Wow! It's been a while, hasn't it? This is a drabble, a companion piece for my story "The Demon's Butler." It's not necessary to have read that one before reading this, though, as it can stand alone.
Read and review. Flame if you must.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji. I do not own Ciel Phantomhive or Sebastian Michaelis.
Ciel had been many things. An earl, a human, a fiance. Once, a sacrifice.
But not anymore. No, now Ciel was something else entirely. He was a demon. He hadn't wanted to become a demon. He'd been perfectly fine with Sebastian devouring his soul. But being a demon wasn't all bad, he'd thought at first.
Until he and Sebastian had talked in that field of roses.
"It feels nice. As if I have been released from a long curse."
"Yes. And in exchange, I have been given an eternal curse."
Ciel remembered that very clearly. Oh, how those words had cut him. Sebastian had, in a roundabout way, stated that Ciel was a curse. He remembered the words he had spoken after that.
"You are my butler."
He'd said that to remind Sebastian – and himself – of that it had stung. To be treated as a curse: there was nothing worse than that.
"I am your butler...for all eternity," Sebastian had replied. His face had looked so grim – so serious – so devoid of any emotion or life – and Ciel knew then that he had lost his butler.
Yes, Sebastian would fulfill his duties as was expected of him, but he would do so in a mechanical manner. He really didn't care about Ciel. All he had truly cared about was Ciel's soul, and now that he had no soul, what was left for him?
There was nothing left for Sebastian, and he knew it.
Ciel knew that Sebastian hated him. He could feel it. He could sense it. Every time Sebastian looked at him, Ciel could feel – see – sense – the hatred just rolling off of him in waves.
He recalled the first time he had noticed it. It had been five years after they had left London. Ciel had been in his bedroom and had just dismissed Sebastian. He turned away, and when he glanced up, he caught sight of their reflections in the mirror. What he saw startled and stunned him. Sebastian's blood red orbs had glittered with intense hatred – hatred that was directed at him. Ciel quickly averted his gaze before the butler could catch him staring. Ciel held himself rigid until the other male departed, when he allowed himself to shrink into himself. The hatred in Sebastian's eyes – was it really for him? What had he ever done to deserve hatred from Sebastian? Aside from using him for Ciel's own gain (which included everything from infiltration to being arrested and excluded seduction – which the demon himself had used on occasion) and sentencing him to an eternity of servitude, he amended.
Ciel had the feeling that it was the latter part that Sebastian had an issue with, since being used was part of the contract.
But the way Ciel saw it, Sebastian had no right to despise him. It wasn't Ciel's fault that Sebastian had accepted the command to be his butler until he could eat his soul. It wasn't Ciel's fault that Alois wished that neither Claude nor Sebastian could have Ciel's soul. And it most certainly wasn't Ciel's fault that he had turned into a demon.
The long hours, the long days, the long weeks, the long months, the long years – they were so tense. They barely interacted with each other, barely spoke or touched each other.
And so Ciel waited patiently for Sebastian's patience to snap. He knew that it would eventually, and when it did, he would be ready. He had everything planned – every word – every action.
But that never happened. Sebastian said nary a word about Ciel's could do absolutely nothing to snap Sebastian out of his sorry state of mind.
And even though Sebastian was standing right beside him, he felt as though they were a million miles apart.
And so he turned to dangerous stunts. Although for a demon such as himself, they were not extremely dangerous. A simple run through gunfire, standing by a bomb, leaping from a considerable height.
They were all things a demon could live through. Very few things could actually kill a demon. Besides, he wasn't looking to die. No, he was looking for a way to get Sebastian back. That was all he wanted. That was all he cared about.
Immortality. Power. He would give up both of those things in a heartbeat just to have Sebastian back. That was the only thought that floated through his mind.
He wanted Sebastian back. Dammit, he wanted Sebastian back!
Where was the demon who had relentlessly taunted and teased him? The demon who wasn't afraid to speak his mind? It irked Ciel to see Sebastian continually bite his tongue and not say anything. No matter what he did – no matter what he said – Sebastian did not respond with anything other than an emotionless face and a "Yes, my lord.
"No matter what, however, Ciel refused to order Sebastian to act the way he had before. He didn't want it to be a facade. He wanted it to be real.
And Ciel learned that there was something he could never be. He could never be a demon.
Yes, Ciel had been many things. An earl, a human, a fiance. Once, a sacrifice.
A demon, he was not.
And yet he was.