Title – Five Ways To Tell Your Brother Is In Love With His Angel (And The One Thing Not To Do When You Realise He Is Cas-Sexual)
Author – Moonbeam
Summary – Sam's perspective on five things he sees his brother do that tells him that Dean is in love with Castiel. There is not canon compliance after that reservoir scene.
Rating – Teen (PG-13)
Disclaimer – I don't own anything, just a poor relief teacher/uni student. But oh the fun that could be had if I did.
Author's Note – They killed Cas and I couldn't bring myself to keep watching. I will…eventually but for now there are not actual spoilers beyond Cas disappearing into THAT reservoir.
Five Ways To Tell Your Brother Is In Love With His Angel (And The One Thing Not To Do When You Realise He Is Cas-Sexual)
# 1 – He gives his angel HIS burger.
Dean had obviously not been hungry he pushed his food away, but I have seen my brother punch people for merely looking at his burger. Okay it was always me who was punched and when we were little I know Dean went without sometimes to make sure I got to eat, to make sure I had enough. I think that's why he is so damned protective of his food now. He doesn't have to ensure that anyone else is fed anymore. He can just eat until he doesn't want anything else. But he is still protective, has never really lost that memory of having nothing to eat. In fact he always makes a little sad noise every time a waitress clears a plate that is not quite empty even if he cannot eat anything else.
But that day Dean just pushed his burger away and without even a mournful look had given it to Castiel. I was surprised at the time but later it made sense because it was Castiel. I know if needed Dean would still go hungry to ensure I ate because I am his brother and I have always known there is very little that Dean would not do for me. He went to hell for me so going without food is nothing in comparison. Dean would have gone hungry for dad and the little part of me that thinks it should be the other way around that wouldn't have stopped Dean. Dean would give Bobby the last piece of food on Earth before he took it himself. Me, dad, Bobby are the people Dean would do absolutely anything for because to Dean we are family and there is nothing you don't do for family.
Castiel rapidly moved from angel to be worried about and to be weary of the being the fourth member of their little family. Castiel became the person Dean would go to in all situations. I know Cas was the person Dean when to when he was worried about me.
In light of all that Dean handing over his food wasn't nearly as worrying as it had been at the time.
# 2 – He goes to a strip club and the most amount of fun he has is when they have to escape the bouncers.
I was 17 the first time Dean took me to a strip club. He slipped me in with a fake ID; my newfound, at the time, height leading credence to the new date on the licence. I never found them to be the great fun Dean did and I never went behind the curtain with a woman being paid. Not that Dean really did either. He enjoyed the show but he never had difficulty finding a willing unpaid woman to share his bed or the alley outside of whatever pub they were drinking in that night.
It didn't surprise me that thinking Cas was about to die Dean thought the logical place to go was a strip club with rooms at the back. It didn't surprise me when Dean did a fairly good impression of the truly terrified look that his badass motherfucker of an angel made when faced with women of questionable morals.
The story took a strange turn when Dean explained what happened when Cas went behind the curtain with the woman, the yell, the chase, the explanation. Dean had cackled so hard that the car had swerved onto the other side of the road for a moment. I never thought I would hear about a night of Dean visiting a strip club that would involve the words 'the best part was the stripper yelling at us as we ran from the bouncer'. All that silicone, lace, silk and the best part was gripping Cas' hand as they ran.
Then Dean explained what happened with Raphael. Cas in his celestial element against a bigger and scarier angel. His voice the same as the one he'd used when I was a teenager and had bragged to Dean, never to dad always Dean, about the latest test or the project I'd gotten an A on. The day I'd been accepted to Stanford Dean had used that tone, proud and just a little in awe, before the reality of it sunk in and he'd closed off. He'd wished me well and walked away.
Dean was proud of Cas and his power. He was happy to spend time with him whatever they were doing whether it was putting the smack down on an archangel or running from strip club bouncers. Dean didn't spend time with a lot of people, really just the two of us but Castiel who was so very different from Dean was moving up on the list of people to just hang out with for the sake of spending time together.
# 3 – Dean allows Castiel to send him back through time…three times.
Dean hated being zapped by angels, made him share more than I ever needed to know about his body and his bowel movements.
Dean would bitch for days, weeks after an angel would zap him anywhere but Castiel zapped him through time three times with only a small amount of resistance.
Dean doesn't trust anyone. He trusted dad, he trusts Bobby, and he trusted me until I broke that. After, when things were better again, he trusted me but there was still a level of worry in the way Dean would look at me. It takes years and many near death experiences to make Dean Trust, to rely on someone, to believe that someone would have his back. I never really expected anyone to ever join our little band of people Dean trusted. Jo and Ellen, Chuck and Ash had drifted in for a little while but they weren't the people Dean would allow to have complete control over his body and wellbeing.
Three times Dean closed his eyes and trusted. Trusted Castiel to look after him, keep him safe and bring him back. Three times Dean closed his eyes and threw himself off a cliff knowing and believing that Cas wouldn't let him be lost in time or come back missing any limbs. I never thought Dean would trust anyone so deeply after knowing them for so little time.
# 4 – When he sleeps every night with HIS angel's trench coat.
When Castiel died, walked into that reservoir and dissipated Dean was devastated. I knew he was in love with him. Everyone who knew Dean knew he was in love with him.
Dean carried that trench coat Castiel had worn for years and tucked it into the boot of the Impala. They'd gone back to Bobby's and Dean had disappeared upstairs to the shower and the tiny second bedroom he slept in. I didn't see him again until the next morning. They stayed with Bobby for two weeks, Dean would wake up and go outside to work on the cars and then go upstairs to shower and into his tiny bedroom and they wouldn't see him again until the next morning. He barely ate, barely did anything but sleep and work on the cars.
Three days after they'd arrived I had gone into Dean's room to collect the washing when I found it. Balled up and tucked under the tiny bed as far back as it could be and wrapped in a plastic bag. The tan material of Castiel's trench coat. I shoved it back into the corner and grabbed the rest of his washing. It didn't surprise me that the coat had migrated from the boot of the car into the house. It didn't surprise me that Dean had kept it close. But later that night when I snuck into his room after enough time had passed to ensure Dean was asleep I was surprised to find Dean using the trench coat as a pillow his arms wrapped tightly around the tan material.
I snuck away from the room my chest tight for my brother. I remember that feeling, clinging to something just because it had been theirs. For me it had been the sweatshirt I'd been able to rescue from my burnt apartment that Jess had only worn when she was sad, way too big for her with a little stitched on Smurfette in the bottom corner. For Dean it was the trench coat.
I never said anything and if I saw the trench coat occasionally when we struck out on the road after we left Bobby's I pretended to be blind and Dean pretended he didn't have it.
# 5 – When said angel comes back and the first thing Dean does is hug him instead of going through the 'Winchester Approved List Of Tests For The Newly Risen'
When someone comes back from the dead you have to shoot them with salt, douse them with holy water and cut them with iron. If they pass all of these tests you tie them to a chair and try to exercise the demon out of them just in case. When all of that is done you can tentatively hope they came back to you as they had been before they died. This was a time honoured and tested method. The list was started by John Winchester, but when Dean got himself an actual angel they added to it. Call Cas and get him to angel mojo them. Nothing could change this response to someone coming back from the dead.
When Castiel, human and whole, appeared at the door of Bobby's house one day while they'd been taking a short respite from the fighting and smiting Dean had smiled, big and wide, before tugging Castiel forward into a bone crushing hug. When he'd pulled away from Castiel Bobby and I swung into action. I threw holy water on Castiel who didn't bother to take his eyes off of Dean. Bobby had pulled Cas' hand close and nicked it with an iron blade bringing forth nothing but blood. Bobby slapped a band-aid over the cut after pressing some salt into the wound. Cas flinched but continued to watch Dean ignoring both of us as we decided silently it was definitely Cas if the uncomfortably focussed staring was any indication.
Castiel was back but human, much later he'd agreed to an exorcism that turned out to be nothing but Sam practicing the words while Dean stood and watched from the doorway. He might be back and alive but he was cut off from heaven. From what they could tell he'd come back completely human. Dean took him to the tattoo parlour that week for his own anti-possession markings. Castiel came out on the with them hunting and helping, Dean teaching him what he had never needed to know before though I tried to teach Castiel about proper nutrition.
Even though they were struggling with the leviathans and with the fact they weren't making much of a dent in their plans Dean was happier from the moment Castiel appeared at Bobby's door.
# 01 – Do not laugh when your brother tells you he might be gay.
Dean was drunk, insanely drunk, the level of drunk I am not sure I have ever even seen before. He gripped my shoulder and whispered that he might be gay. I laughed, long and loud. Dean was not gay that I knew. He looked so horrified.
"I keep having dreams about Castiel."
Then it all made sense to me. Dean was not gay, never had been. But he is arse backwards in love with his angel. I have come to terms with that.
"You are in love with Cas," I explained solemnly making sure to keep my tone honest and light.
Dean nodded into his boiler maker and I had to carry him home. The next morning as Dean groaned into his greasy bacon and eggs I asked him about the dreams he'd been having about Cas. The look on Dean's face was so hilarious I wasn't been able to hold in the laugh. Dean looked a mixture of terrified and nauseous.
"You told me last night about them, you should tell Castiel." Dean stared at me silently. "I think if he knew you were in love with him he'd be quite happy."
"I'm not gay," Dean said in a hushed whisper. "I have never looked at Brad Pitt and thought, he's good looking."
"Never said you were gay, I think of it more as Cas-sexual."
"Cas-sexual?" Dean said in a strangled voice.
"Yeah, having sexual thoughts about your ex-angel, dreams about him even. Leads you to sleep with his trench-coat when you think he's dead. Causing perhaps a crisis of sexuality that leads you to get so hammered you pass out. Just tell him already."
The look on Dean's face is a lovely mixture of 'I will kill you' and 'where is the hole in the Earth I can crawl into'. The look on Castiel's face from where he was standing behind Dean was like heaven had opened itself up to him again.
I stood, my purpose here done. I left the diner and went to the movie theatre giving them time to sort things out.
That night Dean pulled out his old standard, a sock on the door to tell me to sleep in the car. I went that night, but I would not spend every night there so as I lay curled up on the too small backseat I made a decision. When I heard my brother's enthusiastic encouragement of his angel's first sexual experience I made another one.
After that Castiel and Dean had to get their own room…on the other side of the complex.