A/N: A bit of explanation is in order. This is a repost of The Frayed Ends of Sanity; the original is gone forever, unfortunately. Therefore, I must rewrite it in compliance with site guidelines. It is a sequel to Die Another Day. In order to understand it, you should read that story first.

Please know I have found the original and am editing out the lyrics to comply with the site rules.

Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.

Inspiration for the chapter, Higher by Creed: http (colon) (slash, slash) www {DOT} youtube {DOT} com (slash) watch?v (equals) J16lInLZRms

Chapter 1

Bridger household; Yucatan Penisula; a few days before seaQuest's third tour

"Bobby!" Nathan screamed. He sat straight up in bed.

Kristin stirred. "Nathan?" she whispered sleepily.

"What's the matter?" "N-nothing," he whispered back. "I just had a dream."

Kristin sat up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "It's all right," she soothed gently. She kissed his cheek. "You're trembling," she noted aloud.

Nathan gently shrugged her away and headed to the bathroom. "I'm fine," he said before shutting the door.

Kristin lay back down, trying not to be upset about Nathan pushing her away.

A few moments later, Nathan crawled back into bed. Kristin moved closer to him and draped an arm over him. It wasn't that Nathan didn't appreciate it. He loved her; he loved her more than anything. But, he hadn't brought himself to tell her about his dreams, his dreams about Robert.

Nathan thought he'd put it all behind him. Of course, he'd never forget Robert. He was his son, his flesh and blood. However, he thought he was finally in a place where he didn't live every day in guilt. And, after adopting little Kristen and Harry and marrying Kristin, he thought he finally had his life back in order. But, this had all changed one month earlier.

"Nathan," Kristin said, coming in the bedroom. She was holding a pregnancy test in her hand. "I-I was late, so I bought an early test."

Nathan was both happy and nervous. "Well?"

"We're pregnant," Kristin said with a smile.

That's when the dreams began, that evening actually. And they always started the same. He always dreamed about Carol in the hospital giving birth. And, then, it was like a flash. He would see glimpses of taking Robert to school, his first date, his high school graduation, the naval academy. But, in the end, he was always standing on a cliff. He'd look out over the water, and he would see Bobby in the middle of the water, drowning.

Bobby would cry, "Dad, help me."

As the water pulled him under, Nathan would yell, "Bobby, give me your hand."

Bobby would struggle, and their fingers would barely touch. And, then, the undercurrent would pull Bobby away. And Nathan would always wake up screaming.

Nathan never told Kristin about the dreams. He never wanted to alarm her, never wanted her to feel the guilt Nathan started to feel.

A few days later, Kristin had been so disappointed to discover she wasn't pregnant after all. "It must have been a false positive," she said through tears as she cried gently into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, sweetheart," Nathan had said. "We can try again." But the truth was, he wasn't sure if he'd wanted to try again after all. He felt so much guilt; he wasn't a dream expert, but he'd told himself that Robert felt neglected. Nathan had allowed himself to forget, and Robert didn't like that. And so, he'd been avoiding any intimacy altogether. He'd made excuses. Now, with the third tour creeping up, his excuse was stress over the seaQuest.

Kristin had tried to be understanding; she really did. She knew Nathan was emotionally fragile; she'd known it since the day she met him. But she'd also shown him it was okay to move on, and he had. Or, at least, she thought he had. She didn't know what his dreams were about since he wouldn't tell her. And that's what bothered her the most. The one thing they'd always been able to do, even before they became romantic with one another, was talk. They'd always been honest with one another.

Kristin wasn't sure what was going on, and she was scared. They'd only been married a few months, and it was more like they'd been married a few years. Nathan was inattentive, both to her and the children. But, the third tour was just about to start, and so, she was hoping things would all fall back into place once again. Although she wasn't sure how, she just hoped that whatever was bothering Nathan would go away. And, if not, she hoped he'd at least talk to her. She just hoped all he needed was time.

She leaned over and gently kissed his cheek. Then she brought a hand to his cheek and brushed it gently. "Do you feel better now?" she asked.

Nathan nodded. "Thank you."

Kristin leaned over again and kissed his lips. Nathan kissed her back. Part of him wanted her, needed her. And he knew she needed him. Their kisses deepened as Nathan rolled over to where his body was on top of hers. Suddenly, however, he heard Robert's voice in his head. "Dad, don't let me go."

Nathan suddenly pulled away from Kristin. The look on his face was alarming. "Is there something wrong?" she asked worriedly.

"I…I…" Nathan said, moving off of her to his own side of the bed. "I think we should just get some sleep."

Kristin was so confused and hurt. "Nathan, please talk to me," she pleaded gently. She tried not to cry, but Nathan could hear it in her voice.

"It's really late, and we need to get up early if we're going to make our flight," Nathan said, refusing to look at her. They were all to be flying to New Cape Quest in the morning to take care of some last-minute details before the seaQuest launched.

Kristin didn't answer. She rolled over, her back turned to him.

Although she tried to muffle it, Nathan could hear the distinct sounds of quiet sobbing. And it killed him. He knew he was hurting her, and it wasn't his intention.

After a few moments, he couldn't stand it any longer. He rolled over and rubbed her trembling shoulders gently. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "I know I haven't been acting like a very good husband or father."

Kristin said nothing, but only sobbed a little harder.

"P-please don't cry," he said. "It's just that I have so much going on in my head about the new tour. You know I've got Bill calling me every five minutes. And not only do I have my crew to worry about now-there's you and Harry and Kristy."

"Well, we did fine on the last tour," Kristin replied. She'd finally stopped crying, but her voice was still thick with emotion. Her back was still turned to him, however.

"Yes," Nathan replied. "But, luckily, there wasn't anything too dangerous towards the end of the tour. And you and I both know that there are so many potentially dangerous things that we can encounter."

"You don't want another baby, do you?" she asked, finally turning over.

Nathan looked at her, and the look on her face prevented him from lying to her. He shook his head. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm scared. I'm scared that something might happen. I know I'm the one who came up with the idea in the first place, and I really did want a baby at the time. Part of me still does, but I think it's just too risky now."

"And you didn't want to tell me?" Kristin asked.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you," Nathan insisted.

"I appreciate that," she said, "but you did. You need to understand something, Nathan. If we're going to make this work, you have to talk to me. I don't care if you think it's going to hurt me. It might, but we'll work through it, whatever it is. I don't like you not being honest with me."

Nathan nodded. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want another baby right now."

"I understand," she replied. "Like I said, we can just see what happens. And if you don't like that, well, there are precautions we can take. If I went on the pill, would you feel better about making love?" she asked.

Nathan replied, "I think so. Would you have a problem with that?"

Kristin shook her head. "Not if it's going to make you stop worrying. I miss you."

"I miss you, too," Nathan said. "I haven't wanted to avoid you." He leaned over and pulled her close. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she whispered.

As they broke apart, Kristin said, "Well, I suppose we ought to get some sleep. We'll need to get up in a few hours." She started to roll over, but Nathan began kissing her neck gently. "If you keep that up, we won't be getting back to sleep."

"I know," Nathan replied as he continued his assault. "But we can use other methods."

Kristin turned to her husband and kissed him deeply. She pulled away, and said, "I guess we can sleep on the plane."

Nathan nodded as he kissed her once again.


The six AM alarm rang too soon. Kristin muttered something as she rolled over. "Good morning," Nathan said sleepily.

"Good morning to you, too," she said. "Well, it's morning, but I'm not sure what's so good about it."

Nathan nodded as he pulled Kristin close to him. "How long do you think before-"

"I'd say about five minutes," Kristin replied, knowing exactly what Nathan was referring to.

"So, there's no chance-"

"Of going back to sleep?" Kristin finished. "No."

"Too bad," Nathan muttered as he and Kristin lie together in a few moments of silence before they heard the small footsteps bounding down the hall.

"Here they come," Kristin said in a sing-song voice.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Kristy jumped on the bed. "Mommy! Daddy! Get up!" She jumped up and down and landed on Nathan's legs, causing him to groan slightly.

"Yeah," Harry said, being kind enough not to jump on his father, but gently shaking his shoulder. "Dad, I can't wait to see the boat."

"All right; all right," Nathan said, climbing out of bed. "I'm up."

Kristin followed. "Why don't we go get some breakfast while Daddy takes a shower?"

"Can we have pancakes?" Kristy asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"With chocolate chips?" Harry added.

"I'll see what we can do," Kristin said as she led them out of the room. She turned back to Nathan. "Don't be too long, Daddy."

"I won't, Mommy," Nathan replied before shutting the bathroom door. He sighed after she'd left. He wished he could shake his guilt, but he just couldn't. However, he told himself he wouldn't allow his wife and children to suffer for it any longer. And, he hoped he could keep his promise.

Alpha Underwater Colony

Robert woke up screaming. He'd had yet another nightmare. He was used to them by now since he'd had them as long as he could remember. The problem was, he always dreamed about people he didn't recognize. Part of him wondered if they were memories, but he could never be sure. In this dream, he'd been a little boy. A man and woman were taking him to the zoo. In the dream, he'd called them mommy and daddy. But the truth was, he couldn't remember his parents. He couldn't remember his childhood. He couldn't remember anything before he came to Alpha.

And, there was one thing about Alpha everyone knew. People came in, but they never left. And if they did leave, they didn't leave alive. All Robert could remember was that he'd nearly died when Cecelia found him.

Cecelia had begged Alpha's head leader, Eric, to help Robert. Initially, Eric wanted nothing to do with it. There was a war going on, and Alpha was created for those trying to get away from it, a sanctuary for refugees. But Cecelia wouldn't let up, so Eric finally agreed.

Cecelia had nursed him back to health. Robert remembered nothing about what happened before Cecelia found him.

"Well, you don't have to," she had said. "This is your home now."

Robert had been happy there. Alpha was a small farming colony with only one rule: No one leaves. Alpha inhabitants shared a common fear about the war, and none of them wanted to be near the fighting. Robert never saw a reason he needed to leave at first.

And, it wasn't long before he and Cecelia fell in love. And, it wasn't long before she announced she was pregnant. Nine months later, Robert found himself a father. He was so happy until he learned his precious Cecelia had died in childbirth. He found himself raising his little boy alone, a boy whom he named Michael. That's what Cecelia had wanted to name him if the baby turned out to be a boy.

Nine years had passed since Robert had first come to Alpha.

Although there were rumors swarming around the colony that the war had ended years ago, Eric and the other colony leaders would say, "We have no reason to leave; we have everything we need here."

Robert had accepted this...at first. But now that his dreams were occurring more frequently, he began to wonder about his past. And more importantly, he wanted Michael to know.

Robert watched his son sleep.

A short time later, Michael opened his eyes. "Hi, Dad. Are you all right?"

Robert brushed the hair off of Michael's forehead, "Yeah, buddy, I'm fine. Everything's going to be fine." And Robert meant it since he had a plan. He and Michael were leaving.