Odd Balls Or US~!
Disclaimer: Nope don't own Harry Potter
A/N: Just a few one shots that won't get out of my head. Not all are humor related by the way.
This was it. The moment the Wizarding World had been waiting for. Harry Potter, age 16, was about to make a public statement to the press. Witches and Wizards all over the globe had gathered to hear the boy-who-lived out. Rumors of his presentation were spreading like wildfire. Many believed he was going to public show his stance against Voldemort. Many believed he was announcing his candidacy to become the youngest Minister of Magic in the history of Wizarding Britain.
The crowd of reporters hushed as Harry Potter walked onto the stage. His dark black robes billowed in the non-existent wind. The only useful thing he ever learned from Snape he would say one day. His glasses were no more. He had not long gotten a set of magically amplified contacts. The image of Harry Potter the press were seeing was not one of a frightened boy. No, this was an strong, proud individual standing before them.
That was when the attention turned to the three girls trailing him. One was easy identified by the bushy brown hair trailing behind her. This was his best friend Hermione Granger. The second was a petite, blond haired girl who had eyes like quicksilver. After asking around, the reporters learned she was a pure-blood by the name of Luna Lovegood. The last girl caused a few gasps of surprise from the gathered crowd. If they were not mistaken. This was the daughter of Claude Greengrass, heiress to the Greengrass fortune. Another questions about the girls was silenced as Harry stepped to the podium and waved his hand to silence the crowd.
"I know a lot of rumors, speculations, and what not have been going around about why I'm addressing the Wizarding World today. I have but three things to say. First, I want to announce my marriage to these three lovely ladies behind me." He gestured behind him.
"How can you marry more than one woman? You're a potter. You don't have multiple blood line connections." One reporter said. This caused a murmur of speculation from the rest.
Harry smiled. "Ah Yes. About that, as it turns out. I inherited the black titles from my godfather, Sirius Black. And as for the third title, well... I'll just show you."
Harry struck a pose reminiscent of a 1980's cartoon hero. With his legs apart and his hand held high. The crowd watched in amazement as the fabled Sword of Gryffindor, appeared in his hand.
"Now that that is out of the way. Let me introduce you to Hermione Potter, Luna Lovegood-Gryffindor, and Daphne Greengrass-Black." Each of the girls smiled, waved, and bowed for the crowd.
The reporters took their photos and turned back to Harry.
"Now, Secondly, I want to say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" He shouted. This caught several people by surprise. Harry felt the hands of his wives on his shoulders, so he took a few calm breaths. "You people act like sheep. You believe the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a 16 year old boy. A boy who has never knew about the Wizarding world until he was 11. A boy who was neglected, treated horribly, and used like a house Elf by his abusive relatives," Hermione and the others growled in response. All three had made plans to visit the Dursley household. "I just can honestly say I don't understand why you have no faith in the D.M.L.E. I mean, it is the cops after all... well basically," He glanced and Hermione, who was giving him her patented 'hurry up look so we can get on with making babies'. In fact, he noticed all three of his wives giving him that look. Feeling a certain part stir. He turned back to the crowd. "Well, I've got to go. Later peeps."
He was about to leave when one of the reporters commented that he had said he had three things to say but only said two.
"Oh Yeah. You people think I'm the savior one moment, than the next dark lord next," He paused to look at the owl-blinking reports. "I guess what I'm trying to say is. FUCK YOU! My wives and I are leaving Britain. Yes, were heading to the tropics to live out a peaceful life." He said, pulling his wives into a four-way hug.
"But... But what about the dark lord?" One reporter squeaked.
"What about him? He can go blow himself for all I care. As long as he stays out of my way. I could really give-a-shit. So if you're hearing this Voldy. Fuck you, fuck the ministry, and everyone else can kiss my white, bony, soon to be well toned arse. Peace out bitches!"
As Harry and his wives left. One thing lingered in the minds of the reporters, and the Wizarding world. "We Are So Screawed."
One Last Request!
A/N: This came to me as insomnia gripped me once again.
"Any last words Harry Potter?" Voldemort asked. This was it, he was about to win. The boy stood across from him in the clearing, alone, and without anyone to help him. Yes, he would end it here and now.
"Well... Actually, I was thinking more of a last request." Harry stated hesitantly. Why was he worried? Hell, he was about to die so at least he could have the courage to ask a question.
This seemed to take Voldemort and his Death Eaters by surprise. "I must say Harry. I am intrigued. What is your last request? Shall I spare the Mud-Blood? Spare the Blood-Traitor? What shall it be?" He asked.
Voldemort lowered his wand and waited patiently. He wasn't worried about the boy suddenly attacking. Not when he had several dozen of his loyal followers guarding him.
Harry closed his eyes and took a breath. When he opened his eyes, the look that he gave Voldemort caused said dark lord to raise an eye bone.
"Look Tom, I'll be straight with you. I realize that I'm going to die. I just don't want to die a virgin OK."
Whatever Voldemort was expecting this was not it. He looked around at the circle to see several of his death eaters staring in confusion as well.
"I'm sorry Harry. But, I don't swing that way." Voldemort stated. He tried to hide the shakiness in his voice. Was Harry Potter really asking him this?
Harry deadpanned. "Ah! I wasn't asking you for that," He paused to take a deep breath. "I know that you have several, beautiful, death eater women in your ranks. Hell, Mrs. Malfoy is one as well. And wouldn't it be fitting for me to fuck over Draco by fucking his mother huh? What do you say Tom. Would you honor this lowly Gryffindor one last request?"
Voldemort was taken aback. Surely the boy wasn't serious? He ignored the outcries from The Lady Malfoy, who was surprise he was seriously considering this. He just had to ask one more thing.
"So you and the Weasley girl?" Harry shook his head. "What about the Mud-Blood?" Again Harry shook his head.
Voldemort contemplated it for a few minutes. Suddenly an idea struck him. A very evil idea.
Voldemort sighed. "Well, I don't think I'll be able to give you request as you ask," Seeing Harry's nod in acceptance he smiled. "I will however give you your request in a different fashion," Voldemort noticed the curious looks he was receiving so he decided to elaborate. "Magical blood is such a terrible thing to waist Harry. Why, you yourself are a half-blood. But, you are also heir to a powerful bloodline by being a Potter. Not to mention the fact that you are indeed a powerful wizard Harry. Why else would you be marked as my equal?"
Harry wasn't sure he liked where this was going. If all else fails, he was still prepared to die.
"So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm granting your wish," With a flick of his wand Harry found himself bound. "Now that is taken care of. I shall tell you what I will do Harry. I'm going to keep you alive... at least for a while. You will be used for breeding. As I said Harry, you are indeed a powerful wizard and it would be a shame to loose that blood. Bellatrix! You're first up. Narcissa will follow you."
Between the Cackle and scream no one was sure what to make of the chaos in the clearing.
Ron Weasley was happy. He had married Hermione and was about to be a father. He stood in the delivery room while holding his wife's hand tight.
"You can do it might love. I know you can." He encouraged.
Hermione growled. In between pants she glared up at him. "Ron... there's... something... I..." She tried to say.
She was cut off however as she screamed for one last push. The cries of a child graced the room.
The room had fallen silent and Ron looked up from his wife to find out why.
"Er... Congratulations... I think..." The nurse said. She handed Ron the baby. A baby boy, who had green eyes and a head full of Black, unruly hair.
Ron glanced at Hermione who was looked Sheepish. "Err... about that..."
Blond And Silver!
Harry stood on the cliff face surveying the countryside. The war had been over for five years, yet things seemed no better. Oh it wasn't the Ministry or anything like that. No, it was the fact that his wife of three years was gone.
He had cared for Ginny, this was true. But, there was something that just didn't seem right in their relationship. Ginny had declared that he just couldn't let the past go. She had told him the war was over and it was time for them to live. While Harry might have agreed. The guilt over all the losses was finally getting to him. Oh it had taken a few years for it to happen. Thankfully, Ginny had been there for him. But now, with her gone, he had become a shell of the person he was. One day he just decided to leave. He left a note on the table for Ginny. He explained the reasons they could no longer be together. He told her to find someone that could make her happy. For her to live, because he couldn't. He knew she immediately floo'd Hermione and Ron. He had dodged countless people who were searching for him. No, things could never be the same. The search was called off after a year. The last time he picked up a paper he found Ginny had gotten signed to the Hollyhead Harpies. He was happy in a way that she had taken his advice.
He closed his eyes before taking a step closer to the edge. 'Goodbye Ginny. Goodbye Hermione and Ron. I'll miss you guys. But at least I get to be with Sirius and my parents... finally.. Please forgive me.' He took a deep breath and lifted his foot. One more step and he would put a end to all his pain.
"Is this what you really want to do Harry Potter?" A voice asked behind him. He jumped slightly and nearly fell off the cliff. He turned to see Luna standing there, staring at him.
"Luna... what are you doing here?" He asked.
The petite blond smiled her serene smile and stepped closer. Harry noticed she had on a light silver dress. Her hair hung to her waist in braids. Her eyes, as always, were captivating.
"Don't come any closer Luna... please." He almost begged.
She paused and cocked her head to the side. "I'm not here to stop you Harry," She said, taking him by surprise. "I'm here to tell you something.. something I've been wanting to tell you for years."
Silence hung in the air as Harry contemplated what to do. Finally, he nodded.
With a speed that surprised him, Luna was in his face and had her arms around him.
"Luna!" Harry gasped. He could feel the back of his foot hanging slightly over the edge of the cliff. His attention was pulled back to the blond as he noticed tears in her silver eyes.
"I know you feel like no one loves you Harry.. but you're wrong. I never told you this because of I did not want to interfere with Ginny and yours relationship. But.. If you want to throw away your life I won't stop you. But I will show you that if you choose to live. You have something to live for. I love you Harry Potter. I have since the first time I met you in fifth year, and I'm a damn fool for never telling you before Ginny got her hands on you."
Luna gripped his face and pulled him into a kiss. Harry was surprised at first, but the warm softness of her lips lit a fire in him. He pushed her back causing the two to stumble. There they made love on the cliff edge as the sun set.
One year later...
"Luna.. will you marry me?" Harry asked. The pair stood in Luna's garden behind her old home. Luna was silent for a moment before she jumped onto Harry causing him to fall backwards onto the tomatoes. He didn't really care though as Luna kept saying 'Yes' while trying to kiss every part of him.
Four years later...
"Congratulations Harry, It's twins, a boy and girl." Healer Hannah Bottom said.
A thump was heard as Harry hit the floor. Hannah turned to Luna. "Does he do this a lot?"
Luna smiled. "Oh... I'm sure it will be a common occurrence." She said mysteriously.
16 years later...
A soft crack was heard as Luna and Harry appeared on top of a cliff.
"Why are we here dear?" Luna asked. She rubbed her once again swollen belly.
"Do you remember this place?" He asked.
She looked around, trying to think. Then it hit her. "Why yes I do. But, why did you bring us here?" She asked.
Harry stepped towards the cliff. The sun had begun to set and highlighted his smiling face in its glow.
"This was where you saved my life Luna. This is where you gave me the one desire that I've always wanted." He stepped close to her and pulled her into a hug.
"What's that?" She said with barely a whisper.
"You gave me love... a love that no one ever gave me," He stepped back slightly to look in her eyes. "Then you gave me a family... a rather large family I might add."
"11 kids is not large Harry," Luna said with a huff. "Ok... maybe it is, but it will be 12 soon." She said rubbing her belly.
Harry nodded and smiled. "And I have you to thank for that. I owe you so much. I will always love you Luna Potter. Thank you." He pulled her into a kiss that made her toes curl.
Suddenly she gasped. "What is it?" He asked as she stepped back.
"My water broke."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this serious of small stories and so forth. I plan on updating when I get a chance. I wrote the last one as a thank you for an author who I respect profoundly. Thanks Aealkat. And thank you everyone for your continued support.