Author's Note: I had to repost chapter 1 and 2 for some odd reasons I'd rather not explain. I know the next 2 chapters are angsty! I'm one of those people who like keeping Sarah and Chuck apart. I'm a shipper, so I promise happy ending, isn't that lame? So seat back and relax folks!
Oh, BTW I don't own Chuck
They both knew that the kiss won't work, that life was no fairytale – that Morgan was just spending too much time with Baby Clara in watching Disney Princesses Movies. But they have to try. They both have to save what is left – or if there's anything left with them. Chuck was asking her to take another chance with him, to give it another shot. To be honest to herself she was praying herself to make sure it would work, she even closed her eyes.
But they both it will take time. That there was no shortcut in life. If Chuck was correct it took them almost three years to officially be together. Five years all in all to have the dream life that she never thought she will be wanting.
"What if I don't remember?" Sarah asked Chuck the million dollar question after their fateful kiss at the beach. The million dollar question that she was afraid to ask. Five years was a long period of time, things changed, she changed, her life change. She basically is trying to escape Chuck's piercing brown eyes filled with love and hope – instead of hate and rejection – she made a mental note about Chuck's reaction on what had happen between them for the past 2 weeks.
She did not know how much time had passed between them. She doesn't know where to begin, how to begin or if their will be a chance to start all over again. Chuck was still looking at her eyes as if trying to plead his case after the kiss. There is something in her being like wanting to shout and telling her to stay – but she needed time, she was just hoping he would understand.
"Then we'll have this." Chuck saying while holding her hand gently and pleading his case for her to stay. With all the things that were said and done he knew it will be unfair for her to stay or even asked her to stay – 'but I still needed to try right?'. He started to gather his strength if there is still any left, he was looking in her eye intently – the same effect happens when he saw her the first day in the Buy More – 'I'm a goner', he said to himself. Lost in her baby blues.
"Whatever we wanna call this, we will still have this." His voice broke, it almost sounded like a whimper. "I know you needed time, I know I'm being unfair believe me I know but you can't blame me for trying." he scoffed, his eyes are glassy, he was trying to choke back the tears but he was failing big time. "Damn, I used to be good at this, you know – in saying your feelings part."
"It's okay we will manage, well I hope." She fervently hoped for it too. Whatever they used to had before she did not expected it, never in her lifetime did she thought that she would settle down and fall in love with an assignment, as far as she knows she is back to her default version. Cold, heartless, spy that it sting.
"Yeah, yeah we' ll manage. Sarah there are some things that we need to take care of, I know how awkward things might have been for you, I promise not you push you too hard. Whatever it is that we have right now I will be okay with it. Don't worry." His voice was again breaking, he barely could not put it all together, he was failing miserably – she could she that, he was so easy to read 'like a book'. He may know the man from his file in the CIA that Quinn had given him prior to her attempt of killing him having the idea that he was a rogue agent – but there was an odd feeling on her part that knew that he knows him, 'she knew him'. Maybe she still does, whatever it is she will find out, she has to find out.
"If it will be alright for you, to go and have dinner with me at our place, well having such circumstance it is still technically our place – not that I'm implying it, I just don't know what to call it, in Casa Bartowski – ah how do I say this, it's not what you think, not a date for the record...I know... I said I'll not push you too much but dinner at least at home will not be that bad I hope... You know what who am I kidding, I think I'm asking too much," Chuck said while rambling nervously. He was wanting to put every thoughts he had in mind into words for Sarah to understand and and not misunderstand and again he is failing big time.
'He is rambling again – which is cute and adorable, cheek is blushing', Sarah thought, she understand what he is saying at least she content. She knew she was far different from any man he have/had met in her lifetime, the stranger in front of her was special – it's like they knew each other in another lifetime. So she understood what he was trying to say.
"Chuck", she said in a voice that it so tender, like she was trying to protect him from danger and hurt. Like she was trying to protect him from her, from all the bad people, villains, nemesis that they might have faced together in the past five years they knew each other – she knew that she was the worst of them. She was her worst nightmare. That's putting words into it. 'of course I'll never tell him that, he's a smart guy, he has to find that out for himself.'
"I'm rambling again, aren't I? Force of a habit I guess." Then he smiled, the smile that was just meant for Sarah Walker, 'if she can't remember this' he thought referring to the smile - 'then I'll let her know, though I still hope they still have the desired effect'.
Sarah smiled back, how could she not? It was one of the most adorable and breath-taking smile she had seen all her life - despite the last five years that was taken away from her by the same thing that brought them together in the first place - THE INTERSECT.
"Indeed, but it was cute." she said, the last part was almost a whisper but he heard it, she also knew he heard it, 'Chuck was a spy, well sort of' - she said to herself.
"Dinner is not a bad idea to consider, it wouldn't hurt to eat," she continued, trying to avert his eyes, his damn amber brown eyes that for some reason make her knees weak. She tried to focus attention to the sunset that right in front of them to see. They were seating in the beach - same spot from their first first date, in Malibu. If everything else was different this would have been a perfect ending for romantic - action movie she thought to herself. But it wasn't. 'My life is not a fairytale nor a freaking romantic movie, I don't get happy endings, she mused to herself while being absorbed by the unknown horizon.
"Yeah, dinner. Dinner. Just a harmless dinner of old times sake." He stood up, not trusting his self what to do next. As a perfect gentleman he offered his hand to Sarah, not that she will need to stand up - force of a habit.
"Thanks." She said as he took his hand for support, it warm she felt safe. Chivalry is one of the traits that this man before him possessed, but it was genuine, not forced, natural - whatever you wanna call it.
As soon as she stood up, he released her hand of course not wanting to come up too strong. they are walking in thin ice - they knew it for a fact. One wrong move and he will spoke her away. Sarah Walker is a woman who isn't scared off easily, but Chuck knew - those five year were not all for naught that she was before in the earlier stage of their "relationship" as he mentally make air qoutes in his head - she was afraid (he mentally kicked herself, if everything else is the same Sarah won't be too happy with his choice of words, eventhough he is just talking to himself) no not afraid, just not comfortable in relationships, not comfortable in being vulnerable and emotionally compromised. God he knew that, he knew better. He wished he didn't but he did. So he will take it slow. As slow as she wants. As slow as she need. For as long as he can have her.
They walked to the beach parking lot, if there is such thing. Chuck just used a cab to get to Malibu. Technically he is unemployed and he sold the Buy More so he is not allowed to use the Herder anymore. And he is also pretty sure that Sarah will bring her Lotus.
They walked in comfortable silence, tension is palpable. They both don't trust themselves to say anything to anyone. So they walked, in companionable silence.
"I hope you can give me a ride, I used a cab to get here. No car, unemployed. I bet you get the idea," Chuck rambled as Sarah kept her distance during their walk. But he can see how hard she was trying, and he will be forever grateful for it.
She smiled. She was actually mentally assessing the situation earlier for their ride back home for dinner. 'Wow, home.' She has a home. It will be awkward if they will be riding using different cars.
"You can always ride with me, it's good enough for two." She laughed at her remark, it was out of character on her end but it felt nice.
"It will not be professional not to." Chuck quipped. At least their banter was somehow close to what they previosly had before. It must be good.
As they reached the car, Sarah jumped to her seat, Chuck wanted to open the door of car for her but she was driving - she was always driving, - but it would be awkward. So he just slid on his self to the passenger seat so they can get over the said situation and move on to dinner.
As Sarah started the car and drive back to the apartment complex, she was still wondering how she knew the road back to it. Of course as a trained spy she was used on to following directions and make a mental map to her head, but somehow their way home felt different.
The drive home was not that awkward as they expected it to be. They both knew that road back to what they used to be will not be easy. But it will definitely be worth it. They made small talk, Chuck as expected were rambling non-stop. She laughed at all of his jokes, which surprised her. It was like he was eliciting those reactions to a part of her that she never knew that was there. Maybe that who she was when they were together.
While they were talking Chuck sent a message to Morgan of course, his wingman for 24 years, since he was six.
(Buddy will be at home by 20, with Sarah. Talk to you later. The usual)
After he sent the message to Morgan he kept the phone back to the pocket, Sarah of course notice that. No details escape the ice queen assassin.
"Who was that?", she innocently asked Chuck, her eyes on the road but is gauging his answer at the rearview of her vision.
"Huh? Oh I just texted Morgan, asked him a favor, nothing special," he said sheepishly, 'of course she will notice she is a superspy for Pete's sake'.
"Hmm... Just told him we are dropping by, asked him to order the usual."
"Yeah, Ah oh, sorry. Pizza Vegetarian, no olives and some Sizzling Shrimp."
"Italian and Chinese huh?"
"I know it's weird but we liked it, I believe you gonna have to trust me with this one Sarah." as he do the Bartowski eyebrow dance.
"It will be unprofessional not too," she quipped, 'wow, I'm getting used to this.' She brought her eyes back at the road. It was an honest answer. It was all that she needed.
The vision was becoming to familiar to Sarah, the neighborhood, not that she care about them. The parking lot. All are too familiar - it freaks her out.
She knew the place all to well, she was here last week. In a mission, to terminate the a rogue CIA agent that had been her mark - as to how Quinn brief her it was a long term assignment. Little that she knew that it has been her home for the last five years, little she did knew that she was compromised from day one.
Sarah Walker is freaking out. It never had happened, not before Chuck Bartowski. It took all her training at farm since she was recruited in the age of 17 to school her facial expression. To still have a calm and collected demeanor althrougout their walk in the courtyard.
"This is awkward. " Chuck voiced out as they walk through the courtyard of the apartment complex, he can't handle it anymore. The silence - it's killing him. So he broke the silence. That is the most coherent sentence he could come up with. He was afterall is in the presence of the might Sarah Walker.
"Yes, it is."
"Come, milady" as he held on her back just as like a gentleman will do to guide 'milady' to the an all too familiar terrain.
"Okay that was uncalled for, I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay Chuck."
"Are they expecting us?"
"Well, it's just Morgan and Alex here in the complex, Ellie and Awesome flew with Mom to Chicago two days ago. Casey went flew to catch Verbanski in Russia."
"Yeah, Verbanski. Previous CIA, was Casey's previous target had a little romance way back a couple of months ago. So when he knew Morgan and Alex are moving in together, he know the little bearded man will take care of her girl - that was his cue to leave."
"Casey, running off with the sunset with Verbanski huh?"
"Yeah, you can say that. Casey and his lady feelings. Believe they are a match made in a scarier part of heaven - that is putting words into it."
"Good for him."
"Yeah. yeah good for him." Chuck stated last in their small talk. He all knew too well everbody is moving forward with their lives, and most definitely they should also. He is not just sure if they would move on together or apart.
As they reach the front door of their apartment, Chuck opened the door.
Everything was actually set at the table. Morgan did as he was told, ordered pizza from their favorite pizza parlor and of course the classic sizzling shrimp from Bamboo Dragon. No candle light dinner. He all knew too well that the situation with Chuck and Sarah are still on thin ice. But as always Chuck's hetero life partner as they would like to call themselves made another breakthrough for him.
"Perfect." Chuck muttered under his breath. He could not thank Morgan enough for this. Now if he could just be sure of the next step to take without breaking the ice. It will all be good. He hoped.
He tugged Sarah's arm. to her surprise she did not pulled away, although she think she should have. But she liked the warmth and comfort his hand offered. He was simply irresistable for her.
Chuck sent a message to Morgan, thanking him again for the favor that he did.
(Thanks Buddy, it perfect.)
As soon as he sent the message, in half a minute it beeped. Telling him that there is a text that he has to read,
(No problem Chuck. Are you going to tell her now?)
He sighed, as soon as he read the question. He didn't know what to do, or if it was the right thing. They both needed time to heal, especially her. It's not everyday you forgot five years of your life. She needed time. But how they are going to do this, that he wasn't sure of.
With another heavy sigh, he replied to Morgan's message.
(I still don't know Morgan. I don't know what to do. I hope will do the right thing.)
With that he put the phone back to his pocket and brought back his full attention to Sarah who was standing at the door absorbing the surrounding.
"The food is waiting, let's go. I don't have time to cook and for that I'm sorry." He pulled the chair for her wife - an inevitable habit of being a gentleman. She can get used to this.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
A/N: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME :) REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED