Disclaimer- I don't own Gundam.

I love Kai. Even though, or prehaps because, he's a mean dickface butthole for the amjority of the original series. So I wrote this.

Enjoy! :)


It was a gloomy day. The windows of the White Base showed nothing but clouds and drizzle and gray sky, the ground a misty green puddle. Inside the White Base the humidity had risen, and Kai was constantly having to unstick his uniform from his armpits. He was doing his best to avoid other people, because he knew he stank, even though it totally wasn't his fault. Showers were rationed and there was no deodorant, and that was in addition to the battle with Zion the day before.

He pulled at his eyelid, trying to figure out if one of his eyes was large than the other. When he and Amuro had last insulted each other, Amuro had called him, "A dirty little coward whose eyes aren't even the same size!" The dirty, little, and coward didn't other him so much, but he'd always wondered about his eyes.

He made a face in the mirror. The only girl who'd ever liked him was Miharu, and she was dead now. No chance of that ever happening again. If he was honest with himself, he was butt-ugly. No ohiding it. His best hope was that he'd grow into his face, and that was a sad hope.

At least he wasn't the only one who was screwed. Hayato was cute and chubby now, but in ten years he was going to look like just another washed-up businessman. He'd probably be balding too. Kai comforted himself with this. His face might suck, but at least he'd have a full head of hair.

He heard the bathroom door open, and he quickly flattened himself against the wall, crossing his arms and trying to look apathetic.

It was successful, but that didn't prevent him from getting a strange look from Amuro.

"What're you doing in here?"

Kai laughed. "Oh, you know. The usual."

"Um, you don't look like you'retaking a crap." Amuro was highly suspicious, but that was his nature.

Kai shrugged, but didn't move. There was no way he would ever let Amuro know that he was even the slightest bit insecure about his looks. For all Amuro knew, he was perfectly fine with looking like a dog's behind.

Amuro kept looking at him as he approached the urinal, and finally came to a halt. "There is no way I'm taking a piss with you standing there."

Kai stuck his hands in his pockets, breathing in stinky, hot air. "Takes one to know one, Amuro."

"What are you even talking about? You make no sense, Kai."

"If you think I want to watch you pee, then you obviously want to watch people pee yourself."

"W-What? You don't know anything!" Amuro's face turned bright red, and he started stuttering. Did Amuro want to watch people piss for real? Did Kai stumble on his deep, dark secret? Kai couldn't help laugh at this revalation. Honestly, you'd have to be a saint not to laugh!

"Amuro, Amuro, Amuro..."

"You sound like Fraw," scowled Amuro. "Always saying my name. Leave me alone!"

"Amurrrrro!" crooned Kai. "Oh, Amuro, eat your lunch, Amuro, take care of yourself, Amuro, I love you, Amuro-"

Kai was cut off by the door opening and Hayato walking in just as Kai said, "I love you, Amuro."

There was a moment of silence. It would have been interesting to know who was the reddest- Hayato, Amuro, or Kai. Kai spluttered pathetically, trying to explain, but Hayato had already run out. Kai gave up and tugged at his sticky armpit fabric, frustrated.

Amuro grinned. "No wonder you want to watch me pee."


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