Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other movies, tv shows, etc... that I may put in here.
Harry Potter pinched himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He looked around at the white walls and shook his head. He had been here for nearly two hours. He would have gone mad with boredom if it wasn't for the cute receptionist with the long blue hair and big brown eyes. He had asked where he was. The last thing he had remembered was taking an arrow to the knee. Not sure why the twins were so insistent that they could shoot an arrow off of head, but... oh well. But anyway, back to the story. The lady was kind, but wouldn't give him details. She only stated that Mara would see him shortly.
"Harry Potter," A voice like an angel said, causing him to quit his thumb war and look up. "Follow me." She said.
Two things were obvious. This chick was hot, but she carried an air of authority about her. It was only when she turned to face him that he realized he had been watching her bum. Flushing, he muttered his apologies before taking a seat at a well polished desk.
The woman sat and leaned back in her chair. "My name's Mara Harry, and I have to say. What the hell is wrong with you?" She yelled.
Harry jumped slightly and only managed one word. "Errr..."
"Do you know how much trouble you have caused me? DO YOU?" She screeched. Harry shook his head. "Most people try and make the best of their second chances. You? No, you go and die the next 10 times. It's unbelievable." She said, dramatically throwing her hands up in the air.
"Just a question. How did I die the first 10 times?" Harry asked curiously.
"First time you died by falling off a roof when you were a small boy. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to aparate up their huh?" She snapped at Harry.
"Second time you crashed your broom into McGonagall's classroom during your first flying lesson. And when I say crashed, I mean into the stone wall beside the window."
"Third you were eaten by the Giant Squid," She paused to shuffle a few papers. "Apparently, it thought you were a snack during the fourth task."
"Fourth," She paused again, a gleeful gleam shinning in her eyes. "This one is one of my fav's. You died from exhaustion, due to over exerting yourself."
"How did that happen?" Harry asked.
"You were with a pack of Veela for two weeks. Even you aren't capable of such a feet. And trust me, I've heard the stories about you." She winked causing Harry to blush.
"Fifth, you died while fighting the basilisk."
"Did I die from it's poison?" He asked.
"Nope, you died from it flattening you like a pancake. I mean, the most obvious thing would have been to get the hell out of the way. But nooooo." She rolled her eyes before going to the next document.
"Death Six... well... it was caused by your best friend Hermione." She said, smiling rather innocently.
"Wait, How did she cause me to die?" Harry asked.
"Read page 447, section 9 of Hogwarts a History and you're sure to find out."
"But, I don't have a copy. Can you loan me one?" He pleaded.
She nodded before shuffling her documents once again. "Now, Death number seven came when you caught Ginny cheating on you with Draco Malfoy during year six."
"WHAT! She... what?" Harry stammered.
Mara sighed. "Well, She apparently has a thing for bad boys. It looks like she got tired of the near death experiences that you are constantly facing. I mean face it kid. You're a walking time bomb."
Harry's shoulders slumped. She was right, he was a death magnet. Suddenly, he perked his head up. "Wait, how did I die from catching them?"
"Apparently the sight of Draco's albino-white bum caused you to have a heart attack. So... in a sense, Ginny broke your heart twice," She laughed. Harry just dead panned. "Oh fine, be a downer."
"Death eight happened when you got sucked into the turbine of a jumbo jet," She glanced up to look at Harry. "And before you ask. You were trying to out fly several Death Eaters."
"Death nine was caused by rabid bunnies," She paused to peered closer to the document. "Oh wait, that's someone else. My mistake," Harry gave her a look that clearly said he thought she was nuts. "You actually died by going through the veil."
"Let me guess. I ran through after Sirius?"
"Oh no. You went to go after Bellatrix and tripped over your own feet before falling through."
She shuffle her papers again. "Ah, finally, Death number ten. The reason you are here. Hmmm... Do you want to know how you died again Harry?" She asked sweetly. Harry gulped. He wasn't liking this one bit but nodded.
"You were depressed because Ginny was with Dean. But, do you want to know the truth?" She asked. Once again Harry nodded.
"The truth is. Ginny never truly loved you Harry. She had feelings for the boy-who-lived. Not the Harry Potter standing in front of me. You're a good man Harry. I think you would be perfect with someone like Luna or Tracey Davis."
A million thoughts swirled through Harry's head. But only one stood out. "Wait, how did I die from that? Another heart attack or something?" He asked.
"Actually, no. You died when a piece of dragon dung fell from the sky and hit you," Seeing Harry's look she quickly elaborated. "Apparently Ron's brother Charlie wanted to go all out for Bill and Fleur's wedding, so he decided to surprise everyone with a Dragon fly over. Didn't work out so well obviously. Oh, by the way, when you go back this time try to get you a little bit of that Veela as well. You only live once you get me?" She winked.
Harry slowly nodded. Yep, this lady was nuts. "Ok..." Harry said slowly. "So when do I go back?"
She leaned forward and clasped her hands together, a sinister smile on her face. "Now!" Before Harry could even blink, she had pressed a button her desk. Harry felt his chair disappear from under him. With a cartoonish yell, Harry vanished from view.
Mara sighed and leaned back in her chair. She could only hope he would survive this time. A knock on her door caused her to look up. "Come in." She said.
A thoroughly soaked Harry stomped into her office. "You were gone not even five minutes!" She screeched.
"It's your bloody fault. You dropped me into the middle of the Atlantic." He snarled.
"Oops. Let's try this again." This time she snapped her fingers and he was gone.
She pulled out a bottle of whiskey. It was time to get drunk for she knew she was probably going to get fired soon anyways.
I didn't think of that...
A/N: This came as a thought. It had always seemed odd to me anyways.
Voldemort sneered at Harry. The foolish boy had fooled him once. He wasn't about to make the same mistake.
He could hear Harry's heart thump in his chest. The boy was clearly frightened.
"Come on out Harry. It's not use in hiding... I can smell your fear." He cackled.
Harry shot a 'reducto' before jumping to another position for cover. Voldemort, after dragging this fight out for nearly two hours, had enough.
"Enough of these foolish games. 'Accio' Harry Potter glasses."
Panic gripped Harry as his glasses were ripped from his face. He looked up as the green light speed towards him. 'Maybe dying wouldn't be so bad... this time.'
A/N...well... just read and it pretty much explains itself. This takes place in an completely AU setting of a sixth year.
Harry was worried. Hermione was kicking back a little too much fire whiskey. He cursed the twins for bringing it to the party. The devilish duo wanted to see how Gryffindor house really partied when they added in some liquor to the mix.
Harry was interrupted from his thoughts as Hermione plopped herself down into his lap.
"Wh...What'ssss... matter... hot stuff... you need a gooooo...gooo...goood time.." She finished the last word with a hiccup.
Harry sighed. "Hermione, you're wasted. Let's get you to bed."
"I'm perfectt...perfectly fine Harry... Harry Jamie Potter..." She giggled.
Harry shook his head and picked her up. She started to giggle even more as he carried her towards the girls dorms. Then he realized that it would set off the alarm, which in turn would alert McGonagall. He did not want to be on the twins bad sides for getting them caught. In the end he trudged up the steps with a still giggling Hermione.
Eventually he made it to his bed. After pulling off her shoes and socks he proceeded to tuck her in.
He turned to grab a spare blanket to sleep on the floor when a hand grabbed his arm and yanked him onto the bed.
"Hermion..." He didn't get to finish as he was hit with a 'Stupefy'.
The Next Day...
Harry groaned as he rolled out of bed. He ached all over. He attributed it to the massive intake of fire whiskey. He silently cursed the twins as he made his way into the wash room. To his surprise, Ron and Dean were already in there getting ready.
"Harry, what the bloody hell happened to you mate?" Ron asked, a look of horror etched on his face.
"Yeah Harry. You look like you got into a fight with a wild animal." Dean added.
Harry turned to look in the mirror and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor. He looked like hell. His body was covered in cuts and bruises. Ron made a comment about his back so he turned to the side, only to see claw marks down his back.
Dean was about to comment about Harry's hair when Hermione strode into the washroom wearing Harry's Quiddich jersey.
"Morning guys," She yawned. "Sorry if I was a bit rough Harry. It was my first time." She walked over and pulled him into a very passionate kiss.
Ron and Dean could only stare gob smacked at the forwardness of Hermione. When she was done with the kiss she took a step back.
"I can see now why all the girls want to date you Harry. You're an animal," She then proceeded to wash her face before heading towards the door. At said door she paused to look back at Harry. "Oh and Harry, I don't think I'll be able to walk straight for a few days. So.. a follow up session will have to wait until next week ok sweetie?" She blew a kiss at him before spinning on her heels and leaving.
Harry glanced at Ron to see the red head about to explode. "Cheer up Ron, at least you have Lavender... right?"
A/N: Thanks for reading everyone..