Chapter 1

"Dude, you seriously need to think about remodeling this place," Stiles said as he got off his jeep and walked towards the rest of the pack. Derek growled at him, but he didn't push him up against a tree trunk or anything so Stiles being Stiles kept going. "I mean there's nothing wrong with it. Other than the fact that the walls are coming down and the roof might collapses and that is has no furniture or indoor plumbing. But like other than that yea it's totally okay," he stopped abruptly as the alpha took a step forward.

"Stiles," he growled again.

"Okay shutting up. God. You don't have to be such a sour wolf," he said flailing his arm at the man.

The pack snickered and Lydia took a step towards Stiles with her arms raised and her big green eyes shining brighter than any stars Stiles has ever seen. He smiled and opened his arms wide. Her petite body filled in and as he brought her in closer, he took in her scent of flowers and some kind of fruit. Stiles and Lydia eventually became friends since her and Jackson were bitten. He still loves her, but in a brotherly sort of way. Also, Lydia loves a Stilinski hug.

"Hey you," she said snuggling deeper into his chest, "I've missed you," and my gosh so did Stiles.

It has been a week since he came out of the hospital. The first three days were based on his treatment the rest on recovery. His dad didn't let any visitors until he was sure Stiles was fully recovered, and he even threatened to use his gun on anyone who disobeyed. He was about to reply when he suddenly felt another pair of arms around him and then another.

Next thing he knew he was on the floor of the woods with not one, but six werewolf puppies on top of him. Okay that was just weird in Stiles' opinion. He was used to Scott and Lydia tackling and sometimes the occasional Allison, but never in a million light years would he have expected Jackson or Boyd to squeeze the life out of him. Not only were they squishing him, but oh my God were they sniffing him? He felt gentle touches and brushes alongside his neck and down his abs.

"Umm guys not to ruin the moment or anything, but are you guys sniffing me? And Jesus what the heck guys, you came to visit me in the hospital. I get it we haven't seen each other in a week but seriously? I mean I'm not complaining I totally get it. You guys realized how awesome I am and how clueless you'd be without me but-" he stopped and looked up.

Derek was leaning against the tree and he was smiling. Not only that, but the big bad alpha was laughing.

"Oh my God. You can smile? What is this? I need to record this. Let me get my cellphone you guys. Derek Alpha Hale is actually showing emotion," he stuttered in between sniffs.

Derek stopped laughing, but Stiles could still see a hint of smile on his handsome and usually dark face.

He tried getting up, but they pushed him back down and it was totally not because they were all stronger than him but it was unfair fight. Okay and maybe because they were all stronger than him... Still.

"Uh guys- I don't know if this is a pack thing, but I really need to get up. No seriously I think I feel something crawling up my leg. It might be a poisonous spider or something," he didn't think they would listen and he was right.

"Hey big ol' Alpha! Get your puppies off of me, yea?" He tried wiggling out of their grasp, but they only gave a faint growl and grabbed him tighter.

"Haha I don't know Stiles. I think it's sort of cute?" The alpha smiled again making Stiles' stomach flip. Damn it, Derek with his gorgeous face and gorgeous body and his stupid gorgeous smile.

"Oh seriously? You have a sense of humor? You couldn't have picked a better timing there, buddy," Stiles said.

"Was that supposed to be sarcastic?" Scott asked but his voice was muffled by Stiles neck.

Stiles sighed. Sometimes his best friend really was a puppy. "Okay, last chance get off the human before you squish him... To death!" He knew he probably exaggerated at the last part, but hey it worked.

They reluctantly rolled off him and he stood up shaking leaves and twigs out of his hair and clothes. He pouted seeing as it was an impossible task, so he just decided he'll shower again later. Stiles looked up surprised to be able to hear the wind and the animals in the woods.

The pack was staring at him with puppy dog eyes and even the big alpha had a look of sincerity (maybe?) okay, this was getting annoying. Why were they looking at him as if he could disappear at any moment- which Stiles actually thought would be a good idea. He pulled his shoulders back and looked at each of their faces.

"Okay, I uh… I think I'll be going now. I mean not because I want to, but my dad is umm. Waiting for me. Yeah he doesn't want me out too late because of you know the incident that was sort of-" he stopped at the sudden scoff from Boyd, "okay that was the reason I ended up in the hospital." He finished.

He didn't want to bring up the accident because he was scared of the expressions or answers he would get. Then again, he didn't expect any maybe just from Scott and Lydia because they were probably the only people who cared. He never complained though, since he knew he wasn't exactly pack being human and all. Also, he couldn't avoid the fact that his constant babbling annoyed everyone except his two friends. So Stiles was dead on sure that the pack hated him especially their big bad alpha. He quietly walked to his jeep and drove away not once hearing from anyone to stop and come back.

Once Stiles was in the comfort of his bedroom with a plate full of hot pockets he rethought of this situation. He hadn't known what to expect when Scott told him to go to Derek's house, but he knew it wouldn't be good. Actually he expected it to go a lot worse like a lot, lot, lot, lot times three worse. He expected the pack except for Scott and maybe Lydia that they didn't want him around anymore. He would have understood given the fact that the accident was definitely enough reason for them to be like- okay Stilinski that's the last straw.

Stiles contemplated the situation and now that he thinks about it that's probably what they did. It made sense the puppy pile being like a goodbye hug and him leaving without any protest really made it clear. Well, it was a lot nicer than Stiles would have expected.

He let the thought sink in and when the finality of his situation hit him he choked back a sob. That's it. Stiles wouldn't have to do any more meaningful research. He wouldn't have to deal with Erica and Jackson's stupid and sharp comments. He wouldn't have to worry about them all getting hurt. Well, he'll still worry about them because whether they knew it or not they had a special place in his heart.

They had made him feel like he was a part of something like he belonged and since his mom died he really needed that. And now that's its gone he. Well, he didn't know now. He let out a raspy breath and unclenched his fist. He wasn't even aware he was gripping the sheets of his bed. He stood up and placed the full plate of hot pockets on his desk. He had lost his appetite along with everything else he had loved. Now, he really only had his dad, and don't get Stiles wrong he loved his dad but it wasn't - didn't make him feel complete. He laid on his bed with tears streaming down his face and went into a sweet and terrible sleep.

The next day he decided to stay inside and work on homework. Since he had no responsibilities or friends now he might as well get the work done that he missed, and he might gain extra points when school started again after break. It's not like Stiles needed the extra points, but he needed something to occupy his mind. Stiles jumps his way down the stairs only to find that his dad already left for his morning shift. He cooked himself a pretty large breakfast since he didn't eat last night (freaking werewolves not even in his life anymore and they still deprive him of his one true love) and went around the house checking everything was closed and locked.

Back inside his room all full and focused- really focused since he doubled his dose on Adderall – because he can do that now without having any complaints or fuss about how it affected his smell and it's not good for him yada yada. He placed his headphones in and turned up the music then he got up and locked his window and closed the shades. He would be completely focused and hopefully get through the dog pile of homework he h- oh God. Dog pile. Had it really only been yesterday that they had hugged him goodbye? Stiles felt the threat of new tears and the piercing sting of pain trying to swallow his chest. No. He will do homework and listen to music and no one will bother him.

No one.

Stiles jumped, but he totally didn't make a girlish yelp. He paused his music. Is he going crazy or did he seriously hear a tap on his window followed by his name? After about two minutes of thinking it over he got up and opened the shades. He let out a humorless laugh.

There was no one there just the dark silhouettes of the trees. He took a breath and let out a little gasp. The breeze smelled musky and wood-y, but that's how outside is supposed to smell, right? It's not supposed to remind him of a sour and angry and lonely and extremely hot alpha. He shouldn't even be thinking of Derek because there was an extremely high chance that Derek wasn't thinking of him. He closed his window and slid down the wall of his room his trembling hands finding their way to his head.

The next few days passed pretty much the same as the day before. The only things different would be the food he ate, the clothes he wore, and the work he did. You want to know what else stayed the same? His phone. No new messages. No missed calls. Nada. Zip. The only thing that was different were the nightmares.

Each night they would get worse and worse. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing that bloody hand or those pale-blue eyes. Stiles deprived himself from sleeping. Heck he did everything humanly possible to not go to sleep. He was fighting a war with the goddess of darkness and she always won, and each time she would refresh the moments and make him live it out longer.

Stiles didn't want to see himself in the mirror. The faces his dad makes already tell him it's bad, but to make it worse his eyes told Stiles it was horrible. He could imagine what he looked like. Deep dark circles around his eyes boarding them in like a mask he couldn't take off. His clothes were sagging because his eating habits were off. The only thing Stiles ate double of were his pills.

Still he smiles every morning and every afternoon when his dad was home. Passing off as the bubbly kid who can never shut up, but each day and each nightmare was slowly and painfully taking that kid away. Stiles didn't even feel anymore. He stopped getting the agonizing pain of having been kicked out of the pack. He didn't even care anymore to be honest.

Stiles was numb and he honestly didn't know what the fuck was going on anymore. The nightmares were now eating him up even when he was awake. Hallucinations, strange noises, the screams. Oh God the screams. The screams were terrible, but the hallucinations (or at least he hopes that's what they are) are even more so.

No, definitely more so.

The worst one so far was of his dad. He was drunk and unhappy you could see it in his eyes. He was yelling at Stiles. Telling Stiles it was his fault his mother died, and his fault that he was dying. He was telling him things that Stiles already knew. Stiles couldn't take it anymore. He was slowly losing touch with reality. Slowly losing his reign on himself. He was like a timing bomb and at any moment he would explode. Disappearing from this nasty cruel world forever.


Shit, why is it so cold? I should have brought another coat, he thought.

Stiles was running like crazy through the thick forest. He didn't know what time it was only that it was late. He didn't care. His dad had the night shift today and won't be getting home until twelve o'clock tomorrow. Stiles didn't know why he exactly decided to come to the forest where the accident happened. All he knew was that he had to get out of the house and get some fresh air, but he didn't know why he came to this place exactly.

Maybe it was the fact that he knew Derek and the pack wouldn't be in this part of the woods. Maybe it was because all he could see in his head was the blood and hear the screams, so he came out here to see it blood-free and filled with the sounds of nature. He stopped in the middle of the two rocks were the most blood came out. He sat down and wrapped his arms around his knees and let the waves of pain hit him again. He wasn't trying to torture himself, but Stiles believed if he finally relived the accident- all of it instead of just parts then maybe it will give him some closure.

At least he hoped. He closed his eyes and braced himself. This was going to be a long night.