"Uh oh. She's got a new story. How long is this one going to be up for?" Is what some of you are saying. But, this story is here to stay. I really like this one. I've got ideas for it and I'm really excited to get into this one. If you read my other story Chasing Raine, the next chapter should be up tomorrow. I'm finally getting back into writing after the whole Rob and Kristen situation. I lost the will to write for a bit. But it's back!

Now, before I'm done rambling, I just want to say, this story is kind of sad. It is written in EPOV from beginning to end. Once you get into it, you'll know what I mean. I'll explain more about the story next chapter. Cause this is a long ramble.

Disclaimer: Anything Twilightish belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Have you ever thought how life could change in an instant? How you could be having the greatest time of your life and then, with the snap of a finger, it's all gone. You have just taken that first ride on your new bike, and then 3 seconds of a distraction. You've crashed that brand new red bicycle. Your mom finally lets you walk the new family dog, even though you are only 8 years old and can barely hold the leash. One slip of a finger and the dog sprints into the woods and is never seen again. First day at a new school and you want it to be different this time around because no one knows you. One accident with the water fountain and you're known as Tinkle Toes. These might not seem so bad, to someone older. But to a kid, these are some the worst things ever.

And then you grow up and move on with life. You forget about your embarrassing childhood. You're a teenager now. But, life has its way of making unexpected things happen at the most exciting and nerve raking times. You finally get the nerves to go up and tell your best friend since birth that you like her, really like her. You forget your shoe is untied and trip on the way over and get your braces stuck on the carpet. You are taking your first driving test. Everything seems to be going great, and then you forget one Stop sign and you fail. Your first date? Spill your drink all over your date's pretty dress. Your first kiss? Your foreheads bump together because you went in for it to fast.

But, even those moments don't seem life changing. But, in the moment, it felt your world came to crashing a halt and you wanted to die because of the humiliation. But, you look back on those moments now and realize that, your teenage-self overreacted. The real life changing moments came later in life.

The moment you graduated High School; your parents were so proud of you. Your first day at College; that feeling of no parental rules. Graduating as Valedictorian; you felt like you were on top of the world. Proposing to your girlfriend of 8 years; the look on her face you'll cherish forever. Finally marrying the absolute love of your life; nothing in the world could compare to what you felt that day. The birth of your first child; if anything could make you happier, you'd probably burst!

And then your life is perfect. Everything you ever wanted in life was right there, in front of you. You never ever thought that one day it could all come crashing down and throw you into a tailspin. But, it did for me, Edward Cullen. My life came to a startling halt in the matter of 45 seconds.


I can remember the exact day, month, year and time everything happened. I had this exceptional memory. Once something happened, it was stored up there in my brain, for the rest of my life. My parents called me their little "Family Library". I remembered every family trip. Every birthday I've had, from my 5th birthday to my current age of 30. I had 25 years of clear memories stored up here. If someone wanted to know anything about my past, I could tell them on the spot without hesitating.

But, this wasn't just a gift, it was also a curse. Not only did I remember all the happy times. I remembered all the sad and hurtful ones. And those were the ones I wish I could never remember. I didn't like looking back at those. The one that hurts the most to remember was the accident that happened nearly 6 years ago. And I'm always blaming myself for it, when I know it wasn't my fault. And it wasn't yours. Because I'm sure you would blame yourself. When in reality, it was just bad timing. And, I can go back it to like it was yesterday. . .


Saturday, December 23rd 2006 7:00pm (3 hours and 22 minutes before the accident)

We were sitting around in your parent's living room. We had come over for an early Christmas celebration. We were gathered around the TV, watching your favorite Christmas movie, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. It was at your favorite part. Clark is trying to get the lights to work on his house. You always said you wanted to make the house look like that one year.

You and I were settled on the couch. I remember that you were nestled on my lap and I had my arm wrapped around your back. I'd give your strawberry scented brown hair a few pecks, and you sigh with content. Your dad, Chief Charlie Swan, was sitting in his arm chair, drinking a Vitamin R, his favorite beverage. And your mother, Renee, was sitting propped up against his legs. And then, our pride and joy; our daughter was completely mesmerized by the shiny wrappings of the presents under the tree.

McKayla Rae Cullen, was the prettiest girl in the world, next to you. She was only 5 months old, but she was already so smart. She had everyone she met wrapped around their tiny little fingers; especially me. I hated to know what she could get me to do when she got older.

9:03pm (1 hour and 19 minutes before the accident)

We had just finishedun-wrapping our gifts. There was shiny paper everywhere. McKayla was more interested in the paper then the new toys she got. But, that was to be expected of a 5 month old. Your dad and I were out loading our new gifts into the Volo, while you and your mom were inside cleaning up the paper. It was just beginning to snow.

I had wanted to get out on the road to start the drive home. We had about a 2 hour drive to make. And this snow would most likely slow us down a lot. Once your dad and I had everything squared away out in the Volvo, we came inside to say good-bye. Who knew that this would be the last time you would see your parents.

10:20pm (2 minutes before the accident)

We had been driving for an hour. Well, I had been driving for an hour. You were sitting next to me reading your new Nicholas Sparks book, with the book light you got in your stocking from your parents. And our daughter was all bundled up in her car seat. She was banging away on her seat with her pacifier. You think that she would be passed out by now. And then, it must have fallen out of her hands because the banging stopped and screaming ensued in the back seat.

"I got it." You said, never taking your eyes from your book. You reached your hand back on to the floor, searching for her pacifier. When you couldn't find it, you huffed that cute frustrated noise. You bookmarked your page and shut your book. I chanced a glance at the clock, 10:22pm. Just as you set your book on the dashboard, and turned around, everything happened.

A deer came bursting onto the road. I swerved the car, trying not to hit it. The wheels skidded on the icy road and the car went into a tailspin. I heard you scream from beside me. I heard McKayla screaming in the back. Everything just got progressively louder; the squealing of the tires on the ice and both of your screams. My hands were stuck, firm on the wheel. I was trying to regain control, but it was a losing battle. And then, the sound of glass shattering and silence overcame the car. You had stopped screaming. McKayla had stopped her shrieking. The car had come to complete stop.

I didn't realize it, but my eyes were squeezed shut. When I opened my eyes, I wish I hadn't. The windshield on the passenger side had a huge tree branch through it. The rest of it was just cracked. I feared what I might find if I turned my head. And when I did, all the air left my body.

As I panned my head, I saw the tree branch had spanned all the way til it rested against the passenger seat headrest. I looked down and saw you. You were sprawled out in the front and back of the car. The branch must have hit you somehow. I turned in my seat and followed your body that I knew so well. Your chest was on the middle console and your head was hanging in the back seat. Your dark curls concealing your face. I was really having trouble breathing now. My heart was beating 100 miles an hour. I was scared. I was even more frightened about what might have happened to our daughter.

I took a deep breath and looked up. There, sitting in her car seat, staring straight at me was McKayla. She hadn't screamed, or really done anything. She didn't look hurt and I could see her chest rising and falling with each breath she took. I knew she was going to be alright. But you, I didn't know what was wrong. I couldn't tell if you were alive or. . . My brain refused to even think that way. You needed to be alright. What seemed like ages and years, I finally pulled out my phone. The time read 10:24. I had only been sitting here for 2 minutes. I quickly dialed 911.

11:01pm (37 minutes after the accident)

Three cop cars, two ambulances, a fire truck and a tow truck arrived on the scene fifteen minutes ago. A police officer walked up to my side of the vehicle. He asked me if I was okay and if I could get out of the car. He had to repeat himself at least 3 times because I was staring at your unconscious body. I finally acknowledged the man, and got out of the vehicle. I was moving like a robot. I knew I was talking. I knew I was moving. But, it felt like I wasn't fully there.

I walked over to the ambulance so they could check me out. I must have been too focused on you and McKayla because I had a long gash on my forearm. It wasn't deep enough to need stiches, but it would scar up nicely. After the EMT wrapped up my arm in white gauze, he told me I was going to be fine. I merely nodded my head. Once I was done, my daughter was brought over. She was crying and squirming in the firefighters arms. I was allowed to hold her while she was checked injuries. I soothed her and lessened her cries a bit. She was going to be fine.

A police officer was supposed to come talk to me about the accident, but it looked like they were all occupied. They were helping the firemen get you out of the car safely. From what I could see from the back of the ambulance, they had sawed off the tree branch from inside the Volvo. The hood of the car was sawed off as well. It looked like they were trying to move your body, without hurting you more.

After what seemed like hours, you were removed from the car and set on the gurney. A neck brace was strapped around your neck. I still couldn't see your face because it was just too dark. And that frustrated me to no end. I turned our daughter away from where you were because she had just stopped wailing. I didn't want her to start up again. I wouldn't be able to keep it together.

11:59pm (1 hour and 35 minutes after the accident)

You were put into an ambulance and driven to the hospital. I wasn't allowed to come because I still had to give information to the police about the accident. McKayla had finally fallen asleep and was lying inside the ambulance where they checked us out in. It was getting colder by the minute. The snow was still falling, but it was like floating down from the sky.

I relayed the story, in exact detail, to the police officer from inside his cop car. I kept it together for the most part. I learned that car was a complete loss. I didn't really care. It took a few minutes for the cop to put everything into fancy police computer, before I was allowed to leave. They had to stay on the scene and take pictures and all this other police type of stuff. You would have probably known everything because you grew up with one. And then I remembered, I would have to call your parents.

I rushed to the ambulance and they said I could ride to the hospital with them. But, it was going to be a good 40 minutes before we got there. I said that was fine. I sat in the back of the ambulance with McKayla sound asleep in my lap. I wish I could sleep. But, I knew that was impossible now.

Sunday, December 24th 2006 Christmas Eve; 1:24am (3 hours after the accident)

When we got to the hospital, I rushed to the emergency wing. Well, as fast as I could with a sleeping little girl in my arms. I said your name to the receptionist and told her who I was. She told me to hang on while she got a doctor. My breathing was starting to hitch. She would have told me where you were if you were fine. You're not fine. Something has gone extremely wrong; very, very wrong. All I could think was, 'I can't lose you. Please don't be gone.' I was losing my mind.

A doctor finally showed up after about 10 minutes. He asked me if I was Mr. Cullen. I said yes. He had a sad look in his eyes, when he gave me one of those, 'I'm sorry,' smiles.

A coma.

You are in a coma. I didn't know whether I should have been relieved to hear this or completely devastated. I think I showed a mixture of both on my face.

The doctor sat me down and told me the extent of your injuries. You had internal bleeding in your brain, and it was a miracle you were even alive. You also had a few scrapes along your arms from the shattering windshield. But, those would heal. The internal bleeding was hard to stop. The doctors had put you in an induced coma. And they were working on trying to stop the bleeding in your head as we speak.

The doctor left me after assuring me that he would let me know in an hour how things are going. I sat in the lobby just letting the news soak in. I couldn't hold in the tears anymore. I slowly let them trickle down my face. Some of them landed on our beautiful baby girl. I looked down at her sleeping form. She wouldn't understand what is going on. I wondered how long it would take, before she wanted the warmth of her mother.

2:26am (4 hours and 2 minutes since the accident)

I had finally called your parents. Your mom answered on the 3rd try. I tried to tell her, as calmly as possible, about you. She started weeping, and when she couldn't speak anymore, she handed the phone to your father. I told him where we were and that I was still waiting on an update. He said that they'd be right over and hung up.

When they showed up, your mom embraced me and McKayla in a tight hug. Your dad asked if we could go see you. I said, no because you were still in the ER. Your mom offered to hold McKayla for a while. I handed her over and we all sat down in the lobby, waiting.

We didn't have to wait long before the same doctor came out. I finally learned his name was Carlisle. Your dad and I got up to talk to him. Your mom stayed put, rocking her granddaughter back and forth.

We were told that they managed to get the bleeding to stop. And that the medicine used to induce your coma has gone. They gave you just enough to stop the excess blood flow. You should wake up in a couple of hours. You were going to be alright. I couldn't have been more relieved. Your dad shook his hand and told him thanks for the help. Carlilse waved him off saying it's what he does. He also said that he'd come back and get us when you woke up.

We walked back over to our seats and your dad relayed the information over to your mom. She cried some happy tears. Everything was going to just fine.

5:46am (7 hours and 22 minutes since the accident)

I must have dosed off because your mother was shaking me awake. I opened my eyes and turned to her. She had fresh tear tracks on her face. Her eyes were puffy and red. This couldn't be good. I asked her what was wrong. She told me you hadn't woken up yet. You were supposed to wake up an hour ago. I sat up straighter in my chair. I wanted to speak to the doctor to find out what is going on. I looked around and found Charlie talking to him quietly a few feet away. I got up and walked over there.

Carlisle looked at me with those sad eyes again. It turns out, you were in a coma; a real, non-induced coma. They don't when you're going to wake up. They ran some tests and they think you could be under for months. The accident did some serious damage.

After Carlisle told us this, he asked us if we wanted to go see you. Charlie said that I should go first; he wanted to go comfort Renee before going. I took a deep breath before nodding my head. But, I wanted McKayla to come with me. She needed to see you.

I grabbed McKayla out of her arms. She was still sleeping, but she would be waking up soon. I followed Carlisle down the hall. We took a left and walked down to the Intensive Care Unit. My breathing began to speed up, my heart began to pound. I didn't know what I would find. We came up to door. It was where you were staying. Carlisle stopped in front of it and said he'd wait outside. I took a few deeps breaths; tightening my grip on our daughter before opening the door.

I was actually expecting worse. I'm glad my thoughts were wrong. I walked inside and saw 2 double beds. But, only one was occupied. And there you were. I stopped just inside the door. I don't know why I couldn't move any farther. You were lying in the bed, completely still. You had a tube sticking out of your nose and mouth. You had wires hooked up to your arms. The heart monitor was beeping out the sounds of your pulse. It was the only thing letting me know you're alive, besides the slow rise and fall of your chest.

I slowly made my way to your bed side. I sat down on the little rolling stool, and pulled up to side without the monitors. I just sat quietly and took in your form. Your gorgeous brown locks were framing your face. Your hands were lying still at your sides. I wish I could see your pretty chocolate, brown eyes. I reached out and grabbed your hand. I wrapped my fingers around it and gave a little squeeze. This is when McKayla began to stir.

She was sitting propped up on my leg. She was looking at you. She was reaching for you. And it was hard not to just give her to you. She wanted you to hold her so bad. She began to get squirmy and calling out, "Momma!" every 2 seconds. I knew it was time to leave before she got too loud. I let go of your hand, setting it back down. I held in most of my tears, but, a few slip by me. McKayla then began to cry. I left the room quickly and shut the door.


It's been 5 years 7 months and 8 days since the accident. It's been that long since I've heard your voice. You've missed so many birthdays. So many wedding anniversaries. So many holidays. But, I've spent almost all those holidays with you, in your hospital bed. I'm always hoping that you'll open your eyes one of these visits. They say that some of things I tell you, you can hear. I'm hoping that's true because if it's not, I want beat up whoever told me it was.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen? Visiting hours are over."

"Thank you, Karen. I'll be out in a moment." I say to the nurse, who smiles and then closes the door again.

I look back at you; still looking as gorgeous as you did 5 years ago. I brush a strand of your hair off your face. I rise from the chair and push it against the wall.

"McKayla's first day of school is tomorrow. I wish you could be there to witness it. Our baby girl is starting kindergarten. I know you'd be proud of her," I sigh and lean over your forehead. "I love you, forever." I lay a gentle kiss on your forehead before walking out.

More chapters to come! Another ramble next chapter. I promise it will be short and sweet lol Thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated xoxo