In my dream I'm standing in a room...well...not a room. I'm standing in some kind of black space that has no light or no texture and I'm alone. But I'm not afraid because it's not dark, I can still see. I look down at myself and I'm naked and covered in red stuff like tears or blood or human blood, I don't know which, and I look so gross I have to look away and when I do Godric is standing right in front of me. My heart LEAPS out of my chest because I can't believe it! I miss him so much! And he's smiling this...weird truly happy smile I've never seen before and he reaches for my hand but suddenly he's on fire and I start to cry out but my voice is stuck in my throat and the fire spreads all over him but he's not burning-he's melting. His skin, his hair, his eyes, his lips, everything melts completely off until he's just bones and I'm so scared that I'm shaking but then I see inside of his chest is a heart fully intact and beating. I reach out to touch it but as soon as my hand reaches the heart my skin and flesh melt off of me like a leggo building kicked away. I start to shake all over and the scary part is I can hear myself rattling but suddenly I feel a boney hand take mine and I look to see Godric's bones before me and pulling me against him. I try to walk but I trip over my feet and I fall forward and he falls backwards and I'm terrified we're going to shatter but instead my ribs get lodged in his spine and our chest is one chest and we can't get out but the crazy thing is...the heart is still beating...and I can feel it like it's beating in my chest...like our chest is one. I look up at Godric and he looks down at me and his boney hand touches my skull and I know it's okay. The beating in my chest tells me it's fine. It's all going to be fine.
That is until I hear knock, knock, knock like someone's trying to get into my brain. I look up at the blackness and hear it again: knock knock knock. And with each knock dust particles cascade down on my skeletal form and sends me shivering back into Godric's arms but suddenly I see that he's not here and I'm alone but still there's the heart in my chest that beats loud and fills up every space. Knock, knock, knock and then there's a light like someone opened a latch in my forehead and it's a harsh light because my eyes are only adjusted to the darkness and I hear loud whispers like giants are talking and I try to lower my face from the light but the talking keeps on and the more it does the clearer it gets and I can hear it's a different language but among the language there are two voices, male and female, and I start to distinguish them. It's Eric and Pam and they're trying to wake me up.
My eyes flash open and as they do Pam's sentence is haulted. They're staring at me like I'm a dead body and they're a couple that has stumbled onto my lonely wake. They stare at me with curiosity like I'm some side show attraction and I'm about to yell at them to look away when I realize that my cheeks have the familiar itch that I hate so much. I sit up in the coffin and wipe my face away, I was crying. They step back and give me time to get out and once I'm out I'm given the first order of the day by Pam, "Get dressed. Fangtasia opens in an hour and a half."
"Okay," I mumble as I begin to walk away. Maybe in my room I'll get some privacy and I can cry out all of my annoyance with my brother and...my niece? A chill runs down my spine at the thought. Vampire families are so weird.
"Hold on," Eric says in his voice that uses no force and requires all kinds of action. I stop mid-stride and turn around to look up at him towering over me. In his hand is a cell phone that lays balanced on his palm and confuses me...am I supposed to grab it? Thankfully though, he explains, "Godric wants a call."
I grab the phone and rush to my room with it against my chest because I forgot I could call him! I'm going to talk for hours and hours! Oh! Just to hear his voice! I flop down on my bed and find his number amongst many and call it instantly, pressing the phone to my ear. I can't help but to smile and twist and turn in my bed as I clutch my heart with my free hand, imaging that I could feel the heart beating right in there still. Ring, Ring, Ring! Answer the phone!
Ring! Ring! Ring!
"Godric!" I shout and instantly burst into loud sobs because upon hearing his voice the floodgates have opened and all my lonliness is spilling out into my body, "I miss you so much! I hate it here! I miss you! Tell me where you are! I'll run to you right now because I can't take one more second! I'm trying to be a big girl but you were in my dream again and I don't like dreaming about you unless you're there when I wake up and you're not! I'm so sorry for what I did, Godric! I'll go and apologize to the Magister! I just can't live anothger second without you! Please take me home! Please come rescue me! I miss you s-"
"Amie," his voice is a soft current that spreads through my spine and turns me into a small puddle of water. I'm back to my senses now, in time to listen to his voice, "Tell me of your dream."
"Well...I was in a big place that was all black and it wasn't a room because there were no walls or anything and I was alone but it wasn't dark so it wasn't that bad and then there you were! And you were smiling and I was so happy to see you but suddenly you bursted into flames and all your skin began to melt and I was so scared and so sad but I couldn't help! And then when everything melted you were just a skeleton but you were still happy because, Godric, inside your chest was a heart and it was beating! I was so surprised and I went to touch it but as soon as I did I melted too and I was a skeleton and I was so so confused and then you touched my hand and I tripped and I fell on you and when I did our chest bones got stuck in each other and the heart filled both of us and beat in both of us and it felt so good but then Pam and Eric woke me up and turned my dream into a real nightmare and now I'm here and I'm calling you," I explain as slowly as possible. I have to admit that it wasn't slow at all but I can't help it! I'm so excited!
As he speaks I shut my eyes and turn on my side because if I do it's like he's laying right next to me and talking to me here, "That does sound frightening. Have you been harmed in any manner?"
Any manner? I think of Eric and Pam and how constantly mean they are...does that count as harm? No. I can't tell him about that. I made that promise with Pam and if I tell Godric that they're mean, in nature, then she's going to think I'm trying to...mess with Eric. I sigh, giving up, "No. I just miss you so much."
"As do I. I will return to you as soon as the trials are com-"
"Trials?!" I shout in fear. How many people get to decide poor Godric's fate?
"Not all mine. Many vampires find it difficult to uphold the law and until all before me are dealt with I must wait until it is my turn to hold audience with the Magister. We estimate it will be three days before our time will arrive," Godric's voice is calm and still and I feel so angry because he doesn't sound sad at all but then I remember what he's trying to do. He's trying to be strong for me as he delievers this horrible news. Three days to meet with him? And then who knows how long it will take before the verdict is made! "Amie?"
"Three days? But Godric...I...," I can't finish talking. I hide my face in the bed, not worrying about staining it because it's the same color red as my tears. I want him. I want his arms around me and I want him in front of me and I want him with me, forever!
"As do I," he repeats in the softest whisper filled with longing and despair like he knows how I feel and feels it exactly himself. This isn't fair. But suddenly he does something strange that I wouldn't in a million years expect him to. He sighs and in the nice, gentle voice I love so much he begins, "Amie...'I would live in your love..as the sea-grasses live in the sea, borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that recedes; I would empty my soul of the dreams..that have gathered in me, I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul..as it leads.'"
I'm transported back to the night he read every book of poetry and as he read that one I shut my eyes and imagined how I would feel if he meant it just for me. I couldn't put a finger on it then because now it feels like my eyes have melted into my cheeks and my heart has melted into my chest. I feel warm all over like his arms are hear and present and never leaving. I feel so wonderful as I listen to him breathe. And I know he feels like I'm with him too.
"Godric," saying his name sends a shiver through me because I think back to the last time I had called his name and he turned to me and whispered a poem and kissed me on the mouth. The kiss, "'Before you kissed me...only winds of heaven had kissed me, and the tenderness of rain...now you have come, how can I care for kisses like theirs again? I sought the sea, she sent her winds to meet me. They surged about me singing of the south-I turned my head away to keep still holy your kiss..upon my mouth. And swift sweet rains of shining April weather found not my lips where living kisses are; I bowed by head lest they put out te glory as rain puts out a star...I am my love's and he is mine forever, sealed with a seal and safe forevermore-think you that I could let a beggar enter where a king stood before?'"
I feel it inside of me. His heart in my heart, stirring so much it feels like it could almost beat. I hear his lips press against the reciever as if it were my lips and I turn my face in the same manner as if to kiss him back. But he's not here and our lips don't meet. He sighs and it's like I can almost feel it fall across my face, "We will speak tomorow."
"I love you," I quickly spit out before he can hang up the phone but I hear how hollow it sounds, as if it's just something I want to get out. So softly, in a calmer tone, allowing everything to spill into it I repeat, "I love you."
"I love you too," is all I hear, and then a dial tone. I groan and shut my eyes, turning in on myself to get back what's left of the warm moment I had felt before.
It's Pam. I roll over onto my back and see that she's leaning against the door frame dressed so magnificently I can't believe it. Her hair is in curls and tangles at a loose bun at the back of her head and her make up is pink and brilliant while her dress is black with big shoulder pads like rectangles. The material is dark, opposite of sparkly as it absorbs the light and gives none off. Her belt is loose and hangs on her hip and is a gold that matches her shoes and her bracelets and her necklace that hands low where the cut should be. She looks wonderful.
"I see you're not dressed yet," she observes with her brow arched. She purses her lips slightly, "Good thing too; I like to coordinate."
She walks into my room and opens the door to the closet and it's then that I notice her missing cut is in the back! Wow, it's a deep plunge and it exposes her shoulder blades but stays tasteful, before it reaches her...backside. She begins poking around the clothes and pulling some things out but I just have to ask, "Why do you have such a deep plunge in the back?"
"The sexiest part of a woman's body is her back," she explains like she's giving me a brief lesson, "Just little tips that keep men...interested...Here. I've got it."
She comes back holding a black dress on her arm along with a pair of heels. I shake my head quickly, "No..I...I can't wear heels."
She tilts her head toward me, "You've obviously never tried. I understand you belong to Godric, he is you Maker, so I wont pretty you up. But we do not wear flats or sneakers. We wear heals. Now be a doll and stand up."
I have to oblige. I stand up on my feet and reach for the dress in her hands. She holds it against her with a little smirk. Does she want me to change in front of her? I roll my eyes and snatch the dress from her grip. I'm not going to do that. I rush into the closet and change into the dress that is...really tight. I look at myself and am at least thankful there are no deep plunges, in the front or back, and the skirt doesn't go to the ground like Pam's but instead to my knees. I walk out and say, "This is really tight."
"That's the point. Now here, slip these on," she commands as she hands me the pair of heels. I put them down with a sigh, not looking forward to trying them on, but I have to. I step into the heels that are black instead of gold but still have the same shape as Pam's and to my surprise...they don't really hurt. I take a step forward, feeling like I'm six inches taller, and find it doesn't bother at all, "See. No trouble. Let's see what we can do about that hair."
"What's wrong with my hair?" I ask, touching it with a little frown.
"Do you really want me to answer," she smirks, guiding me to a seat in front of the large vanity mirror. She stands behind me and in two movements gets my hair in a loose bun much like her own. I can't help but to smile because we look almost alike with our eyes and our hair and our outfit and we actually do look like family especially since she's smiling a little too, "There. The face a man would spend thousands on."
Spend thousands on...I wonder if they did. I catch her eyes in the mirror but they're far away. She's looking at herself in a way that seems nostalgic and by the way her features turn sullen I can't help but to wonder if somewhere in her dark past men had to bid on her. I wonder how old she is and I wonder if she thinks she was wasted away. I was lucky enough to not have been...touched...that way but with her personality as evidence I wonder if something awful had happened to her and her looks are her only source of comfort. I wonder if she's thinking about when she was my age. Maybe she wishes Eric had turned her then. Maybe she would be like me if she did. And how did they meet? They're darkness is so alike I wonder at which stage did he leave Godric and find a progeny to call his own. I want to ask these questions but I don't want to sound rude; I don't want to get on her bad side. So instead I add onto her last comment, "Just like my niece."
"Moments gone," she snaps with a roll of her eyes. She pulls away and I try not to furrow my brows as I stand to meet her but she begins huffing and puffing, "I am not your niece. I am over a hundred years your elder and you will act as such. Now come. Eric is waiting for us."
I grab my bag and camera before following her out the door. I guess vampires take 'power' and 'age' very seriously. Over a hundred years she says...that means she's like...the youngest vampire I've ever met! I can't help but to grin a little at the thought. It doesn't mean anything but it's still funny to think about. We make it all the way down stairs and there Eric is wearing the same black and gold color scheme as Pam. I take it she dresses everyone. He looks me over briefly and I feel uncomfortable and naked under his gaze and I want Godric to yell at him but then he asks, "What's in the bag?"
"Nothing," I answer honestly. It's just air for now.
"Then why are you bringing it?" he looks secretly annoyed as he reaches his hand out for his cell phone.
I return it, trying not to scowl, "Maybe I'll find something to put in it while we're out."
"And the camera?" he motions to it with his eyes, staying statue still with the phone in hand which must be something he has perfected to make the people he talks to feel like 'lesser-beings.'
"Isabel told me to take pictures of my new friends," I answer, not looking at him because as far as we're concerned we are not friends yet and it's all because of him.
I hear a slight chuckle that comes from either him or Pam and in his mean voice he says, "Well. I sincerely hope you don't return empty-handed."
He and Pam walk out of the doors and I follow them, not intentionally lagging behind but deciding I might as well if they're going to be so tall and fast. There's another truck, bigger this time but still black, that waits for us but instead of Alcide holding the door it's someone else that doesn't look as friendly. Eric gets into the backseat followed by me and Pam and I have the strangest sensation that this night has only just begin and is only going to get worse and worse.
The truck stops after what feels like half an hour in front of a place I don't really focus on because instead I'm focusing on getting out before Eric starts to huff and puff. I look up at the guy holding open the door but he doesn't even meet my eye. I'm almost certain Eric has something to do with this guys lack of being friendly. The truck rolls away and in front of me is a large empty parking lot that looks ready to be filled but I smell something else. The air is different, not like Texas. The air smells wild and uncontained as if there's so much to be explored and I'm the only one that can do it. Hello Louisiana, I am your new friend.
"Amiena," it's Eric's voice that has come to ruin the fun. I slowly turn around and find my eyes nearly popping out of my skull, "Welcome to Fangtasia."
Fangtasia: a commercialized torture chamber. My sensation has become reality. This place is going to eat me alive.