Where I Always Am

It's nearly 7 am when Bobby finally realizes that he's had his face in this book all night. He yawns and slouches back in the chair, letting the book close with a dusty thump. He knows those boys will be the death of him, but the hell if he can say no to the little bastards. Hell, they're practically his. He smiles at the thought and runs a hand through his thinning hair before pulling on his baseball cap again. He remembers a time when it was toys, not dusty books that littered the floor of his house. It was a usual occurrence for them to show up unannounced on his doorstep and Bobby never minded a bit. Hell, he even liked having the little jerks around. It was nice to hear happy chattering fill his usually quiet house for a few days. The boys had always been close to their "Uncle Bobby" and Bobby was just glad that while they were here, they got to be kids. He made sure he taught them the basics, like how to catch a ball and how to change a tire and it helped ease the loneliness that was brewing in Bobby's chest. Now, to be fair, he didn't blame John for pawning his kids off. Bobby knew better than anyone what it was like to lose the love of your life to the supernatural. He just wished it wasn't all John thought about. After all, it'd been Bobby who had attended Dean's baseball games and Sammy's spelling bees. He'd show up to everyone he could get to. It wasn't fair to them and Bobby did the best he could.

As Bobby pours himself his umpteenth cup of coffee, he remembers it was a morning like this when Dean had showed up on his doorstep, drunk out of his mind and on the verge of tears.

"He's gone Bobby. Sammy left." Dean had whispered, fighting back what Bobby could only imagine is an emotional hurricane. All Bobby could do was hand him a glass of whiskey and listen. Deep down, he's always loved Dean just a little bit more than Sam. Not enough to make a difference, just enough to mean something. It was Dean who never really got to grow up. John had him training for the lifestyle the second he took his first breath. Sam was always the first priority over anything in Dean's life, and Bobby watched Dean obey his father's every command without a second thought. John had drilled protecting Sam into the boy's head so bad that Bobby used to do anything he could just to let the kid blow off some steam. He never yelled at Dean for sneaking out with a girl, or stealing his whiskey when he was younger. Much like the same way he'd kept in touch with Sam after he'd run off to college. Honestly, Bobby had known that was coming. It was no secret that Sam and John hadn't exactly seen eye to eye about the "family business." And on more than one occasion, Sam had taken refuge at Bobby's house when the fighting got rough. Bobby was just happy that they'd worked it out before John had died. They boys had needed to know that in his own way, John had been doing it all for them.

Bobby shakes his head as he adds a generous supply of whiskey to his coffee. He had known something wasn't right when the boys had shown up once again, on his door step.

"Dad's….dead." He remembers the words hesitating on Sam's tongue for a second. Dean wouldn't say a word; he just stared at the ground like it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen. The words had taken a few seconds to sink in, but Bobby knew he had to keep it together for the boys. He comforted them the only way he knew how. He'd handed them both a glass of whiskey and let them alone, knowing fully well they would talk if they wanted to. It wasn't the first time he'd had to console them and it's sure as hell not going to be the last. Bobby has always been there for his boys since the first day they were shoved into his life. So when, 2 days ago, he sees Dean cracking under the weight of Cas's death and Sam losing his marbles, all he knows how to do is hand him a glass of whiskey and tell Dean the most honest sentence he's ever spoken in his life.

"Of course, if at any time you want to decide that's utter horse crap, I'll be where I always am. Right here."