Rule 71: When living with giant robotic organisms… don't EVER mention that you saw a spot of rust.

(They will FREAK.)

(Rust to them is deadly, because Cosmic Rust is the only type of rust that will affect them.)

(And Cosmic Rust is DEADLY.)

(I was talking about a human crafted bolt that had been left out in the rain.)

(Needed to have said that.)

(Needless to say I had an entire base of highly paranoid mechs with a few femmes thrown in.)

*eye roll*

(From now on I will explain what I mean in high detail to them.)

(Maybe we'll avoid a base lockdown enforced by a certain medic.)

*annoyed sigh*

~.~

Rule 72: (Going along with rule 71) After a freak out because of rust, make sure not to joke about said freak out.

(Okay, so I was trying to lighten the mood…)

(Not a good idea after a base-wide medical lockdown…)

(I said, and I quote, "Man, all that over some earth rust? Maybe I should do that when the con's attack, they wouldn't be able to anything, we'd have them trapped!")

(Yeah, the lecture after that one…)

(So, a base lockdown—one that you caused, btw—is not something to take lightly…)

(The Decepticons could have attacked…)

(I highly doubt it...)

(Not after I sent them the bolt covered in rust…)

(Haven't heard anything from them in days…)

(Though Jazz stated that their base seems to be in lockdown.)

*Evil Grin*

~.~

Rule 73: Do not introduce the Twins to the Jeff Dunham franchise…

(They loved it.)

(Ratchet was referred to as 'Walter' because he was grumpy.)

(Ironhide was, for some unknown reason, referred to as 'Bubba J')

(I think it's because of his accent he picked up when learning English.)

(That and he can hold his High Grade.)

(Wheeljack was dubbed 'Achmed'.)

(Because he blows himself up… all the time.)

(Optimus became 'Jeff'.)

(Because he "runs the show.")

(Sideswipe began acting like Peanut…)

(And Sunstreaker seemed to claim Hosé Jalapeño on a Stick.)

(And I am not mentioned at all.)

(Thank Primus!)

~.~

Rule 74: Don't tell the twins that they CAN'T do something… Because then they will do what you told them they can't do… just to annoy you.

(I told them that they couldn't climb the Eiffel Tower while we were in France…)

(Failed to mention that it would A. Cause the local's to get pissed, B. Cause us to get booted out of the country, and C. Cause all three of us to get brig time and extra shifts.)

(But NO, they just HAD to go climb the fragging tower because I said not to…)

(Afts!)

(Should have listened!)

(Now we get to scrub the floors of our SEPARATE cells with a TOOTHBRUSH!)

(I TOLD YOU SO.)

(I know they read this, so just making sure my point is made.)

(Pains in my ass.)

~.~

Rule 75: When being angry at the Twins for something that was COMPLETELY their fault… don't tell the weapons specialist that you want to shoot them.

(He will do so for "His little niece.")

(And then you will get the cold shoulder from the twins.)

(After having to explain to Ironhide that, no, you didn't really want to shoot the twins…)

(You were just being SARCASTIC.)

(And you were JOKING.)

(Then you get to be the one that has to apologize and try to get them to not be mad at YOU.)

(When will they learn that I tend to become sarcastic when angry?)

~.~

Rule 76: Never turn your back to Sideswipe after he figures out that you are the one that pulled the most creative prank the base has ever seen… and beat him in the Prank Wars that followed.

(Heh…)

(So… I kinda did this… and he kinda didn't like the idea of being replaced as the prank monarch.)

(Therefore he saw the need to get even… and decided the best way to do so was to pull one of the oldest pranks in the book…)

(He wrapped me in a surprise hug—which I thought nothing of because he was always doing that kind of stuff—and apparently stuck a sign to my back.)

(Only it didn't say 'Kick Me' or anything like that…)

(No, it stated 'PULLED ANOTHER PRANK, BETTER GO FIND THE POOR BOT IT WAS PULLED ON'…)

(Well… considering my track record, Prowl and Jazz did just that…)

(And found Cliffjumper glued to the ceiling by his tires in one of the storage closets…)

(I had NOTHING to do with it.)

(But… because of the sign… they thought I had.)

(Sideswipe—though I love him—is going to pay… BIG TIME.)

~.~

Rule 77: When initiating a prank war, don't let certain mechs join said prank war.

(Okay, so I decided that the base had been far too boring for far too long…)

(And then made up my mind to start a prank war…)

(It was a good idea…)

(At first.)

(And then, picture this, I ended up having to defend myself from pranks set up by PROWL.)

(When in the PIT did he join the prank war!?)

(I never got the memo!)

(And then, to top things off, JAZZ decided that he would 'even up my teams chances' and join my side…)

(Eventually, all of us—I was on the team with Bluestreak, Bumblebee, Optimus, Sunstreaker, Ratchet, and Jazz; Where the other team was Sideswipe, Smokescreen, Wheeljack, Ironhide, Hound, Swoop, and Prowl—quit and let Jazz and Prowl go at it.)

(We got tired of the pranks escalating… eventually they turned into almost lethal traps…)

(Never… again.)

~.~

Rule 78: Surprising certain beings is not a good past-time for anybody.

(I HATE surprises of any sort with a passion.)

(The Twins like to surprise me…)

(They are the only ones I will allow to surprise me…)

(All others will be shot with the gun I keep hidden on my person in case of an attack.)

(Because, you know, I recognize Sunstreaker and Sideswipe immediately…)

(I don't recognize any other mech or mechs that jump out at me from a random hiding spot.)

(I sincerely hope Bluestreak, Cliffjumper, and Bumblebee got the idea.)

(Don't surprise me if you want both your optics to work.)

(I can give Bluestreak a run for his money when it comes to marksmanship… and I can get the shots off quick.)

(So DON'T surprise me.)

(Comprende?)

~.~

Rule 79: Star Wars has been banned on the ARK.

(Yeah… this was interesting.)

(I thought it would be a good idea to watch the Star Wars movies…)

(All of them.)

(The Twins agreed…)

(So we watched the movies.)

(One week later…)

(I found a replica of the Millennium Falcon…)

(Life sized replica…)

(And then… I started hearing these quotes… that were from the movies…)

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

(When I stated that I didn't think a plan was going to work.)

"This is some rescue. You came in here and you didn't have a plan for getting out?" – Arcee to Sideswipe

"He's the brains, sweetheart!" –Sunstreaker to Arcee

(Oh, I wanted to die… she had gotten caught by the 'cons… and Sunny, Sides, and I went in to get her out.)

(She didn't know that she was quoting a line from Star Wars perfectly…)

(I Face-palmed.)

"Watch your mouth kid, or you'll find yourself floating home."

(Sunstreaker said it to Bluestreak on the way back from a mission.)

(Bluestreak was confused… and then Sideswipe started calling him Padawan…)

(That's when the others figured it out… and jumped in.)

(By the end of the month we were calling Megatron 'Darth Vader' and Optimus was Obi-Wan Kenobi…)

(It was all fun and games until Grimlock dubbed himself 'Chewbacca')

(And finally…)

"May the Force be with you."

(Said to Prowl… who crashed trying to figure out what force they were talking about…)

(It was then that Ratchet banned Star Wars.)

(I salute you Ratchet! Good call!)

~.~

Rule 80: When avoiding the Twins, Ratchet is the perfect bot to 'hide' behind.

(Not joking.)

(He asked why I was in the med-bay if I wasn't injured in any way.)

(I stated that I was pissed at the twins for saying something that was legitimately idiotic and insulting.)

(And then added that they had yet to say sorry for saying it.)

(Ratchet was torn for only a few seconds… until he noted that I had cried recently.)

(And then the twins weren't allowed in the med-bay until after I had left.)

(Ratchet DOES have a soft protective side!)

(Though I think he thought I had cried because of what they said..)

(Yeah… I had cried… but not over what they said… I had watched a sad movie before I went to talk to Ratchet…)

(What… a girl can't watch 'Old Yeller' and not cry?)

(Anyway, it was a comment about how 'Human Females cry over the stupidest things… it was only a dog.' That pissed me off.)

(Yeah… I was mad, how can you NOT cry at that part of the movie!?)

(In fact… thinking about it makes me tear up just a bit…)

(Poor yeller…)

T.T

~.~ ~.~

And that's rules 71-80! I hope you enjoyed and please review! XD

Until all are one,

Chistarpax