Bonjour my readers!
Have you seen that new Rin x Len song called The Wolf that Fell In Love with Little Red Riding Hood?
That came out a few months after I first published Little Red Shota Hood, in which the Wolf fell in love with Little Red Shota Hood!
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Japanese people at Crypton are reading my fics and writing songs about it.
Maybe it's a coincidence. But I only believe in coincidence because it makes for good plots.
Hence I am going to bait this story in such a way that producers couldn't help but write a song.
Wanna know how?
The characters are gonna fricken sing!
"Yo Len! Get your ass down to the garden and clean up that crap!" a voice screamed.
Len cringed at the sound of the nasally whine but proceeded down to the dead remains of the garden wearing a tattered French maid. Before it had been much longer but as time went on holes appeared and got bigger to the point where it barely covered anything. Meiko, of course, didn't give a shit.
Len trudged to the garden swinging around a rotting bucket. He went to well and began filling it with water that had been tainted with disease and bacteria due to the fact corpses of workers that had failed to meet Meiko's expectations were dumped. Probably the reason why the garden was dead.
Len stared down into the well about to make a sound when he heard Meiko screech from a tower window, "Better not start fucking singing!"
"I'll do what I want you fat ass bitch!" Len screamed back.
And with that Len started to sing.
Wishing well of red tainted waters,
Do you really grant wishes?
If so then why do the corpses of the less fortunate rest within you?
Do you grant the wish of death because I do not want to die?
Wishy washy wishing well,
All I wish for is that beast of a step mother to look in a mirror,
So she can see how ugly she truly is,
Before he could come up with a chorus, Len heard a voice call out, "Hey! Nice ass you got there!"
Len straightened up and covered his backside feeling a heat spread across his face.
"Pedo! Get out of here!" Len called out.
He noticed a man with blue hair drop over the only garden wall with living plants growing on it. The man brushed himself off and made a fail attempt of swagger walking over to him.
"Now that's no way to talk to a prince," The man said with a nail buff, "Name's Kaito. Prince Kaito to you, peasant."
"I'm not a peasant, dumb ass. My step mother is the ruler of this castle. Your trespassing Your Most Thickheaded Lowness," Len scoffed.
"That so," Kaito smirked, "Then I'll just be on my way… After I sing about how attractive you are!"
Ass as firm as apples,
When the hell did you feel my ass?!
Chest as flat as pans, good thing you're not a trans~
How can you expect me to leave after seeing the sexy likes of you?
La lala la la lala la la la la la la~
In the midst of their duet Meiko glanced out the window to see Prince Kaito sexually harassing Len verbally. She scoffed and turned towards her floor length mirror mounted on the wall.
"Mirror, mirror, what a bastard you are, who is most sexy near and far?" Meiko demanded.
"Hey, hey, Mei, Mei~! Girl, you are lookin fine today!" They replied allowing their form to show. The mirror was unfortunately gay (what guy in this story isn't gay?), not that Meiko cared. The mirror contained the form of a purple haired man about in his 30's.
"Just answer the damn question!" Meiko fumed.
"Hold up, I am not going to let you disrespect me like that. You better learn to walk the walk or you'll just get buuuurrrrned," The mirror said snapping his fingers in a 'z' formation.
"You better learn to only answer what you've been asked or I'll smash you to bits!" Meiko roared.
The mirror grasped his cheeks, "That'll do horrors for my complexion!"
"Then answer the fucking question!" Meiko commanded.
"Fine. It's not you sweetie. Happy?" The mirror huffed.
"What? Who!?" Meiko screeched.
"You have to rhyme it honey hoe," The mirror replied.
"Very well. Um… Mirror, mirror, you stupid little twit, if I'm not the sexiest then who the hell is it?" Meiko rhymed.
"I'll answer that… In song~!" The mirror sang.
(This is a rap actually)
So you wanna know who the sexiest is,
Well babe I'll tell you this is serious chiz.
So listen up and don't interrupt,
Or your assassins will all end up bankrupt.
They got skin as white as ice,
Hair that's just so nice.
They got eyes as blue as the summer sky-
"It's the boy, isn't it!?" Meiko interrupted, "He must be eliminated!"
"Bitch, you did not just interrupt me," The mirror challenged.
Meiko quickly stalked away to prepare for the assassination of Len.
Mean while Len had finally managed to scare off the child predator known as Kaito and was lazing around in the garden.
He heard some doors bang open and saw a pink haired woman decked in camouflage with an AK-47 strapped to her back.
Len narrowed his eyes at her, "Who the hell are you?"
"Your executor," She smirked pulling the gun from her back.
Faster than you could say PNEUMONO ULTRA MICRO SCOPIC SILICO VOLCANO CONIOSIS, Len had fled the scene.
Luka sighed, "They always run… enough for me to make up a song about it~"
As Len began tearing through the woods he heard the woman's voice sing behind him.
They always run, run, run,
It's not fun, fun, fun.
I'm fucking done, done, done.
I shoot you with my gun, gun, gun.
What's this son, son, son,
You think you, won, won, won.
Well shun, shun, shun,
You can't come hooooommme.
The voice had finally faded leaving Len alone in the silent woods. He was actually happy to finally be away from those song crazed fanatics and have some peace and quiet, until he heard a song.
What's this I see?
It's a little boy!
He's so kawaii,
I could just eat him up!
It's such shame,
He hates to sing.
Therefore I shall saaaaayyyy….
Sing a song! Join the circle!
Sing a song! Join the circle!
Sing a song! Join the circle!
"Shut the hell up!" Len shouted at the voice.
He saw a midget of a teal headed girl poke her head out from behind a tree.
"You're not singing," The teal growled, "SING! I know you were singing before!"
"Because I didn't think it would make everyone else sing!" Len stammered.
Sing a song. Join the circle.
Sing a song. Join the circle.
Len shuddered at the contorted sound the teal was now making.
"Just stop! I'll sing later," Len quickly said.
"Great!" The teal clapped, "I heard your on the run from Luka the huntswoman so I shall let you stay at my cottage with my six other companions."
"Won't that be crowded?" Len asked.
"Naw, you'll hardly notice they're there!" The teal assured, "My name is Miku, by the way."
"Kay, well thanks… I hope," Len replied.
The dwarf Miku grabbed his hand and began guiding Len through the woods. After a while the duo finally reached a rather squat cottage with smoke curling out the chimney.
Miku clapped her hands with delight, "Ah! Maiku must be cooking dinner!"
She dragged Len inside the house a shoved him into a chair.
"Wait here, I need to check on Maiku," Miku smiled.
She disappeared into the kitchen where he could hear indistinct conversation.
After a few minutes Miku came from the kitchen holding a steaming pot except she wasn't quite Miku.
She had her hair curled into drills and had a chef hat resting on her head. A bit of hair was pressed over her upper lip creating the illusion of a mustache.
"Oh, ho, ho, misure, I hope I haven't kept you long," She said with a French accent.
"What the, what happened to you Miku?" Len asked.
"Oh, ho, ho, moi Maiku. Chef of this establishment," Miku answered.
Len was completely confused, but he decided just to let it go. At least he would get to eat.
As he was about to eat Maiku snatched away his bowl, "Non! You must sing a dinner song before you may eat!"
"What?! No!" Len denied.
"It must be in French as well," Maiku demanded.
"I don't know French!" Len whined.
"Very well, je shall bless you with my magnificent song of François," Maiku declared.
Le pot le dîner se réchauffe!
Etes-vous digne de cette soupe étonnante?
Ouvrez votre bouche et laissez-le pleuvoir!
Perdre une goutte et votre tête sera coupée.
Ne pas avoir peur tout simplement profiter du ragoût,
Tous les repas dernières devraient être un délice, non?
(I'd appreciate it if you translated this since I worked hard on this. And no, I won't provide a translation. I recommend Google.)
Len didn't understand a single word she sang but at least he could eat. Len happily devoured the soup before finally feeling sleepy.
"Can I sleep?" Len asked.
"Very well, misure. Je vais have Meiku tuck you in; the mademoiselle knows good lullabies," Maiku informed.
With that Maiku disappeared up stairs.
Len groggily trudged upstairs to see Miku once again. This time she had her hair down with a white flower in her hair.
"Geia sas, I've been waiting for you," Miku said.
"Meiku?" Len questioned.
Len just shook his head and asked no questions.
Meiku lead him to a bed gently tucked him in.
"Shall I sing you a song, agapi̱té mou?" Meiku asked.
Len just shrugged feeling too tired to reply.
Ótan fysáei aeráki páno̱ apó ton o̱keanó ,
Ótan o í̱lios échei epistrépsei sti̱ Gi̱ ,
O kósmos prépei na koimátai .
Óchi énas í̱chos tha akousteí .
Xekourasteíte kalá to paidí mou ,
Kakó óneira den tha érthei .
Móno óti tou áv̱rio kai tóte tha érthei .
(Here Miku is singing in Greek which I also want you to translate)
Over at the castle Meiko was brewing a scheme to destroy Len since Luka had failed miserably. Meiko scanned over tabloids trying to find inspiration when she saw an article about attempted murder with a hairbrush.
"Pshk," Meiko muttered, "How pathetic."
Her eyes quickly widened and she jumped to her feet.
"I know how to kill the boy! I'll kill him with a banana! That dimwit will never see it coming!" Meiko cackled.
Her mirror misted over, "Baby cakes, you're wasting your time."
Meiko once again ignored the reflective fag and quickly ran off to put her plan in action.
At the crack of dawn Len awoke from his less than glamorous slumber. He looked around and finally remembered where he was: The schizophrenic dwarf cottage.
Len looked around to see that none of the Mikus were there so he decided to go downstairs and eat some chow.
Upon arriving in the dining room he noticed a Miku sitting in a chair smoking a cigar with her bangs slicked back underneath a fedora.
"Ehi, What took you so long? Make me food, fretta," The Miku ordered.
"What the- who are you?" Len asked.
"Name's Muiku, ragazzo. Now I suggest you make me some food," Muiku fumed.
"I'm a guest. AND I'm royalty. Make it yourself you douche," Len retored.
Muiku's eye flickered for a moment. She pulled the cigar out and rubbed the still burning tip into Len's hand. Len screamed from the burn and began to start wailing like baby.
"Ah shut up you pussy. Go cook or I'll rub salt in it, capito?" Muiku growled.
With tears running down his face, Len trudged to the kitchen to make something. He wasn't sure what, but Len hoped it would be so revolting it would kill the stupid dwarf.
After combining random ingrediants Len slammed the pot onto the table in front of Muiku.
"Eat it," Len muttered, "It'll be your last meal anyway."
Muiku smirked, "So the little idiota thinks they can kill me? I believe a song about is required~!"
Ragazzino così stupido e debole,
Pensate davvero si potrebbe meglio di me?
Fate ridere con con la vostra lotta pietoso,
Bruciare all'inferno come la formica sei.
(This one is in Italian~)
Once again Len had no idea what the fuck they were saying but at least Miku wasn't there mentally to tell him to sing.
He glanced over and Muiku to see she once again had pigtails and was busily devouring the contents of the pot.
Once she had finished Miku smiled at Len, "Thanks for the breakfast! I gotta go to work!"
"Work? Who hires midgets?" Len scoffed.
"No one. But they marry them~" Miku said with a wink.
"What is your job?" Len asked skeptically.
"I marry rich guys and kill them for their money," Miku answered nonchalantly, "I guess you could call me a gold miner."
"Right…" Len replied.
Miku stood up and brushed off her dress, "Well I'm off! Make sure you come with a nice long song for me and don't open the doors for crack heads~!"
And with that Miku was gone.
Before Len could even kick back there was a knock on the door. He grumbled and opened a window by the door.
"Are you crack head?" Len called out.
"If love was crack then I'd be a crack head," A rather familiar voice called out, "It's a good thing you're my crack because I'm addicted to you!"
Len was shocked to hear Prince Kaito's voice. Only because he couldn't help but wonder how the heck he found him.
"How'd you get here?" Len asked.
"I just followed the sound of your peril and found here," Kaito smirked, "Quite the helpless step-son of a bitch aren't you?"
"What do you want?" Len questioned.
"I just wanted to sweep you away to my castle before an evil witch could come by and kill you~" Kaito beamed.
"Oh crap, she's here. Well bai-neeeeeeeeeeeeeee~^^" Kaito called out sprinting away.
With that there was another knock on the door.
"What do you want?"Len called out irritatably.
"I'm just selling bananas," He heard a woman say.
The lady approached the window to reveal a rather hideous face and gnarled fingers.
"If someone as ugly as you is selling bananas then they must taste horrible," Len scoffed.
"They taste amazing. Care to try one?" The woman ushered.
"Is it free?"
"Then I'm not eating one."
"Fine! It's free!
Len took a banana but didn't eat it.
"Why won't you eat it?" The woman hissed.
"It's not 'ready', if you know what I mean," Len explained.
"Oh course its ready! It's fresh and ripe!" The woman raged.
"No, no. It needs time," Len assured.
"You stupid little brat! I've had it!" The woman screeched.
She reached into the basket and pulled out a frozen banana. With that she smacked Len on the side of the head causing him to collapse.
"Yes…" The woman who was actually Meiko without a disguise on cackled, "That fool is finally dead!"
Meiko dashed away clicking her heels with glee.
Once Miku had come home from work she saw Len dead on the floor with a banana in hand.
Miku eyes began to water, "The poor little thing. I can only imagine what happened…"
Miku then went to go prepare a funeral.
A few days later the funeral was set. Almost everyone of significance in the story came to mourn the passing of the poor little banana who had been cruelly squeezed to death by the meaty hands of Len. Only then did people finally realize that Len was dead too but no one really cared that much… Except for Meiko because she had successfully murdered him.
Prince Kaito quickly fell out of love with Len and fell in love with Miku because he thought she was sexier. Meiko wasn't the sexiest in the land as declared by the mirror. In fact he said she'd have to kill every person alive to be the sexiest. Turns out Miku was the sexiest and she married Kaito( Kaito died from unknown causes later on…).
But of course the story can't end without one last song from our rumored to be dead Len!
Well actually it can so…
Now tell me what you think of the songs... Yes or no?