A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since I've updated. I've been lazy and I've had a lot of schoolwork to do. But I'm updating now, so enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The dialogue is borrowed from Stephenie Meyer and this is my take on Edward and his point of view in the goodbye scene.
I stared detachedly into Bella eyes, contravention flaming inside of me. She stared back, uncomprehending. Searching for any sense of ambiguity to the word I had just spoken, her warm chocolate eyes were like guarded grenades: about to go off at any second.
"Well, that changes things," She murmured, astonishingly composed.
Did she not understand what I was trying to tell her? Was she really that stubborn?
Then again, it was plausible that she was in shock…. I suddenly felt the need to reassure her of my motives for leaving- whether for me more or for her, I wasn't sure.
Not sure I could stand looking into her face again; I frowned desolately into the trees, slipping in my composure. "Of course, I'll always love you" -Keep it light, I reminded myself.- "…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…" I struggled to find the appropriate term. "tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."
I turned back to face her, the coldness of the monster surfacing. "I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
I've taken away so much…
"Don't," Bella whispered dejectedly, cognizance finally sinking in. "Don't do this."
Bella's words were far too late. I was already in too deep; there was no turning back- even if I wanted to.
I stared at her, shaken at how utterly destroyed Bella looked in front of me. She was falling apart, right in front of my eyes.
"You're not good for me, Bella," I wanted to laugh at the irony of my words. She was too good for me, far too good. I never deserved her.
Bella struggled to find the right way to respond. More than once she opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it tightly, biting her lip in thought.
"If… that's what you want." She murmured.
I nodded, trying to see through Bella and to not focus on how much pain I must be causing her.
For once, I was glad that I was unable to read Bella's mind. Seeing Bella this way was one thing, but listening to it…
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said, thinking suddenly of Bella's startling capability for finding trouble. I would never be able to be at peace- as much as I could be without her- if I thought that for one second there was a chance she would get herself hurt.
My efforts were short lived; as I observed forlornly the reason for existence, numbly and slowly start to crumble. I idly wondered if this would be how I would look if I wasn't able to seal myself away from my true emotions.
Bella must've seen my momentary slip of my composure, because a somewhat sense of puzzlement flashed across her face. I quickly collected myself, waiting for her response.
"Anything," she swore, her voice cracking up an octave.
My serene mask slipped again, as my molten insides, smoldered the expression on my outside.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered, no longer being able to stay detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
As Bella nodded, a sense of relief rushed through me.
I had to remind myself to stay composed- for Bella. Suddenly, I felt as if I were a million miles away.
Coming up quickly with a reason for my demand, I felt myself begin to cool down. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him."
"I will," Bella attempted to nod. She looked like she was going to pass out. I was thankful at that moment, for leaving the note by the telephone, so Charlie would know where to find Bella.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said, each word spoken slowly. If I wanted Bella to move on, I needed to destroy any hope of my reappearance. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed."
And it was true- I had disposed all evidence of my existence. Not wanting to truly rid of it completely, I hid it underneath the floors in Bella's bedroom. I knew it was silly, but I wanted Bella to have a part of me there with her. Even though I wanted her to move on and be happy, I couldn't let her forget me completely.
Not wanting to accept that my last few moments with her were drawing to an end, I did everything in my power not to replay in my mind what I just said.
It began to draw on me, hitting me like a wrecking ball. This would be the last time I would ever see her.
Bella turned green, shaking. She blinked a few times, as if she were trying to make sense of her surroundings.
I smiled at her gently. "Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for you kind." It was reassurance- for both of us.
"And your memories?" Bella choked back at me, looking like she was going to break down any second.
"Well," What was I supposed to say? "I won't forget. But my kind…" Lie. "We're very easily distracted."
I smiled at her again, falsely tranquil.
I didn't know how much longer it would be until my composure slipped again. I took a step away from Bella. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."
"Alice isn't coming back," Bella bumbled nearly below a whisper. I wasn't even quite sure if she spoke them.
I shook my head slowly, concentrating on Bella's face. I was running out of time with her- I needed to savor every moment.
"No. They're all gone," I told her. "I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?"
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."
In all actuality, Alice left because of me- more so for "motivation"- as she called it- than anything else. Bella, Alice saw, would've reacted the same way regardless.
For a moment, I imagined that I was dreaming- if I could dream- and that this was all a figment of my imagination. When I woke up, I would be back in Chicago- so many years ago, when I was human.
Before my life changed forever.
My fantasy ephemeral, I became, yet again, disturbed by Bella's fragmented gaze.
"Goodbye, Bella," I said calmly, and waited for Bella to beg me to stay. It was unorthodox for her to believe everything I was saying so quickly.
"Wait!" Bella said, reaching out for me but not moving forward.
For a split second, I reached for her too, momentarily relishing at the smooth heat coming off of her skin. Handcuffing her wrists with my hands, I holstered them to her sides, leaning down and pressing my lips to her forehead. I pulled away before I was tempted to kiss her anywhere else- there was only so much I could bear, after all.
"Take care of yourself," I breathed, taking in her scent, one last time. Closing my eyes in bliss, I only opened them when I turned fully away from Bella's figure.
With a deep breath, I began to run, the usual rush of adrenaline that coursed through me, absent. In my Volvo, I pounded on the gas, and drove away, without a second glance.
A/N: So that totally didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but my sister is waiting for me to play some game called Slender…? Something like that.
Anyways, I'll most likely go back and edit it in the next few days or so, but for now, enjoy the really rough, rough draft:P
If you want to find out what happens to dear ol' Eddie, R&R! Or else I won't updateee;)
F/N: I love hearing from you! So, if you have any suggestions, etc. pm me!
Oh, and if you didn't already know this, and want to follow me on twitter, my accounts smileykylie720.