Hi there! I'm so sorry I haven't kept my promise of writing more often, but I just keep getting sick :( stupid immune system! Enjoy!

Episode 12: Look at those eyes

Sadie (Canada)
I walk into the basement. I'm the first one here today. I decide to go to the kitchen to make some coffee. It's a bit weird to walk around here and call this my workplace. It's even weirder to make coffee in an actual kitchen instead of in a coffee corner. But that's just how things are at Nana's Basement. And I kind of like it.
For the first time since everything happened, I feel at ease. I guess I just ran out of tears to cry and now I'm done. I'm done with being miserable. That's not going to give me Kwest back.
And right that second, he walks in.
"Errr... Hi Sadie."
He's actually talking to me? "Hello." I stumble, surprised.
"Didn't think anyone would be here so soon." He says. What does that mean? Is he saying that he doesn't want me here, that he wanted to be alone?
"Yeah, well, I have a lot of work to do today, so... I figured I'd better start early."
He nods, looks like he's about to say something and then changes his mind.
"Do you want some coffee too?" I ask, desperate for this conversation to keep going. It took so long to get him to talk to me, I'm not going to let him go now.
"Yes, please. Thank you."
"No milk, one spoon of sugar?" I ask.
"You remember."
I nod.
And it's not uncomfortable anymore. It feels... okay.
We sit on opposite side of the kitchen table, silently sipping our coffee, until Kwest says: "You know, you've been really helpful these last days. You're doing a good job with Spiederman."
"Thank you. The same goes for you. You really have done something amazing with his music."
"It was all there, already. I just helped bring it out."
"Always so modest." I smile.
And he smiles back, carefully.

Jude (London)
It's in the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. Tommy's sleeping next to me. He seems peaceful.
The exact opposite of how I'm feeling.
I walk to the kitchen and get a bowl of cereal. I stand in front of the window, looking out at the city.
I don't know what to do. I'm totally lost. I don't know how to fix this with Tommy. I don't know how to make him trust me again. And I don't know if I can keep going if he won't. I don't know if I can go on without him, but I don't know if I can live with this.
It's not good.
A relationship where the other person looks at you like he might lose you, every time... That can't last. He needs to trust me. I really, really won't go. I'm his. He's mine.
Why won't he accept it?
Why won't he believe it?
What do I have to do to make him believe?
I do what I always do when I don't know what to do.
I write a song.

Oh my look at those eyes
Look at the trouble that they hide inside
I see the flicker of the pain on the rise
Oh my look at those eyes

Maybe they're like mine
Things I wish I did not see
I push away all the dirt and debris
But what'll be left of me

No, tell me it's not so
That people will come and they'll go
We push away all the love that we know
No, tell me it's not so

Like in the eye of a storm
You're changing form
You feel the pull of the time ticking by
Oh my look at these times

But look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
But look at who's right beside you
You're looking back thinking oh my God
That somebody's never left you
You're not alone in the dark
You're not alone in the dark

After that I try to get some sleep, but it won't work. I toss and turn until it's 6 am and time for Tommy to wake up. We get dressed and ready in silence. I guess we both don't know what to say. And it's stupid, really. We only have a few days left together and then we won't see each other for god knows how long. So when he's about to leave, I stop him. I turn him to me and pull him close. And then we kiss. I put everything in that kiss. He seems surprised at first, but then he gives in, catches up. After a while we come up for air. We're both breathing heavily.
"What was that for?" He smiles.
"I just..." I shrug, not wanting to tell the truth. "Just have a good day at work."
He smiles widens. "I love you."
"I love you too."

3 days later
Spiederman (Canada)
I'm nervous. I'm backstage, waiting for my first solo gig to start. I can actually hear people screaming outside. This is insane. I try to act cool, though, as always.
But Karma sees right through me.
"Relax, Spiedy." She puts a hand on my shoulder. "You can do this."
I nod, but I don't say anything. I'm afraid I might puke.
Sadie walks in. "It's time."
I follow her to the stage. Karma is holding my hand, squeezing it once in a while. Right before I'm about to go on, she stops and kisses me. "Be great." She smiles.
And I smile back. She's right, I can do this. I'm Vincent Spiederman. I can do anything!
I squeeze her hand and wink. "Here we go!"
I step on stage and everyone starts screaming. I grab my guitar and go stand in front of the microphone. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sadie standing behind Kwest. He smiles at her before he gives me a sign that I'm good to go. Those two... I can barely keep from rolling my eyes.
A last look at Karma, standing where the audience can't see her.
And then I start to play.

I dressed up today. And it seems like it's working.
Kwest stopped ignoring me after our conversation in the kitchen. Slowly, we began to talk to each other again. Even if he doesn't want me anymore, maybe we can still be friends.
Who am I kidding, I don't want to be friends.
The question is what he wants. It all depends on him.
The gig was a huge success, so afterwards we throw a little afterparty backstage.
At one point, they start playing "Deeper" and everybody finds themselves a dancing partner. I look around to see if Kwest already has someone to dance with, but I can't find him. I search every corner of the room with my eyes, but it seems like he's gone.
Then I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Would you like to dance, Sadie?"
There he is.
I nod and take his hand.
At the end of the song I feel him kiss the top of my head. At least that's what I think it is. I'm afraid I'm wrong, so I don't really react to it. I just pull him a little closer, carefully. He doesn't resist.
Maybe this will all work out after all.