Leaning over the side of her bed, Lydia closed her eyes and willed herself not to throw up. The wave of nausea was so powerful she thought it may carry her right off the side of the bed and onto the floor. Squeezing her eyes shut, she held a fist to her stomach while her other hand clenched to the sheets so she wouldn't fall. After what felt like an hour, it passed, and she opened her eyes with a shaky sigh. Sliding her feet off of the bed, she slowly stood and moved as quickly as she could manage down the stairs to the kitchen.
Opening the refrigerator, she dug down into the bottom drawers and pulled out three cheese sticks, opening each one and eating it before the first one was down good. She was so hungry, but she was so nauseous, but if she didn't eat she felt even sicker. It was a vicious cycle and one of the side effects of being pregnant.
The thought hit her like a truck, the realization that she was going to be a mother. Her hand tenderly rested over her belly that was still mostly flat, and she closed her eyes as a wave of emotion rushed over her.
Needless to say, her parents had been surprised and irate at the revelation. She'd been afraid they would kick her out at first, but they'd come around when they realized they didn't want to lose their only child (and future grandchild) by ostracizing her. Her mother had cried for about two hours, and her father had shut down as he always did when he couldn't handle something. It took two weeks before they both admitted they disliked the circumstances, but they would support her and her child.
Her parents' forgiveness meant worlds to her now with Derek gone.
Derek... the love of her life and the father to her unborn child. He was gone. He hated her, felt betrayed by her, and she couldn't blame him. It broke her heart to remember she'd agreed to Peter's murderous plan. She hadn't followed through with it, and Derek had lived, but at what price? He still got his heart broken, and she had lost him. If she'd never gone into that train depot and apologized to him in the first place, if she'd never become his friend, never fallen in love with him, none of this would have happened. He would be happy and safe, and although she never would have felt the kind of love she felt with him, he would never have been hurt by her.
Her hand ran over her belly subconsciously as her mind reeled in thought. If she couldn't have him, then at least she would have their baby. It was the only thing that kept her upright as she finished the cheese and straightened her black dress over her thighs.
Gerard Argent's funeral was today. According to the news reports, the man had died in a tragic hunting accident, his body mangled by some rabid beast. Lydia shook her head. If they only knew... She remembered the roar in her head as she'd been passing out from the drug Gerard had pumped into her bloodstream on the tips of the arrows his hunters had shot at her. Derek had defended her. It had to be him since Peter had no reason to care if she lived or died. The knowledge that Derek had cared enough to save her life even after learning about her betrayal gave her a small glimmer of hope. She didn't know what she hoped for since there was no chance of him returning to Beacon Hills, but the vague feeling gave her some relief against her days of depression at his absence.
Closing her eyes and sighing, she willed herself to move. At least at a funeral she could sob in public and no one would look at her like she was crazy. Gathering her purse and keys from the counter-top, she headed out to her car and departed for the funeral.
As she parked and stepped out of her car, pulling her black dress down, she spotted Allison and her father making their way to the graveside. Allison didn't cry, but she held her father's hand tightly as they advanced on the open grave. Allison knew her grandfather had controlled the kanima, almost getting her best friend killed twice, and she didn't forgive the man. He had brainwashed her in many ways, most notable being her misplaced hatred for Derek. The thought of him, even in such a distant way, sent a pang through Lydia's heart and she visibly winced as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She moved through the crowd until she was directly behind Allison. Sliding her fingers into her best friend's hand, she smiled encouragingly at the taller girl when Allison turned to see who was touching her. Allison squeezed her hand in return and tugged her gently, pulling her to stand at her side. Leaning against the brunette as Allison hugged her, Lydia began to cry. She cried for the loss of Allison's family member (no matter how evil, he was still her grandfather), she cried for her lost love, and she cried for the sake of crying.
"You're kidding me, right?!" Allison asked incredulously as they sat in her bedroom.
Lydia shook her head sadly, "Nope. It's true."
"Wow..." the other girl commented in amazement. "You're gonna have a baby. I can't believe it."
Lydia scrunched up her nose. She hated the idea of being a teen mom, but she couldn't avoid it. Getting rid of the baby was unthinkable for she would never get rid of anything she shared with Derek. This baby was the only thing of him she had left.
"So you're gonna have a puppy," Allison teased, Lydia pushing her shoulder and laughing at the comment.
"I guess so," she pursed her lips before giggling again.
"Are you scared?" Allison asked in a small voice, her mouth drawing to one side in an unsure half-smile.
Lydia nodded and swallowed heavily, her hand subconsciously resting on her belly. "I'm scared out of my mind." Allison nodded and reached over, patting her hand reassuringly.
"Well, you're not alone," she commented with a small smile, "You've always got me. And Stiles, and Scott, and probably Jackson too. He's not as much of a jerk as he wants everyone to think he is."
She knew all of this, but hearing the words out of her best friend's mouth reassured her. Even if Derek was gone, she had her friends. It wasn't quite an adequate replacement, but they would have to be enough.
"I can see Stiles trying to change a diaper," Lydia joked, laughing and shaking her head. "That's a scary picture."
"He'd probably end up getting a mess everywhere and dumping diapers all over the room, but he'd succeed," Allison laughed. "Poor Stiles."
Lydia laughed until her sides hurt and she collapsed back on the floor of Allison's bedroom. She stared up at the ceiling, not able to let go of the empty feeling in her chest.
"You really love him, don't you?" Allison asked, shifting so she was laying down on the floor beside her petite friend.
Tears rose in Lydia's eyes but she didn't bother wiping them away. "I do..." she managed quietly.
"Where is he? He's a father, damn it," Allison exclaimed, cursing for the first time Lydia could remember.
"Pfft, it's never complicated when a baby's involved. He's the father; he should be here."
"He hates me," Lydia explained tiredly, her hands rested on her waist.
Allison sat up and huffed. "You didn't do what Peter wanted you to do. You didn't manipulate him; you honestly fell in love with him. You can't help what Peter and Gerard did as a result."
"Explain that to Derek," she grumbled, rolling to her side and sitting up.
"I will. I'll find his sour werewolf ass and beat it into him if I have to," Allison vowed, half-jokingly. Lydia smiled a sad smile and ran her index finger through the carpet by her left ankle.
"It's no use, Allison. He's gone. I have to do this on my own." Her green eyes looked up at her friend sadly. Allison reached over and took her hand, looking into her eyes.
"You're not alone, Lydia. You'll always have me."