A/N: Where did this come from. Where.
How has it been one year.
Spent an IQ-lowering day in the company of Aomine, Kagami and Kuroko.
Not quite sure why. Am assuming fourth man was required to ensure that Kuroko would not disappear.
Asked why they didn't enlist Kise's help, was told that Kise 'is being female' and refusing to go outside.
Told Kagami he was a misogynist.
He just looked at me. Then he asked if that was 'some weird insulting name' for Americans.
Aomine broke into conversation and informed him that it carried the meaning of pig-hater.
Was trying to get Kuroko to stop them arguing (about bacon?) and realised he had gone missing.
Genuinely confused. Am also thoroughly despairing for future of Japan.
Decided to pay visit to Kise in show of friendly solidarity.
Not really. Have not eaten since disastrous Day of the Morons and the Kise family have a fleet of world-class chefs on their payroll.
Personally would rather visit Akashi, but he is currently attempting to learn the art of glassmaking. Last time I called he broke a chandelier. Predictably, did not end well.
Tried to go in and was dragged by solicitous doorman up to the Yellow Menace's bedroom, which is very big and very empty.
Found Kise rocking back and forth in corner. When prodded for information he proclaimed that his 'CAREER is RUINEEEEEEEDDDDDD' and began to sob.
Sat beside him for five minutes, received food from maid, and promptly left.
Looking back, it seems rather dickish.
Day 123, later
How is a cheapo diary making I, Midorima Shintarou, feel guilty?
Day 123, even later
Fine. I'll visit him the day after tomorrow.
Diary is becoming more shrewish by the day. Must be careful or I will become embroiled in a court battle for custody.
Day 124, barely
Spending all this time with baskethead friends has resulted in memory loss.
Asked Momoi for advice on the Kise issue, as she is female and therefore good with feelings.
She said to treat him as if he were a girl I wished to date. Have since decided that dating is unprofitable and should be avoided.
Invited Kise out myself this time.
Spent day in city. Despite the overcast day, Kise spent the entire time wearing sunglasses and a red tartan fedora. Tried to get him to take it off but was unable to.
Did he actually glue it to his head?
He was very monosyllabic. Was quite discomfited. Luckily, after ten butterscotch pancakes, he cheered up a small bit. He was actually answering in sentences when we saw The Magazine.
Yes, The Magazine. A monstrosity of such magnitude deserves to be a proper noun.
Kise shrieked and hid behind me. Not understanding, I picked it up.
Apparently there was an entire article devoted to Kise's apparent new fetish for sadomasochism.
Bought it and ran after Kise. Couldn't find him, unfortunately. Went home dissatisfied and distraught.
Really don't want to read this. Would actually pick my mother's Anchovy Surprise over this.
Day 126, later
But... I must. This is essential to my integrity.
Day 126, even later
So much leather. So much.
Day 126, really really late
Now understand Kise's mortification.
Have convened meeting of Generation of Miracle minus Kise and Akashi but plus Kagami, which means less squealing, less awkward silence and more stupidity.
Presented The Magazine. Aomine actually shut up.
Murasakibara (on webcam) spat chocolate all over camera. Kagami broke said webcam in an attempt to put as much physical distance as possible between himself and The Magazine.
Kuroko blinked, which is equivalent to a normal person fainting.
After ten minutes of shouting and terror managed to restore order and eventually agree on calling Akashi on Skype.
When contacted, Akashi was covered in blood. Decided to ignore this and instead asked him to do something please because Kise is not just our friend but also occasionally bearable.
Akashi agreed and reassured us that he would take care of it, as Kise is 'a valuable asset.' Then he hung up.
Everyone got out quickly, as Mother was offering us chocolate and kidney bean cake.
Day 128, later
Fairly sure Momoi took my copy of The Magazine.
The Magazine Predicament has been solved!
... By Akashi buying every single copy of The Magazine in Japan.
Some people are too rich.
Kise brought me some red bean soup.
Am trying not to seem touched.