I own the plunny and the OCs.

Written for the Kinkmeme

Step 1: Captain America should be near computers alone.


First it should be said that Kit Cornet hated Captain America.

Oh she was thankful for that fact that he regularly saved the world with the Avengers and she possibly may have grown up fangirling about him as a child. Her father was a huge Captain America fan having heard the (true!) stories from her grandfather (his father). It might have rubbed off on her too. Bless her father's soul. She hadn't told him that the famous Captain was living above her in the building she worked at.

As for why she hated Captain America, it had started yesterday when she entered her office. Kit worked in the IT department of Stark Industries. She was the fastest coder they have; able to write, fix and take apart all different types of code in a matter of hours. While she wasn't as fast as JARVIS (personally she thought it was an honor to even have met the greatest AI in existence), she was also a decent hacker. Kit took great pride in her skills and honestly working at Stark Industries was a bit like a dream. The latest tech was at her fingertips. She couldn't ask for anything else. So it stood to reason then, that Kit was very fond of her computers.

Imagine her horror when she walked into her office to find Captain America in front of her precious babies who are flashing the blue screen of death and oh-my-god was that SMOKE?!

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" she shrieked, dropping her bags and cup of coffee to the floor. She rushed over to her computers and started to see if she could fix anything. Captain America was on the side, apologizing. Kit didn't hear him and instead threw him out.

"Alpha?" Kit asked hesitantly. Alpha was the pet AI Kit had created. While nowhere near as complex as JARVIS or even Dummy, Alpha had been in response to a challenge Mr. Stark had made. That was, one day Mr. Stark had decided to make the coffee machine sentient. The only way Kit could get coffee was to create an AI able to combat (read: annoy) the coffee machine AI. Since the coffee machine was no longer causing trouble, Alpha was more like a pet keeping her company. Alpha reminded her of appointments and deadlines, fetched email, said hello to her every morning and pointed out errors she made while programming.

There was no answer from Alpha. Instead her computers made a growing whirling noise. Kit looked in horror before she dove out of her office and slammed the door shut behind her. There was a loud BOOM that shook her lab. Kit peered back inside to find her computers had exploded into tiny pieces.

"My babies!"


Steve wandered down into Tony's lab for two reasons. First his cellphone needed fixing and two he was feeling guilty about breaking that lady's equipment. He wanted to know her name so he could apologize. That would require looking at the employee's pictures, which required Tony's permission.

"Whatcha need Steve?" Tony asked, setting down his screwdriver.

Steve held out his cellphone, looking sheepishly. "Well, it's keeps saying something to me and I can't get it to stop." Ever since this morning, his phone would shriek at him every five minutes. Nothing Steve did could make it to stop. Short of breaking it into pieces at least, but it was given to him by Tony and Steve didn't want to break a gift.

Tony looked at him, amused. "Alright, let's have a look." He took the cellphone from Steve. "What is it saying?"

Before Steve could answer, the phone came alive screaming, "AI KILLER! AI KILLER!" Tony promptly dropped the phone and looked at Steve with horror.

"STEVE!" Tony shouted disbelief in his tone of voice. He didn't wait for Steve to defend himself. "JARVIS!"

"Yes sir?" JARVIS replied, his crisp British accent echoing through the room.

"Are you alright? Is Dummy and Butterfingers alright? Is everyone?" Tony fired off. Had his poor bots been hurt somehow?

"Everyone is accounted for, sir. They are fine," JARVIS reported back.

Not believing it, Tony glared at Steve.

"It wasn't my fault!" Steve protested.

"Who did you murder Steve?" Tony accused. "Was it Toasty the Toaster? Just because he snaps at you every time you try to make toast does not give you right to murder him!"


"If I may, sir," JARVIS interrupted. "Mister Rogers made a detour into the IT department yesterday. I do not have full access to the security footage of the event." JARVIS didn't have full access to the lower levels, just the security cameras and computers because Tony didn't want his employees to feel as if Big Brother was watching. "But it seemed Mister Rogers managed to blow up Miss Cornet's lab yesterday."

"I got a message saying to check my email and it was the nearest computer," Steve babbled. "Then all of sudden there was this blue screen and smoke and she threw me out."

Tony just stared at Steve. "You killed Alpha?" he said incredulously.

"Alpha?" Steve asked, confused.

Tony rubbed his forehead. "Alpha was Kit's pet AI. You just murdered the pet of my best coder and hacker. She's probably a wreck right now."

Steve stared guilty at the floor. Tony sighed and patted Steve on the shoulder. "Come on big guy," he said, pushing Steve out the door. "Let's go fix this."

"How do we fix this?" Steve asked. Could JARVIS bring Alpha back? Like rebooting a computer?

"You're going to buy her flowers and her favorite dessert -apple turnovers by the way- then you're going to grovel for her forgiveness and offer your condolences," Tony instructed. "And I will buy her all new equipment for her lab and hold the funeral."


"You murdered her pet, Alpha and blew up her computers which are her babies. We're holding a damn funeral and you're going to be present."

"I really messed up didn't I?"

"You have no idea."

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