Chapter One: Fuck Time
Finn woke up and was ready to fuck bitches, except he couldn't find Jake. He looked in his closet where he keeps his dildos and found Jake.
"Why'd you start without me?!" said Finn as he shoves Jake up his ass.
"Because I was just too horny to wait." said Jake.
"OK, well LET'S GO FUCK BITCHES!" yelled Finn, throwing himself out the window and onto the rock bed where he saw LSP.
"OH. MY. GLOB FINN!" said LSP. "MY LUMPS! MY LUMPS!"
"Woah lady." said Finn.
"There super sore from you grabbin' them so hard last night, Finn!" yelled LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess then decided to join them on their quest for hos. Our two heroes and a prostitute are off for the Candy Kingdom, to find the one they call, Princess Bubblegum. They arrived at the Candy Kingdom and were greeted by Peppermint butler who sent them to PB's castle.
When they got inside it wasn't really a castle it was the dirtiest whore house they've ever been in. There were AIDS all over the place and everyone had herpes. All the dildos were broken in half from all the buttfuckery.
"This is the most mathematical place I've ever been." said Jake before he fainted in a pool of AIDS.
Finn spotted Princess Bubblegum sexing a man. Finn charged at the strange man and ripped his clothes off.
"HANDS OF MAH BITCH!" he yelled and went for his balls. When Finn couldn't find them he realized it was Tree Trunks who was sexing his number one ho. "WHAT IS THIS!" screamed Finn.
"I'M A LESBIAN." PB said in her man-like lesbian voice.
Finn screamed furiously and took out his dildo-sword. He spun Princess Bubblegum around and shoved his sword up her unused lesbian-ass. He threw her dead body on the floor and the Ice King came from seemingly nowhere and began having sex with her dead corpse. While the Ice King was grunting, moaning and gasping words for both himself and PB, LSP joined them. Actually she just cut off PB's lumps and glued them on her forehead.
Finn turned away in disgust and found Jake fucking Lady Rainicorn. Hard. "Jake, lets go. My number one ho let me down today."
"Yeah I saw that-OOH YEAHH!"Jake said then yelled because he was still doing Lady."What you need-YES OH YES-is a-COME ON BABY HARDER-new bitch. One that-YEAH JUST LIKE THAT-isn't a lesbian."
"You're right, Jake. My dick will never be satisfied without a real non-lesbian stripper whore. I will not rest until I get it in. The right way."