Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is from Psych.

Beta: Yes and thank you jerseybelle for your hard work.

Warning: Major character death. There are hints that Shawn had committed suicide. Please note, suicide is a very serious matter and if you feel that it is your only option, please talk to someone first.

Author's Notes: Every chapter will be from one person's point of view. Yes, I have killed off Shawn and unlike most of my stories; this IS NOT a slash story. This is the first story of four and each story will have anywhere, between six to eight chapters in each.

Staying in Control, Even in Death: By islashlove

Chapter 1: Shawn's POV

I was twelve years old when my grandfather died and I attended his funeral, along with my dad and best friend Gus. Like the good boys we were we stayed on our best behaviour through it. But later, when we were all back at my dad's house for the wake, Gus and I managed to slip away and went down to the beach leaving the adults to talk amongst themselves.

I told Gus straight out, that I was not going to have a boring, stuffy funeral like that. And straight back he told me that he really didn't think I had choice in the matter. But I wasn't going to accept that; after all, it was going to be my funeral.

Gus just came back at me using his 'I know it all voice', telling me that because I'd be dead, it would be up to my family to organise it. I couldn't help it, he had hit a nerve, so I had put my foot down, and I told him in a defensive voice, that I wasn't going to die! If I couldn't have a say in how they're going to bury me, then I just wasn't going to die.

Gus was just about to answer me, when we heard our names being call by my dad from somewhere from behind us. We were both caught off guard and jumped a little bit. Quickly turning around, we saw dad walking straight towards us.

"Dad," I called out in surprise.

"Mr. Spencer," Gus called out, equally surprised.

Then dad started his lecture to me. "Now, Shawn," he started, "what have I said to you about letting your guard down?"

I came back mocking him, by repeating his lecture in his own voice. "Shawn you should always be on guard, as you could be attacked at any time, from anywhere." But as usual Dad just ignored it and continued to say what he wanted to say.

I was quick to change the topic. I asked him if there was something he wanted and he said yes then went on to tell Gus that his parents were heading home and they want him to go with them. Gus being Gus took off to find his mum and dad, but he yelled back to us, saying bye and that he'd see me the next day.

Dad then said that we better head back into the house and back to our guests. I'd had it with him. I had just buried my grandfather and he wanted me to go back into the house and be nice to people I didn't even know. I let him know that I wasn't happy about it. I told him that they were his guests, not mine. And then I swear to him, that there was no way I was going to have a funeral when I die.

And he laughed at me. He told me that I wouldn't even know what they had done for my funeral. After all I'll be dead, wouldn't I? But that just helped me make up my mind, Oh yes; I was going to be in charge; in charge of my own death and in charge of my own funeral!

Twenty seven years later...

It was a beautiful afternoon. I was walking along the quiet street, drinking my delicious pineapple smoothie. I was meeting Gus at the movie theatre on Thomas Avenue; we were going to watch the newest vampire horror movie that had just been released. Just as I turned onto the street, my eyes were hit by the array of red and blue lights from the police vehicle's that were outside the theatre.

I instantly knew Gus wasn't there yet, or he would have called me and told me all about it. As I was looking around, I saw Lassie and Jules looking over some sort of map. Smiling to myself and forgetting about the movie I walked over to them. They both looked up at me and I saw fear reflected in their eyes. I guess at the time, I did think it was a bit funny, but I just dismissed it; after all, all I wanted was get in on the case.

I Greeted them as usual and they just gave each other worried looks. Lassiter then greeted me his usual way, 'what are you doing here, Spencer', but I noticed it was not with his usual bark. Trying to lighten the mood, I playfully responded to him by saying, 'easy there, Lassie, down boy!' But I must have upset him as he turned his back to me and leaned in, whispering something to Jules, who had never taken her eyes off me.

I took this moment to have a look around and to see if Gus had turned up yet. I couldn't see him, but what I did see was that the theatre had its main window shattered and they were taking people away on stretchers. They looked like they had been shot. Over to one side with his back to me, I saw the sketch artiste. He had sketched a profile of a white man that was wearing a pair of black sunglasses, a blue and white cap with short dark brown hair sticking out from under it. Putting this all together, I figured that he was the shooter; I was feeling very smug with myself and was just about to have one of my 'visions' when I spied the crime notes.

Thinking that a little bit more information couldn't do any harm, I had a quick peak, while Lassie and Jules weren't looking my way. What I saw made my blood run cold. The shooter had run down the nearby alleyway and that they now had him trapped, but he had also taken a hostage; it was the hostage's name that had made me freeze. It was a Mr. Burton Guster.

At first I thought, 'right, it's Gus' Uncle', but then I remembered that he was in New York. Then realty hit me. It was Gus. My Gus, my best friend, my only real friend in the world, was in the hands of a killer.

I just shouted his name as I ran off, for the alleyway. I didn't look back. If I had, I would have seen both Lassie and Jules coming after me, but I was too fast for them and I just disappeared down the alleyway.

I could hear Lassiter calling me to come back just as I rounded the next corner, but around that corner I came face to face with both Gus and the gunman who was holding his gun at Gus' head. I could see the situation, I knew what was going on, but I also knew I had to get Gus away from that man, away from the danger, or else Gus was going to die. So I did what I always do best, I started to talk.

Ignoring the gunman, I just talked straight to Gus, asking him what the hell was he was doing; that he needs to come now or we would miss the movie. Of course Gus tried to redirect me back to the fact he was being held by a madman, but I wasn't having any of that. Looking straight at the man, but directing my words to Gus, I made out that I was hurt that he wanted to hang out with this other person and not me. To make my point I pointed at the gunman.

Gus yelled at me that he had a gun at his head and I just dismissed it by playing it down, shouting back at him that didn't all the years of friendship we have mean anything to him, but while saying this I was moving forward, towards them.

The gunman must have seen what I was doing and told me to stop moving around or he'd shot Gus. I took a quick glance at his hand that was holding the gun and as he tighten his grip around it, so did his trigger finger. I watched it and just as the trigger reached its firing point I made my move.

And that's when everything started to happen too quickly. I yelled for Gus to run and as I did, I dived toward the gunman. Gus went screaming one way. The gunman and I went the other way. Just as we hit against the wall, I caught a glimpse of Lassie coming around the corner like a knight in shining armour, with his gun in his hand. I saw the gunman raise his gun at Lassie, but today was my day to die, not his. So I pulled at the hand with the gun until I was in between the gun and Lassie. Then, there was the sound of two guns going off. I felt the bullet rip my chest apart and then a burning pain.

As I collapsed onto the ground, all feelings left me. There was no pain, no noise, just, a calm, floating feeling and then I was watching the action from the sideline. Gus, who had returned, was just standing there staring at my lifeless body lying on the ground. I could see he was in shock, but it hurt even more seeing the pain in his eyes. Pain I had caused.

Lassiter had made his way over to the gunman, after kicking the gun away and making sure all was secure, he turned back toward me. I saw his mouth move, but I didn't hear what he said. As the scene before me started to fade away, I saw both Juliet and McNab come running around the corner with the medical crew. As the last bit faded to black, I watched as Jules collapsed crying onto the ground. Then I was just floating in the blackness and at peace.

I knew now that I was wrong! That simply by taking my death into my own hands I had caused a lot of pain to my friends. I did what I thought I had to do because this was how I wanted to die. I didn't want to die lying in a bed in pain, I wanted to die a hero, I wanted to be saving someone, anyone and I guess, it being Gus, seemed like it was just the right thing to do.

I just hope everyone can forgive me, once they know the reason why I did it. Once dad gets the letter I had left him, explaining why I had to be in control of my own death.

Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.