Updating this took forever, and I'm very sorry. Hopefully, I'll start to get better at this "updating" thing.
Before you read, I would like to protest that I don't necessarily HATE Lux, but you have to admit, he makes a very good object of hatred when it comes to Ahsoka and boys. I promise I'll be mean to some other unfortunate soul next time.
Thank you all for your reviews!
Anakin determined that he would never, ever be able to understand females, despite his desperate wish to understand his Padawan. Because really, this was getting out of hand. Women, he had long ago determined, had come up with their own language to speak, that only sounded like they were talking like everyone else. Ahsoka, he decides with the exasperation of one long suffering, is most definately worse than any other female he's known.
"Don't get into trouble," he tells her.
"We won't," she replies sweetly, leaving with his wife to negotiate with some Senator or another.
"We won't," turns into "Well we both may have gone into Separatist territory to talk to a Separatist senator and her son which is both 'illegal' and 'dangerous', and could have resulted in slow and painful deaths, but that's not really a big deal, why are you so mad?"
Anakin represses the urge to bash his head against a wall.
"Are you okay?" he asks her one day as he finds her perched on a stack of crates in the hanger. "I'm fine." She retorts, and Anakin leaves her be after that, and thinks nothing of it.
Ahsoka glares daggers at him for the next week, making backhanded insults the entire time before he throws up his hands in exasperation, and cries "I'm sorry!", even if he isn't sure what he did to warrant an apology. Strangely enough, it seemed to appease the girl, and she went from storm cloud to sunshine in a matter of seconds.
Anakin starts to really regret accepting this tiny menace for his Padawan. He wasn't good at dealing with politics, and talking to his teenage apprentice is more dangerous than walking in a minefield blindfolded.
Then comes the times when he tells Ahsoka she looks like a girl for once, and she gets the strangest look on her face, before disappearing into her room and locking the door. A matter of hours later finds Padme berating him through a holovid, all sharp words and disapproving looks that would cut steel to shreds and melt it into scrap.
He thought looking like a girl was something teenage females wanted. He decided making almost any commentary about anything aside from her and her Padawan status was enough to warrant a death sentence from both Snips and, now apparently, his wife.
Women, he decided, terrified him. Absolutely.
Crying females was a horror any man should never have to face without knowledge of said female, the situation, and equip with wisdom, empathy and lots of gentle words.
Unfortunately when Anakin encountered his crying Padawan, he had little to know about her really besides a vicious temper, her abilities as a Jedi, and her tendency to do things that were well meaning, but very, very dangerous. He knew absolutely nothing of why she was curled up in a corner of the gym, behind the mats bawling, only that Rex had a very alarmed look on his face when he found him and insisted he do something.
Rex, to date, was the only person Anakin knew who could deal with Ahsoka in all of her emotional states.
Anakin also lacked anything emotional qualification there was to deal with crying girls, as both Obi-Wan and Padme had informed him at seperate times in his life.
He was going to die. Really, he is. Either by Ahsoka or Padme. He's not sure which is worse, but both options are pretty bad.
But he can hear her crying from the other side of the mats, Rex looks desperate and horrified, and the rest of the men in the room are looking at him like he's their last hope.
He doesn't have the heart to tell them they've already lost all hope. But he's Anakin Skywalker, and his men are watching, so he gathers his pride, gives his men a stern, hopefully comforting nod, and climbs over the mats to where his Padawan is hiding.
He finds Ahsoka curled into a tiny, shaking ball in the corner, and he approaches her with all the caution of approaching a wild predator. She looks up, her eyes bloodshot and watery, and she looks absolutely awful, but he's at least smart enough to not say that.
He waits for acid barbs, or perhaps something to be thrown at his head, but she just stares at him with those huge, miserable eyes. Something akin to distress writhes in his stomach, and he realizes somewhere along the way, between the missions and fearing for his sanity and the incessant bickering between them, he had grown fond of his Padawan.
The thought makes him pause and frown, and even though it causes him to realize what he's doing is more voluntary than an obligation from Master to Padawan. Unfortunately, it doesn't enlighten him to what to say or do, and even if he's doing this because he cares, it doesn't actually mean he's exempt from being hit by something.
But her eyes are starting to water again, and her face is crumpling, and in his desperation, Anakin offers the only thing he can think of in this situation: to hurt, maim, or otherwise permanently damage whoever made her cry.
Despite the warning in his head that sounded suspiciously like his wife that told him something like that wasn't going to work, Ahsoka managed a choked sort of laugh. It wasn't much, but at least she didn't look like she was going to cry anymore.
Carefully, he eased over to where she sat, and was relieved when she didn't do anything. Instead, she leaned carefully against him, and he awkwardly put his arm over her shoulders and patted her montrals gingerly, not quite sure what he was supposed to do. Apparently it was the right thing though, because she didn't start yelling or crying or trying to hurt him.
He stayed crammed awkwardly between the wall, the mats, and his Padawan until his legs fell asleep and his back hurt and he was sure he was going to develop some sort of claustrophobia from doing this, but eventually she mumbled a name into his tunic, wiped her eyes, and gave him a watery smile.
He climbed out of the cramped area with less grace than a Jedi should, at was met with what he was almost sure was the entirety of Torrent Company shoved into the gym and peering intently at him.
Perched awkwardly on the mats, he was sure he looked ridiculous as he felt, but managed a brisk, assuring nod, and all of them visibly relaxed.
Leaving the gym, Anakin toyed absently with the thought that maybe on the off chance he had messed up and Ahsoka or Padme wouldn't have killed him, his men definitely would have.
Then, holding on his promise to his Padawan who he decided might be a nuisance, but was his nuisance; he did what any man in his position would do: abuse his power as a General of the Grand Army of the Republic.
Two days later an entire report file on one "Lux Bonteri" was sent out to every man in the 501st, along with a note that came directly from the General, authorizing: "Permanently damage on sight."