Never, ever, ever written slash before and for my first attempt I chose one of the hardest pairings :D

No infringement is intended. Written purely for fun.

Many thanks to beta's Mirth and Jay who try so hard to make me a better writer.

All misteaks, spleling erors and gaping plot holes belong to me - please do not steal! ;)


He couldn't go through this, not again, never again. His heart thumped loudly in his chest as he raced towards the doors of the A&E, trying to prise the automatic doors open as they sluggishly opened in front of him, scooting in side wards through them. He managed to slow his steps slightly as he made his way to the admissions desk.

"Hathaway," he panted out "Detective Sergeant Hathaway," holding his warrant card up against the protective glass. "I'm his Governor, DI Lewis," The woman behind the desk frowned up at him, Beth her name tag stated, before turning back and tapping away at her computer.

"The RTA, Inspector?" she asked in a firm, and just this side of polite, manner.

RTA? No, Lewis wanted to shout at her, it wasn't an accident, it wasn't even the more accepted term of road traffic collision, someone had driven their vehicle at Hathaway and sped away, leaving the lad a crumpled heap in the middle of the High Street, it was a hit and...his chest burned with pain and he couldn't finish the thought, he just nodded.

"He's currently in a treatment room," Beth responded, "just round the corner, number six."

Lewis took a deep breath trying to get himself under control as he walked to the room. Ever since Innocent had appeared at his office door, grim faced and gently told him "There's something you need to see, Robbie," he had been struggling to maintain some sort of control. Even though Innocent had briefed him, told him that James was alive, he still watched the grainy CCTV footage with his heart in his throat, unable to fully believe it as he watched Hathaway being hit. Watching James tumbling to the ground in a tangle of limbs had filled him with anguished pain and hit him with an epiphany, a truth he had long ago acknowledged, but had hidden away as an impossibility, content with what he had.

He couldn't lose another he loved in such a brutal manner, Val dead on impact, Hathaway... Lewis reached out a shaking hand and pulled back the curtain partition to the treatment room, his knees almost giving out on him as he saw Hathaway sat up on the bed, a hand holding a padded bandage to his head as the doctor fussed with something on the other side.

"Sir," Hathaway greeted gruffly his voice tinged with pain, but a smile twisted his lips.

"James, lad, I thought..." Lewis couldn't finish, he walked to the bed, wanting so desperately to touch the younger man, but not wanting to cause any further pain.

"Apparently I'm very bouncy, sir," Hathaway joked.

"Not that bouncy," the Doctor cut in, casting an eye between the two men. "I'll get the nurse to put a few stitches in and then we'll have you off to the plaster room," she said walking out of the cubicle with a nod to them both. Robbie barely heard her, too caught up in his own anguished thoughts, don't. Don't joke about this, I nearly lost you!

"Bump on the head, sir and a broken ankle," Hathaway said lightly.

"When Innocent showed me the footage, I thought... I..." Lewis pulled up the only chair in the room, and sat heavily into it, "I couldn't lose you too, not the same way. Not the same way as Val," he whispered brokenly.

"It was only a glancing hit, sir. Be stuck in the office for a while though," Hathaway said with disgust, worried eyes casting over Lewis' bent head. "I'm fine, Robbie," he added sincerely.

Lewis' head snapped up, unsure if he had heard correctly, that James had called him by his first name, he stared at James for a moment, before looking away, his thoughts too chaotic to trust what was real.

"Aye, don't fancy training a new bagman," he replied instead, striving for a light tone, but shook his head at the untruth. He couldn't do it, he couldn't pretend anymore, not after nearly losing the younger man. Being content with the way things were, it wasn't enough anymore.

He'd loved his Val with all his heart and if she hadn't died, he knew the long ago fumbling's and mutual blowjobs he'd shared with Bobby Franks when he was a teenager would have stayed firmly in the past. But Val had been taken from him and James had stirred to life those long forgotten feelings. Robbie knew he had to voice them, to take the opportunity, as tonight had shown him once again that life was fleeting and all too precious and if there was even the slimmest chance of happiness it had to be grabbed brutally with both hands.

Although he wanted to say the words now, he knew it wasn't the right time. Hathaway would need time to process them and the lad still needed to be treated and he doubted after that knock to the head that James would have enough wits about him to manage such a conversation. Until he said what was in his heart Robbie wasn't letting Hathaway out of his sight though.

After thirty years of being a copper he was a pretty good judge of character, could read someone's body language as if it were a newspaper, most of the time. He fervently hoped he had read James correctly, the glances, the standing too close, the smile that was only ever directed at him and more, so many more ways that James gave himself away. It didn't seem possible that James could return his feelings; the younger man could have his pick, not some old sod that had only just started to experiment with his long buried homosexual side. Tomorrow would dawn like it always did but this time he would set his heart free.

Robbie put a hand on James' shoulder and smiled at him, getting one of James' rare smiles in return and he put faith in his heart that James' would return his feelings and he would once again be blessed in love.