetness; she panicked for a second before recognized it as tears. Then she remembered the previous events. Niles had been cheating on her behind her back. Of course he had done it, like every other man in her life. It was times like this that she questioned herself, why does this keep happening? Why everyone that was supposed to love her left her for someone else at the end. Maybe her mother was right about some things after all… about her…no she couldn't …could she? Her voice trailed off as the louder part of her brain was shouting at her to face the facts. She was C.C. Babcock after all, and people didn't stick around long. It was something she had learned years ago, and over time it was something she had come to understand and somehow accept, but with Niles was different and very difficult to do so.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be, she heard the small voice whispering inside her head again. She hated herself for the fact that doubts had entered her mind, but she couldn't help it and for surely she had every reason to think like that.

But despite her doubts, there was a small part of her that didn't want to believe that everything they had shared had been just another farce, another lie, a small part that couldn't imagine her life without him. And this was the very reason why she had never allowed herself to fall so harshly for anyone before Niles and now …well now she had lost him…forever.

The thought along made her feel emotional sick, only to find out that the sensation was more than just emotional. She clasped a hand straight over her mouth and ran bare foot for the bathroom. She dropped to her knees and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, gripping the edges tightly. Only when wasn't anything left in her system for her to throw up she felt safe to get up. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, a kind of disbelieving filling her. She was still in the same dress that she had been wearing all day, with her hair all messy, red puffy eyes from crying, dried mascara tears staining her cheeks and a bitter taste in her mouth from vomiting. The person she saw staring right back at her was not C.C. Babcock, but a stranger, the shadow of the strong woman once she was. She hated that. She hated the effect he had on her, she hated the life, she hated the love, everything and everyone, but most of all, she hated herself because she had allowed something like this to happen.

With trembling hands, she reached for her toothbrush and began brushing her teeth. Only when the bitter taste left her mouth completely did she allow herself to stop. She then turned the tap on, cupped her hands and let them fill with cold water, splashing it over her face. She took a deep breath, turned the tap off and patted her face dry with a towel she found hanging on the side of the sink. Then she threw one last glare at her reflection and she placed the towel back where she had found it. Too exhausted to bring herself to take even one small step she lay down on the cool tiled floor of the bathroom. A single tear ran down her cheek and she closed her eyes letting a mixture of defeat and exhaustion overtook her body and soul.

As soon as she closed her eyes a sharp knock on her front door caused them to fly open again. However, due to her exhaustion, she couldn't find enough energy to raise herself from the floor so she tried to block out the bothersome noise, but without success, as there were four more sharp knocks followed by a familiar voice calling her name. Immediately her heart skipped a bit. She knew that voice, she would have recognized that voice anywhere, but that was impossible. He couldn't be here, he shouldn't be here. This was a dream or better a nightmare, it had to be, right?

To be continued…

A/N: Hello guys! If you have some time please let me know what you think so far and if it's worth continuing or not. Thanks!