Title: Just a Taste
Word Count: ~2,600
Disclaimer: Victorious and all related characters do not belong to me (though I wish they do).
Summary: Five blissful years of marriage later, Beck tries to convince Jade that it's time that they add to their little family of two. Written for Adopt-a-Prompt August with the prompt: Milk.
Continuity: Future Fic.
A.N.: I needed a happy fic today, so I hope I did the genre justice. Happy Worldwide Day of Bade, y'all!
Just a Taste
"What is the meaning of this?" Jade West-Oliver screeched when she opened her front door and found Tori V. Harris and Cat Shapiro cheerfully standing at her stoop.
Their presence usually wouldn't be a cause for alarm. What arose her suspicion was the presence of three little people whose angelic facades, Jade knew, were hiding fiendish personalities.
"Hello, Auntie Jade," Makayla Harris, the gorgeous four-year old daughter of Andre and Tori, greeted, fussily adjusting the folds of her purple dress. Dutifully, she turned up her face for the obligatory kiss.
Holding the hands of her almost three years old brother Aiden, Evie Shapiro, four years old, bounced up and down, in a dead-on imitation of her mother Cat. "Me next! Me next!" she cried out as Jade kissed Makayla's pouty lips.
After obliging her nieces and nephew with kisses, Jade turned to their parents. "Why are you here?"
"Jade!" Beck Oliver placed gentle but insistent hands on his wife's shoulders to pry her away from the door so that their visitors could enter. "Let's invite them inside before you start the inquisition."
Jade looked at all of them suspiciously before leading everyone into the kitchen.
"Kids, there's coloring books and crayons in the living room. Why don't you go ahead and we'll follow you there in a bit." Beck told the kids after he, too, gave them hugs and kisses.
"Yey! I love to color!" Evie cried out as she dragged her brother and her best friend to the living room. "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"
After the kids left, Tori smiled beatifically at Jade and Beck. "Thanks, guys, we really appreciate this."
"What is this that you are appreciating?" Jade asked suspiciously.
"It's been so long since Robbie and I went out on a date," Cat cried out. "And to think you offered to keep the kids overnight!"
Jade's eyes widened as she turned to Beck. "We offered to keep the kids overnight? All of them? Why wasn't I informed of this offer?"
"Surprise?" Beck tried to give her the puppy dog eyes to keep himself out of trouble, to no avail.
"You're rich!" Jade told Cat and Tori. "Why can't you hire au pairs like the average rich and famous people?"
"We don't want strangers raising our kids!" Cat gasped, scandalized.
Tori's face fell. "If Jade doesn't want to mind the kids, it's fine. We'll just cancel our dinner at Maestro's. Even though I was looking forward to it for a week," she trailed off sadly. "Especially now that when this one comes out," she said sadly, patting her huge stomach. "Andre and I would have even lalone lone time."
"I got this. I'll handle Jade," Beck assured her.
"No, you cannot handle me," Jade hissed.
"Great!" Tori said quickly.
"Here're the kids' clothes and some toys," Cat removed the large backpack from her shoulders.
"How long are the kids staying again?" Jade's eyes bulged out at the size of the bag.
"And here's Makayla's stuff." Tori placed a slightly smaller bag on the floor. "Thanks, guys!"
Cat and Tori then made a quick getaway, before Jade could convince Beck Oliver to change his mind.
"This would be fun, babe. I promise!"
Fifteen minutes later
"No, Evie, you color the book not the wall!" Beck cried out as he grabbed the crayon Evie was using to draw her masterpiece on the wall.
"Sorry, Unca Beck," Evie said, her eyes watering.
"Makayla, that's my lipstick! Where did you find it?" Jade screeched as she wiped the gunk off Makayla's lips using her fingers.
"I gots it from your bag," Makayla said. "I love make-up. I wanna wear it everyday and every hour and every second. Don't you have mores?"
"Please don't cry, Evie. I'm not mad. Just promise me you'd never do it again." Beck told her as he bent down to hug the adorable little girl.
"I promise, Unca Beck." Evie said solemnly as she buried her face on Beck's shoulders.
"You don't need to wear make up, Makayla." Jade told her. "You're already very pretty and perfect."
"I do, too, need makeup! You and mommy and Auntie Cat are pretty but you wear make up so you don't wear make up to get pretty." Makayla told her haughtily. "You wear make up so boys would like you and you could get married."
Beck stood up with Evie in his arms.
Wait a minute. If he has Evie and Jade has Makayla, then who has—
"Daddy said boys go pee pee on the trees!" Aiden cried out in delight as he dropped his shorts and peed on Jade's prized bonsai.
"Beck!" Jade called Beck from the bathroom.
"What?" he wondered what he wanted since she just accompanied the girls to use the toilet.
"Pee." she commanded when he entered the bathroom with Aiden in tow.
Jade and the girls were staring at the toilet as if it had done something to offend them.
Beck looked at Jade then the girls, then back at Jade. "Pee?"
"Did I stutter?"
"You want me," Beck clarified. "To pee right here, right now, in front of the kids?"
"Congrats. You understand basic English."
"You gotta pee first." Evie told him solemnly.
"Why's that, honey?"
"That's what my daddy does before I go potty. He peed first to kill the potty monster so it won't eated me."
"I don't want the potty monster to eated me!" Makayla gasped.
"You do it, Jade." Beck hissed.
Jade smirked. "Oh, no, Beck. You're doing this to convince me to have kids, right? Then, I fully expect you to be able to protect our future little princess from potty monsters. So you better start practicing. Pee. Now."
Beck rolled his eyes but the thought of a future little princess spurred him into action. He could do this, he told himself as he unzipped his pants. If he can shoot an entire scene naked in front of a camera and its crew, he could definitely pee in front of innocent four-year olds. "Okay. Killing the potty monsters for sweet baby Evie and pretty little Makayla." he muttered.
"Whoa!" Evie's fascinated eyes went huge. "Unca Beck, your goobie is much larger than daddy's!"
Jade's delighted laugh followed her all the way out of the bathroom.
"What did you do?" Jade demanded over the screams of the kids as she marched back into the living room after fixing the guest room where the kids would be sleeping.
(Yep, only three kids, Beck counted. How come they're making enough noise for ten grown men?)
"What do you mean what did I do?"
"They were sleepy and ready for bedtime stories after I bathed and clothed them. Why are they jumping up and down like frogs right now?"
"I gave them chocolate milk and cookies."
"You gave them chocolate milk and cookies before bed?"
"You said to give them milk to help them fall asleep easier!"
"Give them warm milk with a dash of cinnamon! Not chocolate milk and cookies!"
"What's the difference?" he asked.
"The sugar content! The sugar in the chocolate milk and cookies are making them hyper. That's why the little hellions are dancing around like the teenagers on Ecstasy!"
"OH?" Jade snarled. "That's all you can say? Oh? Where's my scissors?" Jade roared.
"Jade, babe, I don't think you'd be setting a good example for the kids if you bring out your scissors." Beck tried to pacify her. "Especially when they're this hyper."
"If I see my scissors, me being a bad influence to the kids would be the least of your problems," she said. "I'm in the mood to cut something up to ensure that this would never happen to us on a daily basis." she gave a meaningful and threatening glare between his legs.
Beck yelped and resisted the urge to hide his family jewels from his wife.
"Fix this." Jade told him.
"Tire them out. Give them Valium. Tie them to their beds. I don't care. Just make them stop." she walked out the living room, leaving Beck to fend for himself.
"But babe!" he called after her in vain.
Half an hour later, Beck was feeling the beginning of a headache. He had tried everything—he turned on the TV, he played with them, he danced, he sang, he begged and pleaded, he tried running after them—but nothing worked. The kids were still on their sugar high.
When little Aiden climbed on top of the coffee table and accidentally knocked over the vase of flowers on top of it (breaking the vase and splashing the carpet with water in the process) Beck had had enough.
"STOP IT!" he screamed in frustration. "I SAID STOP!"
It got the desired effect. The kids quieted—for about ten seconds.
Then Aiden gave a hiccup before he started bawling his eyes out. Makayla and Evie quickly followed suit.
Panicked at the sight of three crying children, Beck immediately apologized to them. When that did not work, he started bribing and promising things to them to get them to stop.
Just as he was promising to buy them their own yachts filled with toys if they would please just stop crying, Jade walked back into the living room.
"What is going on here?" she demanded.
Immediately, the three kids ran to their Auntie Jade.
"Unca Beck's a meanie!" Makayla told her.
"He screamed at us and made a scary face," Evie seconded.
Aided just wrapped himself around his aunt's leg.
"Beck, I'm disappointed at you." Jade told him as she bent down to scoop up Aiden. "That's a time out."
"But I was—"
"No excuses." Jade said. "Go to your corner."
"Your corner, now!"
With his head hanging low, Beck slowly trudged to his corner. "How long?"
"Until you learned your lesson that it's not polite to scream."
Beck saw Evie and Makayla stick out their tongues at him.
"Jade! They're making faces at me!"
"Beck Oliver stop making up stories. These precious angels would never do something so infantile." Jade replied. Then more gently, "Let's go to the bedroom, kids. Time for a story."
"Yey! Story time!" they cheered.
Beck had a feeling that Jade was having way too much fun in punishing him (as usual).
"Auntie Jade's telling us a story now, Unca Beck," Makayla said when she saw Beck enter the bedroom minutes later.
Jade was lying on the bed, the two girls on either side of her and a fascinated Aiden Shapiro beside his sister.
"Come snuggle with us," Evie invited magnanimously.
Apparently, Beck was forgiven for his earlier meltdown.
That's the best thing about kids, Beck thought to himself. They don't hold grudges.
"I'm good. I'd stand guard here to keep the monsters away." he said as he leaned against the door post.
Jade had searched the kids' bags for a storybook that wouldn't make her want to gouge her eyes out and settled for The Three Little Pigs.
"Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!" Jade said in her man voice.
Jade West-Oliver did make the best voices, Beck Oliver observed.
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin," the three kids chorused together (or at least, attempted to). They squealed in pretend fright as Jade huffed and puffed to blow their (imaginary) house in.
This was why Beck wanted to have kids. Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, Jade West-Oliver had a lot of love to give with only a few people to give it to. She had the potential to be the best mother in the world, but she was afraid to try because of her screwed up upbringing.
"The wolf did blow the house in and ate—"
"Good thing the little piggy escaped through the back door!" Beck interrupted Jade's story.
"No, he didn't!" Jade looked at Beck weirdly.
"Yes, Jade, he did. Now, on with the story!"
Jade rolled her eyes and continued with the pig who built his house out of sticks that was also blown down by the wolf. Beck once more interjected that the little pig escaped before the wolf could eat him.
Jade gave out a groan but finished her story with the pig with the house of bricks. "The wolf huffed and puffed but he could not blow down that brick house. But the wolf was a sly old wolf and he climbed up on the roof to look for a way into the brick house. The little pig saw the wolf climb up on the roof and lit a roaring fire in the fireplace and placed on it a large kettle of water."
"Which the wolf saw when he peeked down the chimney," Beck once again interrupted.
"Who's telling the story?" Jade demanded.
"We both are." he retorted. "You started it, now I'm finishing it."
"Fine." Jade gave a deep sigh of frustration. "Finish it, oh, great Beck Oliver who knows all the best stories."
"Fine." Beck said with wounded dignity. "The wolf saw the kettle of fire and realized that he couldn't enter the house through the fireplace. So he left the house of bricks and decided to become vegetarian. And the three little pigs lived happily ever after. The end!"
The kids cheered and demanded that they be read more stories.
"Sorry, kiddos," Jade told them as she untangled herself from the sea of limbs. "I'm fresh out. But tell you what, if you go to sleep like good little angels, I'll go to the library to find more stories, then I'll tell you about them in our next sleepover."
The kids nodded their agreement, each snuggling down on the bed Jade just left.
"We couldn't sleep yet!" Evie protested when she realized that her Unca Beck and Auntie Jade were leaving.
"Why not?" Jade demanded.
"We're not tucked in yet!" Makayla replied.
"No kissies and huggies," Aiden added.
Beck and Jade looked at each other before they went back to the bed in unison to give in to the children's demands.
"Ah, finally." Beck sighed gratefully as he slid into bed beside his soft, warm wife.
"Next time you invite them over, stock up on cough meds." Jade turned to Beck. "That'll make them good and pliable."
"Meanie," Beck snuggled comfortably into Jade, wrapping all arms around her. "I think you're right. We're not yet ready for kids just yet. Maybe next year, huh, babe?"
Jade snorted. "I don't think you're gonna be given a vote in that."
"What do you mean?" he mumbled sleepily. He must be more tired than he thought as he felt his eyes closing on their own accord.
"You and your little swimmers finally knocked me up." Jade told him. "Congratulations, daddy."
Beck jerked up in bed. "What?" he started laughing before he rolled over his wife and began pressing loving kisses on the different parts of her body that he could reach.
Things were starting to get interesting when suddenly, "Unca Beck, Aiden barfed on the bed and he's all stinky. Can we all sleep here instead?"