STAN LEND ME A HAND
A/N: Wendy is always looking into political/social issues of the time. So she decides to do a report on sports and whether or not they encourage boys to be violent thugs. She gets help from her boyfriend.
FOR COYOTE SMITH
Wendy Testaburger was going to do a report on sports and do they have a positive or negative impact on children? She was going to put it in her blog but she needed some help.
So her best bet was to ask her boyfriend Stan Marsh who served as quarterback last year for the South Park Cows.
At 3:15 PM Stan met Wendy in Mister Garrison's classroom and they sat down to chat. Wendy had a laptop computer and she was ready to get started.
Stan said to Wendy "what is it you're looking to do?"
Wendy answered "I want to do a report on sports and their effect on youth. Do they have a positive or negative effect?"
Stan said "well mostly positive but every now and then you're going to hear a news story about teenage jocks getting in fights or celebrating by drinking while underage and stuff like that."
Wendy said "what about grades?"
Stan responded "grades?"
Wendy said "do you feel sports interfere with grades?"
Stan answered "it used to be that way until the late 1980's when they enforced a "no pass no play" policy.
Wendy told him "right I read about that but if you look at the movie Coach Carter which is based on a true story from the year 1976."
Stan responded "that had to be a major wake up call for those high school students."
Wendy asked Stan if he saw the movie and Stan said "no" but then said he'd like to watch a porno movie with Wendy some time and Wendy said "let's put that plan aside for now."
Stan said "oh and everyone wants sports to be safe so you are required in lots of cases to wear protective gear or even just for physical activity you have to wear fucking bike helmets now days."
Wendy laughed and stated "well if you get a head injury bad enough you could be crippled in a bed and shitting your pants all your life."
Stan was shocked and said "easy Wendy!"
Wendy said "well hanging around with you and your friends of course I'm going to learn how to cuss."
They both giggle and then hug.
Stan also points out "physical exams are required to play sports no matter what grade you're in or your gender they have to examine you down below."
Wendy started picturing Stan in his underwear getting a full exam.
Stan said "Wendy?"
Stan said "Wendy" again trying to get her attention.
As Wendy started to daze out Stan said "Wendy!"
Wendy said "oh hey Stan I'm sorry something distracted me."
Stan was puzzled but then he wanted to know what specific sports she would be writing about and she said "all of them in general."
Stan said "a federal court just ruled that cheerleading is NOT considered a sport and she should avoid writing about that."
Wendy started pouncing up and down yelling "STAN I DO THAT WITH MY FRIENDS HOW COULD A FUCKING FEDERAL COURT SAY IT'S NOT A SPORT?"
Stan grabbed Wendy and reminded her she was in a school classroom. Wendy reminded him it was only them in the classroom.
Stan said "well what if someone comes in?"
Wendy answered "who will come in Counselor Mackey?"
Stan laughed and told Wendy she needed counseling then Wendy playfully slapped Stan around. After a few minutes Stan said "okay stop that's enough."
Wendy then suggested that since they were on the subject of slapping and anger issues that required counseling she had to ask Stan if he thought sports recognition sent the wrong message to teenagers that they could be tough jocks and beat up whoever the hell they wanted?
Stan answered "well there are cases in high school where the football teams think they can beat up the kids who are considered "nerds" or who are not as strong."
Wendy said "what if they start doing steroids? Recently the pros in baseball all got in big trouble and there were federal investigations into it."
Stan said "oh yes but for the most part it's not been a big issue with high school students these days but the dumb ass governor of Texas had thousands tested none the less. Only two students tested positive."
Stan and Wendy fall out of their chairs laughing.
Wendy then brought up how Jimmy did steroids and returned his award in the handicapped Olympics.
Stan said "oh yeah I remember that."
Wendy then gets back to the issue of whether or not sports encourage people to be violent and do the top athletic high school students feel they have a right to beat the shit out of people?
Stan started to cry and Wendy wondered "Stan why the hell are you crying?"
Stan said "well the thought of becoming a tough jock and you finding it revolting that I bully other students then leaving me is a disturbing thought."
Stan struggled to catch his breath.
Wendy put her hand on his shoulder and said "take it easy Stan."
Stan said "oh the thought of losing you really encourages me not to become an arrogant jerk or an abusive jock who thinks he can beat the shit out of anybody he wants."
Wendy said "well Stan that's very grown up thinking. Lots of these boys think that because they're captain of the football team or captain of the basketball team they can do whatever they fucking want to do to anybody."
Wendy motioned Stan to get out of his seat and she held him in her arms. Stan felt comfort as he cried in the arms of his girlfriend. Wendy had to sneak into the home economics room to get paper towels and later Stan washed up in the bathroom.
Before Wendy uploaded her report she said "Stan I'm so glad you agreed to stay after school and help me with this personal report. Over this past year I can't help but notice that not only have you grown taller but you've matured on the inside as well."
Stan smiled and felt his heart race.
"Okay done" Wendy said after uploading her report to her blog.
Wendy and Stan left Mister Garrison's classroom and they ran into Butters who'd just gotten out of detention.
When Butters explained he'd gotten a detention Stan said "well Butters don't kill yourself over a detention you're a good person."
Stan put his arm around Butters and Wendy was amazed by the compassion.
Butters went out the door and Wendy grabbed Stan and said "the way you'll stand by Butters even though he annoys you occasionally instead of beating him up because he's an easy target really shows me I don't have an abusive jock for a boyfriend."
She pulled Stan in for a big hug.
Stan said "I got your approval I'm happy."
Wendy said "I got you to hold my hand."
Stan said "I got you to understand."
They both giggled and headed toward the front door of the school because they both wanted to go home.
Before Stan opened the door Wendy said "hey Stan you know aside from staying in a classroom to do a personal report after school there's something else that kids do after school that's interesting."
Stan asked "what's that?"
Wendy answered with delight "sneaking into the nurse's office to play doctor."
Stan's eyes lit up.