Empty, unwanted, abused, forgotten, helpless, used, every one of those words will never count for what I feel, yet I feel nothing. The pain and agony I live through daily dulls the senses, yet strengthens them. I have forgotten what love feels like, the way you would be contempt in someone's arms you love. Shit. I shall never be that way again, I am broken. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Nothing sturrs, nothing moves, I am dead and everyone is dead to me. I am trained, yet not completely house broken. I am allowed to do things, yet confined inside the dark walls of myself. Seeing nothing but white on the outside world. My heart had stopped beating, yet blood still pumps. Is it worth living a lie or dying to the truth. I was told not to feel unless it was towards him, I was taught not to speak unless it was him. I wish to die, I've tried. Non work yet, cutting myself ended in me being brought to his room, watched with an eagle's eye. Anything sharp was taken, I wish they took him as well. I had fought in the beginning but what's the use now when all I get is the empty feeling of being alone. I know they won't look for me, they don't care about me. No one does.
Nothing comes in, and nothing goes out. I can process what's happening but I won't react. I was brought back to the Human World with my mate, he insisted I went back. I never spoke, just nod. He smiled at that and we left. He had money, I wanted to know but never spoke, he bought a house close to a stream and said this will do. I just nod, my dull eyes never brighten with hope, they stay dead. He brought me to the house, it is a two story log cabin out in the woods with a wonderful stream nearby. 'Great, I can try and drowned myself this time' I thought quickly. He turned around and smiled softly, caressing my cheek. "Home" he whispered and leaned down slowly. Kissing my lips softly, I kiss back with no real emotion but fake. Just like I am; Fake, dead, forgotten.
Soon as he saw the room, it's large king size bed sitting in the middle of a nice looking room. He threw me down, not to gently either, and started to kiss me. I pulled myself inside the eating darkness, floating with nothing to disturb me until morning. I watch how fakily I react toward his touches and movements, he never notices those dead eyes. He never suspects of me planning to kill myself that night. I smiled brokenly as he whispers nonsense into my ear of love and hope again, they died along with my emotions you tore out of me. Shaking my head, I close my eyes and sleep a dreamless slumber inside myself. Numbing everything, burning with want where his fingers last were. I wanted to leave, run, escape this dark evil nightmare but I am stuck. Slumber won my mind, drifting into nothing, with nothing. Yerning to live again but wishing to die.
When I opened my eyes, he is laying near me. His face inches from my own. 'Don't react. Never move. Just watch'. Echoed in my mind over and over, not so forgettable memories flashed in my mind of him. Unexplainable rage swept through my system, causing me to react in a manner he would punish me for. I slowly slip out of bed, out of his cold, careless arms, and toward the window. My feet never make a sound, yet I hear them bouncing off the walls. Silence scorched my ears, burning them a hot velvet red. I don't know what to do with myself when he is not awake. Shaking those thoughts, I stand near the window, moon rising slowly into the navy blue, starry skies. Dull eyes watch, wait, seek for the time when to open the window and fall to the death. Closing my eyes, I shifted from my left foot to my right, feeling the moon's same careless fingers dance and graze my skin. I smiled, it was dry and dead. Leaning further toward the window, I flashed open my eyes and pushed with my body against the window. Breaking the latch and falling. I went down head first toward the ground, arms spread open and welcoming death. It was silent, just as I want it. I heard the animals all freeze as I fall, Prince of Darkness falls and anew began.
*~A new P.O.V~*
I know that I broke my mate but I had healed those wounds I created. Shit, I never knew he wished to die so bad because of me. I had filled him with the emptiness that ate at him daily, I never saw his true colors till he died that night. I had never had a mate since, I see him walk in the shadows, watching me with those unblinkable eyes. I don't look at him, afraid he may leave. He left a note behind saying he had never loved anyone like me, I wish I could have held him once more in my arms. Hold him and never let him go. That's what I wanted in the beginning but now he's gone, I'm alone and sense he's here once in a while. Now I sit on the edge of my bed, eyes closed, my body hunched over myself. I leaned my head against my open palm that is resting on my upper knee. Sighing, stress causes you to do this. Chuckling dryly as I remember house training him into someone I wanted. Reopening my eyes to find him standing in front of me. A light gracing smile on his thin lips, his wide palm open for me to take. Standing slowly so I won't let this one get away, I stare at him. Tears silently fell, unspoken words exchanged between us, we know yet we don't. His smile never fell, his eyes never stopped shinning with life. Oh, I wish to feel his lips against mine, his body mold into mine.
More tears fell, I lifted my hand to brush them away but his soft hands grabbed my hand. Intwining them together, he tugged me gently toward the door. I followed after him, his brown soft orbs never left me as we walked those same halls. Memories of house training him flashed in the corner's of my eyes. I didn't want it to be true, I never wanted to really break him and I did. More tears fell, he kept smiling so soft and warm toward me I couldn't be angry with myself. I was lost into those depths of life and death, his hands tied to my own. I clung on for dear life, never wanting to let go of his hands again.
I hadn't noticed we were outside till my feet touched the sands of endless time. He never broke the stare once, his smile never fell. Pulling me softly again to where he was flush against my body. I was shocked at first but hugged back. Tightening my embrace around him, pushing my nose into his soft locks of hair. "I love you" I whispered with more tears of joy and pain fell. "I miss you" Kissing his head softly.
He lifted his head and kissed my neck very gently, those lips brushed my skin and it went ice cold. 'In all time, my mate. We will rejoin when the Full Moon runs with Blood of Innocence' he whispered in his soft voice. Narrowing my eyes, I tightened my hug again as he did the same. We pulled apart, his own tears fell. "Again my mate, I yearn for you to be by me but time as we know it, is the death of us every second'
As he spoke those words softly, he started to vanish into the sand. His hand slowly transparenting into nothing but mist and sand. Landing on my knees, I stare at the endless blue moon and stars that danced in the skies.
Roaring out in pain when my chest constrasted, I fell over. Curling into a ball as another on slaught of pain corsed through my body. Roaring out till my throat was parched, my eyes couldn't tear, my mouth was drier then the endless sand dunes here. Rolling onto my back, I kept crying out to have my mate help me, heal this wound that won't close. But all I hear is the silence, beside the wind blowing softly. Closing my eyes, shutting down my body so I can have dreamless slumber, my mind tried to wrap around what he said. 'Full Moon runs with Innocent Blood'. It kept repeating it's self in my waken mind.
Sighing, I closed off my inner self and allowed the silence to engulf me. I wish not to move physically, think mentally, and feel emotionally. Maybe I may get my chance with my mate once more again if I allow those to be true. I finely went to sleep with a light smile on my lips of the memories I had of my mate and I together. No matter, he always laughed full heartedly with me. Smiled, chuckled, joked and teased with only me. I am genuinely happy for those memories but they are not the present. I allowed it tonight, which I never allow, just this once before living with my mate where he is.
I know this seems weird but I was listening to a song like this about of a loved one and how they remember things from the past and yet still feel empty. I had to write this, XD, If you know who they are, don't tell! If you don't, figure it out!. Lol..
The reason behind this was to help me with the next chapter in the other story that has Logan and Kendall. If you have any suggestions of fixing this story then please don't be afraid to Inbox me about the errors or what you didn't like, or liked about this story. If you don't like some parts, I could tweak with it till it passes with your approvel.
Thank you for reading the story and this Author's Note~.
I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!
Jake Bryan Kenko~