A/N: Please note, I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. All rights belong to the Queen herself, Joanne Kathleen Rowling. Do I wish I owned HP? Of course, that would mean I had Jo's genius brain. :P

First of all, this is a SSHG story. If you're not into the pairing, DO NOT READ.
Why? Because, you'll hate the story and leave stupid comments that no one cares about.

If you're not into extremely detailed and graphic sex scenes, DO NOT READ.
Why? Because I like writing smut and you'll hate what I do. So, save yourself the pain and don't read it.

If you find expletives (curse words) to bother you, DO NOT READ.
Why?I use them a lot in my story, especially during emotional turmoil or whenever I see fitting.

If you don't like the idea of drinking or excessive partying, DO NOT READ.
Why? I like my characters to have fun and I like to show their stress and dark sides through their out-of-control drinking issues.

Do NOT write a review, telling me you hated the story because of the pairing, graphic detail, drinking, or language or any of those four combined. I've already warned you, TWICE, that this story was going to be a dirty one. I warned you in the summary, and in my note.

NOW! What you've all been waiting for:Try to Tell You No...My Body Keeps Telling You Yes, the epic follow up story to A Good Man is Hard to Find, Good Sex is Even Harder. I'm not giving you any secrets about this first chapter except that this is based on a Maroon 5 song. Oh, and it's dirty. (;

You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war.
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin' the door.
You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score.
You and I get sick, yeah I know that we can't do this no more.

Severus Snape sat comfortably in his arm chair, staring into the fire and drinking a glass of Firewhisky, slowly seething at the thought of his companion who had stood him up for dinner- again. He closed his eyes in thought and heard the door open. Right on time. Almost two hours late. For the third night in a row.

He slowly stood up at the sound of the door shutting and turned to face his companion who was seemingly flushed in the face and a bit giggly. He gripped his glass tighter in his hand and sighed.

Hermione looked up into the dark eyes that stared back at her as she hung up her traveling cloak. She performed a silent charm on herself, most likely something to sober her up from her current state.

"Sorry, I forgot about dinner," she said casually, as if it didn't really matter.

"You always forget about something," he seethed back.

"Don't get mad at me! It was only an accident."

"This is the third time this week!"

"It's not that big of a deal! You're always at work anyways, so why does it matter if I miss a date here and there?!" Hermione retorted angrily.

"Damn it, Hermione, no. You don't get it!"

"Don't you dare stand there and scream at me," she shouted, her voice cracking a bit. "It's not always my fault, you know! You drink all the time! That stupid glass never leaves your hand!"

Enraged, Snape threw the glass right above Hermione's shoulder, causing it to crash against the wall and shatter, spraying Hermione's back with the remains of his Firewhisky.

"That is bullshit and you know it!"

"That's real fucking cute, Severus. Throwing glasses around the house, real fucking cute!"

"Don't you even—," he was cut off by Hermione pointing her wand at him, shouting "Oppugno," and sending birds at his head.

Snape snarled and ducked, snatched his wand, and sent a spell in Hermione's direction which she too ducked to miss.

"Stop. Being. An. Ass," she growled as she stood up to her full height.

"I don't even know why I do this, Hermione! I swear, being with you and living with you is worse than being married and I've never been married!"

Hermione froze, her wand still in midair. "Go to Hell," she murmured.

"Well, it's the truth," Snape said calmly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He looked around the front room and sighed. Things were knocked over, the glass that was in picture frames was shattered, and the birds Hermione had sent his way were pecking away at the windows and being quite annoying.

"It's not my fucking fault that you drink all the damn time," she said angrily.

"Maybe if I didn't have to deal with you acting like a teenager, I wouldn't have to drink all the time."

"The way I act has nothing to do with you and your drinking problem, so save it!"

Snape rolled his eyes and slouched down into one of the chairs, propping his feet up on the end of the coffee table and crossed his arms.

"Hermione, this isn't going to work out. We fight more than we have sex, and that's a lot."

She gritted her teeth at his words and her hands automatically balled into fists as she looked at him, saying, "Your problem is that you can't commit to anything. You can't commit to your job because you're all messed up still and you can't commit to me because I'm not Lily Potter!"

Snape looked up at her in utter disgust and horror at the mention of Lily's name and stood up.

"Don't you dare bring her into this," he spat.

"Fuck you too, then," she grabbed the open bottle of Firewhisky from the table and threw it in Snape's direction and turned away quickly, accidentally tripping over one of the end tables and falling. She heard her ankle snap.

She groaned and straightened out her legs as Snape watched from the chair, a bit of worry on his face. She winced as she touched it and decided it was best to leave it alone.

"Hermione," he said slowly. "Are you alright?

"Does it look like I'm alright?!" she asked angrily, trying to hold back tears of pain and tears of rage.

He got up slowly and walked over to her and crouched down by her ankle, taking it gingerly in his hands. Hermione closed her eyes and winced as he carefully took off her red pump, but didn't pull her ankle away.

"Yeah, it's definitely broken."

Hermione groaned and tossed her head back and mumbled to the ceiling, "Fix it… please."

Snape nodded even though he knew she was looking at the ceiling and started performing a spell on her ankle before summoning a glass of Skele-Gro. Hermione drank it immediately and gagged over the taste. She looked back to Snape as she handed him the glass.

"So are we over?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best."

"You're probably right. We're not compatible."

"Agreed. But you're going to have to stay here tonight. You can't go home on that ankle and I want to make sure everything heals properly overnight."

Hermione nodded and then sighed. "Where am I going to sleep?"

"Upstairs where you always do."

"In the same bed as you?"

"In the same bed as me," Snape said plainly.

"Well alright. Are you going to carry me or what?"

He sighed and stood up, picking Hermione up in his arms being sure to be careful of her ankle and carried her toward the steps. He slowly ascended the steps as Hermione kept her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, staring up into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, you know. For throwing the bottle, and for missing dinner, and for being an overall bad girlfriend- erm, ex-girlfriend," she corrected.

Snape stopped on the top step and looked down into her dark brown eyes and before Hermione fully registered what was happening, Snape had his lips crushed against hers as he walked quickly to the bedroom they had been sharing since their first encounter at the bar in Diagon Alley. His kisses were frantic and he immediately put her down in the center of their bed, not taking the time to dim the lights. Hermione looked up at him and smirked and pulled him on top of her.

"Come on, Mr. Snape, show me what you can do," she smirked. "We're not together now, so it's perfectly shameless," she winked and rubbed her knee up into his groin, making him moan.

"Gladly, Miss. Granger," he said huskily, capturing her lips with his once more.

A/N: No smut this chapter. :P Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging for long. The first line of the next chapter picks up right where we left off. I just like making you all wait. :P Read and review, as always. And as a friendly reminder, no hate. Only constructive criticism. You do not want this bitch on your ass. Thanks lovelies. Oh, and sorry it took so long to get this posted.

XoXo: potterlove12