A/N: Okay so this isn't the next chapter of 'Different Worlds' but hopefully you enjoy it all the same! lol. I actually wrote the first scene to this piece a while back and it's just been sitting on my computer as I tried to figure out what I want to do with it story wise. Hopefully you enjoy what came out of it. I hope to have an update for DW for you soon. Thanks again for all your support. I really appreciate it!
Lastly!PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go follow me at "love is all we really need to survive" (remove spaces) and then put in dot-tumblr-dot-c0m. I'm cross-posting all my work there in case anything gets taken down. I love to interact/share sneak peaks with my followers there ;) Enjoy!
I wake to the sound of my wife crying in her sleep.
I sit up in bed, looking down at Katniss by my side, tossing and turning, her face wet with tears. She is not screaming in fear or yelling in anger, her usual responses from reliving the horrors of our past in her sleep. Instead she looks in pain, clawing at the thin bed sheets around her that cover her naked body.
On particularly hot nights like this one we have taken to falling asleep wearing nothing, letting the gentle breeze from the open window cool our bodies.
It feels like someone is squeezing my heart to the point of pain when I see the look of complete misery on her face. Her eyes are squeezed shut, the corners of her mouth turned down in a grimace, and her breathing is ragged as she mutters nonsense.
"No, please...don't go...please I need you..."
Slowly, I reach out and cup her face in my hand.
"Katniss...it's okay...Katniss...wake up," I whisper the words soothingly, softly.
I place my hand on her shoulder, gently bringing her out of the torturous scenario her mind has created. I lean my face in close to hers, pressing my cheek against her own.
Her body stills and tenses and then relaxes as she is brought back to reality. She is breathing hard as she figures out everything she just experienced wasn't real.
"Peeta..." she breathes my name in relief, whispering it like I'm her salvation.
She wraps her arms around me, one hand running through my hair as the other runs up and down my back.
"Peeta.." she repeats, her voice cracking. I cling to her tighter, letting her know I'm here, that she's okay, that it's over now.
I pull back to look in her eyes and for the briefest moment I see all the fear and worry and pain that is consuming her. Before I can do or say anything to comfort her though she leans forward and kisses me. The feel of her lips is like a drug, immediately sedating me, making me lose my train of thought, making me unable to focus on anything but the taste of my wife.
She cups my face in her hands, urging her tongue into my mouth forcefully. She sucks on my bottom lip and then puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me over to my side of the bed so I'm lying on my back. She rolls with me, our lips never parting, as her naked body blankets my own.
I wrap my arms around her, squeezing her backside and feeling myself respond.
Before I even have time to consider it, she moves down my body and grabs me with her hand, pumping me urgently. I can't help it when my hips jerk forward; my body is a prisoner to her touch. I groan as she works me, all of the blood in my body flowing directly to my groin.
My mind is fuzzy, hard to form a clear thought, and I find it impossible to do anything but give in to her. I briefly remember the nightmare she had that woke us both up, the pain and terror on face, but what she's doing now, the frenzy of her actions, makes it hard to remember the concern I felt.
I tangle my hand in her hair, about to pull her up to kiss me again, when she lets go of me with her hand and bends her head forward.
"Kat-" her name dies in my mouth as I feel her hot lips around me.
She sucks me greedily, bobbing up and down as I get harder in her mouth. She uses her hand at the base of my shaft and works her tongue over my tip, making me see stars.
She hasn't stopped or slowed down her movements since she woke up and dimly I think maybe she's afraid to.
When she releases me from her mouth she straddles my hips and lowers herself down onto my length. She leans forward, pressing her chest flush against mine and burying her face into the crook of my neck. I still can't focus on anything but sensation and the feel of her hot, wet, tightness around me is so good I lose all conscious thought. I moan and grab her hips, thrusting into her with an even rhythm.
The soft cries and whimpers that escape her as I pound into her only fuels my desire. She starts moaning my name, pressing kisses against my neck and under my jaw and right below my ear.
She clings to me as I set our pace and I can tell she is already getting close. Her body tightens around me and I realize we're nothing but desperation and heated movements.
This is not a slow, gentle coupling.
She places her mouth next to my ear and whispers words that almost make me lose it.
"I love you so much," she breathes and then sucks softly on my ear lobe.
I close my eyes, lost in the feel of the woman on top of me, the woman I'm inside of, my wife. I grip her hips tighter and start driving into her at a furious pace, going as hard and as fast as I know we both need it right now.
It's not long before she clenches around me, her nails digging into my shoulders, body tensing, crying out my name in ecstasy. I come inside her, finding my own release moments later.
For a long time we don't move. We do nothing but cling to each other, me still inside her, a light sheen of sweat on our bare skin.
I reach for the sheet and cover our bodies. I run my hand over her hair, planting a kiss to her head. She draws invisible patterns with her index finger on my chest.
Now that the fog has cleared I can actually think straight.
"You okay?" I ask, wondering where that came from. Not that I'm complaining, I'll never complain about making love to my wife, but the nightmare that woke her up has come back to the forefront of my mind.
"I am now," she says, lifting her head off my chest to shoot me a smile. She leans in and gives me a kiss, but doesn't pull away. Instead she pushes her tongue into my mouth and starts grinding her hips. I feel myself respond, getting hard inside of her, knowing I could go for another round, but instead I break the kiss.
"What's a matter? Don't you want to?" She asks, looking worried. I note the almost fearful tone in her voice as she searches my face.
"Of course I want to," I assure her, wondering how she could possibly think otherwise. "You know I want to. I have never not wanted to make love to you."
"Well, what is it?" She asks, rolling off of me onto her side, still looking confused.
"It's just...the nightmare that woke you up...seemed like a pretty bad one."
"It was nothing," she replies instantly, not meeting my eyes.
"Are you sure?" I ask. "Didn't seem like nothing."
"I'm fine, really," she insists. She smiles, a little too big, too obvious she is hiding something.
"Katniss..." I gently chide her, reaching out to push her hair away from her face.
She grabs my hand and presses a kiss to my palm. She nuzzles her cheek against it and scoots closer to me so our bodies are intimately pressed up against each other.
"I'm okay, really," she insists, wrapping her arms around me. "Let's go back to sleep."
I want to protest, I want to make her tell me what's wrong and what her nightmare was about, but I can already feel my body relaxing and my eyelids drifting shut. The temptation of sleep is too strong after having just made love, with my wife's warm body pressed against me and the smell of her hair invading my senses.
Before I know it I'm being pulled into unconsciousness, unable to stop it. I drift off to sleep before I can form another thought.
The next day starts out like any other.
I wake early, get ready, kiss Katniss goodbye, and head for the bakery.
The day goes a lot slower than usual. The memory of our lovemaking in the middle of the night constantly invading my thoughts. Her nightmare is still on my mind as well, but I try not to worry about it, reminding myself that they are not uncommon occurrences for her.
However, in the back of my mind, I can't help remembering the pain and agony in her voice and expression before I woke her up. Something about it was different than the usual terrors that leave her screaming and shaking in fear.
I decide to take off a little earlier than usual and get home well before dinnertime.
As I'm approaching our house I see Haymitch out on his front porch, watching his geese meander around his front yard. I raise a hand to wave to him and when he spots me his eyes widen in alarm and he jumps off his chair, immediately walking straight towards me.
I stop before ascending the steps to my front door, waiting for him to reach me. My brows pinch in concern, studying Haymitch carefully. Something is wrong.
"What is it?" I ask, before he can say anything.
He takes a deep breathe, running his hand through his hair and avoiding my eyes.
"She must have come by when I was asleep. I didn't notice it was gone till later and by then it was too late to stop her-"
But those are the only words he gets out before I'm pushing past him and running into my house. "Katniss!" I yell, moving around the lower level of the house, searching frantically. "Katniss!"
She's not in the living room or the study or the kitchen. I slam the front door shut in frustration and feel a pinch of guilt because I know this is not Haymitch's fault. He respects our need for privacy though and goes back to his house.
With a feeling of dread I make my way upstairs. I prepare myself for the worst as I push the door open to our bedroom. First, I notice Katniss standing over at the window, dressed in only her thin nightgown, her back facing me. She hasn't left the house, maybe even this room, all day.
Then my eyes find the bottle of liquor on our nightstand.
I console myself with the fact it's only half empty.
I make my way further into the room and at the noise, Katniss turns, immediately smiling at the sight of me. Her eyes look dazed and her features are slack from the alcohol.
"There he is," she says, grinning as she comes over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I've been thinking about you all day," she breathes heavily into my ear, placing kisses down my neck and along my jaw and against any piece of skin she can find.
I swallow thickly, knowing I can not give in to her touch. I have to work up the strength to pull away from her though because she is being so affectionate and open it's hard not to get caught up in the moment.
She grabs my hand and places it against her breast where I can't help but squeeze it gently out of habit. She moans and gives me a smile that makes my dick twitch.
"I've been waiting for you to get home so we can pick up where we left off last night," she purrs before softly biting down on my ear lobe. I feel my resolve weakening as I get harder, straining through my pants.
Then she grabs my hand and pushes it under her nightgown, between her legs. "Feel how wet I am for you," she tells me.
Finally, I come to my senses, pulling my hand away and stepping back, trying to put some distance between me and her body.
"Katniss stop," I command her, trying not to focus on how hard her nipples are, straining through the thin material of her night gown.
"What?" She asks, looking hurt and bewildered.
I motion to the bottle of liquor on the nightstand. "You want to tell me what that's about?" I ask.
She looks back to it and then just shrugs. "I'm not allowed to have a drink?"
"Since when do you drink?" I question.
"I didn't know I had to explain myself to you. I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions."
"That's not what this is about," I protest. "Tell me what's wrong."
She hesitates, looking annoyed and upset. I know this look, this look means she wants to scream at me. I prepare myself for the fight, eager to finally have whatever is bothering her out in the open. But then she takes a moment to compose herself and speaks in a calm voice.
"Nothing is wrong. I just want to make you happy," she says sounding nothing like my wife.
She takes a step forward, reaching for the button on my pants and undoing it before I can stop her. She pulls down the zipper before falling to her knees. "Let me make you happy, Peeta."
Immediately I step away from her, feeling more confused than ever.
"What is going on? Why won't you just tell me what's bothering you?" I demand.
She looks up at me, her eyes swimming with fear and vulnerability. I hate seeing her in this much pain.
"I told you...nothing is wrong," she says, this time her voice betraying what she is trying to portray. "And if you don't believe me than just leave. If you don't want me than just get out!" Her voice cracks on these last few words and I know she is holding back tears. She jumps to her feet and starts shoving me out of our room.
"Just get out!" She yells, slamming the door behind me.
Out in the hall I can hear her dissolve into a mess of tears, finally breaking down and losing her composure.
I bang on the door for a long time, calling her name and begging her to let me in.
After a few hours I give up and go downstairs. I eat something, wandering around the house at a complete lost, no idea what to do. When I go back upstairs later that night the door is still locked. I try begging with her some more, but she ignores me. I finally have to settle for leaving some food outside her door and making my way back downstairs. I pass out on the couch, sleeping without my wife by my side for the first time in our marriage.
The next day I wake later than I usually do.
I went to bed so late, and had such a restless sleep, that my body decided to let me sleep a little longer than normal.
I immediately make my way upstairs, noticing the untouched plate of food I left outside our door still in the hallway. I turn the door knob to our bedroom and feel a hopeful lurch in my chest when I find it unlocked. When I enter the room however there is no sign of Katniss. I look in the bathroom only to find it empty as well.
After doing a brief search of the rest of the house it is pretty clear she is no longer here. I get dressed and eat something to hold me over, even though I feel nauseas. I make my way towards the bakery and start my usual morning routine of putting fresh batches in the oven and preparing the dough for bread and pastries to be cooked throughout the day.
I try and lose myself in my work, but it's almost an impossible task. I can not stop stressing over Katniss, wondering where she is and how she is doing. By noon I'm so distracted I let a whole batch burn in the oven by forgetting to take it out. Daron, my right hand man at the bakery, puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me to take the rest of the day off.
I agree and wander around town for a little while, hoping that I'll be luckily enough to simply run into Katniss at some of the shops she frequently visits.
After a while though I know it's hopeless and I know where I need to go.
I make my way towards the familiar meadow and slip through the chain link fence with ease. I'll spend the rest of the day looking for her if that's what it takes.
The further I get into the woods, the more I'm certain I know where I'll find her. The hike is long and with my bad leg no easy task, but my determination to get to her pushes all those concerns to the side.
After a couple of hours I find myself at the lake. Her lake. Our lake.
When I approach I see her sitting at the water's edge, her knees pulled up to her chest, staring out at the calm surface of the lake. I know she knows I'm here because I am my usual loud self as I approach. She doesn't make any move to leave though and I take this as a good sign.
I come and sit down beside her without saying anything, but she doesn't even turn to look at me. I watch her carefully out of the corner of my eye, trying not to be too obvious about it. I study the lake for a while, afraid to speak up and upset the peaceful calm of this moment and this place.
Finally, she is the one to break the silence and speak first.
"I'm scared," she whispers, her voice weak, vulnerable. I glance over to see tears swimming in her eyes. I'm afraid to speak or even reach out and touch her, not wanting to do something wrong and push her away when she is slowly letting me in.
"I know what you want Peeta and I'm scared I won't be able to give it to you..."
I look over at her in complete bewilderment, trying to figure out what she could possibly be talking about.
She finally turns to look at me and when she sees my expression of confusion she shakes her head and looks away again.
"I came by the bakery the other day. I got done hunting early and I wanted to surprise you. I didn't come in though because I saw you with her..."
She trails off and I rack my brain wondering who she could possibly be talking about.
"It's bad enough she comes in every week to flirt with you...but now, she's really showing..." she shakes her head in frustration again and she loses her composure, tears falling down her face as her voice cracks. "I saw the way your face light up when you touched her pregnant belly, Peeta. I saw how big your smile was."
She breaks down crying heavily now, burying her face in her hands.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me. I try and comfort her, but it doesn't seem to do much good.
She pulls away, face wet with tears. "The other night I had a nightmare you were leaving me. You were leaving me because you wanted to be with a woman who would give you children."
"Katniss!" I gently admonish her that, even in just a dream state, she could think something like that. We've been married long enough that she knows that to even dream that is ludicrous. She knows we are as deeply connected to each other as two people could possibly be. Being with anyone else isn't even a remote possibility. "I want you! Just you. Always. You know that."
I don't understand where this is coming from. I've never pressured her about kids. I never even bring it up. I know how she feels and she knows how I feel. We leave it at that.
"I want you!" She cries. "I want you too, but Peeta you can't deny how much you want a baby. I know you do!"
I take a deep breath and pull her closer. "Katniss, I do want a baby, I do. I want a little boy or a little girl that is the perfect combination of the both of us. I know you would make an amazing mother, but I don't want any of that without you. I don't want that unless you want it to. I would never pressure you into something so huge like that."
She takes shaky breaths, her tears slowly subsiding. When she speaks next it is a small, quiet voice, almost as if she is afraid to really say the next words out loud. "You deserve children, Peeta. And I want to be the woman to give them to you, but I'm scared. I'm still so scared."
She starts to cry again and I pull her closer and run my hand over her hair. "Please don't do this to yourself. Please don't torture yourself over this. I love you, Katniss."
"I know, I'm sorry..." she whimpers. "I just hate that woman and the way she looks at you. You're mine."
I can't help but chuckle a little at this, feeling a little of the tension leave. I feel her relax against me as well.
"I just hated that she could make you smile like that. I want to be the only one to make you look like that," She lifts her head off my chest and looks me right in the eyes. "Sometimes I think, maybe one day...maybe I could..."
"You mean...?" I trail off, not wanting to get my hopes up.
"Maybe. Sometimes I think about it...like really think about it and I think it wouldn't be so bad. But most of the time I'm still paralyzed with terror at just the idea. I'm trying though...I am."
"That's more than I could ask for," I tell her. "I'm in no rush Katniss. I know sometimes it feels like we're a lot older, but we're not. We're still young and I want to enjoy our marriage, just you and me."
When she looks up at me I see the fear and worry leave her face. She looks so much more relaxed now, calm and at ease. "I'm sorry about the way I acted," she says, pushing the hair away from my face.
"It's okay," I assure her, joining our lips in a soft kiss. "Let's go home."
We stand up together and hand in hand start making our way back through the woods. I look over at her and shoot her an amused smirk. She raises her eyebrows at me inquisitively.
"I'm yours, huh?"
She rolls her eyes, but has to bite her lip to keep herself from grinning. "Yeah, and don't you forget it," she says. "That woman has been after what is rightfully mine ever since you reopened your bakery."
I laugh and tug her closer, placing a kiss to her temple.
"I mean, do you blame her?" I tease her, and I just laugh harder as she shoots me a death glare.
We finally make it back to the District as the sun starts to set. We are both sweating and tired after the long hike and the unbearable heat we've been having lately. I tell her I want to stop by the bakery before we head home to pick up a few things and tell Daron I'm going to take tomorrow off. I don't tell her why, but I think some time alone together would be good for us right now.
When we get there Daron smiles at the pair of us, clearly glad to see I fixed whatever issue I had been dealing with earlier in the day. Daron knows me well enough now to know if something is ever off with me it usually has to do with Katniss.
I gather up some cheese buns and even decide to bring home the chocolate cake I made the other day that still hasn't been bought. We're just about ready to go when the door to the bakery opens and the familiar bell that signals a customer's arrival rings.
I come over to Katniss, still preoccupied stuffing all of the treats and food into a shopping bag to carry home. I look up at her and notice she is stopped in her tracks, staring wide eyed, mouth slightly open at something in front of her.
I follow her gaze only to be greeted with sight of one of our many frequent customers, and the same pregnant woman, we were discussing just hours ago.
She is dressed in a black flowy skirt and a salmon color tank top. The attire itself would usually be nothing to think twice about, especially with the recent heat wave. But the fact she is pregnant makes the outfit a lot more revealing than you would expect. The tank top is fitted and hugs her frame, her chest and the huge mound of her stomach. It only comes down past her belly button, leaving the underside of her belly exposed.
She smiles when she sees me and then flicks her eyes to Katniss, her face falling just slightly.
"Hi!" She exclaims, moving towards the counter. "How about this heat? Pretty unbearable, huh?"
I try and smile and make a noise of agreement, but I'm too distracted by the look of fury in Katniss' eyes. I can practically see the anger radiating off her in waves.
"We were actually just headed home," I tell her politely, grabbing Katniss' hand. "Have a nice evening."
I drag Katniss out of there as quickly as possible.
I can tell she is upset as we walk home in silence. Suddenly I'm not sure what to do. I know we were joking about it earlier, but pregnancy is clearly a sore subject for Katniss right now. Seeing that woman so clearly flaunting her changing body, and so clearly meaning for me to see it, probably strikes a nerve for Katniss.
When we get home we start preparing dinner in silence. I try to make eye contact with her several times but she keeps her head down, making it impossible for me to read her face or try and figure out what she is thinking. Finally, halfway through our meal I reach over and place my hand over hers.
She looks startled, almost like she forgot I was even here. She gives me a small smile though and I'm encouraged enough to raise her hand up to my lips and plant a gentle kiss on the back of her hand.
Suddenly, she stands up from the table and grabs my hand, pulling me with her.
She steps closer to me and wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me deeply. She parts her lips slightly, pushing her tongue slowly into my mouth. She sucks my bottom lip softly and lets out a low moan.
When she pulls away she doesn't even look at me. She starts picking up our dinner plates and bringing them over to the sink.
I stand there confused and turned on for a moment before I finally turn and follow her. She has already started washing the dishes in the sink, working quickly and determinedly. This is when I know something is off, we never was the dishes after dinner.
I come up from behind her and wrap my arms around her slowly, making her drop the sponge and dirty dish. She tenses at first and then relaxes into my touch.
I lean in and whisper into her ear softly, "I'm yours, Katniss...always..."
She turns around and kisses me with such passion I stumble back a few steps. When we finally break away to catch out breath she is breathing hard, placing kisses against my neck and jaw. She starts chanting one word over and over again like a mantra.
She starts fumbling with the button on my pants with such urgency her fingers tremble. I grab her hands and hold them against me, trying to calm her down, trying to push away whatever anxiety she is feeling and get her to just focus on this moment, on us.
She relaxes into our kiss and my hands trail down her side and then cup her behind, giving it a gentle squeeze that elicits a moan from her parted lips. I push my hips against her, wanting her to feel how hard I am already, how much I want her.
"You feel that?" I breath, moving my lips to her neck. "You feel how hard I am. This is for you, only for you. Always for you."
She whimpers in response and I know I can not possibly wait another moment to be inside her. I pull away and make quick work of her pants and underwear. I lead her over to kitchen table and ease her down so she is lying on her back. She gazes up at me, the love and lust so clear in her beautiful grey eyes as I push my own pants and boxers to the floor, not even bothering to take them all the way off.
I grab her hips and bury myself deep inside her. We both let out groans of satisfaction at the feeling and I have to take a moment to regain my bearings. I pull out and then push back into her, slowly finding a rhythm. She whimpers and moans, throwing her head back in response as I start to go harder and faster. I cling to her hips, trying to keep her from moving up the table as I continue to drive into her.
My primal instinct takes over and I'm trying to go as deep as possible, getting faster and faster as she starts to cry out, ready to fall off the edge. I can feel her tightening around me and my own pleasure is building and building to the point of no return when she digs her fingernails into my shoulders. She screams my name as I pound her until she falls apart at my hands, her body going slack, clenching around me as I find my own release.
Somehow, after we've both recovered from the intensity of our orgasms, we make our way upstairs and to our bedroom.
Katniss draws a warm bath and undresses in front of me, shooting me a sly grin as she slowly lowers herself into the water. I shed my remaining clothes and join her. I sit with my back against the edge of the tub, my chest flush with Katniss' back. It feels so good just to hold her like this, so content and at ease as I rub my hands up and down her arms.
We don't say anything for a long while and I think we're both hesitant to upset this perfect moment, still lingering in the after glow of our mind blowing love making down stairs.
Again, she is the first one to speak first and this time the words that leave her mouth make my heart swell and my stomach clench in anticipation.
"I'll be ready someday...to carry your child," she says slowly grabbing my hands and placing them against her flat belly. "I really think I will. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next year...but someday."
I have to fight off the emotion that is threatening to make me come undone at just the thought of Katniss pregnant with my child. After a long moment I finally respond. "Okay," I say, my voice hoarse, tears swimming in my eyes. I'm glad Katniss can't see me.
"Okay?" She repeats, and I know she's smiling, I know she knows how much what she just said had an effect on me.
"Better than okay," I reply, kissing her shoulder.
She stands up suddenly in the tub, turning to face me so I get the full view of her perfect naked body, drops of water descending downward. "Come on...I want you to make love to me until I can't walk straight."
I laugh as she steps out of the tub and grabs a towel to dry off. She heads into the bedroom and beckons me to follow her. I get out of the tub and grab my own towel to dry off before joining her.
I stop in my tracks at the sight in front of me. Sprawled out in all her glory, sheets crumpled by her feet at the bottom of the bed, Katniss lies completely nude, propped up on her forearms, her legs slightly bent and spread wide, giving me the perfect view of her wet folds.
"I'm ready," she says, smiling that wicked, naughty grin that makes my dick harden instantly.
"So am I," I return, making my way over to my wife, thinking that getting to enjoy a few more years of this before Katniss is really ready to have a baby is not a bad thing.
Nope, it's definitely not a bad thing at all.