Warning: Fluff. Literally.


It was the perfect place for a date: a cozy room with a roaring fire, a shabby, comfortable loveseat with a game of wizard chess set up on the coffee table in front of it, soft music, flickering candle light. The two of them were still in the early stages of their relationship. They still exchanged shy looks, and blushed when their hands touched accidentally. "That's checkmate. You win," the dark-haired one said, a little breathlessly. "Do you want to play again?"

The blond swept the last of the pieces from the board. "Maybe later." He bit his lower lip as he gazed at the boy that sat beside him. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes as their mouths lightly touched. Their first kiss.

The door slammed open so hard, it was knocked off its hinges. An enraged Ginny stormed into the room, her wand out. Oh, bloody hell. Draco knew the Weasley girl was a clever witch, but he hadn't expected her to be able to break into the Room of Requirement.

"W-what are you doing, Ginny?" Harry said, his eyes enormous behind his smudgy glasses. Apparently, he was the last one to know that the ginger girl had been in love with him since forever.

Draco goggled at the wand that was aimed at them. Ginny was famous for her hexes. What would she do to them? Give them donkey ears? Turn their feet to hands? Melt their eyebrows? "Boy toy," she said, and a sparkly pink light shot from her wand.

Boy toy? What kind of a ridiculous spell was that? It didn't seem to be doing anything besides making Draco feel rather tickly. He turned to look at Harry, and that was when the room began to expand up and out. He felt himself seized by one arm, and hurled out the door and down the hallway. "I'm keeping the two of you apart until you come to your senses, Harry," he heard Ginny say.

Draco felt oddly wobbly as he stood up, and also a bit... plump. He look down at his body, and where his perfect, flat stomach used to be was a dome of unbleached muslin. He went to touch it with one hand, but he didn't have a hand. His cloth arm ended in a rounded nub. He lifted one leg so he could see it (his belly was blocking his view), and it was shaped just like his arm. Touching his head with his not-hands, he determined that he had yarn hair, button eyes, and an embroidered line for a mouth. I'm a doll. I'M A DOLL. Filled with panic, Draco started to run, and he hit a wall, bouncing off. I CAN'T BE A DOLL. He got up again, zigging off in the other direction and running what seemed like the width of a Quidditch pitch before bouncing off the opposite wall. The hallway was huge. From the vantage point of a foot-tall rag-doll, the prospect of navigating through Hogwarts castle was daunting.

"What's that?" said a deep voice. Oh, no. Draco was yanked up by one arm and found himself looking into Goyle's giant face. The deep-set eyes lit up, the lips curled back from the teeth in a terrifying smile, and Draco struggled to escape. But he had fluff for muscles and no bones to speak of, and his squirming only made Goyle laugh.

"Lemme see!" Draco felt some stitches pop in one leg as he was grabbed again. It was Crabbe, of course; he and Goyle were inseparable. "What an ugly doll! Huh huh huh huh huh!" His faced squished up unattractively up as he laughed, and Draco thought, YOU really shouldn't be calling anyone else ugly. "Hey, look Goyle, it's going to kiss my arse!" To Draco's horror, he found himself lowered toward Crabbe's-

I want to be Obliviated. Immediately.

"Huh huh huh huh huh! Lemme do it!" Goyle took Draco back and-

Oh, Merlin, NO.

"Huh huh huh huh huh! Look what it's kissing now, Crabbe!"

Kill me. Please, just kill me.

"Hey, let's set it on fire!"

"Huh huh huh, yeah!"

Death's forgetfulness will be sweet.

"What are you two doing? I'm supposed to be tutoring you in Arithmancy right now," a familiar voice scolded. It was Pansy. She was forever tutoring Crabbe and Goyle in Arithmancy, and they never seemed to learn a thing. It didn't help that both of the big lugs fancied her.

"I have a present for you, Pansy!" Crabbe said eagerly, trying to snatch Draco back.

"Nuh uh! I found it! It's a present from me!"

More stitches popped as the two boys wrestled over the doll, and Draco feared that he was going to be torn in two. Crabbe's fist connected with Goyle's jaw, and Draco fell to the floor, where he was mashed by one enormous foot. "Oh, poor thing!" He was lifted up. Pansy looked him over as she walked away from the brawl. "Let's get away from these cave-men. Gray button eyes, white yarn hair. You remind me of someone very dear to me. I will call you Drakie-Pie."


She's a loon. A flat-out nutter.

Draco was squashed between Pansy's breasts as she slept. She had kissed him hundreds of times, and told him long, detailed stories about how they would someday be married and have ten children. He wasn't sure if she meant his human self, or if she really intended to marry a doll. He might be a doll that could walk, but where the children were going to come from, he couldn't guess; his legs were attached in such a way that he didn't even have a crotch. He wiggled, going still when her breathing quickened. Eventually, he was free of her arms and bosom, and he jumped off the bed, landing with a flump on the floor.

The She-Weasel is probably smothering my boyfriend in her own cleavage. I've got to get to him. He crept through the dorms and into the common room, then stopped at the door that led out into the main dungeon area. Now what?

"Does Little Doll Person want out?" Yikes. Having a house elf tower over oneself was rather disconcerting. It was Dobby, wearing three knitted hats in clashing colors. The house elf opened the door. "Does Little Doll Person need help getting upstairs?" Draco nodded, and Dobby picked him up. After that, Draco just pointed one arm in the direction he needed to go as Dobby carried him through the castle. "Does Little Doll Person want to go into the Gryffindor common room?" When Draco nodded, the door swung open, and Dobby set him down, raising a hand to his hats in a polite gesture. "Dobby wishes Little Doll Person all the best in its endeavors."

Draco could only wave back. He suddenly felt tremendously guilty about some of the things he had done to Dobby when he was a stupid little kid.

The dorm steps had dips worn in the middle by the feet of countless students, and so, with great effort, Draco was able to climb up unassisted. Peeking into the first room, he discovered that he was, indeed, in the girls' dorm, but he didn't see any long ginger hair. He had to go up more stairs before he located the Weasel-ette. He was staring at her bed, wondering how to scale it, when he was hit in the head with a tortoise-shell barrette. Harry was peering over the edge of a bed-side table; somehow, he looked happy, even though his eyes were green paillette sequins and his mouth was just an embroidered X.

Harry jumped, landing right on top of Draco in a knock-down hug. One of his feet caught a brush and comb set, and the clatter woke everyone in the room. Ginny glared down at the dolls. "You two are unbelievable!" She snatched her wand from her lacy pink night gown. She sleeps with it?! Draco couldn't look away from the tip as he wondered if dolls could be Avada'd. Harry stepped in front of him and spread his arms to shield Draco from Ginny.

So many expressions flitted across Ginny's face before it settled into sad resignation. "Fine," she sighed. She waved her wand, and the room shrank.

The other girls in the dorm room started shrieking. "Boys! Boys in the girls' dorm! Get out, get out, get out!" Draco and Harry were pelted with pillows and plushie toys and slippers. They dashed to the stairs, which immediately transformed into a slippery ramp beneath their feet, and they rolled all the way to the bottom, landing together in a heap on the common room floor.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked, grinning up at Draco.

"Wonderful. You?" Draco couldn't resist dropping a brief kiss on Harry's nose. He'd been wanting to do that for so long.

"Perfect." The two boys got up. Draco straightened his robes as Harry inspected his limbs, looking pleased to have actual joints and digits again. "I suppose we should go to be- um, to sleep now."

"Or we could plot revenge against Crabbe and Goyle."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I don't even care why you want revenge. I just want to be involved." They curled up together in an old, over-sized chair, making their evil plans into the wee hours. They finally decided on turning them into chimpanzees- it would be easy, as Crabbe and Goyle were half-way there already. They fell asleep in the chair, waking up with cricks in their necks and numb arms and a room full of Gryffindors staring at them.