Pairing: Nina Theroux/Rachel Pirzad
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Just having a little fun.
Summary: The aftermath of Nina pushing Rachel to kiss her opens up a can of worms that neither woman was prepared to deal with.
A/N: I watched the most recent episode and just had to write something. This takes place just a few hours after Nina pushed Rachel to kiss her. This will probably be a 4 or 5 part series of them trying to mend the trust that was broken between them while exploring the feelings they didn't know the other had. Hope you all enjoy!
Nina touched her fingertips to her lips, parted as if she was in awe.
Truthfully, she kind of was. Mere hours ago they had been wrapped up with Rachel in a dance that took them scant seconds to learn. Rachel's body was so soft, pushing against Nina as if Rachel had been the one to coax their little make-out session and not Nina.
Long fingers twitched as Nina ran them through thick, dark hair, remembering how they gripped Rachel's hips, possessively, as they both got lost in the moment.
No, they hadn't got lost in the moment, Nina had, and she had been for a while. Ever since Rachel had moved out, Nina had turned rogue from Dr. Rosen, and was stumbling her way back into the life of reckless abandon and old habits she had fostered before she met him—her, Rachel.
Rachel had changed her the moment she had stepped into Nina's life, soothed Nina's rough edges with her soft, vulnerable presence that sometimes just screamed for someone to take care of her. And Nina was all too willing, offering her friendship, her very home to Rachel who had moved in across the hall with a tentative smile that made Nina lick her lips to think about; they still tingled from kissing Rachel.
Nina hadn't known that her timid former roommate who sometimes had trouble even verbally cutting people off during an argument of all things would be the aggressor when pushed. What was amusing was it didn't take much of a push. Just a mere suggestion, a light persuasion had Rachel falling into her arms and lips with brutal force that hinted at latent desire.
Pink, kiss bruised lips curled upward in dark amusement. It appeared that her former roommate was a lot more than meets the eye, not that it surprised Nina. She liked a little mystery, and her eyes didn't fall on Rachel just for her quirky, manic outer demeanor. She knew there was something hidden, something that Rachel didn't share, and it intrigued her all the more.
She felt the mattress dip beside her and Nina gripped the edges of it with both hands as she continued to stare down at the carpeted floors of the hotel room. They were probably filthy; in two seconds Rachel would be able to tell just what was embedded in it, what was unseen, if she were here.
Tommy tugged lightly on the back of her shirt like a neglected lover and Nina shrugged it off. His presence caused a heavy block of lead to settle into her stomach, guilt. She was pushing him, like she had pushed Rachel, except Tommy had no inclination of desire to live the life Nina had been forcing him to live the past several days.
She had missed her childhood friend, felt lonely without the presence of Rachel turning over furniture in their apartment to try to figure out 'what that smell was', and more than anything she had just wanted someone there. On impulse—she was so impulsive, to a fault—Nina had latched onto him when she saw him walking down the street and had been pushing him ever since.
A deep inhale was breathed through her nose, and she released it noisily. She casted a morose glance over her shoulder as she thought of just how alone she was going to be as she commanded him. "You're free to go now. Leave."
He jerked as if coming back to himself, and his lips parted, horror elongating his face. He looked positively grief stricken and sick, and Nina stood from the bed to give him a moment. She slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, twisting the lock.
There was shuffling on the other side of the door followed by angered grunting and swear words, and Nina clenched her eyes shut, reminded of her father for some reason.
When the noise on the other end subsided, she lifted off the door and opened it, expecting to find an empty hotel room. But she walked out of the bathroom and glanced down the hallway to be greeted with Rachel. She was standing a few feet away from the door with hunched shoulders but clenched fists as she glared directly at Nina.
Nina cocked her hip out in leisure, though her jaw tightened in a show of nerves as she sauntered forward. "How predictable." Her voice was a lulling purr that disagreed with the severity of the situation she had created, and Rachel stiffened as she approached. "How did you find me?"
Rachel folded her arms across her chest, leaving her hips exposed, the same hips Nina had had her hands resting on mere hours ago as if that moment was the most natural thing in the world and not a figment of her imagination that she made reality by violating her friend's trust and body. No matter, she threw those thoughts into the back of her mind and stalked closer to Rachel. "Was it your nose?" she prompted when Rachel's stiff upper lip meant she wasn't going to speak. "Your eyes? Did you see me from hundreds of yards away in a discreet hiding place and waited for the right moment to come and get me? Or did you hear me?" She felt distinctly betrayed, even though she had no right to be, when faced with Rachel being less than forthright for a change. Nina's eyes narrowed as she came to a stop a few feet in front of her "Or did you come here for more?"
Bingo. Chink in the armor. Rachel faltered as she always did when someone hinted at her and intimacy in the same sentence. She sucked in a scandalized breath, as if Nina suggested they fuck on the table on the other side of the room, and took a step back.
Nina surged forward once she found her advantage. "You were all over me, you know," she purred, taking a step closer. Rachel stepped back, and they began another dance, not entirely different from the push-pull of their lips at the club hours ago.
"You pushed me," Rachel spat, displeased that she had to even use that sentence. She had trusted Nina from the very beginning, and felt wholly betrayed regardless of the fire that ignited in the pit of her stomach once she had followed Nina's suggestive tone of voice and finally given in to desires she had locked away long ago because she was sure Nina hadn't felt the same way, and, equally important, she didn't want to scare Nina off because of her peculiarities and over-sensitized senses.
Nina clucked her tongue in annoyance at the truth being shoved into her face. "I didn't have to push too hard," she argued back, stalking forward until Rachel's back hit the door.
"I didn't want it," Rachel insisted with an ever growing furrow in her brow. Her shoulders drooped in tension, and she looked away. "At least, not like that."
Nina sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, pensive, curious, and a bit guilty. She sighed and stepped back, running a hand through her hair in an anxious tick before locking her arms over her chest.
Rachel casted a glance at Nina from the corner of her eye. She was rubbing her arms up and down and staring holes through the floor, enough for Rachel to stand a little straighter against the door and gaze at her impassively. Nina had lost weight. Visibly, her clothes no longer fit her, and Rachel extended her sense of vision to inspect the split ends of what was once a luscious head of hair that now hung lifeless from Nina's head. Rachel noted that Nina hadn't been taking good care of herself. She didn't even smell the same as she used to when they were living together—a heady floral scent that Rachel would sometimes just zone out and hone in on her olfactory sense just to intensify the smell. She swallowed down the emotions that the memory stirred in her and sighed. "What happened to you, Nina?"
Nina jerked her head up to stare at Rachel coolly. "You wouldn't care," she bit out. "None of you would."
"You're not the same person; you're not my friend," Rachel told her with equal bite to her voice.
"Then get away from me."
"I can't allow you to continue acting like this. This is a very destructive path, Nina. Do you understand me?"
Nina gaze turned sardonic. "Yes, Dr. Rosen, I understand."
Rachel paled. "I am nothing like Dr. Rosen. Not that there's anything wrong with him—"
"Of course not, he's a saint," Nina scoffed sarcastically.
Rachel ignored her statement. "I am not Dr. Rosen because I actually understand and can empathize with the fact that being an Alpha is more than a little tiring and can really grate on the psyche every once in a while." Rachel tossed her hands up in the minimal space between them. "I get it. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, like I could crawl right out of my skin because the city bus screeching to a halt eight blocks away from me is too loud. Or because week old melted cheese from a pizza is still clinging to the inside of the trashcan and it's just rancid."
Nina's eyes searched the carpeted floors unseeingly as she listened to Rachel rant about the hardships of dealing with her own ability. It was often easy to forget that Rachel was having trouble coping as well because she was so determined on the outside. But then she would talk about dating hardships and how she didn't think she could ever be physically intimate with someone after she had tried a few times and it had blown up in her face because of the sensory overload.
But Rachel dealt with all of that without allowing her abilities to control her, drive her to make rash, dangerous decisions, and Nina could kind of admit she wanted to be like her.
"But you can't let your abilities rule you," Rachel implored. She searched Nina's slouched posture for any sign that this was getting through to her. "You pushed me, Nina."
"I know," she sighed.
"I was uncomfortable once I got back to my senses. I couldn't even look at you. My friend, my very best friend betrayed my trust for a cheap laugh."
"No, it—" Nina licked her lips, stalling to steel herself before she showed her cards too early. "It wasn't like that," she finished in a hushed voice.
"Then what was it like?" Rachel challenged. "You-you grabbed me in front of your latest boy toy and pushed me into kissing you—"
"Stop saying it like that," Nina gritted out through clenched teeth. "Stop acting as if you didn't like it, as if it wasn't something you didn't already want to do on your own."
Rachel didn't know if Nina was about to start pushing again or not and she averted her eyes and shouldered past Nina into the rest of the room. Nina dropped her hand to rest against the door and pivoted to lean back against it, facing Rachel who was just a few feet away.
Rachel wrapped her arms around her middle, once again uncomfortable at having partial blame for their earlier actions placed on her. She licked her lips absentmindedly as she vividly recalled how she lunged for Nina not once, but twice. She was…aggressive in that situation, though not normally. She was very much a wallflower, fragile and protective of her own feelings. It had felt scary and liberating, kissing Nina the way she had, so unabashedly. But it wasn't solely based on her desire to do so and therein lay her issue with Nina violating her like that.
"It wasn't my decision to make," Rachel finally muttered.
Nina sighed, put out. "Had I not have pushed you, would you have ever made a decision?"
Rachel bristled, though her gaze fell to the floor as she admitted, "I don't know." She looked up sharply and leveled her eyes on Nina. "But don't you dare act as if what you did was some romantic gesture."
Haphazardly shrugging her shoulders that were weighted with guilt, Nina rested her head against the door as reality came crashing down upon her.
"You violated me, Nina."
She had screwed up.
"I can't even begin to trust you. Being alone in this room with you right now already has me on edge."
And it took realizing that she had lost Rachel's trust for her to realize that she had lost everyone's trust. Her father whose eyes had tightened to suspicion after she had pushed him into staying and not breaking up their home, until he committed suicide, her ex-boyfriend who also committed suicide, Tommy, Dr. Rosen, Cameron, everyone else back at the office—Rachel.
Her chest tightened and her breath hitched as clarity passed over her. She felt like a slave to her own powers, as if she had pushed herself into pushing everyone else, but didn't voice that thought, because no one would appreciate her playing victim right now.
"Rachel," she whispered, voice thick, watery and tinged with desperation as she stepped closer.
Rachel stiffened and stepped back. "Nina, don't come any closer."
Nina sucked in her breath and bit her quivering lower lip, unwilling to cry and beg though her knees felt shaky in threat to give out until she was kneeling at Rachel's feet. "I'm sorry," she continued, averting her eyes. "I didn't—you mean so much to me," she explained. "And I would never want to betray your trust. I wasn't thinking."
"No, you weren't," Rachel agreed quietly, unable to scold Nina so coldly when she was visibly crumbling. "But that doesn't make it right."
"I know," Nina whispered.
"And just because I may have wanted it didn't give you the right to take that choice away from me."
"I mean, damn it, Nina, what if it would have gone farther than that?" Rachel asked, distressed as she stared directly at her.
Nina's shoulders tensed at the question and she gritted her teeth in disgust. "I would have never pushed you that far," she practically roared, eyes flashing in anger and fear at the very thought.
Rachel dug the toe of her flat into the carpeted floors. There was a spot of long ago spilled juice right in front of her and she side stepped it while glancing up at Nina, then back down to the floor. "I can't very well trust your promise, now can I?"
"Then why don't you just let me go?" Nina sighed wearily. This was beyond frustrating because she had lost the trust of one of the few people who had never been afraid of her, someone who had once trusted her enough to move in with her, be close to her, and now Rachel could barely make eye contact, afraid Nina would try something.
"Is that a plea or an order?" Rachel asked, then cringed when Nina visibly recoiled to look depressed and regretful. "At any rate," she pitched in to change the topic, "I can't let you go. Dr. Rosen thinks you're a danger to—"
"Everyone?" Nina guessed.
"Yourself," Rachel clarified. She wrung her hands together and took a hesitant step forward. "And I agree with him. I think that you…need to talk to someone, and that it needs to happen now."
Nina arched an eyebrow, casted a glance across the room to the balcony as she took a wild guess to whether or not Rachel had come here alone.
"And if I refuse?" she dared ask.
Rachel inhaled a deep breath. "If you refuse…then Dr. Rosen will be forced to turn you over to Nathan Clay."
Nina deflated back against the door and ran both hands through her hair in outward frustration. She gnawed harshly on her lower lip, looking like a trapped animal as Rachel approached.
"Please, Nina, just—come back and talk to Dr. Rosen. It's not too late."
"It is," Nina choked out. "I already lost everyone's trust—your trust."
Rachel's eyes softened the barest hint at the soft admittance. "Everyone makes mistakes."
"I violated your body and your trust," Nina argued. She sighed out a growl and sunk down against the door until she curled on the floor in a ball, knees to her chest with her arms wrapped around them.
Tentatively, Rachel walked closer. She pulled down the hem of her skirt and knelt beside Nina. She could hear her own heart beat erratically against her chest, and could barely make out her own words that sounded muffled as they touched her ears. "You did," she agreed regretfully. "But, Nina, I-I care about you. And I would hate to see Dr. Rosen have to turn you over to Nathan Clay when really, all you need is some down time and someone to talk to."
Nina released a shaky sigh. Having someone to talk to would have been amazing several days ago before she had picked up Tommy, or over a year ago when she had accidentally driven her then boyfriend to commit suicide, or years ago when she was a little misguided girl who pushed her father to suicide in an attempt to keep her family together.
She felt a hand touch her cheek and sighed as Rachel wiped a tear away. Nina hadn't even known she was crying.
Rachel jerked back in surprise of her own actions once she saw Nina regain focus, causing her to as well. She had just watched the tear trickle from Nina's eye and felt compelled, genuinely and outside of Nina's abilities, to offer comfort.
Nina met her eyes briefly, then looked away when she saw flecks of hurt, betrayal and mistrust in dark brown eyes. "I'll talk to him," she whispered, if only to make it all go away—her demons, and the mistrust in Rachel's eyes.